*Warning* This chapter contains a sex scene. proceed with care*
Holy mother of Merlin that hurt!.
Who would think that such a small woman could pack a punch like that. Caught off guard, she had hit him on the jaw forcing him back a few steps. He brought his hand up to rub the area and looked at her.
"I thought it wor…"
"You bastard."
Hermione was shaking from the rush of anger that had flooded her system. It took her by surprise as much as it did him.
All the years she had dreamed of their reunion, it was always the same- falling into his arms, kissing him senseless and hearing words of love pour from his lips. She never in a million years would have suspected she'd feel such rage towards him.
But there it was. Pulsing through her veins like a steam train running amuck, it began to take on a life of its own. After all, it had had 10 years to gestate. She began pacing and wringing her hands trying to form a coherent thought.
"Hermione what…"
"You fucking bastard."
Harry was in shock. He had never heard her swear like this, but that was the least of his concerns. He had no idea where she was coming from at the moment, no way to gauge what her next action would be. In all the years he had dreamed of their reunion, it had always been the same- pulling her into his arms, kissing her senseless and letting her know that he was never going to let her go again.
There was no way he could be prepared for the freight train that was about to run him over.
Then back up.
Then run him over again.
She stopped her frantic pacing and turned, positioned the cross hairs on him and fired.
"Let me get this straight. All this time. You were alive & able to come back. You were able to come back for the past 10 years. 10 years. What's the matter, Harry, didn't they give the boy who lived a copy of the daily prophet? Couldn't fit it into your busy schedule? Didn't occur to you to ask your gaolers to let you out so you could visit your wife to be''?? Sarcasm was oozing out of her pores as she spoke.
"Hermione, I couldn't, we…"
"You couldn't send someone else? A messenger? Tie a note to an owl? Attempt any kind of contact? Nothing? Did you even try? Or was it just easier to do nothing and let me spend the past 10 years in limbo?"
"It's not that simple mione…"
"No? Well looks like you had no problem finding your way here now. And after waiting 10 years, instead of wanting to be with me you chose to lie to me. You chose to disguise yourself and try and seduce me to see if I'd go for it. Was that a fun little game for you? Find out that I've been alone all this time and then see if you could bait me into 'cheating' on the real you?"
"Hermione please, you don't understand…"
"Let me tell you what I DO understand. I understand that for the last 10 years of my life I've walked around in a fog. Wondering when the floo called, or when someone was at the door, if it was you. Wondering if you were even still alive. I understand that I raised my son alone. That he never knew his father; that he has suffered because of my choices. I understand that every year on the anniversary of when you left I die a little bit more. Now I understand that not only didn't I rate high enough for any attempt at contact, when you finally did do something, you chose to deceive me. I understand perfectly. I'm second. If that."
"You have never been second …"
"Oh really. Well from my perspective it sure looks that way."
"Are you going to allow me to say anything at all?" He'd had it. He could understand her hurt and anger over the length of their separation, about the ruse he'd used for the past few months, about a lot of things; but to be accused of putting her after anything or anyone in his life was too much. He'd endured too much.
His tone made her hold her tongue for a moment, just long enough for him to begin.
"Second? Every action I've taken in the past 10 years began and ended with one thought- how will this help me get back to Hermione faster. Every battle, every negotiation- finishing this will bring me closer to being with Hermione again. Waking up every morning & going to sleep every night with the same thought- you. Your face. Your smile. I've suffered too Mione; you're not the only one who spent the last 10 years alone. But I always thought I could handle it because I had you. In here." He pointed to his heart. "You have never been second in my life. NEVER."
His words left her paralyzed with confusion. The adrenaline was still pulsing through her but her feet remained glued in place, her head spinning around the room, her mind unsure of where to go next.
He took advantage of her hesitation and moved slowly until he was standing inches from her. When they were young it had been him keeping her at arms length until she had finally convinced him that love was worth all of the risks they'd have to face. Now it was his turn.
"Mione." He breathed out her name as he looked down upon her, willing her to move her eyes up to his. "Mione please look at me."
She was torn. The anger had receded somewhat, allowing what he said to sink in, but so many thoughts and feelings were flying around her head they left her dizzy.
"Mione."
Slowly she raised her face and looked up at him. Looking in his eyes she wondered how she didn't recognize him before this. Yes, they were changed, world-weary, as if they'd been witness to things no eyes should have to see, but they were the same deep emerald pools she'd lost herself in when she was 14. When she looked into those eyes she could see herself.
"Hermione I'm sorry that I lied to you. I didn't plan for it to end up like this. When Oliver told me you had moved here…"
"Oliver? You've seen Oliver? He knows you're here?"
"Well, I went back to Oxford looking for you; you know, it being the logical place to start. Well, Oliver told me you had moved here and that you were a professor at Hogwarts. He didn't tell me much about anything else because he had to run out on a call. I asked him not to say anything to anyone about seeing me. I came out here without really knowing what I was going to do, how I would approach you. I went to Annan and found out they needed DADA & Astronomy professor at Hogwarts."
"Yeah, how did you manage that, I mean, you don't actually have a degree," Hermione asked.
Harry grinned. "Well I guess you could say that this is one of those cases when work in the field is more valuable than book knowledge. And diplomas aren't that hard to uh, come up with, if you're me. I thought I'd just watch you for awhile-"
"You mean spy on me," she said with a raised eyebrow.
He ignored the comment and continued. "I never expected you to walk into my room that day. Then Neville invited me to dinner and I knew that I should keep my distance, but I had to be near you even if you didn't know it was me. I know that's selfish but I couldn't help it."
No longer angry, Hermione was listening with rapt attention. She had so many questions. "What about Ron Is he here too?"
"No. Ron is dead''! For the first time Harry looked away from her. His face clouded over with pain and she thought she saw the glimmer of tears well up in his eye.
"Ron- .Ron died Protecting me." He wiped away the tear that rolled down his cheek.
She was stunned. "Oh my god, I'm so sorry."
"He pushed me out of the way and was hit in my place. He was so brave, Hermione; he was the best we had. He was the best friend I'll ever have."
"I'm so sorry." She was choking up herself now, realizing how much he had dealt with and suffered through
alone. "Have you told the family?"
"No. ''Not yet. I was hoping you would help me break the news''…
They stood in silence for a moment, together mourning the loss of a friend, of memories of what was and what could have been. Regaining his composure he turned back toward her.
"Hermione, I'm sorry that I hurt you, that I lied to you; I didn't mean to, but I couldn't just show up after all this time without knowing what was going on in your life first. I thought you may have found someone else, maybe gotten married, and I didn't want to ruin your life." His voice dropped down to a whisper. "Again."
Her confusion vanished. If there was one thing she was sure of, it was this. Looking deep into his eyes she said, "you never ruined my life. You gave me the only true happiness I've ever known."
Reaching out to take her hands in his, his voice cracked with emotion. "I've missed you so much. My life has been empty without you. The only time I felt anything near happiness was when I was dreaming of you or our reunion." He had to smirk as he brought his hand back to his jaw. "I didn't exactly picture you punching me though."
She laughed softly and reached up to touch the bruise that had begun to form. "Um, yeah, sorry about that. I didn't plan that either."
Covering her hand with his he brought it to his mouth and softly pressed his lips on her fingertips. "Mione I
love you so much. I've loved you ( even though I never realised it)
from the first day I ever saw you and will until the day that I die. Please tell me its not too late. Please tell me
you'll give this- give us- another chance. Please Hermione." His eyes, his body, everything about him was
pleading with her to let him in.
The adrenaline freight train was back in her bones but this time it carried her in the opposite direction of anger.
Trembling from head to toe she moved her hand down and placed it flat on his chest and pushed him away slightly to look him in the eye. "What if you have to leave again. What if you have to go back. I couldn't live through that again. I won't."
"You won't have to. I'm not going back Hermione, I made it through .I left. I will never leave you again. I can't do it either. I won't."
Feeling herself spiraling helplessly into his mesmerizing gaze and feeling the love pouring off of him, she did the only thing she could do.
She threw herself into his arms and kissed him senseless.
The shock of her sudden about-face stunned him momentarily, then he threw his arms around her in a crushing embrace. They kissed hungrily, savagely, as if each was trying to inhale the other. Their hands grabbed at whatever clothing or skin they landed on, their movements almost violent.
After all it had been 10 years. 10 years without the feel of each other's touch, the sound of each other's voice, the kiss of each other's lips.
They fell to their knees simultaneously. Any remaining rational thoughts flew out the window as years of frustrated need and desire exploded in a flash of moving hands, lips, and moans. Hermione pushed him down onto his back and he pulled her down onto his chest roughly, not wanting an extra second to pass without the feel of her body next to his.
After all it had been 10 years. 10 years of feeling empty and alone and aching.
No thought was given to preliminaries as Harry pulled her dress over her hips and she whipped the zipper on his pants down. She freed his straining member from his boxers as he tried in vain to remove her briefs, finally in frustration tearing them from her body. She impaled herself on him and they moved together hard, fast, gracelessly, as they sought an end to their raging hunger.
After all it had been 10 years. 10 years of not being with each other. Or anyone else.
They both quickly came to their climax with loud cries of satisfaction and she collapsed on top of him, their chests heaving together desperately seeking oxygen.
After all it had been- oh, you get the picture.
As their breathing returned to normal and the quiet of the moment settled upon them they did the only thing they could do.
They began to cry. They began to cry for all the needless deaths, all the time wasted and all the hurt because of
one foul excuse for a wizard…
Voldemort had a lot to answer for…..
They lay on the floor facing each other sobbing.
Clutching onto each other like a drowning person holds onto a life preserver, their bodies shook with the intensity of their cries.
They cried out their years of fear, frustration, and hurt. They cried for the time they had lost together. They cried for their son. For relief that finally, after so many years of longing, of yearning for each other, they were finally back to the only place either of them had ever found peace.
After a long time they calmed, wiped the tears from each other's cheeks and then began to stroke each other trying to soothe away their anxieties. Their eyes remained locked as they both reveled in the moment, inexpressible thoughts and feelings of love flowing between them freely.
They began kissing softly, slowly, savoring the taste of the other's lips. Harry brought his hand up into her hair and ran his thumb lovingly across her cheek and she sighed into his mouth.
"I always loved when you did that."
He smiled at her as he continued his movements. "I always loved kissing you."
"Just kissing?" she teased.
A small groan escaped from his throat before he captured her lips again, more forcefully this time; his tongue thrusting into her mouth conveying the other things he also loved doing to her. She responded immediately, pulling her leg up over his hip and pressing her body into his. He ran his hand down her back and over her bottom, pulling her closer still as they began to move against each other.
She pulled away suddenly, stood up and extended her hand. "Come with me."
He leapt off the floor and allowed her to lead him down the hallway into her bedroom. Upon entering she picked up a lighter and a candle from her dresser. Taking it from her he said "allow me", waved his hand, and every candle in the room ignited.
Hermione began backing up toward the bed pulling him by the wrist, her smoldering eyes roaming up and down his body and elevating his temperature another 10 degrees.
She reached out and slowly began to unbutton his shirt saying, "I need to see you." Freeing the final button she slid her hands across his chest and pushed the shirt down his arms until it fell to the floor. Her hands roamed his upper body and she smiled at his sharp intake of breath as her lips followed, creating a trail of fire across his torso. He's more perfect than ever, she thought to herself; still strong and lean but now he had the body of a man instead of a boy. A very hard, hot man.