Unofficial Portkey Archive

And so I Smile by Gilksey
EPUB MOBI HTML Text

And so I Smile

Gilksey

Author's Note: Hi ladies and gents ... here is a little something to keep yall entertained while I work my ass off to upload some more chapters for my other stories. I know it's short but it's something I really wanted to write so here. It's kind of angsty but bear with me. Not a happy ending unfortunately. Enjoy and review please! <3

We're all in the common room celebrating. Ron played wonderfully. We won the cup! It was spectacular; I just wish Harry could've played. He would've loved it, that release and thrill he always seemed to get. I'll never understand boys and their brooms. Everyone was laughing and cheering; having an all around fun time. My eyes however were glued to the portrait hole. Waiting for those beautiful green eyes. A few minutes later and my waiting was rewarded. He walked in surprise written all over his face. In the distance I heard Ron yelling to him. As I stood to go over and hug him I saw his eyes fastened on Ginny. The look in his eyes was something I recognized and didn't. He was determined but there was more, something I'd never seen before. At least something that was never directed to me. She hugged him and I felt the normal twinge in my abdomen. But then he kissed her, and time froze.

Harry, my Harry, kissed her. He didn't care who was watching, he didn't know he was tearing me apart inside. But I did. I was distraught. I knew Ginny fancied him, I think everyone knew that.

My breathing has become ragged, my eyes have lost focus, and my heart has torn down the center. He is slowly killing me. I love him and he loves her and that's the way it is. I can't change that. He'd never love me, not like that. I'm his best friend, the know-it-all, the bookworm, his advisor and sometimes savior. I'm many things to him, but I will never be her to him. I will never be loved by him. All these thoughts flash through my head as time starts up again, albeit slowly.

His eyes are roaming the crowd. I compose myself seconds before his eyes are on me. His cheeks are flustered and his lips are moist. He looks delectable and suddenly seems thousands of miles away. I know what he's looking for so I make it easy and smile up at him.

When he looked at me I beamed, because that's what he wanted. That's what he needed. I gave him my approval and I gave him my support. It's not me he wants, it's her, so I give him that smile. I'm hollow inside and if I don't get out of here soon I just may die on the spot but I still smile. He's my Harry and so I give him what he wants, even if it hurts.

I begin my stride down the isle. The wedding is finally here! So long awaited as it was, it was finally upon us all. Tears were in my eyes as I walked towards my best friend of 10 years. He was smiling his adorable boyish, lopsided grin at me. I felt my knees weakening as I walked. I held tighter onto my bouquet from nerves.

I breathed a sigh of relief as I finally made it to the end; finally made it to Harry. I took my place by the pastor, and winked at Harry. He blushed slightly and winked back. He looked wonderful in his white tuxedo and emerald green tie. His eyes were bright, making him look otherworldly. He looked angelic in white, his figure silhouetted by the black backdrop. Everyone in the hall rose. Harry and I smiled widely to each other before he looked to the entrance, along with everyone else in the church. Ginny began her stride, in her long, glimmering wedding dress.

Flashes of cameras went off, and oh's and awe's filled the hall. These things barely registered in my mind as I continued to watch Harry. My smile had long since vanished from my face, replaced by more tears. My Harry was leaving me for good. Never to return. It was easy to pretend my tears were of joy for my best friend. No one knew they were of heartbreak, no one suspected my deeply hidden feelings.
I cried desperately, openly but quietly. I couldn't ruin this for him. He looked so happy and carefree. Like the young man he was instead of the hero he was forced to be. He was Harry, my Harry, and this was his day.

As all eyes were on Ginny, mine, like always, were on Harry. He was glowing with pride, and joy. This was his dream, his life's goal. This was what he won the war for. He was finally starting his family. With Ginny. As much as it hurt me, it filled me with happiness. I was and am happy for him; this is what he's always wanted.

He glanced back at me, and I beamed. Because that's what he wanted. That's what he needed. I gave him my approval and I gave him my support. It's not me he wants, it's her, and so I give him that smile. I'm hollow inside and if I don't get out of here soon I just may die on the spot but I still smile. He's my Harry and so I give him what he wants, even if it hurts.

-->