Unofficial Portkey Archive

And so I Smile by Gilksey
EPUB MOBI HTML Text

And so I Smile

Gilksey

Author's Note: OMG! I'm soooo sorry it took so long. There is no excuse good enough to erase my shame. But yet I ask forgiveness. Please don't hate me btw I hope you guys like it.

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.

(Hermione's POV)

Ron's on his knee with my hand in his. All of our friends and families are staring at me. I feel naked; vulnerable.

He's asking me to marry him now?! Out of all the time to ourselves we have, he chooses to do it now?! With everyone staring at me; during Harry's day? The most important day of his life. He's wanted this for so long and his own best friend is ruining it! I'm hyperventilating in a mixture of anger and fear. I hate public speaking. Shouldn't Ron know that? I mean he's claiming to love me with all his heart but he doesn't know one detail about me? I guess it doesn't matter. I'm sure there are things about him that I don't know…

I look up at Harry for some sense of security. He can always calm me down; can always protect me. When my eyes finally land on his, he's smiling widely. Not wide enough to fool me. His eyes are sad, angry even. His fists are clenched so tightly I'm amazed he's not wincing in pain. But why would Harry be angry? Isn't this what he wanted? Why is Harry sad? It's his wedding day; he's marrying the woman he loves. Unless its not …

"Do you Harry James Potter, take Ginerva Weasley, to be your lawfully wedded wife through sickness and in health, for richer or poorer to love and to hold till death do you part?" Harry hesitated for just a moment; unnoticed by everyone else in the church. His eyes rested on Hermione and his trademark smile lit up his entire face as he said "I do," looking deeply into her eyes.

A series of unexplained moments between us flashed through my mind; endless glances, long pecks on the cheeks, all the hand holding and random outbursts against previous boyfriends. Harry had loved me. Harry does love me.

I'm completely overwhelmed with all sorts of emotions as I continue to watch Harry. His hands still clenched, his eyes still angry and cold, and his fake smile, used so often, was still present on his face. I beamed so brightly at him with happy tears leaking down my face. I saw a lone tear fall down his cheek, as I imagined he was assuming what I would do.
I looked back down at Ron. He was flushed with nervous anticipation, and my smile faded a bit.

(Ron's POV)

She's finally realized it. I had hoped dearly she wouldn't but she has. I've known since we were kids that Harry's been in love with Hermione. I was never certain if she felt the same way. So when Harry had started dating my sister I thought it was my chance. It made me the happiest man in the world when Hermione agreed to date me. I couldn't stop smiling!
When Harry and Ginny got engaged though, I noticed a change in her. She was distant and often times seemed depressed. Sure she could easily fool people into believing she was ecstatic. For someone as stage fright as she is, you would've figured that she couldn't act. When in reality she was the best actress I'd ever known. I often times found myself believing she was happy. I'm not as much of a idiot as people seem to think I am. I notice small things about her; I can usually tell when she's faking. I wouldn't claim to love her if I didn't. I know this proposal is the worst ever; I know she's afraid of being the center of attention and I know she'll be pissed at me for ruining Harry's day but I had too. I figured if I do this, she'll see Harry's reaction all along and refuse or she really does love me and she'll say yes. It may seem like a win-lose situation for me but in truth its win-win. If she says yes then I'll remain the happiest man to ever live. If she realizes and says no then at least she can be happy with the new found knowledge or maybe even happy with Harry. As long as she's happy I'm happy.

I watched as she looked for Harry. I watched as he flashed her another of his fake smiles. I watched as she finally saw through the façade. And I watched as her smile became the biggest I had seen in a long time. She glanced down at me and her smile faded a bit as she also realized that she would have to hurt me. I wasn't surprised when she quietly asked if we could talk in private. I wouldn't expect her to publicly humiliate me. She's too kind and caring for something like that.

I stood up to my full height and held her hand as she led me out of the room. I saw Harry's cold eyes glare at me until we were outside of his vision.

"Ron I … what I mean to say is that … uhm … You should know I-" I smiled in amusement as I watched her stumble for a nice way to put it.

"Let me take a wild guess. You're madly in love with Harry, always have been and always will. Yes you love me too but not nearly as much as Harry. You'd hate to hurt me but you feel it's the lesser of two evils as I would be hurt way more if we were to get married based on an unrequited love?" She stared flabbergasted at me as I recited every word running through her mind.

"Uh … Well yes. How …how did you know?"

"Because Hermione, I pay way more attention than everyone gives me credit for. I've always known Harry loved you. I wasn't 100% sure if you felt the same. So I did that stunt there to settle it once and for all."

"What do you mean?" I sighed up at her. For the cleverest witch of her time she sure can be dense.

"Don't you think I know you're stage fright? By proposing in front of everyone, namely Harry, I figured you'd look at him for reassurance. When you did either you'd notice his façade and say no. Or you really did love me over him and you'd agree to marry me. To be honest I'm surprised it took you so long to realize it." Hermione just stared at me in awe and repeatedly opened and closed her mouth. "Don't worry Hermione, we can still be the best of friends, and as long as you're happy, I am too."

"Oh Ron!" Suddenly I found her leaping into my arms in a giant bear hug.

"Whoa. Sure you don't want to be a Weasley? You've got the hugs down pat."

She leaned back just enough to look me in the eyes.

"Thank you Ron. I love you too!" She leaned forward and pressed a gentle kiss on my lips. Just a sweet friendly, goodbye kiss.

(Harry's POV)

She said yes. She said yes. SHE. SAID. YES! That was the only thing running through my mind as I walked in to find them kissing. It was chaste but warm. They immediately noticed me and I watched them slowly disentangle themselves. Hermione looked up at me with the brightest eyes. She must be dying to tell me the oh so wonderful news. Ron kissed her temple as he began to walk away.

"Don't worry about a thing Mione. I'll take care of everyone else." Great so Hermione wanted to make this a sentimental private discussion. Ron continued walking until he stopped right in front of me. Was he crying? "Mate I swear to Merlin, if you screw this up I'll put you 12 feet under. Anyway, congratulations mate. You're one hell of a lucky man." Ron smiled a bittersweet smile and clapped me on the back before he continued on, leaving me and Hermione alone.

We stood in silence for a few moments before she started to explain. "We're not engaged. I said no, well I didn't really need to I guess. But no we're not getting married."

"But you- … what?"

"Harry I love Ronald. That will never change. But I've loved someone else for a lot longer and more deeply." She loved someone else? That's even worse then Ron. At least I'd known Ron; knew he'd never hurt her. Now there's some other ass of a bloke he had to worry about.

"Can I hate him without you hating me?" She chuckled to herself and shook her head.

"I think you'll have a very hard time hating him."

"Why's that?"

"Because you don't seem like the self-hating type." She smirked at my gaping face as celebratory fireworks exploded in my mind.

Once the shock wore off I threw my arms around her and spun her in the arm as she laughed in joy. I was afraid to let her go so instead I held her up off the ground so our faces were level and kissed her with everything I had; everything I'd held back for so long.

After our minds established that yes we are humans and yes we do need air to breathe we separated. Our eyes never wandered from the others as our breathing calmed.

"Harry? I love you! I love you so much and for so long!"

"Hermione I've always loved you! I can't believe you've felt the same! Why didn't you say anything?" She bit her lip as she fisted my tux in her hands; I guess she's also afraid to let go.

"Because I thought you didn't feel the same. I just kept pushing away so I wouldn't break my own heart over you. You only proved me right that day at Hogwarts."

"What you mean after the qudditch finals? The one I couldn't play?" She nodded.

"The day you kissed Ginny for the first time." I stared in disbelief.

"You were always hinting for me to date her! I thought that's what you wanted!"

"I only hinted because you flirted with her! I thought that was what you wanted!"
"And we're supposed to be the greatest witch and wizard of our time. We're quite daft don't you think?" She gave me a bright warm smile.

"Well we're here now." She leaned forward and kissed me. A long awaited kiss that was to be replayed over and over again in our future together.

(Ron/Ginny)

Their eyes are roaming, and we compose ourselves seconds before they're on us. We smile up at them and they return it. We beam at them because that's what they wanted. That's what they needed. We gave them our silent approval and we gave them our support with each other. It's not us they want, it's each other, and so we give them that smile. We're hollow inside and if we don't get out of here soon we just may die on the spot but we still smile. They are the loves of our lives and so we give them what they want, even if it hurts.

-->