Author's Note: hey everyone! Thanks for all the great reviews and the warnings. Here's the second chapter in Harry's POV. Now this time I need everyone to please review. After you read tell me if I should flip this into a fluffy happy ending, or just stick with the tragic love story it is. Alrighty?! Anyway I know this part isn't going to be as good as the first one, probably because I can't understand Harry as much as I can Hermione. Or maybe it's the fact that most guys are dumb and I'm a girl? Just kidding dudes. Lol thanks all again. Love yous! -Gilksey <3
(Harry's POV)
I tell myself they were just fighting again. They were just bickering and it got out of control. She was just angry at him like always, and he was just being a prat like always. It was nothing more then a fight.
I keep telling myself all these things over and over again in my mind. But somehow I know, I just know it was something more. She was jealous. She was jealous of Lavender and Ron together and so she quickly got angry. She does that a lot. I smiled at the mere memory of her. She's always been so easily agitated. I know her so well, much better then myself.
For example, I know she loves the rain but she's scared of thunder. It's loud and it reminds her of explosions, the kinds that kill people. That's another thing I love about her, she cares so much more for everyone else then she does for herself. She has such a big heart. It makes me worry that one day she'll get herself killed in the place of someone else. I can't lose her. She's my everything, my life and love. I love her. I've known for awhile now how much I love her. I also know she'd never love me. With my reckless behavior and my obsession with destroying all the bad guys. She's more interested in stopping them. She's the kind of person that wants to protect the innocent not punish the guilty.
She hates it when we don't do our homework not because we'll fail school but because we might need these spells to save our lives one day. She hates it when people judge others without getting to know them first, and when people treat me differently. She loves it when you help her with her SPEW campaign, when you sneak her an extra chocolate chip muffin if she was held up in the library. She prefers coffee over tea, green over anything else and Charms is her favorite class. Her favorite season is spring, with all the rain, favorite movie is the Princess Bride and book is Pride and Prejudice. When she's nervous she fiddles with her fingers, thinking or focused she chews on her bottom lip, and when she's scared she stands in front of everyone else. As if she would rather her take the pain or whatever else it is, over everyone else. Knowing her that probably exactly what she's doing. She can't stand to fly but you notice that if she's with you she's more relaxed. When she can tell there's something wrong she'll give you a hug that will one day leave Mrs. Weasleys' in the dust. She runs her fingers through your unruly hair and you're instantly better. She likes it when you initiate hugs first and she's most ticklish on her sides and behind her knees.
I love her so much! It hurts, to see the things I do, to have done the things I've done and know that one day it could cost her. She refuses to leave my side and I let myself believe it's because she loves me too, but I know better. She loves Ron, and it kills me a little more each day.
I'm in detention with Snape during the Qudditch finals and I can't stop thinking about her. Not the game, not ways to kill Snape, her. It's always her, always been her and always will be. Except she doesn't feel the same way, I know that now. Everything everyone has been saying is true. She loves Ron not me. Otherwise she wouldn't have sent those birds attacking. She wouldn't have been jealous.
The game's over now and I'm heading to the common room. I can't wait to see Hermione. She must be overjoyed that I couldn't play today, that I couldn't nearly kill myself in some daring dive. She worries so much its adorable. The way her brows crinkle and the way she tucks her curls behind her ear. She's been doing that more often, worrying. My best bet is over my happiness. She seems to be pushing me to Ginny a bit more lately. Whether as a favor to Ginny or a relief for herself I don't know. But maybe I should? Go for Ginny that is. It might make Hermione happy, relieved definitely. It's the least I could do I guess. I mean Hermione wants me to be happy, and for me to be happy she has to be happy. So I guess if this makes her happy then I might be happy with Ginny?
Ginny's not that bad. She's beautiful, and she's smart. She's stubborn and she fights for what's right, just like Hermione. She's so much like her it makes me smile. It makes me think I could possibly, one day be happy with her. Especially if it makes Hermione happy.
I've made up my mind then. Ginny it is. As much as I love Hermione, with all of my being, she deserves this. She deserves happiness with someone that loves her too. She deserves love and a wonderful family more than anyone else. For Hermione, I'll do this. I can learn to love Ginny; she's a great girl and is an amazing human being. She's just not my Mione.
My thoughts are interrupted by a whole lot of cheering as the portrait hole opens. People are pulling me in and passing around Butter beers. `We won!' Someone yells. I should be happy, I should be thrilled! We put Slytherin in their place once again! But I'm not. I catch sight of Ginny running towards me and my heart sinks just a bit lower as I come to terms with what I have to do. She hugs me tightly and I let her. Hermione. Hermione. Before she leaves my hold I kiss her and time stops. Hermione. Hermione. I imagine her. Her lips, her hair, her smell, her! I could only hope Hermione was watching. Could only hope this made her even the slightest bit happy, even as it was tearing me apart inside. I'm her best friend, the reckless brother she never had, the star seeker, the savior. I'm many things to her, but I will never be him to her. I will never be Ron to her. So as I finally release her, I look for Ron first. Hope he's happy. He deserves just as much happiness as Hermione or anyone else does. He's still my best friend too. He smiles at me as if to say, `If you must'. Then my eyes roam, for her. My Mione. I put on a bright smile, knowing that's what she's probably expecting to see. And then I see her. All cuddled up by herself in the corner with a book. She's smiling brightly at me. She has tears in her eyes. Tears? Tears of joy I tell myself. She's overjoyed that I'm finally out of her long beautiful dark curls.
I beam back at her because that's what she wanted. That's what she needed. I gave her my silent approval and I gave her my support with Ron. It's not me she wants, it's him, and so I give her that smile. I'm hollow inside and if I don't get out of here soon I just may die on the spot but I still smile. She's my Mione and so I give her what she wants, even if it hurts.
The Wedding is here. The day I've always waited for, fought for; lived for. I'm standing at the alter right now, in my white tuxedo and green tie. Hermione picked it out, always looking out for me. I'm grinning like a complete idiot as I watch her stride down the isle. My Mione. She looks completely breathtaking. Literally, I'm finding it hard to not faint at the moment. Her green dress hugging all the right curves, the bouquet of white lilies in her hands somehow making the highlights in her curls stand out. She's walking towards me with the biggest smile on her face, and tears in her eyes. Tears of joy. I've always hated tears in her eyes, but these ones I strongly dislike. Their sitting there on her rosy cheeks, in her warm caramel eyes, mocking me and me unattainable desires. But still, I smile and wink foolishly, pretending it's her I'm marrying today. Her I'm going to start a family with. My love, my Mione, I'm going to wake up to every morning. I know it's not though and that's what kills me.
I should be thrilled. I should be completely ecstatic; I'm finally starting my family! With Ginny. Not with Hermione.
She's finally reached the alter now, glowing with happiness, and pride. It nearly breaks me, that look in her eyes. I almost kissed her just now. Thankfully, or unthankfully, the crowd stood up; announcing the appearance of the bride.
Hermione's watching me, I can feel it. She's always watching me, whether it's watching out for me or just with concern. She's always there. I'd be nothing without her. That's not true; I'd be dead without her. Just thinking of her makes me smile wider. It's easy to pretend my smile is of happiness soon to come with Ginny. No one knows. No one's ever noticed my deeply hidden feelings for Hermione. Not even she who's always been able to read my mind without as much as a glance. How could she not realize how much I love her? How much I've always loved her; will always love her? My heart cracks down the middle just a little more as the feelings I've been suppressing for so long scratch the surface once again.
Don't get me wrong. I love Ginny, I do. I wouldn't be destroying myself if I didn't. I love Ginny and I always will, just not as much as Hermione. Never as much as Hermione.
Ginny's almost at the alter now and I glance back at Hermione. One last shot to stop this. Instead she smiles. Full of support and joy, she smiles and so I smile, as always. I beam back at her because that's what she wanted.
As the pastor goes through his whole speech, my eyes shift back and forth between Ginny and Hermione. I can see her clearly from right here. It's like a tragic art show. In one I see my past and my desires; in the other I see my future and my dreams.
My thought are interrupted as the pastor speaks to me, "Do you Harry James Potter, take," `Hermione Jane Granger', I say in my mind, "to be your lawfully wedded wife, through sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer to love and to hold till death do you part?" Time stops.
Can I go through with this? Can I throw any possible shot with my Mione away? Can I do this to Ginny; make her think I love her truly and for always? How can I do this to her? To myself? Again, my eyes are drawn to Hermione. She's smiling and crying. Tears of Joy. I can do this. For her I can do this, I have to, I will, "I do." My eyes were still on Hermione as I said it, as I pretended it was her. No one noticed, no one ever does.
We're all at the reception now. Ron's giving his best man speech and Hermione's next to him, about to give hers. I watch her fiddle with her fingers, crinkle her brows and chew her lip. She looks so adorable and child-like. As the young woman she is rather than the brilliant warrior she was forced to become. She was my Mione.
"Now Harry I'm really sorry for stealing the spot light but I just have to get something out here." Suddenly he's on his knee and I'm hyperventilating. "Hermione? I love you, always have and I always will. I can't stand being without you and I just have to know right here and now, will you marry me?" She gapes at him and my fists tighten to the point where I'm bleeding. Stupid git! She hates public moments. She hates being the center of attention. She's stage fright! That's why she was fiddling. How can he say he loves her so much if he doesn't even know the simplest of things about her?
I already know. Because she's Mione, protector of the innocent, huge warm hearted person, best friend to all and enemy to no one. For the same reasons I love her; for her love of books and desire to learn, her need to protect and drive to fight. She's brilliant, beautiful and the best person to ever exist. Who wouldn't love her?
Her eyes are roaming, and I compose myself seconds before they're on me. I smile up at her and she returns it. I beam at her because that's what she wanted. That's what she needed. I gave her my silent approval and I gave her my support with Ron. It's not me she wants, it's him, and so I give her that smile. I'm hollow inside and if I don't get out of here soon I just may die on the spot but I still smile. She's my Mione and so I give her what she wants, even if it hurts.
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