A/N: A songfic, the second I've ever written, to get over my writer's block. Hope you enjoy!
Hide your love away
It is the eleventh anniversary of the Battle of Hogwarts today.
A year ago, at exactly this time of night (nearing midnight, of course), while we were waiting for the banquet to delight us, a song started resounding through the Great Hall. A beautiful arpeggio I barely remembered hearing years ago in Grimmauld Place, coming from Sirius' wireless radio. Double arpeggio now and I drown my glass of Block Tower white. Out of the corner of my I see some movement from the stairs outside and I look up to see pretty much a mirage of what dazzling beauty must be (and I've met Fleur Delacour). When Ron and I left her at our apartment, getting ready, she definitely did not look like that. And the golden dress most certainly did not sparkle like that. It is not the dress; an unfamiliar voice tells me inside my head. It's her.
She smiles to the room in general and her eyes search for me in the honor table first. Another smile, a more private one now; just for us; my heart soars (now, that is a surprise…) and I smile back. A moment later, her eyes search for and land on her very own date: my best friend. Strangely enough, my smile falls and a new, unidentified emotion finds its way through my entrails. Much to my further bewilderment, I force myself (something I had never done before) to look to my right, where a gorgeous redhair smiles back as soon as she feels my eyes on her.
"What's with you?" she asks teasingly.
"Nothing, you look beautiful tonight," I say truthfully but my head adds but not as beautiful as Hermione and I do a double-take: what was that about?
Hey! You've got to hide your love away.
Hey! You've got to hide your love away.
And I did.
After figuring out what that whole ordeal meant, I did hide it away. As long as she was close, everything would, indeed, be fine.
Every now and again, the lyrics sounded in my head, remembering me of my resolution.
Hey! You've got to hide your love away.
Hey! You've got to hide your love away.
Until now.
Here we are, again in a celebration ball. It wasn't only the celebration of the 11th anniversary, of course. This was the celebration of an agreement my beautiful Hermione had achieved with most of the Wizardring Community in the world. A peace and solidarity agreement for all the Wizardring World. There wouldn't ever be such a terrible war again; at least not as long as this agreement stood.
Again, she came down the stairs as I waited on the honor table, but time she was hand-in-arm with her long-time partner. Again, the pang of what had morphed into permanent pain and contradiction struck me and I turned to my right, only that now Ginny Weasley wasn't there: it was Luna Lovegood who was in her place.
Hey! You've got to hide your love away.
Hey! You've got to hide your love away.
The good friend she was, agreed at the last minute to dump her own date for the ball and step into Ginny's shoes for that night, because after the horribly public breakup we've had, I highly doubted she'd agree to come with me. Of course, she was with another good friend and last minute date in the same table. Across from us, Ginny and none other than Draco Malfoy smiled his gorgeous smile and she tried her best to look in peace with everything.
As usual, her eyes searched for mine and I barely had the strength to return that smile which still belong to just us. Then she turned to Ron and kissed his cheek. I looked away.
Here I stand head in hand
Turn my face to the wall
They come down and take their respective seats to my left. Of course, Hermione is the closest to me and her perfume is intoxicating: so gentle, so sweet…
"Hey, handsome," she says with a smile and kisses my own cheek, but not in the way she kissed his.
"Hey yourself," I respond with the same ease, except that mine is staged, as opposed to her natural ease around me. "Suppose it is redundant to tell you how good you look tonight."
She blushes and looks away, shaking her head. "Thank you, Harry. You don't look half-bad yourself, but you know that as well." She smiles again and greets Luna and Ginny warmly. A moment later, she turns back to me. "Harry, how are things… you now?" she asks in a low voice.
"We're dealing, I suppose." But not just with Ginny, the now-familiar voice adds.
She places her small hand tenderly on my muscled arm and bobs her head to a side. "You know I'm here for whatever you need, right?" she says and gives me a quick hug.
I can barely hold my position steady.
How can I even try
I can never win
The night passes effortlessly. Luna certainly is an easy partner. We chat, laugh, even dance to the sound of muggle and wizard's pop and rock music. At last, dinner is served and before anyone can tuck in, a glass clicking from my table. I turn, bewildered. Who here would make an announcement? Ginny and I were through and the media had made sure everyone knew. Luna and Draco we simple guests here and Neville and Hannah were married years ago…
It is Ron, standing with his crystal cup in hand. Hermione is staring blankly at him; clearly she is as surprised as I am by this.
Gather round all you clowns
Let me hear you say:
Hey you've got to hide your love away
"Can I have your attention, please?"
Everyone falls silent. Ron turns pink in the ears and the cheeks and I can't help but smile at my best friend. They are happy, and so should I.
"First of all, we should dedicate the minute of silence to our fallen heroes." He looks down, and so does everyone, including me.
Remus, Tonks… I look up at young Teddy Lupin, sitting at the Weasley table. Fred… my eyes travel to George, who looks so much older than his 32 years, sitting next to Angelina and their three year old, Roxanne. Colin Creevey… Dennis is sitting at the Gryffindor table, and Lavender has her arm around him. Dumbledore, even Snape…
"Fallen heroes that shall never be forgotten." Ron echoes my thoughts after a minute or so. "However, today we not only celebrate their enormous sacrifice, but we also celebrate what we want to think as the beginning of a new era of wizard collaboration throughout the world. All thanks to my Hermione's diligent and intelligent machinations. Please give her a big ovation"
He smiles fondly and calls her "his". I can't but bite my heart back and raise my glass while the rest applaud.
I can see them laugh at me
And I hear them say:
Hey you've got to hide your love away
"Thank you, thank you very much." He pauses a moment to call for silence again. "Now, back to the whole point of this interruption to the banquet. I have known this girl, this woman; for all that I remember being my life. It's been 18 years in which she's had to stand me. During which we've fought, loved, laughed, bickered till we're forgotten ehat we were bickering about… my pal Harry can give testimony of that…" everyone laughs briefly and I smile. "In short, it's been the most wonderful 18 years of my life."
Another brief applause.
"Of these 18 years, I've dated my dearest Hermione for 9; half of the time I've known her."
Great Merlin, I know what's coming. Oh, no, please, no, please, no.
I look at Hermione and she has the same understanding look in her eyes. Only she isn't crumbling inside like I am, she looks like she's about to burst with happiness.
Complete and utter silence. Expecting.
"…and it is time we move on…" he turns to Hermione, they share a brief look and I feel an enormous void take over my insides. A second later, he is on one knee and I am sure the void has penetrated my skin and everyone can see through it.
Hearing them, seeing them
In the state I'm in
"Hermione Jane Granger. I love you. Would you do me the honor of standing me for at least some fifty more years?"
She drawn in a breath and takes a hand to her chest. Oh, please let her say "no", I desperately and hopelessly think.
"Ronald…" she speaks, "this is…" she stops and turns to me for a moment too short for me to read her eyes; and for a moment, the fleeting hope that she might have indeed heard my thoughts, relieves me. "That would be wonderful…" she finally says and everyone in the party, except me, is bewildered.
I am in shock. Total, irreversible, unbreakable, shock.
Ron stares blankly. "Is that a yes?" he asks hesitantly.
Hermione laughs. "Yes! It is a yes, you silly!" she says and makes him stand from the kneeling position as he slips the diamond ring in her finger. He lifts her in his arms a good foot from the ground and they kiss while she still rests between his arms.
As the applause explodes in the Great Hall, I still can't utter a word and I most certainly cannot get my muscles to move and imitate the rest. I feel a pinch on my arm coming from Luna's side, but I still can't move. This can't be happening. They will be leaving. She will leave our apartment; the apartment we've shared for over ten years now.
If she's gone I can't go on
Feelin' two-foot small
After they are done kissing, the couple turns to me, both of them radiant, but Hermione's expression changes in the matter of seconds.
"Harry? Harry are you all right?" She kneels next to me, her royal-blue dress scraping the floor.
I still can't manage to respond, and her warm hand is what brings me back to that particular time and place. I look at her and my eyes must have told her something she didn't want to know because her face falls.
I nod. "Yes, thank you," I fix my face to a smile and raise my now dead-cold hand to her cheek, "congratulations, Mione," I say softly, still dazed.
She frowns almost imperceptibly and shakes her head a little, but before she can speak another word, Ron cuts in: "Mate, would you do the honor?" he asks, referring to my being best man.
Before I can think the proper answer, a word escapes my mouth. "No."
Taken aback, Ron's smile turns to a frown. "What?"
I try to say the right thing now, but apparently my brain has lost all connection with my speaking device or whatever. "I said, no, I can't."
After confirming what he'd heard, Ron leans forward, across Hermione, who is still stunned from my first look and recent response. "Mate, what are you saying? What's the matter with you? We have a thousand guests hearing…" he chastises.
"I know, but I'm sorry," I am now resigned to not fight whatever my mouth has to say about this.
"About what?" he asks, alarmed.
"I can't be your best man, and I certainly cannot attend your wedding. I still don't have the death wish so settled in me."
Gasps and whispers break the sepulchral silence that had taken place until that moment.
"What is that supposed to mean?" I can see how he's fighting to keep it as cool as possible and I can also see he's in the verge of failing miserably.
"It means that going to your wedding, seeing Hermione marry someone else… I can't do it," I say, acquiescent to what ever comes next.
It is Ginny.
"Harry Potter, this better not mean what I think it means…" she warns.
I turn to her, regret clear and honest in my face. "It does, Gin, I am so sorry."
"You, little…" she can't continue because Draco has taken her in his arms and whispered something in her ear that's made her refrain from physical response to this - it must be said - treason.
I now turn to Hermione. It's out now so I better tell her directly, as futile as it may seem. "Hermione…"
"No, don't you dare, Harry Potter," she says menacingly, her eyes holding such anger that I have to look away.
"I love you, I'm sorry. I'll go now," I say and walk out. Where headed? I have no idea.
Everywhere people stare
Each and every day
* * *
A/N: Stay tuned. Already working on their conversation. Please R&R!