Chapter Three
This is the story of a girl,
Who cried a river and drowned the whole world!
And while she looked so sad in photographs,
I absolutely love her,
When she smiles...
Your clothes never wear as well the next day,
And your hair never falls in quite the same way-
But you never seem to run out of things to say...
This is the story of a girl,
Who cried a river and drowned the whole world!
And while she looks so sad in photographs,
I absolutely love her-
To say I was nervous would be a vast understatement. For god sakes, I was going to say more to her today than I'd said to her for the past six moths, one week, twelve hours, and twenty minutes. I was also laying my heart out on the line and expressing an emotion I had never felt before now, but it was best not to think about that part too much. I was already green with nerves. Ron slapped me on the back and gave me a slight push towards her door. I looked back in time to see Luna give me an encouraging nod and gulped before turning back to face the door. We shouldn't have painted the doors white. It was such an ominous color looming in front of you when you were trying to breath right and not quite succeeding.
Right. I could do this. It was Hermione. She was the easiest person to talk to in the world. I'd felt completely comfortable telling her things I had never told anyone else before so this should be a piece of cake. She had already said it to me first. Six months ago…and she could have changed her feelings. Right, moving on. Knocking would be good…I should do that.
My knuckles on the door echoed through the silence of the hallway with all the subtlety of thunder and I'm afraid my heartbeat was even louder. There was a minute when all I heard was the accelerated thump-thump of my heart and the steady breathing of Luna and Ron behind me. Then the door slowly swung open to a weary-eyed Hermione whose expression quickly turned into shock and panic as she said, "Harry?" Her tone was unmistakably questioning and she glanced from Ron and Luna down the hallway back to me more times than I could count.
"Can I erm…can I…ah….what I mean to say is…" I gestured weakly to her door. "Do you think we could…I mean if you want…can we just talk please?" I gave her a pathetic puppy-dog pout and looked meaningfully into her room to ensure that she knew I meant in private and not on display for Ron and Luna.
"Well…well," She just clamped her mouth shut and moved out of the doorway. I took what I could get. I rushed inside like it was the last two minutes to get onto Noah's bloody Arc and focused on not pacing the room nervously. She closed the door and turned around, but didn't look at me. I wasn't completely looking at her either as I stuffed my hands in my pocket and urged my feet to stay still.
"I…" Miss you. Need you. Want you. Love you. "I…" Was a fool. Was lying. Was scared. "I'm…" So very sorry for hurting you. Nervous as hell. Damnit, now why couldn't I say any of this out loud? I snuck a peek at her and this time she was looking at me with a strange yet familiar look in her eyes. It was cautious, very, very cautious, but it was…It was the look in her eyes when she smiled my smile! It was love.
I sucked in some air as I debated how to tell her. How to make my mouth open, form words, and make sounds. I remembered Ron's advice. `Just tell her the truth because she'll know if its anything else, she understands because she knows you, and she deserves it.' Right. I looked into the familiar brown depths of her eyes, the ones I hadn't looked into in six months and it came flooding out of me.
"I love you." I blurted out. Nice. Real subtle. Her eyes opened wide in shock and I couldn't help but start to pace. "I loved you then too, I just…I didn't realize…I didn't know what it meant. No, I was scared. Merlin I was scared-shitless. And I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry for hurting you. I didn't…you're the last person I'd ever want to hurt…I just. I miss you. I miss talking to you, holding you, and just being around you. But I miss your smile the most. The special one that was just for me. The one…the one that said I love you when words didn't. The one…the one…the one that mirrored mine. Or…erm…more like mine mirrored yours I guess…but, I…just…I don't really know how to love a person Hermione and it would be best if you found someone who did…I'm not…I don't know how….I'm just a…a mess."
I looked imploring up into her still stunned expression and shuffled my feet. A thoughtful frown crossed her expression and the caution out-weighed the love in her eyes now. Right. Well that was just…exactly what I deserved. She needed someone else. Someone who hadn't hurt her at the very least.
"Well…erm." I cleared my throat. "I just…ah…thought I should tell you, so erm…now I'll just…" I started walking for the door and she just stood there. She obviously thought it was a good idea for me to leave. Maybe I was wrong, maybe it wasn't love in her eyes at all. Maybe she had made a mistake when she told me she loved me the first time and had never really loved me. I had just put my hand on the door knob when I was swung around and pinned to the wall.
"Harry." She said softly. "I'm scared now. I'm not experienced with this either you know, but don't…I just need some time to think is all. Don't go away and think I don't love you because I do. I love you so much. I…just don't go away at all…just stay here for a while and…and think with me. I miss you too. I miss everything about you. I knew you didn't really know what love was. I wasn't expecting you to tell me you loved me that night…I just wanted you to know that you were loved…I, erm…well, I definitely wasn't expecting you to end things, but.. what's done is done and I think…I think I learned some of your fears at least tonight and that's…that's valuable. Just come and sit with me and think about it for a while please."
She looked at me with those big, beautiful, brown eyes and I wondered if she seriously expected me to say no. I just nodded and she took my hand with her own shaking one and went to sit in front of the foot of her bed. I cautiously wrapped an arm around her shoulder and couldn't help but smile when she automatically leaned her head into mine. We sat like that for a half an hour while she absentmindedly fiddled with the hem of my shirt and thought and I just inhaled her presence. Her vanilla smell, her soft curls tickling my cheek, her body curved into mine, her hand entwined with mine, and the thinking line in her forehead.
"I think…" Hermione said. "That I'd be ok with this…with us…if there were a few conditions." She looked up into my eyes and I was so deliriously happy that if she asked me to leave and live on the moon with her I'd enjoy it. I just nodded my head again. "We'd…we'd have to take it…slower this time…not so intense so fast like it was…you know." I did. I still felt it to my toes by just sitting here with her. "And…and…I'm not willing to keep it a secret this time Harry…I don't want to hide it like we're doing something wrong…like it doesn't matter." If she could guess at how very publicly I wanted to make sure every single god damn bloke in the wizarding world knew that they were not allowed to come near her or even think of her if I was in leginamacy range. A ring on her finger wouldn't hurt either, but I could be patient. I had the ring tucked safely away for the future.
"I love you." Was my only reply. I figured she would understand that it meant yes to all of the above. A smile slowly spread across her face…my smile! I automatically smiled back as she turned to face me and inched closer. Her hands slowly cradled my face as my arms slipped around her. She whispered "I love you too." Right before her lips touched mine in a tender kiss that sent electricity zinging through my body. We pulled apart a few minutes later and I just pulled her into my arms and leaned my head on hers.
The next few months progressed slowly for us. Ron and Luna of course found out about us later that day when they barged in, no longer able to stand the suspense. They cheered and Hermione ducked her head into my shoulder with a blush. All was right with the world again.
The next day we went out in public together for the first time. I held her hand in mine the entire time as we strolled slowly through Diagon Alley. There were plenty of reporters around and for once I was glad of their presence because whenever one passed I had a good reason to give her a sound kiss on her mouth. The rest of the time I alternated between talking, listening to her talk while swinging her hand or places kisses to her wrists and palms, hugging her from behind when we were standing still, and watching her inspect books.
For the rest of that week and admittedly for months afterwards the press bombarded us with questions, letters, and offers for interviews. All I would ever say was "I love her and she's my girlfriend." This of course would make Hermione blush and all the reporters close in even more. `Did you just say love?' Became a sort of mantra to them to which I would just reply with a smile and a kiss to Hermione's cheek.
We spent most the days together and I officially joined Remus' and Hermione's team to help stabilize the wizard population and ensure rights. The nights we usually spent with Ron and Luna, talking, eating, and playing games. I took her with me to my parent's graves and talked about everything that was going on in our lives. It was a learning process for love and one I was totally into learning. One that, to my vast surprise, she wasn't perfect at either. We had our small spats and larger spats. We disagreed and agreed to disagree and we got angry. But we always loved each other and told each other that everyday, more than once a day, no matter how mad we were at one another.
Intimacy didn't come along until the second month, but I remembered her so well and spent long hours rediscovering her as she rediscovered me. We always ended with our smiles and we always knew that they meant I love you more loudly than even the words could. Ron eventually moved into a flat with Luna, so we had plenty of new places to experiment in and an entire lifetime to do it. Or so I hoped.
After we had been dating for six months, I nervously prepared for my proposal. I had a simple speech; not longer than two sentences, but one that summed up our entire relationship and related my dreams for the future and hopefully hers as well. I decided to make her a home cooked meal, get some help making our flat fancy, and propose to her in the very same spot where I first kissed her.
Ron and Luna helped pick out decorative flower petals…well more like Luna helped while Ron laughed about what a sappy git I was, but then I reminded him in an undertone that he was on for this next weekend and he shut right up. We spread pink and red flower petals across the floor before the couch and set up nice candles everywhere. Erm…Luna's ideas, I'm afraid I'm not terribly good with romantic drabble, but I did try to remember what she told me. Then I thanked them and kicked them out so I could make Hermione a nice dinner.
Hermione came home right at seven o' clock and I aimed a spell at the candles to light them and one at the lamps to turn them off. I heard her gasp from the hallway and then her footsteps as she slowly came into focus with her smile in place. I smiled back and brought her in for a slow, deep kiss before serving her dinner. She tried to ask me what was going on and if she had missed some kind of anniversary, but I'm afraid I just confused her more when I grinned and said `hopefully.' I got progressively more nervous as we finished and it was finally time. I took her hands shakily in mine and slowly pulled her towards the couch. She followed without complaint, but shot me worried glances and subtlety tried to feel my head for a temperature. Not a big confidence booster, but I knew what I wanted and I would go after it.
I got down on one knee in front of her, pulled out the ring box, and watched as her eyes widened in surprise. I opened the box carefully and held it up for her to inspect. I didn't know what the size or cut of the ring was, but I knew it would look lovely on Hermione's finger and that's what counted for me. Her eyes started to tear up.
"Hermione." My voice was surprisingly husky and I hoped to Merlin it didn't sound too horrible, "I love you with all my heart and I want to wake up to your smile every morning for the rest of my life. Will you marry me?" My whole life hung in the balance as I brushed a tear off that had streamed down her face and held my breath for her answer.
"Yes…oh, Harry," She cried and I breathed again, "Yes, of course!" Then she was in my arms and I was holding her tightly. This woman that had pulled the entire wizarding world out of despair by her example. This woman who had taught me the meaning of love. This woman who had just agreed to forever be mine. And hopefully she would never regret giving all her free-time up to make me smile and watching me do the same for her. I knew I wouldn't
This is the story of a girl;
Her pretty face she hid from the world!
And while she looks so sad and lonely there,
I absolutely love her,
When she smiles...
This is the story of a - girl!
Who cried a river and drowned the whole world!
And while she looks so sad in photographs,
I absolutely love her,
When she smiles...
When she smiles.
THE END
AN: So I know a lot of you wanted Harry to suffer through a boyfriend or two, but I think what made their relationship good was that it was the only really serious one they had after the war. Besides that, I hoped you liked it and thank you for reading!
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