Chapter 7 - What Happened in the Tent - Part II
Hermione looked curiously at Harry.
'We were just about to get separated. Before leaving, you told me something that I never thought much about. Books and cleverness... you said that there were more important things in the world. Friendship, bravery, and... love,' Harry whispered, gently putting his hand under Hermione's face and lifting her chin up.
'I never said love, Harry,' Hermione said, gulping nervously. Feelings she thought that she had managed to suppress a long time ago were dangerously coming back to the surface again.
'I'm saying it, Hermione Jane Granger, because I think I'm hopelessly in love with you. You didn't say the word love before, but I said it to complete your sentence, in the same way that you complete me,' Harry whispered, looking into her eyes for a quick second, he had a feeling he wouldn't find any discouragement in there ; he was right. At the same time, they seemed to move forward an inch or two, before Hermione stayed herself, Harry closed his eyes and completed it, capturing her lips with his.
***
Hermione stayed absolutely still in Harry's arms, not moving, not reacting ; the shock of the moment suspended in the air as her eyes desperately sought Harry's, trying to figure out what was going on there, trying to figure out what exactly was going on..
Her lack of response soon became evident as Harry gently removed his lips from hers and looked at her sadly, a tear creeping out of his eye.
She hated herself for liking it ; for reveling in the feel of his soft lips on hers, even though his kiss lasted not more than three seconds.
Harry looked at her impassively and silently, only his eyes betraying his true emotions, emotions that should have been shown ages ago and which were now threatening to burst out uncontrollably.
Hermione looked back at him, her face just as expressionless as his was, as she slowly moved away from him. Harry withdrew his arms without protest, and that act truly signified him letting Hermione go.
Hermione knew that moving away from him would terrify both of them, so she just scooted away from him, choosing to remain on the same bed as he was, yet out of arm's reach.
For a moment, no one spoke. Harry looked away from Hermione, instead choosing to look toward the entrance of their small tent, idly watching the outline of the furious rains pelting down on the forest floor.
Unable to bear the silence any longer, Harry finally spoke.
'H-Her-Hermione?' he called tentatively.
But Hermione seemed to be steadfast in her resolution not to look at him, for she continued to look elsewhere.
'Hermione, please-'
'Why now, Harry?' Hermione suddenly asked fiercely. 'Why now of all times?'
'Hermione, I-'
'No, Harry! I don't want to hear anything! I've never asked for much, but I think I deserve more than this!!' Hermione screamed, and for a dreadful moment, Harry thought even she would take her bags and announce that she was leaving. Leaving him to go back to Ron...
'I'm sorry, Hermione, I shouldn't have-'
'Harry, please... just... stop,' Hermione whispered, and it was the plea in her voice more than anything that stopped Harry from speaking further.
Harry closed his eyes ; it seems that all he was doing lately was the wrong thing.
The silence was palpable ; you would have to be a fool to not feel it. The iciness of the weather and Harry and Hermione's new relationship was permeating the tent, rendering them both unspeakable ; their minds racing furiously but their actions devoid of meaning.
'I think you should go, Harry. Go back to sleep,' Hermione said softly, still not looking at him and Harry felt then that he would give away all the gold in his Gringotts account in a heartbeat to make her look at him again.
Harry got up miserably, taking a glance at Hermione's tear-stricken face, even now he couldn't help but stare at her ; she was beautiful. All of her ; she was just perfect, absolutely flawless, even with the mess that was her bushy brown hair, her red puffy eyes, her soft tear-stained cheeks, right down till her adorable lips that were quivering with her emotions ; her lips were just pink, unlike many girls who loved cosmetics and lipstick, purely pink, like her heart.....
He closed his eyes tightly, before walking slowly away from the weeping form of Hermione, back to his own room, his own den of solitude. He, however, was stopped dead in his tracks as Hermione spoke out again.
'We've known each other for so many years, Harry,' Hermione interrupted softly, 'why now? Why now when I've set my heart on someone else?'
Harry felt as if someone had withdrawn his heart and stabbed it. How could he have not known? How could he have overlooked the big picture? Because of course, Hermione liked Ron...
'So many years of lost time....' Hermione whispered ruefully, so softly that even Harry couldn't hear the words.
For Harry, that was it. He would not leave here until he saw Hermione smiling again. He could not stand to see Hermione crying, least of all because of him. No, that was Ron's job. He would apologize and beg her for forgiveness until she was satisfied and finally forgave him. He would not allow her to be hurt again ; too many people had done it before, including her two best friends. She had stuck by him when the man she loved hadn't, and how had he repaid her?
No, he decided firmly ; he was going to tell her that it was a mistake ; that he acted in the heat of the moment, even though that was not true...
'Hermione, I'm sorry, ok? I'm so sorry, I messed up, it was a big mistake, I shouldn't have-'
Hermione laughed self-depreciatingly. She shook her head hastily before replying.
'That was one of my worst fears for a long time.'
'What was?' Harry asked.
'You kissing me and then apologizing, saying it was a big mistake.'
Harry moved forward, not daring to believe what he had just heard.
'Wh-What are you saying, Hermione?' Harry asked in shock, inching closer to her.
Hermione didn't reply, instead choosing to wipe a tear furiously from the corner of her eye.
'Hermione?' Harry breathed, his eyes the perfect description of shock, pain and confusion.
'I told you I've already set my heart on someone. No matter how much I try setting it, my heart has always remained with one person, someone else, one small boy who once saved me from a troll long ago.'
'I wasn't the one who saved you,' Harry breathed sadly, 'it was R- him who managed to get the Wingardium Leviosa correct and save-'
'I wasn't talking about that. I was talking about the boy who jumped onto the troll's back and stuck his wand up the troll's nose to save me. He did that for me,' Hermione said softly, looking up at him at long last.
Harry fell to his knees in front of her ; numb with shock over what she had said, frozen with fear as its implications entered his mind ; he closed his eyes so tight that he could see orange circles in his imaginary vision.
'Please talk, Hermione,' Harry said weakly, his voice shaking and his hands shivering as he desperately tried to catch Hermione's eye again.
Hermione's subsequent gaze shocked him to the core ; he felt goosebumps creep up along his arms and up his spine, there was so much emotion in there ; he had never seen this much meaning, this much depth in Hermione's brown orbs. He didn't know that these were passions that were pent up and haunting his best friend for seven long years.
'You never really knew, did you?' Hermione asked, her eyes now reflecting the sadness in her heart.
'Of all people, you know me the best, Hermione. You know I'm rubbish at reading the signals that beautiful women send out,' Harry said softly, rubbing her cheeks with his thumb.
'Harry, don't do this, please don't-'
'Please say it. I want to hear it. I need to hear it, Hermione,' Harry replied, slowly taking her hand in his.
This was too much for Hermione who fell down onto her knees resulting in them both kneeling on the ground, facing each other, their hands intertwined.
'Harry, we still can't, I mean, that is to say, we can't do this to them,' Hermione finished strongly, the conviction in her voice present, yet absent.
'To Ron and Ginny,' Harry continued bitterly.
'Yes, to them. I'm with Ron and you're with Ginny,' Hermione said blandly.
'I broke up with Ginny at Dumbledore's funeral and you're not with Ron. He left, remember?' Harry said scathingly.
'He'll be back, Harry,' Hermione whispered, 'I know it, I feel it. He always comes back in the end, he comes back for us. You know that,' Hermione sighed.
'Hermione, him coming back has got nothing to do with this, with us,' Harry said and then he continued, 'you're not with him, you don't owe him anything, and as for Ginny, well....' Harry trailed off uncomfortably.
'That's what I'm saying, Harry,' Hermione said, removing her hands from his, 'she loves you, she's expecting you to get back with her after all this is over. She's waiting for you and now she's leading a mutiny at Hogwarts against Pro - Snape, believing that she's helping you in whatever way she can. She loves you Harry, and I don't think I can ever come in between that,' Hermione finished.
'Hermione,' Harry said agitatedly, 'We can explain, they are good people, they'll understand... I want to be with the person that's always stuck by me no matter what, the person who's never abandoned me, the only person who understands me, who knows me ; and that person is Hermione Granger, not Ginny Weasley.'
'What about Ron?' Hermione whispered furiously, 'Sometimes he's short-sighted, losing sight of what's truly important, but at the end, when it comes down to it... he's a good person, Harry. He helps us, he needs us just like we need him... And what about the rest of the Weasleys, Harry? They've loved us as if we're their own family, we can't repay them like this. I know that Ron loves me and I certainly know that Ginny loves you... I can't do this to them, we can't do this to them. I'm so sorry, Harry, I want this as much as you do, even more in fact, but right now, I think we should pick what's right, not what's easy.'
Harry got up, partially disgusted with Hermione, but knowing deep down that she was right. Nevertheless, her words made him more angry than he would care to admit and he replied callously, with an angry glint in his eye, 'You're right Hermione. By not acting on our feelings and pretending to love someone else, we're doing the right thing. I've noticed that during your little monologue, you didn't say what I thought you'd say, what I wanted to hear you say. So, do you really feel that way for me, or is it just a nice way of rejecting me?'
Hermione's eyes widened in shock and then they turned a feral black at Harry's last question and then she pounced on him.
'HOW DARE YOU!!' she screamed, slapping him hard around the face and then punching whichever part of him she could reach.
'HOW DARE YOU SAY I'M A LIAR, THAT I DON'T ââ'¬â€œ THAT I DON'T LO ââ'¬â€œ LOVE-' Hermione roared incoherently, completely losing control for the first time in her life, her anger fueling her forward, as Harry nearly lost his footing and kept backing away from Hermione's brutal onslaught.
'Hermione, please-'
'SHUT UP, HARRY!!! I DON'T WANT TO BLOODY HEAR IT! NOT FROM YOU! NEVER FROM YOU! FOUR YEARS, I'VE KEPT IT HIDDEN, WILLING IT TO GO AWAY, LONGING TO FORGET IT, BUT IT NEVER DID! IT NEVER EVER DID! I'VE FELT IT UNCONCSCIOUSLY FOR SEVEN YEARS AND I'VE KNOWN IT FOR FOUR YEARS AND NOW YOU'RE SAYING IT'S A LIE, THAT ALL THE YEARS OF STUPID HERMIONE GRANGER'S ANGST WERE A LIE??!! I HATE YOU, HARRY POTTER!!!!' she bellowed, punctuating every sentence with a blow to Harry's form, and then towards the end of her rant she did something Harry would never expect, especially when she was so literally shaking with anger : She seemed to sag for a moment, her helplessness catching up to her, before falling to her knees in front of him and hugging him tightly around the waist, squeezing him as tightly as she could.
'Hermione...' Harry said in pain, not because of the vice-like grip Hermione had on him.
But by then Hermione seemed to deflate completely, her anger fizzing out just like that, and Harry was left with an emotionally-drained woman sobbing uncontrollably into his shirt.
'Harry...' Hermione said in between sniffs, her voice muffled because she was crying into the folds of his shirt.
She took a deep breath in and then continued shakily, 'Please don't ever suggest that again. Do whatever you want after this... Go out with Ginny, don't go out with Ginny, date a hundred different girls, never speak to me again, ignore me all the time.. I don't care. But never, ever say that - that-' Hermione couldn't finish her sentence as a fresh batch of tears overcame her and she broke off, sobbing loudly.
Harry fell to his knees again, as he too started crying softly. He clapped a hand to his forehead, wondering when he had become so careless, so unfeeling. He shook his head bitterly as tears fell down his face thick and fast, as his heart and mind clashed furiously...
Hermione's grip on him was relentless, she knew she couldn't go on any further, she knew that she couldn't argue or talk or even think any further, so she mustered up whatever strength she had left and spoke, 'Never, ever say that I d - don't love you. Because - Because I do love you, Harry Potter, I have for so long, ever since I threw my arms around you in fear when we were on Buckbeak, all that time...'
Harry's eyes rolled back into his head and he looked at Hermione as if seeing her for the first time. He continued to look at her, mindless of anything else, his emerald green eyes devouring hers with their intensity, before he tilted his head a fraction of an inch forward.
'Harry, we can't do this, we-'
'Sshhh, Hermione,' Harry said soothingly. 'Don't think, just feel.'
And with that Harry pulled his face closer to Hermione's ; for the second time that night he softly pressed his lips against hers, his eyes closing of their own accord.
But this time Hermione responded, she responded with passion ; she found his lips urgently and winded her arms around his lower back, bringing them up into his hair before pulling his face down insistently to melt into hers.
She continued caressing his lips softly with hers, her hands roving about aimlessly in his messy black hair. Never had she felt this alive, never had something been this electrifying to her ; not even thinking about Ron made her feel this passionate.
'Harry,' Hermione moaned throatily, and that noise stirred something primal in Harry, something so animalistic that Harry ran his tongue desperately along her lower lip, begging for entrance.
Hermione immediately complied ; she had wanted this, she had needed this for almost seven years now and she had been actively craving it for almost four.
Their mouths opened to each other for the first time, as Hermione's tongue delved into the soft interior of Harry's mouth, playing with his tongue and fighting for dominance.
They stayed in each others' embrace for another moment, before the need for air became too great, and they pulled apart panting, looking at each other breathlessly.
Hermione looked at Harry through lidded eyes and in that split second, she made her decision. For once, she would use her heart and not her brain.
'Make love to me, Harry,' she whispered softly and dangerously.
Harry's eyes widened imperceptibly for a brief second before reverting back to their normal state.
'Hermione, are you-'
'Just once, Harry. I want my first - to be you,' Hermione said, her eyes pleading with him and Harry knew that he would willingly become a murderer as long as those eyes always got their request granted.
'We can't have a relationship, but I want this with you. I don't want to die knowing I never did anything with you, my only true love,' Hermione finished, looking at him with barely disguised affection.
Harry's heart lightened enormously as he heard Hermione refer to him as her ''true love'' and he felt himself smiling once again, in spite of her earlier words.
'Do you want to make love to me, Harry?' Hermione asked tenderly, and Harry could see a hint of insecurity on her face.
Harry looked at her for a moment, his gaze as tender as hers and he felt himself nodding slowly in lieu of a response.
Hermione gave him a soft smile, even though there was a hint of sadness about it and Harry knew why that was so. This was just for tonight, tomorrow they would go back to being normal best friends, then the war would get over and he would get back together with Ginny and Hermione with Ron and they would all be happy together. One Big Happy Weasley Family...
To all, this would just be a one night stand, and yet only Harry and Hermione knew that it was actually so much more, that it meant much bigger things for both of them.....
'Take me to bed, Harry,' Hermione breathed and Harry did so.
He gently lifted her delicate form, one hand supporting her back, the other going under her knees as he moved forward and gently laid her down on her bed.
He reclined at her side, looking at her before she sighed softly.
'I wish I could say that for the rest of my life - ''Take me to bed, Harry'' ,' Hermione cried softly as she wrapped an arm around Harry and tilted her face into the mattress, not wanting Harry to see her cry when she was lying down in a bed with him.
'Hermione, it'll be alright,' Harry consoled, knowing very well that it wasn't. He lightly petted her back for a moment, thinking of the right thing to say.
'No, it won't,' Hermione sobbed, 'How can you say that? I'm going to say - ''Take me to bed, Ron'' ' for the rest of my life, when I want it to be you who takes me to my bed, to our bed...' she trailed off, looking at him miserably, a torrent of tears blocking her vision.
'Then we'll make this moment last for a lifetime, Hermione,' Harry said, a familiar flash of determination appearing in his eye as he held her tightly, 'for all eternity,' he finished quietly as he kissed her softly on the lips.
'Oh Harry!' Hermione replied tenderly as she pulled him against her body, hugging him for all he was worth.
Harry kissed her languorously and lovingly for a few moments before their passion and desire for each other grew and their kisses became more heated.
Hermione pulled away from Harry and Harry looked at her in confusion.
Hermione smiled sadly.
'Hermione?' Harry asked concernedly.
In lieu of a response, Hermione reached over and took out an alarm from her bag. Muttering a quick charm, she pressed the tip of her wand against the clock and redirected a blue string of light to her watch.
Throwing the alarm back into the bag, she faced Harry.
'I want you so much Harry. I want you more than I've ever wanted anyone in my whole life. I need you in me. But this is different. We can't get carried away the whole night, because if we do that I don't think we'll ever stop.'
'What are you getting at Hermione?' Harry asked dully, not sure if he wanted to know the answer.
'I've timed my watch for an hour. After that, well...' Hermione trailed off morosely, a tear escaping her eyes as she realized the finality of her decision. One hour was all they had, all they were ever going to have....
'After that, we stop,' Harry trailed off, as the true meaning of her words dawned on him. It meant that one hour was all they had, all they were ever going to have....
'I'm so sorry Harry,' Hermione sobbed.
'No, Hermione, I am sorry. It's me, it's all because of me... If I had not been a fool all these years, if I hadn't - NO!' Harry shouted incoherently as it hit him hard at that moment, the reality of their angst striking him like a hot poker.
'Harry?!' Hermione cried out, wondering what had caused Harry to completely lose his calm demeanor.
'Don't you apologize Hermione, don't you ever apologize! It's not your fault, it was never your fault, you're perfect... It was me, me the fool, I should have realized... You were there all the time in front of me, waiting, hoping and I?! I was doing nothing, going after the pretty girls instead of the true beautiful one right in front of me!' Harry spat out bitterly, wanting to torture himself. And now he was crying much harder than Hermione, though he was much more silent.
'Harry, please...' Hermione moaned desperately, 'let's make the most of this... one hour...'
'Okay Hermione,' Harry said, willing his tears to stop and he fell against Hermione. Their tear-stained faces an inch apart from each others', they looked at each other sadly for a second before their faces connected again, this time both of them choosing to kiss away each other's tears...
'Touch me Harry,' Hermione shivered, slowly removing her garments as Harry had just kissed a tear that had crept onto her neck.
Harry's eyes shined with lust and love as he stared down at Hermione's naked form.
A light blush appeared on Hermione's face as she saw Harry's eyes roving over her body hungrily.
'You're so beautiful, Hermione,' Harry whispered, his eyes going back to her face, 'in and out.'
'Oh Harry...' Hermione blushed, as she chanced a quick glance at Harry's naked torso, before looking back at him.
A ghost of a grin appeared on Harry's face as he embraced her again and now they knew they were both ready. Ready to claim each other in the fullest way possible.
'Go slow please, Harry,' Hermione said softly, giving him another sweet kiss.
'Anything for you, my Hermione,' Harry replied seriously, running a hand through her messy brown hair.
Hermione sighed wistfully, not wanting to break out into tears again. My Hermione... How long had she waited for him to call her that?
Hermione closed her eyes as Harry entered her for the first time, the only time, and they kissed each other repeatedly as they made love, Harry punctuating each thrust with proclamations of never-ending love for his partner.
'Stay in me for some time, Harry,' Hermione rasped, looking at Harry with nothing but love in her eyes.
Harry moved in a bit deeper till he found a spot he was comfortable in and settled down there.
Turning them around so that Hermione was now on top of him, he kissed her on the forehead and wrapped his arms around her slender waist.
Hermione smiled shakily, wanting her watch to stop working so that the hour would never get over ; so that they could always be like this, inside each other, as they were meant to be.....
They lay there like that for some time, neither saying anything or doing anything ; both of them comfortable just to be in each others' presence. They simply looked at each other, neither knowing how much time had passed, one of them occasionally breaking the silence by giving their lover a soft, tender kiss or a few words of affection...
Harry finally broke the silence. 'Do you believe in soul-mates, Hermione?'
Hermione looked at him for a minute before giving her reply, 'I don't suppose I've ever thought about it. What about you?'
'To be frank, no,' Harry replied, before hurrying on so he could explain. 'I don't think soul-mates exist, even in the magical world. I think you meet someone, fall in love and then spend the rest of your life with them. And then, there's a time in your life when you just... know... you know? You just know that that person is yours for eternity and vice-versa...'
Hermione smiled briefly, the fact that Harry, who was normally dense when it came to girls, suddenly became philosophical and poetical with her warmed her heart to no extent.
'I have a feeling we could have been perilously close to being soul-mates,' Harry finished, and Hermione's smile faltered slightly.
'Why are you saying this?' Hermione asked, knowing the answer, yet not wanting to hear it.
'Just a thought, that's all,' Harry finished with a smile, though it didn't reach his eyes.
Hermione then pressed her lips up against his mouth, her tongue delving in and slowly caressing his.
'Move in me, Harry,' Hermione moaned into his mouth as she pressed herself into him, needing to feel all of him inside her.
Harry did as she asked. He turned them over so he was on top again and he rubbed her forehead softly, wiping away the sheen of sweat that had accumulated there. Giving her a soft kiss, he slowly started to increase his pace, never taking his eyes off her as he did so.
Kissing her frantically as he pumped in and out of her, she wrapped her legs around his waist as they both started panting loudly, both of them approaching their climax.
Fully spent, Harry flipped them over so he could hug Hermione properly and she buried her face in his neck.
Harry breathed in deeply, the alluring scent of Hermione's hair invading his nostrils and he wrapped his arms around her tightly. From whatever few teenage discussions he had participated in, he knew that sex was supposed to be mind-blowing but now he knew differently. When it was with someone you cared about more than any other, when it was with someone you loved, it was magical.
He knew without doubt that this was the best moment in his life, something he would carry with him to his grave and he swore to himself in that moment that no matter what the future held for him, no matter what happened with him and his future spouse, he would remember this as the best thing that had ever happened to him ; the most magical thing that could have possibly occurred.
Little did he know that Hermione was also swearing the same thing to herself as a soft chime alerted her to reality, rendering her numb with disbelief.
'No,' Hermione whispered, and her voice sounded terrified.
'Hermione, Hermione, what's wrong?' Harry asked, his eyes widening, hoping against hope that she had enjoyed this as much as he had.
Hermione looked at him lovingly, yet dejectedly, and that simple gaze she gave him told Harry everything he needed to know. He knew then, at that precise moment, that he had lost something truly precious forever.
AN - I can understand that not many of you will appreciate this chapter for two reasons : 1. Hermione and Harry won't be so noble (stupid) as to sacrifice their love to make other people happy. 2. The drama with the Weasleys is over the top and not a reason for them not to get together, especially as Hermione is a strong-willed, independent woman.
However, I've tried keeping their characters as close to DH as possible, while giving it my own twist. Keeping their characters DH-compliant is nothing but portraying the normally strong Hermione Jane Granger as a weak, crying Hermione Jean Granger. It also means portraying Harry as a person who cares much more about what the Weasleys and Ron think, even when Hermione has done so much more for him. (which is why they don't get together because they don't want to hurt the Weasleys, Ron and the fan gi - er - Ginny)
I hope this answers any questions you might have and that I haven't lost any readers because of this chapter...
I've tried my best to make the second half of the chapter not hot and steamy, but more sensual and intimate with a borderline of angst. So please tell me what you thought of my attempt at this in a review!!