I'll Fight For You
By Hazelmist/Summerskies
Disclaimer: I own Shakespeare, Grace (Lily's best friend), Christopher, Mark and Hope. Oh and I suppose See and Strangeways are mine as well. Of course everything else belongs to the amazing JK Rowling.
Chapter 2: Broken Beginnings
Gracie and James exchange an uneasy look. A long pause follows, and the two of them seem to be engaged in a silent struggle.
"Well, tell her Gracie," James says, finally. See, he's so selfish!
"Me?" Gracie squeaks. "You were the one who wanted to come along."
Typical James, as usual he's only thinking of himself.
"But she's your best friend!" James protests, weakly.
"Then why did you come?"
"Guys-" I try to cut in but James talks over me.
"I needed to come, because you can't travel by yourself."
"Uh, guys-" I clear my throat and interrupt, but Gracie is on a roll.
"I am perfectly capable of taking myself! I'm a sixteen year old witch who's a hell of a lot smarter then you."
Go Gracie! Take that James!
"I'm not questioning that, and you know it," James says, lowering his voice.
Gracie and James stare at each other, and I almost have a heart attack. James is serious. What's going on? James is never serious! Never! Something is so wrong, and I am so in the dark right now. Literally, a shadow has passed over me. I look up trying to find the source of the darkness and find a large black thing in my window, blocking the sunlight. I almost scream, but then I realize that it's only an abnormally large owl tapping at my window.
James walks over and opens the window, allowing not one but three owls to fly inside.
A large barn owl flies over to me, dropping yet another letter into my lap. Instead of sticking around, it turns and soars out the window into the sky. The second owl is Shakespeare, and immediately lands on Gracie's shoulder. A big black owl remains perched on the window sill, and James cautiously approaches it.
"Well that was fast," Gracie says to Shakespeare, taking the letter.
Hurriedly, we both open our letters and read the contents.
"My parents say it's alright if you stay with us Lily. Mind you, I was going to bring you home even if they said no. Shakespeare stop pecking at me, I have no more owl treats," Gracie laughs.
I have to read my letter a second time.
Dear Ms. Evans,
Due to the circumstances, the first day of the Hogwarts school year has been postponed to September 4th. The train will leave from King's Cross at nine a.m. on September the 4th. We're terribly sorry for any inconvenience this may have caused.
Sincerely,
Robert F. See
Head of the H.S.B.
Hogwarts School Board
"September the 4th?! What?!"
Gracie calmly takes the letter from me, glances over it and then hands it back to me.
"You got yours late. James and I got ours last night, but I suppose they're going crazy over there because of everything that happened."
"What happened?" I ask. I think I'm going to go insane if someone doesn't tell me what's going on within the next three seconds.
But before she can reply, James interrupts. As usual, the boy has perfect timing. He taps Gracie on the shoulder and hands her a letter. I think about forcing him to tell me, but James has a dazed expression on his face, and looks a little shaken up. I've never seen him like this before. I watch as Grace finishes the black owl's letter. Her eyes widen and all of the color drains from her face.
"James," she whispers. "Is this true?"
"It must be," James replies, softly.
"What? What?" I ask.
Neither James nor Grace answers me. They're absorbed by the letter they're currently pouring over for the third time.
"What?" I ask again. I'm sick and tired of being in the dark. Don't they realize how this is driving me insane? "What's true? What's going on? What happened? Why is school delayed? Why did that owl give you that letter? What does it say? Why are you here?"
James looks up as if noticing that I'm here for the first time. He elbows Grace, and she looks up and sees me too. It's as if they didn't even hear me. I would repeat myself but that scared look in their eyes, and those sad expressions on their faces are new to me.
"I think we should get going," James says, nudging Gracie, who seems to be in a trance.
"Get going, yea, we really should g-g-get g-g-going," Gracie repeats, stammering. She glances at the letter, reads it a final time and then tries to stuff it into her pocket. Her hands are shaking so badly that she can't do it. James takes it from her and places it in his own pocket.
"Get your stuff Lily," James says.
"Tell me what's going on," I demand.
"Look, we'll tell you when we get there. Let's just get out of here."
The two of us stand there staring at each other. I open my mouth, but instead of ordering him to tell me everything, I notice James looking at Grace and close it.
I'm not going to take orders from him. But Grace looks so helpless standing there beside James that I have to break one of my rules to live by and do exactly what Potter wants me to do.
I get my stuff. James takes Grace by the arm and I lead us from the room.
"Where's the fireplace again?" James asks.
"The fireplace? Is that how you got here?" I ask, raising an eyebrow. No wonder Petunia was having a hissy fit.
"The Floo network."
I don't even ask. Just this once I'm going to have to make an exception and try to cooperate with Potter. Just this once! And it's only because it's such a rare circumstance. So I bring them downstairs and into the living room, that's now mysteriously empty.
"Shouldn't I tell my parents?" I ask, realizing why it's so quiet.
"Gracie already told them you're coming to stay with us," James replies, taking something from a pouch from his pocket.
"The fire went out," he mutters, taking his wand out now and pointing it at my unsuspecting fireplace. He tries to light a fire, but nothing happens. James looks at his wand, and I try hard not to laugh. James must have noticed because he turns to me.
"If you're so smart, why don't you try?" he asks, sharply.
"Fine, I will," I take out my wand from my pocket and smugly point it at the fireplace. But no flames emerge. Now I'm the one looking at my wand, confused and puzzled. James smirks.
"Not so smart anymore, are you Evans?" he says, smartly.
"James," Gracie groans and closes her eyes.
"Not so cocky anymore, are you Potter?" I retort.
"James!" Gracie says louder, tugging on his sleeve.
James immediately sees to his cousin and I hurry over to her, seeing what kind of condition she's in. She looks as if she's about to be sick.
"What is it?" he asks, gently. "What is it Gracie?" he asks again, taking her hands in his.
"The Floo Network," she says swallowing hard. She's having difficulty speaking, because she's swallowing so much. Is she sick? Did the letter make her ill? "It's shut down," she manages to spit out after some gentle coaxing on James's part.
"What?" James and I ask at the same time, stunned.
"Ministry…" Grace chokes, wiping furiously at her mysteriously watery eyes. "Lock down, no Floo network." She coughs, turning her back on us to attend to her runny eyes. It appears that my friend has caught a cold from the black owl's letter.
James and I stare at each other.
"The Floo network's-"
"- been shut down," James finishes my sentence.
We continue to stare at each other. Now I'm really confused, and really scared. I'm not even sure if I want to know what could be so bad that would make the Ministry go into lock down and shut down the floo network not to mention delay Hogwart's opening.
"Mother of Merlin!" James runs a hand through his hair. I have to sit down and by the looks of it, so does James. I grab James and pull him over to the couch. The two of us sit down on the couch opposite Grace, who curls up in my father's arm chair.
"We're stuck here!" Grace moans, breaking the rare silence.
"No we're not," James assures her but he sounds almost as lost as Gracie looks.
"YES WE ARE!" she shouts, her voice cracking.
I get a good look at her face, and any feeling of dread, terror and fear that I had before is now multiplied by a hundred. Her eyes are red rimmed and puffy, and her pale cheeks are streaked with tears. She's crying, my god, Grace Adams is crying.
My eyes must be deceiving me, they must be! Grace Adams has never cried before in her life! Never! She didn't cry when that Slytherin broke her leg in Quidditch (POTTER'S fault), or when a group of Slytherins humiliated us in front of the entire school (because of POTTER). She didn't even think of crying when Filch threatened to expel us (thanks to POTTER). In all these scenarios, I did start to cry, being the cowardly wimp that I am, but Gracie was there to hold me up and never, ever did she shed a single tear.
But she's shedding tears now, lots of them. I don't think James has ever seen her cry before either, because he's shaking too, and he keeps looking at me with this weird expression on his face. Our eyes meet, and I see now the truth in my theory, we're both terrified. I don't even know what's going on and I'm scared!
A sob escapes Gracie's mouth, as she hides her head once more. Feeling brave, I leave James behind and walk over to her. Her shoulders are visibly shaking with silent convulsive sobs. And now I'm trembling like a leaf.
Grace always comforted me, not the other way around! Gracie was the pillar of strength, the one that held us both up. Not me! She was always so strong, so brave. What could possibly be so bad, so terrible, so awful that could possibly make her break down and cry like this!?
"Grace?" I ask fearfully, tapping her shoulder.
She doesn't respond, but instead turns away from me, stuffing her face into a cushion. How can I comfort her when I don't even know what's going on or why she's crying? (Again it's thanks to the selfish spoiled brat that I don't know anything.)
"Gracie," I whisper, gently.
Shakily, I lay my hands on her shoulders, wrapping my arms around her. She freezes. But then she starts to move away. I bite down hard on my lip and try not to let go of her squirming form. She struggles against me, but for once I'm the stronger one, and she tires quickly of the fight. I hold her quivering form in my arms, restraining her movement.
And then she crumbles, dissolving into loud sobs, clinging to me, as if I'm the only thing that could hold us up. I'm unprepared for it all, but somehow I manage to hold her, and calm her, and comfort my best friend, repaying her for all the times that she was there for me. I'm not really there though, someone else seems to have taken control of the body of Lily Evans and is directing my movements. It's surreal. Grace Adams, my pillar of strength and my best friend is crying, Hogwarts is delayed, the ministry has gone into lock down and James Potter is sitting in the same room as me with his head between his hands, looking more humble and serious than he ever has in his life. I stayed there, for who knows how long, the minutes and hours bled together, and Gracie cried so much that she wore herself out entirely. My Mom returned and left, and next thing I know James is trying to take Gracie away from me.
"No," I whisper, weakly shaking my head as he tries to untangle her arms from mine. Glancing down I see that she's sound asleep. Again James tries to move her, but I shake my head and move myself, leaving Gracie curled up in the arm chair.
"Lily-"
I press a finger to my lips, throwing a meaningful glance in Gracie's directions. I touch his arm and point toward the adjoining room.
"We can talk in there," I mouth to him. James nods and silently we tip toe into the kitchen.
James pulls a chair out for me, and I drop right into it. Hesitantly, he takes the seat beside me. For a few minutes the two of us just sit in silence, staring blankly ahead of us. The silence is unbearable. I have to say something, this is just too awkward!
"I didn't want to wake her," I say, finally.
"I know," he replies, nodding again.
Again we lapse into silence. I can't resist looking at James. He's so, so… serious. No not Sirius that's his best friend. He's almost as perverted and cocky as Potter. If it wasn't for Remus, the only semi-normal one in their little play group, I swear their heads would get to be the size of Hogwarts and explode. But right now Potter, is well, solemn. He looks as if the Quidditch game's just been canceled, oh wait, it probably was.
Maybe that was it, maybe Gracie was crying over Quidditch. I mean she loves Quidditch. Only Potter loves Quidditch more than she does. But my best friend isn't that shallow. No, Gracie would never cry over a Quidditch game. Potter would, but not Gracie.
I glance over at James again, and find him looking right at me. Even if he is a stuck up spoiled brat, James Potter, has always looked like a half decent guy upon first glance. That lasts for about a second, then you get a real good look at him, and you see that he's actually full of himself and a perverted jerk. But now, the usual get-down-on-your-knees-and-worship-me look is gone from his face. And I have to admit he's kind of-
"Lily?" James interrupts, causing me to blink and arrive back on planet earth. But that alien (that has temporarily taken over Potter's body) is still there and looks genuinely concerned about my well being, and not about whether he can get me in a closet with them.
"What?" I ask, confused and a little embarrassed.
"I asked if you wanted something to eat or some tea," James, or rather the alien, says.
"Oh, uh, yeah, I'll have some tea I guess," I mumble, so that he'll get up and leave the table.
But James, as always, never leaves when I ask him too.
He stays there watching me. I fidget in my seat, examining the fascinating design of the wooden table top. A minute goes by and he's still looking at me and he still hasn't moved from the chair. He's making me uncomfortable. Nervously, I tap the table top keeping time with a popular song from the magical world that I can't remember the words to. His hand flies out and captures mine, freezing the nervous movement of my fingers. Reluctantly I look up at him.
"Lily, are you alri-"
"I'll make the tea," I interrupt, jumping up from the chair. Unfortunately, James is still holding onto my hand. I try to gently pull my hand away, but James just tightens his hold.
"You're avoiding the question," he points out softly. His eyes never leave mine.
"Can you please let go?" I ask politely, ignoring the question for the second time. James doesn't appear to hear me because now he's holding on so tightly, that I think he's cutting off my circulation. I don't think he realizes he's holding my hand and restraining me. His mind has already left and that blank, dazed look is back on his face.
With an apologetic smile, I twist back a few of his fingers with my free hand. James flinches, and I rub my now purple hand. I swear it was purple. James Potter must be a lot stronger than I thought.
"Sorry," I apologize, halfheartedly.
"No, I'm sorry," he sighs, coming back to reality. That alien must be in his body still because James Potter just apologized. James Potter never apologizes because James Potter thinks he's so perfect that he believes that he's ALWAYS right.
He gets to his feet and stretches. I observe not for the first time in my life, why so many girls date Quidditch players. Quidditch, though it causes rivalry between the houses, lets students get away with stuff, makes them less studious not to mention that it's downright dangerous and sometimes has fatal results, is actually good for something. James Potter has a nice body, did I mention that before? If he wasn't such a selfish little brat, I'd probably be thinking he was a sex god as well. Wait am I really thinking that? It's this alien, he's throwing me off course entirely.
"I'm going to check on Gracie."
I nod, because I can't say anything. My tongue's temporarily stuck, and I refuse to open my mouth, for fear that I might drool.
This is too much for me. Am I dreaming? This must be some sort of twisted dream/nightmare, you know those dreams that you wake up from and you can't decide whether it was just a bad dream or a good nightmare. Actually I think this is just one crazy dream with no explanation whatsoever, that I'm going to have a good laugh about when I wake up. Yeah, this is all a dream, starting with the fact that I dreamed in this dream that I died? This is too complicated to be a dream, too crazy to be a dream. Even my subconscious could not create a dream with me dreaming that I died, James Potter and Grace Adams showing up at my house unannounced, Hogwarts being closed for a few days, the Ministry going into lock down, Grace breaking down and me comforting her, James Potter being taken over by a alien and suddenly acting NICE, and finally me, looking at Potter and still not knowing what the hell is going on.
I cross the kitchen, and search for the tea kettle. Perhaps the steam will clear my head, because that's what I desperately need. I'm a bundle of nerves right now and it's starting to screw up my train of thought.
It takes me five whole minutes to find a tea kettle that I usually locate in five seconds. Now I know I'm a basket case. I retrieve the tea kettle from on top of the refrigerator where we always keep it and set it on the stove.
A few minutes later I realize that it needs water. That would've been good. Sorry Mom, I forgot that the tea kettle needed water. I didn't mean to burn down the house!
Shaking my head, I walk over to the sink and turn on the water. It's a nice day outside and I think of days like this at Hogwarts. Gracie and I would be sitting by the lake, kicking off our shoes and socks and dipping our feet into the tepid lake. The sun would be just starting to go down, sinking into the trees and darkness of the Forbidden Forest, and a small black dot against the sky, a lone owl returning to the owlery would be soaring to-
I drop the kettle into the sink. The black owl comes closer and closer until it finally stops outside my kitchen window. I stare at it, and its two beady black eyes stare back at me. It hovers there holding a letter in its beak, and tapping the glass loudly with its beak.
I blink, and realize that I have to open the window.
The owl flies inside, but goes no further then the window sill. It ruffles its feathers and flutters about for a minute or two, watching me. I hold out my hand, the owl eyes it and then carefully places the precious letter into it. Then it takes off again. I almost smile. You have to admit that it's funny. Today I've had about five owls flying in and out of my house. Mom would be thrilled to have so many little creatures to feed. Petunia would be rabid. What would the neighbors think? I snicker and turn to the letter in my hand.
The letter's not for me, it's for Mr. James Potter. It's got his name on it, not mine. But it looks exactly like the one that Gracie received this morning and I know that it was the same owl. I flip the letter over and recognize the seal. It's from the Ministry. My heart speeds up.
I hold the answers in my hand. All I have to do is open it. James would never know. I could just fold it back up. And besides it's his own fault for not letting Grace tell me and then insisting that we wait until we get back to Gracie's house which could be years from now for all I know. Then to top it all off Grace starts crying and I have no idea why. Curiosity gets the better of me. I've been in the dark for too long. I'm going to open it. Quickly, I glance over each of my shoulders. James is no where to be found.
Carefully, I break the seal, trying not to make it too noticeable, incase I do decide to play dummy. Then I unfold the letter, bracing myself for whatever it might contain.
But nothing could prepare me for what it said.
Dear Mr. James Potter,
We regret to inform you that on this morning of September 1st 1975, the Adam's household was attacked. The bodies of Mr. Mark Adams as well as young Mr. Christopher Adams were found in the wreckage.
The circumstances are unexplainable, but we assure you that we have already started a thorough investigation. We are doing everything possible to maintain the safety of you and your family. At this time Mrs. Hope Adams and Ms. Grace Adams are still missing. We are unsure whether this attack was at all connected to the recent set of attacks that swept through the magical community this past month. We will inform you if there is a change in the status of either Mrs. Hope Adams or Ms. Grace Adams.
Sincerely,
Anthony Strangeways
Assistant Minister
Gracie's father and little brother are dead.
They're
D
E
A
D
Twelve year old boys like Gracie's little brother Christopher just don't die. I went to school with him. He was going to try out for Quidditch this year! He was going to be the new chaser! He was going to be a Marauder. He can't be dead! He was a good wizard and a very good student. Middle aged fathers like Gracie's dad, Mark, aren't supposed to die either. He worked for the Ministry. He can't be dead if he's a wizard who works at the Magical Ministry. It's the wizarding world so I know they weren't sick and that it wasn't a car accident, but I know for some reason that they're dead.
But how? This is the magical world! People just don't die randomly, magic's supposed to extend your lifetime, not kill you at twelve! How did they die? Why did they die?
I try to move, but I start to sway left and right. I lose my balance and fall backwards. Slowly, I slide down to the tiled floor. Seated on the cold floor, I pull my knees up to my chest and lean back against the cabinets. I rock back and forth, trying to find some sort of comfort.
Oh, dear god.
I'm so confused, I'm so lost. None of this makes sense! I should be waking up from this insane dream. But I'm not, I'm not going to wake up.
Welcome to reality.
I gasp for breath, struggling to keep that awful lump down and my eyes from blurring. But the tears bubble up in my throat as I think of James with that dazed, solemn look, and Gracie bawling for the first time in her life, and then I think of Gracie's warm hearted Dad who was always trying to help us, and Chris, who became my unofficially adopted little brother during the previous year. The letter slips off my lap and I bury my face in my hands.
No.
Wake up.
Wake up!
No, I have to wake up!
"Lily!"
They're waking me up now, I know they are.
"LILY!"
I pull my head up and see James kneeling down in front of me. But I'm still in the kitchen, and I'm still wearing the same thing. I'm not waking up. Why?
"Merlin Lily, what happened?"
I shake my head, unable to reply.
"Are you okay?"
I look at him as if he's insane.
"NO JAMES I AM NOT OKAY!" I scream. "DO I LOOK OKAY TO YOU!?" My voice breaks and my head drops into my hands. Wake me up, please.
"Lily, Lily please look at me. Tell me what's wrong." Gently he takes my face in his hands and forces me to look at him.
"You want to know what's wrong James? I'll tell you what's wrong." I pick up the letter and wave it around in front of his face.
"This is what's wrong! Twelve year old boys and their fathers are not supposed to be dying! It's not supposed to happen, not in the magical world. It can happen in the muggle world, but not in your world James. Not in your world, not in our world." James' eyes widen when he sees the letter and he grabs it from me.
"Where did you get this?" he asks.
"An owl came."
"But it's addressed to me."
I break down all over again. The play dummy theory is thrown out the window and now the confession starts gushing from my lips.
"I'm sorry James, I knew it was addressed to you and I shouldn't have opened it. But I had to know what was going on. The Ministry just doesn't go into lock down on a daily basis."
"Lily-"
"Grace was crying James! My best friend was crying and I didn't know why. If it was Sirius wouldn't you want to know James?"
"Yes, but Lily-"
"I was in the dark and you wouldn't tell me anything!"
"Lily-"
"Don't you dare "Lily" me! I had every right to open that letter and you know it."
"I KNOW!" James shouts.
He grabs me by the shoulders, lowering his head so that we're on eye level. I'm shocked to see how terrible he looks. All of the color has drained out of his face. His skin is so white that it's almost transparent. He's shaking again, holding onto me for dear life. And I realize that somehow my hands found their own way to his chest and shoulders. I'm still crying, but even my sobs have been silenced by the grief expressed in two single words. And I'm holding onto him. I'm clinging to my last thread of sanity, James.
"I know," he whispers, his eyes searching mine. "We, no I, should've told you everything, but Lily there's just so much to explain."
"I know," I say, nodding.
"No, you don't know!" he snaps. I wince. James notices because he closes his eyes and inhales. When he opens them, he's calm again.
"There's just a lot about the wizarding world that you don't understand."
"You're right," I reply. "But it's not my fault. I'm a Mudblood, remember?"
"You're a Muggleborn, and I didn't say it was-"
"Why didn't you tell me?" I exclaim.
"Like I said before, there's too much to explain."
"You mean there's more. Did Gracie's mom die too? Is the sky falling? Is the world coming undone? Are we in danger? Is Gracie going to die? Are we going to die?"
James looks as if he's just had the wind knocked out of him.
"Answer me! I want to know, please tell me!" I plead, tugging on his shirt collar, and pawing at his shirt. I'm begging him to give me answers. I need a thread of hope, and knowledge is the only thing that I can think of. I mean I've hit rock bottom, there's no way it can get worse.
Right?
"I don't know," he finally answers. "But the sky's not falling…yet."
I look at him and he looks at me.
Wrong.
"Merlin," I whisper. "The world's coming to an end."
And James doesn't agree, but he doesn't disagree either.
Instead he just wraps his arms around me, pulling me to his chest. He starts to gently stroke my hair. It's weird, because this is Potter. I should be slapping him across the face right now, or at least telling him that Gracie's the one that needs comforting not me. And then suddenly it hits me.
"Oh, God. James, I'm so sorry," I apologize, my arms sliding around him.
"I know," he whispers.
I start to cry, again, and James just holds onto me, burying his face into my hair, and resting his cheek occasionally against mine. I could have sworn I felt a hot tear slide down my cheek that wasn't my own, and I thought the top of my head was damp, but maybe I was just imagining it.
I think about telling him how sorry I am, but the words can't do anything but make the wound deeper. So instead I rub his back and whisper in his ear over and over again.
"I'm here, I'm right here."
Together we rock back and forth, tears pouring down my face. He clings to me, and I cling to him.
"I know Lily, I know," he breathes.
A/N: I'm sure you're still confused. Confusion is what Lily's feeling right now so I left A LOT of things unexplained to show how she's in the dark and this makes her even more scared. Thanks so much for reviewing, it helps me improve my writing!
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