Disclaimer: I do not own the characters.
Author's Note: Okay! Here we go. Hope you enjoy it, this one is longer than usual for me, had a lot to squeeze in here. So, enjoy and as always, let me know what you think.
She was pressed against him so closely that he could feel the warmth from her body and the very slight dampness of her skin as it stuck gently to his. He marveled at the way the universe could be so telling. When the sweat, post coitus, on their skin had dried the two were stuck together. As though it was the intent of nature all along. A small smile lit the corners of his mouth. He looked down at her. He could see her hip bone making it's subtle protrusion under the skin. The way her thigh met the small of her back and finally swerved into the arm that lay over his chest. Her cheek pressed firmly against him. Her face obscured, nose buried in the crook of her and the warmth of him. He bushy brown hair, curled more at the middle than usual from sweat. He let out an embarrassingly high pitched giggle when she began to draw lazy circles on his stomach.
"That tickles." He offered as explanation. She giggled with mirth as she speed up her circles.
"Ticklish, are you?" She teased. He could feel her nose scrunch up at the bridge. She was smiling.
"Not normally. Only when someone tickles me." He joked back. She laughed a little and began lightly brushing the tips of her fingers over his belly button.
"I found your weakness, Mr. Potter." She said with overly false bravado, "Of course you realize I own you now."
"Oh yeah?" He said eyebrow raised, "Well, two can use those tactics!"
He launched his own attack of tickling. His smile growing ever bigger as her delicate laughter filled the room. She squirmed reflexively into him. Her leg brushed his thigh and he clamped down lightly with his knees. Pinning her he continued his assault. Tickling her more feverishly than ever until finally she spoke out.
"You win, you win!" She squealed through her laughter. He smiled and threw in one final tickle for good measure. She lightly slapped his chest, "I said you won!" She added playfully.
"That? Oh that was just the occupation." He chided her, "I claim this land in the name of Potter-dom!" He exclaimed in jest.
She pushed herself up on her hands and moved herself forward until her bare chest rest on top of his. She kissed his chin once, lightly before kissing him deeply. When their lips had parted she stared into his eyes with the kind of admiration that only love can cause. She saw the corners of his eyes perk slightly, the tell tale sign that he had his sheepish smile plastered on his face. She loved that smile. It was her smile, no one else ever saw it.
"I hope you excepted my gift." She said in a whisper, "We of Potter-dom would like to begin our peace talks."
He kissed her. She was expecting it, but it was different than usual. There was a kind of softness to it. It didn't have the pent up longing for her it usually did. It wasn't the kind of kiss they usually shared it the heat of passion. This was love. He loved her. The gentleness, the way it just brushed her lips, the way he didn't let his tongue linger even though the kiss was open mouth. She couldn't control the smile anymore than she could control the blush in her cheeks.
And with the same lack of control she let it slip out. It was an accident but it changed things.
"I love you."
She had said it before, but never so sweetly. Suddenly it was clear that whatever else she had meant for this pillow talk to become it wouldn't be. After that slip of the tongue this conversation could only ever be about one thing; Harry's response.
Harry's response wasn't at all what she expected. She didn't get chastised for saying it. He didn't ignore it and look away. He didn't change the subject. He didn't give her the old Han Solo standby "I know", and he definitely didn't say it back. He did something she never thought he would do.
It started as warm and understanding smile. Then it turned into something so much more. He gently sat up and crossed his legs, freeing her to do the same. He looked her dead in the eye, the whole time smiling gently as though he would explain the mysteries of the universe to her. Then he closed his eyes.
The room shifted. They were now standing on a playground miles and miles away. It was modest. Small slide, a sea saw and four swings. She looked down instinctively. She was terrified of being naked in public. She saw herself wearing her gown from the Yule ball all those years ago. She looked over to Harry. He was wearing jeans and a hooded sweater a few sizes too large. He had on red trainers. But he was different somehow. Not older or younger or physically different just different. Wiser. And he was pointing.
She followed his finger. He was pointing to a swing on the far end. She saw a boy sitting there. He was younger than she had ever seen him, but there was no mistaking who he was. If the green eyes weren't a dead give away then the scar definitely was. She was looking at Harry Potter. A very young Harry Potter. He was crying.
"Where are we?" She asked.
"My old hometown. I was nine." He said. It seemed like Harry was speaking with two voices. One younger one normal.
"Why? How?" She asked.
"You're in my head. In my memories." He responded, not looking at her, "Don't try to find anything though. The walls are too high. You can only see what I need you to."
"What do you need me to see?"
"Him." Harry pointed at himself.
"Why?" Hermione was a little confused.
"You said you love me." He smiled, "I want you to get to know me. You can't love me without knowing him."
"Why are you crying?" Pity was welling in her voice.
"My Uncle had told me that my parents didn't love me." He cast his eyes down, then his voice changed. He was just young Harry, "That no one could."
"You can't possibly believe that?" Hermione said worry seeping into her voice with all the subtlety of a freight chain.
"That's kind of the point though, isn't it?" Harry asked with his ethereal double voice back in full swing, "I did once. That's not something that goes away. It's not a feeling you forget." He stared up into where the sky should be, but there was only a vast darkness without clouds or stars. "It becomes a part of you. A sin you never committed that you never stop believing you own penance for."
Just then the little Harry and the playground vanished. Replaced with a bright white nothingness. Hermione was totally disoriented. In this place there was no up or down, no ground no sky. She was unsure of whether she was standing or not. Harry seemed to float effortlessly in place. No panic and no worry. His wisdom seemed to permeate the area. The void had a feeling, a presence. It was Harry. This place felt and smelt and even tasted like Harry. She was floating in his consciousness. Then he spoke, never missing a beat between the transition.
"You see, Hermione." His voice was no longer double, but it was more intense. His eyes more vibrant, "All strong emotions, like events leave a mark. Some good.." He raised his hand to point at his all-too-famous scar, "..Some bad. These things color our world. They make our responses happen. They make us who we are."
A hundred thousand rough rectangular forms filled with moving images populated the area. They were all slightly different shapes. Some very similar while others were totally unique. Harry began to wordlessly move the images around in front of her. She would watch a few seconds and then they passed. She realized that these were the lives of thousands of people all around them. Including, albeit briefly, Ron.
"When I first saw this place I understood something for the first time." Harry spoke softly, "No two people have the same shape, the same colors or the same perception. Everyone is tainted by experience."
As fast as they had appeared the images were gone. Hermione realized that he was using occulemency to tape into all those people. Even for the best Wizards that should be impossible. She wondered where Harry had found all of this power, and not for the first time. As though he read her mind he responded.
"I'm not completely in control here." He grinned, breaking his stoic demeanor for the first time, "I don't even know why it happens when I can do it. I just do it. Like at the ministry, or in the tent. Some times I just have this power."
She nodded slowly. This was all a bit overwhelming. She had wanted to ask him to let her into his mind, but this was something different. This was intense. It was too much. She stood in awe of his power. She had watched him struggle through school, harness raw talent into actual ability. She never thought he'd be able to do this. She never thought anyone would.
"Why are you telling me all of this?" She finally asked. At that Harry stood for a moment and thought. As though he was only dimly aware himself.
"Dumbledore told me that my greatest weapon, the power he knows not." Harry blushed, "He told me it was…Love."
"So, because you can love you're powerful?" She asked, a glimmer of hope in her heart that this was all is way of telling her he loved her too.
"I, honestly? I have no idea." Harry admitted, "This kind of magic." He raised his arms to indicate everything around them, "There's no rule book, you know? I can't even get it all straight in my head, much less tell you the reason for it. The cause." He shrugged. Clearly he too thought it was all to much, "I'm seventeen, Hermione. I'm a seventeen year old fucked up kid from a broken home."
"Harry, you're not-" She began, but he cut her off.
"I'm told to believe that love, love of all things, is my best weapon." He was growing upset, "Love is a pretty feeling, it's great to have when it can be found, but even I know it's not a weapon. Love isn't enough!"
The white dissipated replaced with darkness. Hermione could feel a desolateness in the air of the place. From below her she heard whimpering. She looked down and she saw Harry. Younger than last time. He was looked in a very small closet, probably the broom closet under the stairs. He had mentioned that once. He was whimpering. She felt him in the air as before, and in that feeling she knew why he was crying. He had been forgotten. They hadn't remembered to feed him the night before and they had left without him that morning. She knew he was crying because he had to use the bathroom. She knew that it was hurting him, he couldn't go in the closet because he slept there.
She began to cry. She had never known. He had told her that the Dursleys had never hit him, she couldn't conceive that there could be something worse. Suddenly his resistance to the crucio and the imperio curses made sense. He had spent his life being tortured. He was just used to it. She wept for him. Her stomach felt like a sickening knot was working around inside and the back of her throat had constricted so tightly with her sons that it hurt to inhale.
Seeing her pain Harry darkened the scene. She looked up at him with sympathy, not pity, in her eyes. She didn't know if it was possible but she found a way anyhow, she ran to him. She hugged him for so long and so tightly that she could let him know that this would never happen again. He had shared a painful truth with her. He had showed her exactly why he had said no.
She realized then that he wasn't trying to protect himself and his secrets when he refused to open his mind to them. He was trying to protect them. Whatever else their childhoods may have been, they were good. Harry's decidedly was not. She spoke without letting him go.
"That's why you said no." She could feel his chest constrict against her.
"Yes." He finally said.
When she opened her eyes they were naked in bed again. She was still holding him. He gently reached down and lifted her face to his. He stared in her eyes with a determined glare.
"Everyone who loves me dies." His voice shook a little as he spoke, "It's not my weapon against him, it's his against me."
"Do you believe that?" She asked with panic in her tone.
"A part of me does." He replied sadly, "A part of me always will. Do you understand?"
"Yes." She sobbed.
"So, do you still love me?" He said, she could sense the hesitation. He didn't want to know the answer, he had to. She stared at him for what felt like hours. Taking in every aspect of him that she had just seen.
"Harry." She smiled and kissed him, "Love isn't even a strong enough word for how I feel about you."
* * *
Ron was sitting in a small coffee shop down the street from the hotel. He knew they were closing up soon but had nowhere else to go. He sat nervously flicking the deluminator lid up and down. He was worried. He had come here to get out of the rain. It seemed to rain all the time now. He thought about his home. His family. He knew that so much had happened in the last few years, and that being away was unavoidable, but he missed them all the same. It was made worse by the fact that he couldn't even see them, he couldn't even know how they were.
Seemingly out of nowhere someone sat down beside him at his table. He turned to ask them to go when he saw who it was.
"Percy!" Ron said a little too loud. Percy nodded.
"I know you're not happy with me, with the choices I've made but for the love of Merlin quiet down." Percy said rapid fire, "The walls have ears you know."
"What are you doing here?" Ron asked.
"Shacklebolt asked me to find you." He said, "I have news."
"How?" Ron asked incredulously.
"Did I find you?" Percy asked.
"That's the million dollar question, yeah." Ron shot back.
"I'd say skill, but it would be a lie." Percy admitted, "I got lucky. I was out here ferrying a message for Dad when I spotted you in the shop. Red hair stands out you know."
"What message? Is he okay? How's Mum?" Ron fired off..
"Mum and Dad are fine, we all are." Percy calmed him with a hand gesture.
"They're talking to you again?" Ron asked.
"I came back with my tail between my legs. Scrimonger is dead." Percy said quietly, "Has been for awhile, but you know that. I began to see the signs. You were right. I should've believed you. I told them about it all and they welcomed me back. Though I still live alone."
"Thank Merlin!" Ron said happily, "I'd never've told you this, because you're a git, but I missed you."
"I missed you too." Percy answered with a warm smile.
"So, what's this news?" Ron asked.
"Okay," Percy began, all business, "First and foremost, they can track you. The Ministry made it illegal to say the dark lord's name. Say it and they can find you."
"That's a good bit of information." Ron added, "We've been scratching out heads over that one."
"Good to be of help." Percy smiled. He was enjoying talking to his brother again, "Next, Snape's in charge of Hogwarts. It's a hellhole now. There is a remaining contingent of your old DA friends still there. They're staging a revolt. It's all hush-hush of course."
"You've been dieing to say 'hush-hush' again haven't you?" Ron kidded. Percy smiled.
"Next up, Mr. Lovegood has offered to shelter you lot for awhile. He needs to discuss something with you." Percy said in quiet tones.
"Right." Ron confirmed.
"Also, the Order has reason to believe that Helga Hufflepuff's cup is a horcrux." Percy noted, "We aren't sure though. We think it might be a solid lead if you can find something. It was last in the possession of an old witch called Hepzibah Smith."
"We'll look into it." Ron said, "Anything else?"
"Just one thing, and you're not going to like it." Percy said.
"What." Ron asked skeptically.
"Public opinion is beginning to sway away from the thought that the Dark lord id back."
"What?" Ron was outraged, "Why?"
"Well, you remember Rita Skeeter, yes?" Percy asked.
"Of course. Stupid old bint, you ask me." Ron opined, "Why?"
"She's written a book." Percy looked around, "It sheds a pretty negative light on Dumbledore."
"What?" Just as Ron said it Percy put the book on the table. It's title was insulting enough, 'The Life and Lies of Albus Dumbledore.'
"People have tied his honor to the truth about the Dark Lord." Percy rattled off matter-of-factly, "Now the doubt is growing."
"This is really bad." Ron mused darkly.
"Yes it is." Percy checked his watch, "I have to go."
"When will I.." Ron stopped he knew the answer, "Be safe."
"You too." Percy said with a measure of pain. The brothers stood and hugged then Percy made a bee-line for the door and was gone. Ron sat down and took in all the new information. He dreaded having to tell Harry. Things were not looking good.