Here is my next installment! It's not much, just a bit of closure. I know I said I would have it out sooner, but I just got my internet back.
Hate Me Today
I have to block out thoughts of you, so I don't lose my head
They crawl in like a cockroach leaving babies in my bed
Dropping little reels of tape to remind me that I'm alone
Playing movies in my head that make a porno feel like home
There's a burning in my pride, a nervous bleeding in my brain
An ounce of peace is all I want for you, Will you never call again?
And will you never say that you loved me just to put it in my face
And will you never try to reach me, it is I that wanted space
Hate me today.
Hate me tomorrow.
Hate me for all the things i didn't do for you.
Hate me in ways, yeah ways hard to swallow.
Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you.
"Hate Me Today" BLUE OCTOBER
I'm seventeen today. I finally get to be given that special box. The box that holds all of my past in it. I've always been curious what the contents of it were. But I never allowed finding out. But today is different. Today, I am Of Age.
I don't know if that's a good thing or not. The contents of that one special box terrifies me. It is what my parents left me. Or parent. My mother. I know don't much about them. I know my father is Harry Potter. I know his story better than any other. And my mother is Hermione Potter, and once went by the name Hermione Granger. They were both in Gryffindor. They were best friends. I know my mother killed my father. I don't know why-no one does. It's been difficult, knowing all this. And having to live with it. I am the offspring of a hero and a nutcase woman who evidently decided to go on a killing spree in her own house. Luckily, there was only one other in the house.
This is what I've been told. My Uncle Ron has told me stories of how the three of them used to be such great friends. He hates her. I think I hate her too. She robbed me of my parents. But I've also been told her of intelligence and how she helped the Wizarding World. So while people tell me she must have went crazy…I can't help but think there must have been something else there. Something…no one knew. Did he beat her? Maybe he threatened to kill her. Maybe…maybe…that's all I've ever known.
Now, I have the box that could tell me everything. It could also tell me nothing. The box was charmed by my mother so I'm the only person who could ever open it, and only once I turned seventeen.
I take a deep breath and slowly creaked open the tarnished box.
Inside are pictures. I recognize the people in most of them. I have her hair. I have his eyes. But her nose and smile. And his ears and forehead. They were both beautiful people. They looked great together. Tears come to my eyes, and once again, I think I hate her. It is her fault. All her fault. It's her fault I've been raised by my Uncle Ron and Aunt Luna. They took me in after she gave birth to me. She was sentenced to death, but they had to wait until she had her child before they could kill her. So they imprisoned her for eight months before carrying out her sentence.
I continue to sift through the box. It's appears to be bottomless. Magical, no doubt. Finally, I come upon an envelope. It has my name on the front. With shaking hands I open it and pull out a letter. I glance down at the signature and see that it is from her. Before I can help myself, I crumble it up and throw the wad of paper across my room and nailed a Quiddtich poster on my wall. I sit there in silence for several minutes before finally getting up and picking up the wad and flattening it back out. I began to read:
My Dearest Lily,
I can't imagine what you must be feeling right now. I guess I will start with the formalities. Happy Birthday! I am going to guess you are opening this the day you turn seventeen. Being our daughter, I know you must have one hell of a dose of curiosity! Be careful, that can get you in a lot of trouble! I know it got your father and me in quite a bit during school.
Tears began to form in my emerald eyes as so many emotions tugged at me.
I know you must be angry with me. I know you blame me for everything. Perhaps you should. After all, I'm not going to lie to you. Yes, I did kill your father. I poisoned him. It was quick and painless. I'm sure you must be wondering why I could ever do such a thing. And I am going to tell you. I'm going to tell you a story of a boy and a girl and the life they tried to make together. I'm sure Ron has told you many stories of our childhood, but I know there are a few he never will be able to tell. I've left a journal in this box. During my time in prison, you occupied most of my thoughts. I decided to keep a journal during the duration of my waiting time, as well as tell you of your parents. Sides of them you will never know. I will not ask you to forgive me. I never could ask that of you. But I will ask you for understanding. No one will love you more than I do. You were so beautiful that day in the hospital. I cried myself to sleep many nights, thinking about how I knew I would have to give you up. But I had to save him. I had to save your father. I loved him too much. I would do anything for him. I have always stood by his side. And when he needed something, something he couldn't do himself, I put him first and did it for him. It's all in the journal. I just hope you will begin to understand I did what I had to do. What he wanted me to do.
I never told him about you. I knew it would kill him. He knew he could not be a father or a husband. He knew what was coming. If I would have told him, I knew it would have only caused him even more remorse. Just know that he would have loved you. So very much.
And I love you, my beautiful baby girl. I love you so much. Just remember, you are a Potter. You have nothing to be ashamed of. Your father was so Great. You should feel honored to have his name. You are named after his mother, did you know that? I'm sure you've been told that several times.
At this point, I nod through my tears and let out a sob before continuing to read:
I have to go now. They will be coming for me soon. I love you. I'm sorry. I'm so very sorry. But I did what I had to do. You would be strong enough. I knew you would be. After all, you have your father's blood running through your veins.
Goodbye, my Lily.
Love,
Your Mother
P.S. Please understand. It doesn't have to be right away. But please, eventually, when you are ready, try to understand. I love you.
I re-read the letter several times before picking up the box once more and shuffling through its contents. I find a leather-bound book. I undo the latch and open it. As if flip through the pages, I recognize it to be filled with the same handwriting from the letter. The very last page has a piece of paper, a note, in a different handwriting. It's scribbled. I read the words softly allowed in a whisper: "Thank you. I always knew you would be my Savoir. P.S. You aren't the only one who knows a special branch of Legilmency." I have a good guess whose writing this is. Once again, I think about how my mother is known as a crazy person and a nutcase. I re-read my father's note. Maybe she wasn't . Maybe instead, she was strong and was the only one who could do this for him. Something he needed. Right now, I don't understand why. I don't understand how she could give up a life with me. I don't understand how he would want to give up making a life with her. I eye her journal. But I plan on finding out.
Confusion and so many other feelings are racing through me as I lay down in my bed and open the book. But one thought is clearer than all others-maybe, just maybe, I don't hate her as much as I thought I did.
I began to read.
So, what did you think? I know this isn't much, but you can still share your thoughts!!!! I believe I will have one more chapter. I know a lot of people say this is OOC and would never happen, but I plan on addressing this in an A/N after the next chapter. Or if you feel that way at all, someone probably mentioned it in a review, and I have replied to most of this so far so you can look into that. Well, review!
Thanks for reading! REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW!!!
Until next time…BYE!
*~Archie~*
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