Harry couldn't imagine feeling happier, more contended. He and Hermione were walking through the park together when for she spontaneously she reached out and found his hand waiting for hers. It was such a weirdly casual movement; he had extended his hand on pure instinct and as if response she had taken it. They had held hands before, but every other time it began out of necessity. There was a street to be crossed or a crowd to avoid being lost in. This was different, this was pure reaction. The need did not arise in a practical sense, it had been a more intimate need this time around.
Suddenly the gears that had been grinding in Harry's head since he had gotten her first letter came to a halt. A thought forced it's way, screaming with pent up desire, to the forefront of his mind. I love her. The world finally made sense. Everyone's cryptic suggestions now became clear. All the times he had set out to go somewhere and had ended up with her, the weird knotted feeling when he saw that family from the street, his guilt and his embarrassment, all of it. The last four years of his life were now seen with a crystal clarity he had never imagined only moments before.
He cast her a furtive glance to see if anything had shifted her notions about the world. She smiled sweetly at him. He noted how amazing she was, from her wonderfully cunning eyes to her delicate yet powerful form. Nothing about her demeanor, however, gave even the slightest suggestion that she was feeling what he was. He couldn't know that she was far more practiced than him at hiding it. She had become used to how tantalizingly close they had become, both physically and emotionally. Still when Harry saw her composure completely intact he sunk inside himself a little, afraid she was not in love with him, afraid he had blown his chance with her and ended up as a brother and not someone she could love.
He squeezed her hand and dropped his head. The sun was setting by the time they reached his flat. They had spent the entire day talking and goofing off. Going from place to place and enjoying themselves in each other's company. When the day began to turn cold, Harry offered to make them hot chocolate back at his flat and she agreed. When they reached the landing before his door he finally let go of her hand so he could take his keys from his pocket. He fumbled with the lock for much longer than usual.
When the door to his flat opened to them Hermione walked forward with the casual speed of someone used to entering a place. When Harry made it inside he suddenly began a mad dash to straighten up his flat. He very soon had a pile of random things in his arms that he began to carry to his room. Hermione crossed her arms and stared at him.
"What are you doing?" She smiled at him.
"I'm tidying up?" He hesitated at the door to his bedroom.
"This I got." She chided him, "Why though?"
"I.." Harry considered it, "I honestly haven't a clue." He shrugged.
"Well, do hurry." She grabbed her shoulders and shook herself an exaggerated shiver, "I'm freezing and you promised me hot chocolate."
"Right, right." Harry threw the items into his bedroom and hurried toward his kitchen, "Okay, we have regular, extra chocolaty and the kind with those horrible Styrofoam marshmallow things."
"I'll just have regular." She sat at the kitchen table as he put some water in the pot, "So, you decided who you're taking to the wedding?"
"Um." Harry muttered, "I thought we were going to go stag, as a statement or whatever."
"No, I'm going stag." She pointed out, "Because no one invited me, you don't have that sort of problem. You're famous."
"So are you." He turned his head and grinned.
"Maybe so, but you're Harry Potter famous." She winked, "You not having a date is just laziness."
"When you're good at something." He joked.
"Seriously, though." She began, "Any idea who you'd like to take?"
"I.. well.." He stuttered out, the conversation was suddenly making him very nervous, "There, um, there is one person."
"Really now?" Hermione sat forward and put her chin in her hands, "What's she like?"
"She's..." Harry paused, "She's wonderful but she doesn't think so. She's so smart, but she acts like a kid around me. She's beautiful, but she doesn't see it."
"Sounds amazing." Hermione said flatly, "Why don't you ask her?"
"Because she..." Harry shook his head, "This goddamn stove needs attention."
"What?" Her eyes went wide.
"It takes for-fucking-ever to cook something. I'm over here trying to boil water and it's being all-" He stuck his tongue out and blew a raspberry to illustrate his point.
"Would-" She duplicated his raspberry, "be your professional opinion?"
"It's all highly technical." He nodded in mock seriousness, "It's not something bandied about by the uninitiated."
"I wouldn't imagine so." She giggled.
Her laugh was suddenly so much more important to him. He felt his cheeks burn a crimson red and turned back to the pot on the stove. His composure was beginning to fail him. His feelings were yelling at him, demanding to be announced. She stood up and crossed the kitchen. She put her hands on his shoulders and peeked over his arm to see the pot.
"It really is taking a long time, isn't it." She commented.
"That's what I'm saying." He refused to look at her. The contact was driving him insane.
"Well it ought to be hot enough, even if it does refuse to boil." She said passively, too passively as far as Harry was concerned.
"You're right." He moved the pot from the stove and poured steaming water into two mugs. He then shook the chocolate packs into each and stirred them with a small spoon.
"I'm actually excited about this hot chocolate." She remarked as she once more took her seat, "How boring am I?"
"I'm excited too." He comforted her, "I'm over here shaking like a kid."
"I noticed." She smiled.
"Well, here we are." He set her mug down in front of her and took a seat across the table from her.
She blew several times on the surface of her drink before taking a small sip. She smiled and nodded to indicate it was good. Harry was so consumed watching her lips purse to drink that he didn't even think about how hot the drink might be. He took a sip and the steam reached the back of his throat forcing him to let out a throaty grunt as the heat choked him up. He set the mug down and Hermione laughed at him. His face turned red and he laced his fingers.
"It's not that funny." He said pleasantly.
"That's because you-" She cut herself off with more laughter, "That's because you weren't watching it." She managed to finish.
"I suppose not." He rubbed the back of his neck, "So I was wondering if you were going to come to Ron's bachelor party?"
"Aren't those things a y chromosome only kind of affair?" She raised her eyebrow.
"Usually." He shrugged, "But you're important to me." His eyes went wide and he hurried to add to his thought, "And Ron."
"So long as I'm important to you." She mimicked his very slight pause, "And Ron."
"I misspoke." He defended himself.
"I'm sure you did." She grinned, "But at any rate, I'll put in an appearance. I'm certainly not staying for the testosterone fueled male bonding."
"You don't want to male bond?" He kidded her.
"I didn't say that, I'm just not in the market for anymore friends." She grinned, "Especially big smelly, cootie infested boys."
"That's true." Harry said thoughtfully, "You would need a cootie shot, it's going to be pretty intense. We're going to punch each other in the face and neck repeatedly to establish dominance."
"How can a girl miss that?" She joked, "But seriously, I have to go to Luna's party that night. I'll stop in and say hi. You coming to Luna's?"
"I'll be turned pink for life if I breathe in that much estrogen." He mocked.
"Wouldn't want to get rid of your healthy tan." She commented sarcastically.
"I worked hard on this tan." He pouted.
"I'm sure you did, it doesn't stand out at all among your pale friends or the pale Londoners or anything." She winked.
"Well, it'll fade." Harry shrugged, "Besides I like it."
"Anything's better than that horrible beard you had." She teased.
"I kind of liked that too." He confessed.
"You would." She flicked some hot chocolate at him.
"So about going stag and everything." He said with caution.
"What of it?"
"Well, I was thinking." He tried his best to return her casual tone, "Since you have no one to go with, and I have no one to go with... maybe you'd like to be my plus one?"
"Are you asking me to go to Ron's wedding with you?" She stared at him.
"I was, um... Yes." He stammered out, "That is if you're interested."
"Harry, I've been waiting for you to ask me." She jumped up and hugged him across the gap, "You're so dense! I thought you'd never ask!"
Harry smiled at her as she looked down into his eyes. Her laughter was infectious, her smell overwhelmingly wonderful. She was sitting in his lap. That very fact drove him into dangerous territory. Harry didn't think about the possibilities. He didn't think about the meaning or the difficulties of his decision. He steeled himself and lifted his head toward her. He touched his lips to hers gently. It was nothing more than a tiny brush of skin to skin, if not for the electricity. He felt her lean into him. He had expected resistance. He had thought that she might be shocked or repulsed. Instead she embraced it. Her lips parted slightly and his bottom lip passed between them.
When it was over they parted from one another. Harry opened his eyes and saw Hermione with her hand on her lips and a deep blush spread across her face.
"Did that just happen?" She choked out.
"I.. I didn't mean to, it was just-" He stammered.
"I'm so sorry." She said quickly.
"Sorry?" He responded.
"I didn't mean to kiss-" She stood up and started to make her exit, "It just came over me, I must seem such a fool."
"But-" He tried to interject but she kept rambling.
"I didn't want to make you feel weird, you know? I didn't get up this morning and set out to destroy what we have, I just.." She raced for the door.
"Wait, no... I-" He was still trying to get a word in edgewise as he chased her to the door.
"I'll just leave, okay?" She mumbled, "I'll go, I'm so sorry."
"But-"
It was as if a hurricane had swept through his flat. He stood in the disarray. His door was closed and he was alone. His hand still reaching out for her.
"I kissed you." He said softly to no one.
* * *
Four days had passed since she had fled from his flat. He had gone round her flat, but she was never in. Ginny grilled him about what he had done. Apparently Hermione was upset. Harry had tried to apologize a million times, he had written letter after letter. He had even tried to phone her, but it turned out they had never gotten one installed in their flat. He spent most of his days trying to figure out what had happened and what it all meant. He kept replaying it in his head and coming to the same conclusions.
"Women are fucking insane." He mused as he shuffled from his bathroom to his couch.
He turned the volume up tried to concentrate on the daytime television. He found it totally impossible. He was ever
running that one moment over and over in his head. It was beginning to make him crazy. He had sat down the first day
and deduced that he was in fact so insane that he had made his way back to sanity. He turned off the Telly. He was
getting sore from sitting around. He figured he would grab his coat and brood outside for a change.
He grabbed his keys and opened his door. On his way down the steps he ran into Ron. Ron had a look of urgency about him that Harry had not seen in a long time. He got the feeling that little else he said would matter, Ron was there to talk to him regardless of excuses or recent personal turmoil.
"Hey, Ron." Harry gave a slight half wave.
"The man I was coming to see!" Ron smiled at him, "You busy? Because There was something I wanted to talk to you about."
"I sort of figured." Harry shrugged, "I was going to go for a walk, clear my head. You're welcome to join."
"There you go, dashing my dream of having some of your shitty tea." Ron chided him.
"I save that for when you come around." Harry added with a smile.
"So, lets walk." Ron indicated the stairs behind him with his thumb, "Where we going?"
"Just a walk." Harry explained, "No destination in mind."
"Good." Ron nodded, "Just the way I like them."
With Ron in tow Harry opened the door and followed him out into the brisk London streets. They walked for less than five minutes before Ron began to let out what he had on his mind.
"Have you spoken to Hermione?" Ron looked at Harry with determination.
"No, not in days." Harry was totally unable to hide his guilt, "Why, have you?"
"I have." Ron said gravely, "It was less than wonderful. She didn't chew me out like she used to, she did something so much stranger. She got all weird, started bemoaning her choices in life."
"Bemoaning?" Harry inclined an eyebrow.
"I bought a thesaurus, deal with it." Ron smiled.
"Dealt with." Harry put his hands in forfeit, "Where is she? Why hasn't she talked to me?"
"Hermione's gone to her parents house." He said softly, "She said she needed to clear her head. Feels like she made an ass of herself."
"What?" Harry burst out, "Goddamn that woman!"
"What happened, mate?" Ron asked.
"I've never met anyone that drove me so far up the fucking wall, I really haven't." Harry fumed, "She acts like... MERLIN! I don't even know what! Like somehow everything in the world that happens is her fault, and more over that it's all bad."
"What happened?" Ron asked more assertively.
"She's such a pain in my ass." Harry continued apparently not listening, "How can someone so smart and wonderful be so absolutely, mind boggling difficult? Because I fought a war, You were there, I fought a fucking war and none of that, not one second, matches the sheer amount of absolute shit she's put me through the last few days!"
"WHAT HAPPENED?" Ron shouted.
"Sorry, mate." Harry shook his head, "I've had some time to think about it all, you know."
"What all?" Ron was getting frustrated again.
"I kissed her." Harry confessed quietly.
"You kissed her?" Ron smiled, "As in, you kissed her? Harry, that's brilliant!"
"One would think." Harry sighed, "She thought she kissed me, not the other way around. She rushed out of my flat. I couldn't get a word in to explain that it wasn't a big deal."
"Did you go after her?" Ron asked.
"Are you ready to call me an idiot?" Harry smiled.
"You didn't go after her?" Ron stopped, "You're incredibly retarded."
"I know!" Harry put his hands over his head and screamed, "I know, I know! I thought, I'll give her some time, you know?"
"She left the next morning." Ron said flatly, "We've all been pretty worried about her. She finally answered one of Luna's letters to tell us where she's been."
"Is she coming back?" Harry inquired hopefully.
"Don't know." Ron answered with a sigh, "She said she was humiliated. Not even sure if she's coming back for the wedding."
"Sorry, mate." Harry said softly.
"Look, mate." Ron set his jaw, "Sorry is all well and good. I can handle sorry, it's fine. It is. However what we need is not sorry."
"What do you want me to do?" Harry balked.
"What you should have done the first night." Ron informed him in earnest, "Go after her."
Harry looked briefly at the sky before running off in the direction of his flat. Ron stood on the sidewalk and smiled after his friend.
"Good luck." Ron yelled to Harry's retreating back.