Unofficial Portkey Archive

Love Him by papermask
EPUB MOBI HTML Text

Love Him

papermask

Hermione sat silently at the table, swirling her tea with a spoon. She, Harry, Ron, and Ginny were chatting idly at The Hog's Head. Teddy had taken Lily and Hugo back to Potter Manor to give the adults some time to catch up with each other. Their conversation switched back and forth between the children, Hogwarts, and everyday life. Hermione was finding it hard to focus on the discussion, as she was still gathering herself from the events that had occurred on Platform 9 3/4.

She couldn't believe it had come to this. Things had been so different before. She had been different. Yes, there was the horrible, constant worry of Voldemort and a corrupt Ministry, two problems that nobody had to think about anymore. But, even through those circumstances, Hermione felt that her life had been filled with more happiness during those difficult times than it was now. She truly believed that she was closer to everybody back then, especially the members of the DA. They had such a special bond, and now they hardly ever saw each other. This pain was amplified when Hermione thought about the two special men in her life - Harry and Ron. Yes, she was married to Ron, but they weren't any closer emotionally or mentally than they had been in school. Hermione loved Ron very much, but she just couldn't love him the way he wanted her to, the way that he deserved to be loved. That kind of love was reserved for one person alone - Harry.

Hermione shrank in her chair; her heart felt like it would beat right out of her chest. Her logical mind told Hermione that she needed to move on from her feelings for Harry and accept her life as it was. She was married to Ron, she had two amazing children - why couldn't she just be happy? Some people would never know that kind of life. Hermione furrowed her eyebrows. She could comprehend so many things, and yet, she found it extremely difficult to understand herself. It was a constant battle to simply think straight.

"You seem lost in thought," a familiar voice said. Hermione felt herself jump in surprise. She turned to look at the source of the voice.

"Yes, I suppose I am," she said to Harry slowly. He just smiled in return, and took a gulp of his butterbeer. Hermione looked around the table; Ron and Ginny were no longer there. As she looked up, Hermione noticed them at the bar. They seemed to be having a very funny conversation, as Ginny was laughing quite loudly.

"So, what are you thinking about?", Harry asked with a smile. Hermione let out a small sigh.

"Nothing important," she whispered before taking a sip of her tea.

"Oh, come on, Hermione, tell me," Harry pushed. Hermione bit her bottom lip, but then looked Harry directly in the eye.

"Do you realize that this is the most that you've said to me all day?", she countered. Harry frowned slightly. Hermione continued.

"I mean, really, it's like this all the time. We hardly ever talk, Harry," she said.

"That's not true," Harry responded. Hermione felt her eyes welling up slightly.

"Not true? Harry, when is the last time we talked? I mean really talked. A full conversation and everything?", she said, suddenly frantic. Harry opened his mouth to speak, but then closed it.

"Exactly," Hermione said. There was a small pause, and then Harry toook his turn to speak.

"Okay, so we don't talk as much as we used to. We're still best friends," Harry concluded. Hermione looked down, clearly trying to hide her tears.

"You have no idea how much I wish that were true," she whispered. Harry's eyes widened slightly as he stared at the woman whom he had known for so long.

"Hermione, what's going on? What do you mean by that?", Harry whispered back. "Harry, just face it. We're never going to be as close as we were. I've been trying to come to terms with that for a very long time now. You should do the same," Hermione said flatly. This was it. The beginning of the end.

"Hermione...I honestly don't know where you're getting all of this-"

"Oh? You really don't, do you?", Hermione interrupted, "You clearly haven't noticed, then."

"Noticed what?", Harry asked, louder than before.

"How we've been drifting apart! Don't you remember, Harry? Can you remember? You and I used to be so close. We could read each other's thoughts, for Heaven's sake! You would tell me things that you never told anybody else, and I'd do the same! I'd grab your hand or arm when I was afraid and you wouldn't pull away like most boys would because you cared for me! And I cared for you! I...I loved you, Harry. And you loved me, too. You loved me, too," Hermione said forcefully as she began to lose control of her tears. Harry's eyes were wide now. He stared at the face of the woman in front of him. She was obviously wracked with emotion and pain, and he didn't know what to do. Tentatively, he reached for Hermione's hand, but she wouldn't let him touch her.

"I don't know if it's because you genuinely don't care about me anymore, or if you've just forgotten how we used to be, but I'm tired of it, Harry. I'm so tired of wishing that everything will change and not doing anything about it," Hermione said sadly. Harry didn't know what to say. He had no idea that she felt this way.

"I know that we're both married now, and that we have families, but I had always thought that you'd-," Hermione caught herself before finishing that sentence, "What I mean to say is...look, I'm not trying to come between you and...anyone, but I just wish things could go back to the way they were. When you would come to me for help or advice instead of Ginny."

Hermione raised her hand to her mouth. She hadn't meant to say that last part. She expected Harry to become angry, but instead, he looked more confused than anythign else.

"Ginny? Is that what this is all about? Hermione, you'll always be my friend, but Ginny...she's my wife," Harry said. Hermione felt the bitter sting of those words.

"So, it's true, then? You've replaced me," Hermione whispered. Harry's jaw dropped as realization dawned on him. Hermione slowly nodded, as if resigning herself to her new place.

"Hermione...I can't even...why would you think-"

"Harry," Hermione said suddenly in a different, cheerier tone, "I'm sorry. What I said was wrong and out of line. I understand everything now, so there's no need to worry."

As she said this, Hermione got up from the table. When Harry tried to speak, Hermione simply talked over him, trying her hardest to hold back any rogue tears.

"If you would, please tell Ron that I went to pick up Hugo and that I'll be at home", Hermione said. Before Harry could say anything, there was a small pop, and Hermione was gone.