CHAPTER TWO: Closure
You know those moments where absolutely everything goes wrong? Those times when you feel as if that day should have come with its own warning label? When you go through the worst of mornings to get ready for work, hit every obstacle on the way, and when you finally do show up right on time, your boss is waiting at your desk with a smile-ready to shit-can your ass. And you want to scream "Why couldn't you have just sent me a text message!?" so you wouldn't have had to get out of bed and deal with the morning's events?
But you don't scream. You laugh. You laugh at the irony. At the bad luck. At the sheer stupidity of it all. Like I'm laughing right now.
Harry stares, dumbfounded. Confused. Perhaps slightly alarmed.
As he should be. His best friend just confessed her love for him, and he rejected her. And now she-I-am standing here, laughing in his face.
"Hermione?" He says slowly, unsure.
I just shake my head, still laughing. I can't believe this. I had never even considered this possibility." I wipe a tear from my eye. "I can't believe this, Harry. Honestly, I can't. I was so sure. You know me better than anyone. I was certain I knew how this was all going to turn out." I shake my head again as my laughter dies down.
"I'm sorry." Harry offers uselessly.
I can only shrug. "It's not your fault. I mean," I sigh. I've thought about this so many times. I've played it out in my head. I know there will never be another girl who could love him like I do. I decide to share this with him, knowing it won't achieve much. "I mean, it's not my loss here. Well, it is, but at the same time…it isn't. It's yours. You will never find another girl who could even begin to love you the way I do." I tell him solemnly. "You know, there are so many girls out there who will put-what is it? What's the word?" I ask…almost giggling. "Insecurities? Ok, that works. There are so many girls who have insecurities about themselves. Who think they aren't good enough for the Great Harry Potter. Who think they aren't pretty enough. Or funny enough." I say before giving a snort of disbelief. "And it's funny because I used to think I was one of those girls. I used to think I wasn't enough for you, for your affection.
"But now, I know I am. I've known for awhile. And I've come to realize," I admit slowly, "That I am every bit of deserving of you. Of any bloke. Because, Harry James Potter, I am ONE HELL of a catch. And if you don't see it that way," I scoff, "well that's on you."
Harry looks at me now, upset. Hurt.
"And," I say, wiping the little pieces of grass from my clothes, "That's all I have to say about that." I finished before turning around and heading back to the Castle with too many emotions to even begin to sort out. For the moment, I wasn't going to care.
I ended up back in my dormitory, under my covers. I replayed the evening's events in my head. I still felt the same way. I still loved him. I loved him so much it almost hurt. But he didn't love me in that way. I had to get used to it.
The way things ended tonight didn't sit right with me. Well, it did and it didn't. I said what I needed to say. I told him how I felt. I took my chance. Things didn't work out the way I thought they were going to and I had to accept that. I don't regret it because I don't like having to live with what-might-have-been's. No, I did the right thing. However, the way it ended…I just didn't get closure. And that's what I needed-even if it wasn't real.
"Harry, I-I love you." My voice wavers ever so slightly, almost as if it's too much to say it.
His smile widens. "I love you too, Hermione. You know you're my favorite girl." He leans forward to kiss me.
His words warm me from the inside out. I close my eyes and wet my lips, waiting for his to touch them. Suddenly, I feel the warmth of his lips. On my forehead.
Understanding floods through me. If he loved me back, he wouldn't have kissed me on my forehead. Impishly, I push him away. "Oh, Harry." I sigh softly.
"What?" He asks, daft of what his actions meant.
"When I say I love you, I mean I'm in love with you. But I can see that you don't quite feel the same way." I mutter softly, slightly broken-hearted.
He leans forward to stroke my hair gently. "Hermione, I'm so sorry. I wish I did. I-Merlin, I wish I did. But we've just been best friends for so long-I could never jeopardize what I have with you already."
I smile sorrowfully. Merlin, I love this man. "It's okay." I reply, though not feeling like it's okay at all.
Harry cups my face gently before placing an apologetic kiss to my lips. I smile against his lips as a warmth flows within me. Finally, we break apart and he stands and offers me his hand. We walk back to the Castle, hand-in-hand, each with a better understanding of how things were between us.
I open my eyes.
Closure.
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*~Archie~*
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