Disclaimer: JKR owns.
Lost Daughter
Chapter 1: Harry Potter
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[AN] I thought, in honour of the new HP movie, I'd post. This is the last instalment of my trilogy. I've warned you all that it wasn't going to be easy, but this is the first step in making it better for our beloved ship.
I do hope you'll keep an open mind, but most of all, enjoy!
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"Harry?"
Harry Potter froze in the foyer of his home. A guilty feeling rose up in his chest, but he managed to subdue it without making the feeling known. Hearing his wife's voice, somehow, always did that to him.
Slowly, he turned and peered up at the dark stairwell. He could recognize her thin body standing in the shadows on the first floor landing. "What?" he called back to her. He hadn't meant to sound so sharp.
He heard a few footsteps and a moment later saw Ginny step into a ray of moonlight coming in through the window opposite, "Where have you been?"
"I had a lot of work to finish at the ministry. Sorry I didn't make it to dinner." Yes, he was always sorry.
Ginny narrowed her eyes slightly, "You could have flooed or something…"
Harry raked a distracted hand through his messy black hair, "I forgot."
"Seems like that's not the only thing you've forgotten."
"What?" he asked confused, turning to her for an explanation. What had he missed? Quickly, Harry ran through a series of birth dates, football games, family dinners, and anything else he thought his wife might've been referring to. He was just about to give her another confused look, when his features dawned in realization, "Shit, Gin-"
"I guess filing paperwork for some criminal was more important than our 14th wedding anniversary."
Harry sighed. Of all the things to forget, it had to be that. "It's not like that-"
Ginny scoffed, "Whatever Harry." Her tone this time made her sound as angry as she rightfully should be. Without another word, Harry watched his wife of now fourteen years stalk up the stairs and disappear down the first floor landing of the expansive Potter home.
Again, Harry sighed. Whatever he did, it always seemed to hurt her. That wasn't his goal in life. He hadn't meant to forget. It's just… he had work to do. And then Ron had invited him out to a party for the Cannons. Of course, he hadn't planned on staying. He was just going to stop by and say hello, since he hadn't been able to make it to the Weasley dinner a couple hours prior. He knew that if he blew Ron off again, he'd hear about it from both him and his sister.
Automatically, Harry's fists clenched at the thought of going by Ron's little party. A few years back, Ron had made it to Head P.R. manager for the Chudley Cannons. Parties for the team were a common happening. Harry didn't really like them; loud blokes, usually drunk, bad music, barely dressed girls, crowded rooms, and people staring at his faded scar, wasn't really his idea of a good time. Ron though, was always in his element. In fairness, he was good at what he did.
But Harry knew for a fact that what had gone on tonight was not a part of his brother-in-law's job description. Fury flew through him as the scene played over in his head again. He could practically feel his blood boil as he saw once more a short, dark haired young woman approach Ron.
She tapped him on the shoulder, and let her hands fall over his back. Ron turned to her with a familiar grin. The girl leaned up and whispered in his ear… Harry remembered feeling a faint hint of curiosity, but it was blurred by the emotion he felt at what happened next.
The girl, with a cat-like smile on her face, leaned over slightly, and pressed her lips against Ron's. He didn't push her away.
Harry couldn't register any other feeling besides anger, as the unknown girl turned and headed off through the crowd. His anger multiplied tenfold as he watched Ron also turn and follow her.
He let out a steady breath through his nose, forcing himself to break from his reverie. It wasn't doing any good thinking about it. To be honest, it was taking all of his strength to not go back to that bloody party and beat the living shit out of him for what he was doing.
But how could he?! Why would he even think about that when he had her?
Again, Harry forced himself to calm down. This wasn't his business. Furious, and thinking about her, all in one night wasn't going to do anybody any good. He had his own marriage to worry about.
Keeping that thought in mind, Harry took off his black auror robes, and threw them haphazardly in the direction of the open closet beside the front door. Even though his aim was less than adequate, his robes arraigned themselves nicely and slid in between two of Ginny's travelling cloaks.
As silently as possible, he started up the stairs. He hoped Ginny wouldn't make it too difficult to apologize tonight. He truly was exhausted from work.
It didn't take him long to make it to his and Ginny's room. The door was firmly closed, but with a light wave of his hand, it opened quietly. It closed after Harry slid inside. He could make out Ginny on the right side of their big bed, laying on her side with the covers drawn up to her chin. That definitely wasn't a good sign.
Harry repressed his sigh as he came further into the room and kicked his shoes off. He began to unbutton his shirt as he sat down on the edge of his side of the bed.
"I'll make it up to you…" he said, pulling his shirt off a few moments later.
For a minute, Harry wondered if she was going to give him the silent treatment. But then, she spoke, "Are you at least going to be there in the morning to see James and Albi off?"
"Of course," Harry nodded, now setting his wand on his nightstand and slipping out of his trousers. The mention of their sons gave him a bit of hope. Maybe apologizing wasn't going to be as hard as he thought. Though, the idea that everything was back to normal, their normal, at least, on his home front made him go back to focusing on the Cannons party and what he had witnessed there.
"You know Hermione wasn't there with Ron tonight either…" Ginny said, rolling on her side and giving Harry a raised look. It was obvious that she was referring to the family dinner at the Burrow earlier that evening.
Harry's eyes closed for a brief second. He told himself to act natural.
"Why not?" he asked evenly, pulling the covers back and laying down.
Ginny shook her head and shrugged, "Rose said she was at a Hogwarts meeting."
"Oh."
"Ron's not too thrilled that she's getting a job there," Ginny continued.
Harry sighed. He didn't like Ginny's gossiping. Especially when it concerned Hermione. "I'm sure Ron will get along just fine," he muttered instead.
Harry expected her to just drop it, but much to his surprise, Ginny scoffed, "I don't know why she's so eager to run away from her husband like that."
"Maybe she feels like she has no other choice," Harry replied, the picture of Ron and that young, dark haired girl flashing before his eyes once more.
Ginny gave him an irritated look, "Why would she need to choose between being with or away from her husband?"
"Maybe Ron's already made that decision for her!" Harry burst out. As soon as the words left his lips, he regretted saying them. Wasn't this not supposed to be any of his business? He couldn't help it though; he hated the mention of Hermione being the wrong one, when she had never done anything to hurt Ron the way he was hurting her. He didn't deserve her at all.
Ginny turned to Harry and frowned, "What? What are you talking about?"
"Never mind Ginny," he sighed after a moment.
Again, Harry thought Ginny might've dropped the subject. To his disappointment though, she wasn't finished, "Well, I don't think Hermione appreciates what she has."
"Why are their issues important enough to keep us up at night?"
"Because Harry," Ginny said, much more loudly, "I don't want us to get to the point where we're avoiding spending time with our family."
Harry rolled his eyes, "Hermione's taking a job so that she can be closer to her kids! What point are you trying to make exactly?"
"It's just…" she paused, with a mixture of a pained, annoyed, and anxious expression on her face. "Lately it seems like you've been working an awful lot."
Harry closed his eyes, attempting to fight off the guilty swell, but once again failing. "I've always worked a lot, Ginny," he said softly, knowing that their was no excuse he could share with her as to why he was such a vigorous auror, "And that's to support you, James, and Al."
Ginny nodded, "I know that, but I feel like we… like we need something new and different."
"Like what?" Harry asked quietly, trying to keep his suspicion from showing.
Ginny hesitated for a second, "Like… like a baby."
"What?" Harry asking, sitting up straight. All signs of trying to be gentle were suddenly gone.
"Like a baby, Harry," Ginny repeated, "I think we should try-"
"What's wrong with the two kids we have?" Harry asked quickly.
"Nothing!" Ginny answered immediately. "That's not what I'm trying to get at!" Harry wasn't trying to imply anything by his question. He knew how excellent of a mother Ginny was to their two boys. She loved them to know end. However, Harry had a feeling of what Ginny was trying to say, and that didn't make him feel any easier about the conversation.
"Then what are you trying to get at?" he asked again, still wary.
"It's just that you were always here when James and Albi were younger! And ever since Al went to Hogwarts, you've been all about work! If you haven't noticed, you've been getting more distant from us- from me- by the day."
Harry tried to answer patiently, "Ginny, a baby isn't going to solve our problems."
"I'm not saying that it will," Ginny replied automatically, a pleading tone in her voice, "Bloody hell, is it a crime that I want to try for another baby with my husband? You act like trying to keep our family growing is the worst thing imaginable!"
He couldn't help but shake his head angrily, "What's wrong with the family we have? Why can't you just be happy with us?"
"Because I want a girl, Harry! You've always known how important having a daughter is to me!"
Suddenly, without warning, Harry threw the covers off of him and jumped out of bed. As quick as he was to move, a worried frown just as swiftly appeared over Ginny's face, "Harry, where are you going?"
"I refuse to sit here and listen to you go on about how imperfect we are," Harry muttered angrily, stalking over to his closet and clapping on a light.
Ginny scoffed, "Oh, so you're going to run away from our problems? Big surprise." She was trying to sound enticing, but she had to admit, she truly was scared of him leaving.
"Running away isn't going to fix anything, but neither will having a baby, even if it happens to be a girl," Harry said, sounding surprisingly rational despite his temper. This was a topic that he and Ginny had been over quite a few times. The question of having another baby always seemed to come back to one ground issue. And plus, Harry didn't think he could handle the idea of a daughter. He'd never be able to look at her right… "You're the one who doesn't seem to understand that we need to fix our problems first before we subject another child to deal with them!"
"When are you going to stick around long enough so that we can work on fixing them?" Ginny shouted, not caring about who she woke up.
Harry didn't have an answer for her, because by then, he had snatched a new pair of trousers from his wardrobe, and pulled them on along with a new half buttoned shirt. He didn't bother giving her another look as he grabbed his wand from his night stand and walked out of their room.
Harry was even more furious as he slammed his way out of his house and started off down the walkway. It had been like this nearly every night this summer. He would get home from a long day of work, and would have to listen to Ginny nagging him over what they should be doing better. It always ended like this too; Harry, not wanting to hear it anymore, would leave to the one place he knew that no one would bother him. And then, the next morning he would leave for work, come home, and repeat the process all over again. He knew first hand that making a baby, thinking that he or she would fix your problems, didn't work. It only masked the issue- shifted the focus onto something, or in this case someone, else.
Harry knew and understood that so well because that is exactly what he had tried to do with James when he first found out that Hermione was pregnant again.
That night stood out especially well in his memory…
~~~
"Harry!" a voice yelled, interrupting the quiet atmosphere.
"What?" Harry asked, hurrying out into the hallway of his flat, his hair still wet from his nightly shower.
"Harry…" Ron gasped, stopping in front of him and doubling over. "Hermione…"
Harry instantly panicked, "Hermione? Is she okay? What's wrong with her? Ron, tell me!"
"She's okay. She- she's…"
Harry shook Ron's shoulder's anxiously. Harry hadn't seen or spoken to Hermione in a couple of months, but that didn't mean he wasn't thinking about her constantly. He knew it was wrong, since they had both technically moved on, but he couldn't help it. He thought about her daily, dreaming of a different life where they could've been together, happy. The only reason he hadn't seen her in months, was because he knew that seeing him hurt her. And he couldn't blame her. He hurt too.
Still, the thought of something being wrong with her, after everything they'd… been through…
"Ron, she's what?!"
"Pregnant!"
And just like that, Harry's heart stopped beating.
Time seemed to stand still, as Harry straightened dully, his flattened expression blotched with pain and disbelief. No… it simply wasn't possible…
"What?" he asked after what seemed like hours of silence.
Ron let out a jubilant laugh, "She's pregnant! Harry- we're having a baby! I'm going to be a father!"
"That- that can't be… She can't be…"
"I know. I was shocked too. But it's true; she's already seven weeks," Ron said happily, holding up six fingers.
Harry paled, "Seven weeks? When…?"
"Her birthday," Ron answered, going red around the ears. He shifted uncomfortably on his feet, suddenly avoiding eye contact with Harry, "Um, after her party we went back to my place and got a little sloshed…"
"Sloshed?" Harry spat disgustedly, "So you got her drunk and then basically took advantage of her?"
"What?" Ron asked with a shock looked on his face. Harry's seething expression didn't relent, so Ron quickly shook his head in defence, "Harry, I didn't take advantage of her at all! We were both drunk and one thing just led to another."
Harry couldn't recall ever feeling so angry at his best friend in his entire life. His fists curled together in fury.
"Harry? Are you still with me mate?" Ron asked hesitantly. A glint of fear brightened his eyes.
At the sound of his voice, Harry seemed to snap out of it, "What?"
Again, Ron shifted, "You look a little… you're happy for me right? I mean, I know it's totally
unexpected, but I'm happy about it…"
Harry wanted to tell him to piss off. Not everything in bloody world revolved around him! "Is she happy?" Harry asked quietly after a few moments. Intentional or not, he was still glaring.
The red head grinned, "Yeah. She sounded pretty excited." Little did Harry know however, that Ron was leaving out the fact that Hermione didn't actually tell him directly. He overheard her mother questioning her about her recent distracted behaviour, and then Hermione pretty much just blurted out that she was pregnant. As soon as Mrs. Granger had left, he called her out on it. To be honest, she had sounded flustered and reluctant to confirm it, but he was sure that was only due to him already knowing.
Ron twisted his lips awkwardly, hoping Harry hadn't picked up on his lie. After a few minutes of tense silence, he reached out bravely and clapped Harry on the shoulder.
"So… You know what this means, right?"
"What?" Harry asked, though it was obvious that he wasn't paying attention.
"Well, I'm becoming a father, and you're becoming a godfather!"
He again snapped back into focus, "What?"
"I want you to be the godfather of my baby!" Ron repeated happily, "I mean, I know it didn't work out the first time with Teddy, but I wouldn't want anyone else."
"Ron…" Harry breathed, beginning to shake his head. The thought was poison to him. Of course Hermione would feel the same! "Have you asked Hermione about this?"
"What's there to ask?" Ron shrugged confidently, "You're our best friend. It's only right, right?"
"I-I don't know."
"Well I'm not taking no for an answer. I got to go right now. Hermione thinks I went to get dinner. See you around though, right mate?" Ron had started to back his way out of the hall, and was giving Harry a hopeful thumbs up. Harry felt like going into the kitchen, grabbing a knife and shoving it through his heart, several times. He wasn't strong enough to endure this. He couldn't sit back and watch Ron take the place that HE was supposed to have in Hermione's life.
But then, a thought suddenly struck him. It wasn't fair to Hermione. She would never be happy if he didn't accept it. He couldn't do that to her. After everything he had done to her, he knew she deserved any shot at happiness she got.
"Yeah…"
Ron's grin grew wider, and then suddenly his eyebrows shot up like he was forgetting to mention something, "Oh, and don't tell anyone the news yet. I wasn't even supposed to say anything. My mum will freak if she heard the news from someone else."
"I won't," Harry muttered, barely listening.
"Later then!"
As Ron left, Harry fell back against the wall, feeling a once familiar, stabbing, desperate, yet hopeless pain. He hadn't revisited this pain in a while now.
Hermione was pregnant. Again. And Ron was the father. They- they'd had…
She'd only been back for three months! Harry couldn't even think straight as he levied himself off the wall and reached for his jacket. If Hermione could be so quick to move on and sleep with someone else, then he wouldn't feel the least bit guilty for doing the same thing. He truly couldn't sit and watch Ron take the spot he wanted with Hermione. He refused to sit back while Ron made the family he should've had with her.
Harry wanted a family of his own, and for once, he was determined to make it happen.
He apparated to the Burrow. There was a sudden knock on Ginny's door. Startled, Ginny went to answer.
"Harry?" she asked, pulling back the door to see her boyfriend.
"Hey," Harry greeted, not caring how much of a mess he must've looked to her.
"What-" she was cut off as his lips crashed down to hers.
It was minutes before Harry pulled back. But when he did, he didn't step back from her like he normally did. Instead, he kept his hands planted on her cheeks, and stared down into her eyes, "I think… I think we should take our relationship to the next level."
"Really?" she whispered, her eyes going wide.
Harry didn't want to pay attention to her question. So instead, he simply nodded, "Yeah."
"I love you, Harry," Ginny whispered, a smile playing on her lips.
Harry nodded gruffly. It was a moment before he realized that he hadn't responded. He cleared his throat, "Love you too."
"Then show me. Make love to me."
Harry didn't hesitate as he kissed her again and pushed her further into her room.
~~~
Harry sighed as he closed his eyes and let a hand scrub over his face. Reliving the first time he and Ginny had slept together never made him feel good, like it probably should've. She didn't know that he went into it with an ulterior motive, or that he was actually in love with someone else at the time. Nine months later, they had welcomed James Sirius Potter into the world.
Though, despite the lack of romance and love in his marriage, he could never bring himself to regret what he'd done. Regretting that, meant that he'd regret his sons, and those two boys were his sole purpose in life. He didn't have much else to live for without them.
With a frustrated sigh, Harry made sure nobody was watching him before he apparated away.
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I'm ready for your flames. Just keep in mind that this is portkey.
If you have any questions, please drop them in a review and I'll get back to you as soon as possible.
Feedback and constructive criticism always motivates me to update, for those of you who did like it!