Disclaimer: JKR owns.
Lost Daughter
Chapter 2: Hermione… Weasley…
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[AN] Thanks for the so far positive feedback. The amount of reviews were AMAZING last chapter. Please keep it up. I really appreciate it, and it makes me want to update more quickly to continue to hear your opinions.
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Hermione sat in the back row of the Great Hall, slightly slumped in her leather chair and staring sleepily up at Headmistress McGonagall as she gave the rest of the Hogwarts professors the start of term overview. Her quill and notepad were lightly gripped in her hand while some of the other professors scribbled away on their Hogwarts stationary, making sure not to forget any of the Headmistress's aims and important mentions.
She knew she shouldn't be acting so lackadaisical on her first day of technically being a professor. But she couldn't help it. She was bloody exhausted. And plus, McGonagall hadn't quoted anything vital during her speech. It was just a rant about positive lesson-building, and how to handle students. She'd remember it. The only interesting thing so far was that students were now permitted to travel to Hogsmeade on Sundays as well. She knew a few kids who would definitely be excited about that.
"Which brings us to our last order of business," McGonagall continued in her high ringing voice. Except for the remaining of her brown hairs turning to white, sixteen years hadn't changed the woman at all. "This year Hogwarts will be getting an exchange student from North America. The Dean of Avalon Academy of Magic has reached out to me personally with the student's case and I have agreed on behalf of the school to accept. The student will be arriving on the boats with the first years, and shall be sorted as everyone else is. Now, are there any questions on the topics discussed tonight?"
Hermione expected at least someone to inquire further about this new student, but since everyone else was staying quiet, she did as well.
"Okay then. That ends tonight's meeting. I'll see all of you tomorrow at the feast."
Hermione didn't hurry to pack up her blank notepad and other materials sitting underneath her comfortable chair. As tired as she was, she was in no rush to be getting out of the school. To be quite honest, she wished that the house elves were done preparing Hermione's room so that she could just stay here tonight.
Glancing down to her muggle wrist watch- charmed so that it would work at the school- she noticed how late it actually was. Surely, her kids would be in bed by now. However, with Ron, she wasn't so sure about.
The last thing she wanted to do tonight was get in another argument with him. So why not just skip out on the possibility completely?
An idea hit her with where she could go, and with renewed vigour she started packing her things a little more optimistically. Hopefully she could get a decent night's sleep tonight, since she hadn't over the past few weeks.
…
Harry hadn't moved for the past fifteen minutes. He had no desire to. Right now, he just wanted to sit on the porch swing and stare out onto the beach. It was a more peaceful atmosphere than anything he'd been living in the past couple months.
He knew he should be thinking of ways to get back into Ginny's good graces, but he was sick of always having to apologize. What he said was what he felt. He didn't want another baby with her. It wasn't because he wouldn't love another child, it was because he didn't love…
He sighed. He wished he could turn his brain off. For one night, that'd be nice. To not have to think about his problems with Ginny, or Ron, or-
"What are you doing here?"
Harry's head jerked so fast in the direction of Hermione's voice, his neck audibly cracked. Hermione winced at the noise, before levelling a curious look at him. It was similar to how she used to look at him. Gentle, but interested.
Harry swallowed tensely, "What are you doing here?"
Hermione narrowed her eyes, "I asked you first."
Harry automatically lowered his eyes in embarrassment. He didn't have a right to ask her- this cottage belonged to her, technically. During the summers, Ron liked to invite him, Ginny, and the boys down for a few weeks. Harry liked it here… and that had nothing to do with the fact that it reminded him of her. He just liked the peace and quiet.
"I just… needed some time alone," he finally answered her after a minute.
"Oh," Hermione nodded. Silence engulfed them. Hermione shifted nervously on her feet, clutching her briefcase in her hands. Harry went back to staring back out over the dark beach.
"Did… never mind," Hermione muttered after a few minutes. Harry looked up to her and saw that her cheeks had turned a light shade of pink. His brow furrowed in curiosity.
"What?" he asked quietly.
Hermione glanced awkwardly at him, "Did you and Ginny have another fight?" Harry wasn't supposed to know that she knew about how much he and her sister-in-law fought.
Harry was silent for a moment, staring up at her. He blinked once, before looking away from her and nodding, "Yeah."
"Do you want to talk about it?" Hermione surprised herself with the question. She and Harry didn't really talk anymore. Beyond the casual hello, they didn't talk in depth like they used to when they were kids. To be honest, it was quite awkward whenever they were left alone together. The elephant had only gotten bigger with the years. What advice could she truly give him? She was having enough relationship problems of her own.
Harry let out a deep breath. For a second she wondered if he would just say no, but then he started to speak, "She thinks having another baby will make us love each other more."
Hermione instantly regretted her offer to talk. Quietly, she turned away, "And what do you think?"
"That it won't," he muttered flatly.
With a light sigh, she nodded, "I'll have to agree with that."
"So what are you doing here?" Harry asked, turning to her.
Hermione shrugged, looking to the ground where she kicked at some sand on the porch, "I don't know… I just got out of my meeting and everything. I figured I'd just come here after."
"I don't blame you for not wanting to go home to Ron…"
"Excuse me?" Hermione asked sharply.
Harry recoiled. He hadn't meant to let that slip. He was still unsure if he should even tell her or not. At least, he knew she deserved to know. But how would she take it from him?
"Nothing," he muttered timorously, "It's, uh, pretty cool that you're going to be a professor." Perhaps changing the subject away from the dark waters they were heading was the best idea right now.
Hermione shoulders fell slowly, but she was still looking quizzically at him, "Yeah, I guess."
"Even though the boys aren't too enthralled about it," Harry muttered with a grin.
Hermione let out a laugh, "Hugo almost cried when I told him. He thinks I'm only going there to ruin his first year."
"He'll get over it."
"Hope so."
Harry looked up at her, his smile still hinted on his lips. The topic now was easy enough- almost comfortable. But for some reason, he couldn't help himself. Was he the only one who thought she had ulterior motives for getting a job there?
"So why are you really going there?" he asked after a few quiet moments.
Hermione frowned, "What do you mean?"
"Just that…" Harry sighed. She didn't bite, so maybe this wasn't such a good idea. What if he was just assuming things? It was better just to leave it be than to have Hermione angry with him too. "Never mind. It's not my place."
"It really isn't," Hermione said, the hard expression back on her face.
Harry cleared his throat and nodded. He should've known better. "I guess I should go if you want to stay here. It is your guy's cottage after all." He stood up from the porch swing, and swiped at his trousers. He'd do anything to avoid looking her in the eyes.
Hermione shook her head suddenly, "No Harry, you can stay. I should be getting home anyway, make sure Rose and Hugo are up in the morning…"
Harry glanced up, almost unsure to believe what she'd just said. They looked at each other, both carefully analyzing, before Harry nodded slowly, "Alright."
"Good night Harry," Hermione said quietly, backing away towards stairs.
Harry nodded gruffly, "Good night 'Mi- Hermione."
…
With a soft 'pop', Hermione appeared into the foyer of her family's home. Without waiting, she let out the shuddering breath she'd wanted to release ever since seeing Harry sitting miserably on the porch of her parent's old beach house.
She had no idea that Harry went there when he and Ginny were having problems. Was tonight the first time? No- he looked right at home, sitting there on the porch. Happy, almost. This was the first night that she had tried to escape from being at home. Maybe that explained the run-in.
Hermione closed her eyes in humiliation as their conversation washed over her again. The comments he made… it was like he knew, or something. Bloody hell, was she that obvious?
With a slight shake of her head, she knew that wasn't the reason for it. Even though they didn't talk nearly as much, that didn't mean she thought Harry couldn't still see straight through her. Harry had always been able to tell when something was wrong with her. She solved that minor dilemma by avoiding him by all means. Tonight was the first night they had been all alone in a very long time, and he knew something was out of the ordinary.
But what did it matter? Even if he suspected something was up, what could he do about it? He wouldn't confront Ron and ask if something was wrong with them. First of all, he and Ron never talked about their relationship, and secondly, Ron had been complaining of how much Harry had been working for the past few months. Even he didn't see him that much. He might ask Ginny, but by the looks of it, they didn't have a conversation that stretched outside of their marital issues. Plus, Ginny wouldn't have a clue. It's not like Ron broadcasted the truth to his family, or anything.
Hermione let out a sigh, her hopes for a good night's rest completely dashed. It was getting late though, so she might as well make the best of it. With a bit of reluctance, she started up the creaking stairs of the house that had been her home for the past fourteen years.
Once she was at the top, she made her way towards the right of the hall first, out of habit. The door there was slightly ajar, and had the light of a multicoloured lamp shining through the space. Hermione didn't bother knocking as she pushed it open a bit and gazed in on her youngest.
Hugo was sprawled out over his bed asleep, with his mouth wide open and gentle snores rippling from his chest. Hermione couldn't help but smile as she watched him from the door. The picture looked all too familiar; his unmanageable red hair matched the walls splattered with orange posters of the Chudley Cannons perfectly. There was a murky tank off in the corner of his room with a single gold fish swimming around monotonously, and the trunk at the end of his bed was spilling over with wizarding toys that he'd collected throughout the years. Already, he seemed to be outgrowing his new pair of pyjamas.
Quietly, Hermione made her way through the room and pulled up the duvet bunched up at the end of his bed, over his sleeping body. She kissed him gently on the forehead before turning and clicking off the football lamp her father had given him for his last birthday.
Making sure not to trip over the clutter, she made her way back to the door, and into the hall. Her next stop was a bit further down, but after only a few steps she realized she wouldn't have to be so quiet for her.
This time, the door was open, spilling her lamp light all the way into the hall. Hermione stopped at the edge of her daughter's room.
Her kids were polar opposites. Where Hugo's room was filled with quidditch things and impractical toys from Uncle George, Rose's room was a perfect imitation of Hermione's when she was her age. A solid wall of bookshelves took up the opposite side of the room. Beyond that, it was all neatly organized, giving way to a few select pictures of her family sitting on her desk.
Hermione could make out Rose's read hair sticking out from the edges of a large book sitting on top of her chest as she laid in bed. She watched her for a moment, before knocking lightly on the door frame.
Immediately, Rose moved to peer around the book. She smiled when she saw her mother, "Mum?"
Hermione smiled back, coming further into the room and sitting down on the edge of her bed, "What are you still doing up?"
"Summer reading assignment…" Rose answered, with a little shrug.
"Oh," Hermione replied, watching as she marked her page and closed the book. She set it beside her before sitting up.
"How was the meeting?" she asked in interest. Despite the boys' displeasure, Rose was actually quite happy that her mum would be joining them at Hogwarts this year. She always missed her the most out of the nine months that they were separate.
Hermione pulled her cheek back, "It was… definitely interesting. It made me feel old, sitting in there with some of my old professors."
"Mum, you're only 35," Rose said an assuring smile.
Hermione quirked her eyebrow, "Almost 36."
"Still. I think it's pretty awesome that you're a professor that young."
Hermione smiled genuinely, "Thanks baby. You want to know something cool?"
"What?"
"McGonagall has agreed to include Sundays in Hogsmeade weekends."
Rose grinned knowingly, "I bet you Sirius will be the most thrilled about that, seeing as this year will be his first time visiting the village."
"I'm sure that boy has snuck in before," Hermione answered indifferently.
Rose laughed, "You're probably right. What else happened?"
Hermione tilted her head back and forth for a moment before remembering the other interesting topic, "Oh, and Hogwarts is getting an exchange student from North America."
"Really?" Rose asked curiously.
Hermione nodded, "Yep, but Professor McGonagall didn't say if it was a boy or a girl, or what year they were in."
"That's cool," Rose said, "Hogwarts has never had an exchange student before, huh?"
Hermione shrugged impassively, "I've never heard of one, but I'm sure it has."
"I hope they're nice, whoever they are," Rose muttered, with a wistful look.
Hermione nodded before giving her daughter a dubious look, "So did I miss anything at Grandma and Grandpa's?"
Rose shook her head in obvious disinterest, "Not really. Hugo got mad that he wasn't allowed to fly by himself, even though Dad said he could. Grandma grabbed him in time though. She said if you found out about it, that you'd murder Dad."
"I guess it's a good thing that I don't have to kill anyone tonight," Hermione muttered wryly. All kidding aside, even the mental picture of Hugo up on a broom by herself made her anxious. She probably would've wrung Ron's throat if he had allowed him to go up by himself.
Rose let out a laugh, "Other than that, James and Albi ran around with Uncle George all night long playing pranks, Abby cried like eight times throughout the night because Uncle Percy didn't let her bring her pygmy puff, and Vicky painted her nails and bragged to the rest of us about how many boys she'd gotten it on with this summer…"
Hermione raised her eyebrows in faux enthusiasm, "So pretty uneventful?"
Rose smiled, "I guess. Uncle Harry wasn't there though…"
Hermione forced herself to keep her expression from faltering, "I'm sure he had a lot of work to take care of."
"Yeah," Rose agreed easily before turning back to Hermione. She gave her mother an inquisitive look, "Has Dad been having to do extra work at the office? It seems like lately he's been really busy at work too."
Hermione's breath caught in her throat. It took a moment, but eventually Hermione look away and cleared her throat, "Yeah, he's been busy…"
"I think he's mad that you're going to be staying at Hogwarts this year," Rose muttered timidly, almost afraid to broach the topic.
Hermione frowned. She hadn't told either of her kids about her decision to stay in a teacher's quarters at Hogwarts yet, "How'd you know about that?"
Rose glanced awkwardly to the corner of her room, before giving her mother a sheepish look, "Uh, Dad let it slip at dinner."
Hermione closed her eyes, a frustrated sigh unwillingly emanating from her chest, "Great…" she mumbled.
Rose twisted her bed spread nervously in her fingers. She wasn't sure if it was entirely appropriate to ask her mum this, but she was curious as to the behaviour she'd observed from her over the past few weeks. "Mum? Are you and Dad, like, having problems?"
"We're fine Rose," Hermione responded automatically.
Rose bit her lip, "You would tell me though, right? I mean, I'm almost sixteen."
"You just turned fifteen," Hermione corrected her, "Please don't remind me how old you're getting…"
"Am I old enough to be a confidante?" she asked next, a hopeful glint in her eye.
"Confidante?" Hermione repeated with a frown, "Who would you need to be a confidante to?"
Rose shrugged innocently, "You."
Hermione gave her daughter a probing look, "Rose, I promise that if there's anything you needed to know about your dad and I, I would tell you." Hermione hoped Rose's perception was blurred, maybe by the late hour, or by her tiredness. For a fifteen year old, she was awfully observant of people's moods and behaviours. And Hermione just wasn't ready to tell her everything she knew. Why upset her now when she'd have a semester at Hogwarts to think about how she'd explain it? It wasn't worth the drama now, and as a fifteen year old girl, there were much more important things she should be concerned about instead.
It took a few moments, but eventually Rose nodded and gave her mum a sleepy smile, "Okay. I believe you."
"Good. Now, you should get to sleep," Hermione said, taking the book next to her and setting it on her nightstand.
"I already have my trunk ready for tomorrow though," Rose protested, her eyes following the book.
"Well, it's going to take two of us to wake Hugo up in the morning. You can't leave me to do that all by myself."
Rose sighed in defeat, "You make a fair point."
"Goodnight love," Hermione smiled, leaning over to kiss her on the cheek.
Rose kissed her back before falling against the pillows, "Night Mum."
Hermione gave her one last smile before snapping her fingers, and diminishing the light from the room.
…
Hermione jumped as another loud snore sounded through the room. She shot a glare at Ron from her closet, as he laid asleep on their bed. He was still dressed in his party robes, and hadn't moved a muscle when Hermione came in and turned on the lights to get ready for bed. Looks like it was going to be another uncomfortable night sleeping in the guest bedroom for her.
She sighed, ripping her eyes away from the man she was married to. She didn't know how she'd explain it to her kids that she was leaving Ron. Honestly, she'd only just come to terms with it herself. When the position at Hogwarts opened up, it was like a sign from God telling her that she needed to go.
The talk with Harry kept running through her mind. It was hard to talk to him like they were old friends. The last honest casual conversation they'd had alone like that was over fifteen years ago. Hermione closed her eyes, remembering the days she'd considered the worst of her life…
~~~
"How long have you been back?" Harry asked her, a harsh look starting to form in his emotional eyes. The loud music and boisterous yells from inside the party at Seamus and Dean's flat were making it hard to stare into them, but Hermione knew that if she looked away, he would lose it.
So she bit her lip and shrugged, "Only about a week."
"Where'd you go?" he questioned brusquely.
Hermione closed her eyes for a brief second. She knew that this wasn't going to be easy. But she owed him this- an explanation, if that's what it was. "I was in France for most of the time. My family has a flat in Paris."
"You know, you could've been fucking dead for all I knew…"
Hermione took a deep breath and nodded, "I know, but I'm not dead."
"I could've been dead," Harry continued, taking an angry step forward, "But you obviously didn't care to know that."
She shook her head, suddenly feeling the need to defend herself. She knew that what she had done was unforgivable, but still, she couldn't handle him thinking that she simply didn't care anymore, "Harry, I- I haven't been… normal… for the past few months. I haven't given any focus to anyone. Except," she finished mutantly, tears instantly pricking her eyes.
Harry opened his mouth to respond. He wanted to tell her everything; that they should've gone through that together, that he hadn't been normal either, that he still wanted her…
However, no matter how much he wanted to tell her all that, no words came out.
"So you're with Ginny now?" Hermione asked after a few minutes of silence.
"I-I…" Harry stood there, fumbling like a fish out of water for a moment before he finally shook his head and gave her a narrowed look, "You said you didn't want to be with me! I waited, but-"
"Harry, I'm not asking for an explanation from you. I'm glad that you're with Ginny. I'm happy that you're… moving on…"
"Are you moving on?" Harry asked, giving her a penetrating stare. All he needed was one hint that she still loved him, and he would leave Ginny in an instant to be back with her. The truth was that no matter how much he liked Ginny, he could never love someone else the way he loved Hermione.
Hermione bit her lip. Harry was just about to ask if that was a sign of hesitation before she nodded, "Yeah… I think I am…"
"With Ron?" he asked numbly.
Hermione shrugged. Now she really couldn't bring herself to look him in the eyes, "I didn't expect for him to be this good to me, you know? He- he knows how to put a smile on my face. I think I need that right now."
Harry wanted to roll his eyes. He wanted to tell her that being in a relationship was more work than just having the ability to make the other smile. What happened to Ron and Hermione fighting like cats and dogs all of the time? Now it was that he was making her smile?
Personally, Harry thought she was being naïve. Ron would never be able to handle all the shit they went through. Ron could never get to know her on the level he knew her.
"But Harry?" Hermione spoke quietly after a few seconds.
"What?"
"I-I…"
"What?" he asked again, this time softly.
Hermione scuffed her shoe on the pavement, "It's just… now that I'm back, and we'll be seeing more of each other… I-I'd like for us to try and be friends again."
"Friends?" Harry repeated. They'd always been friends, but now the word tasted like poison to him.
Hermione bit her lip again, "Please."
Harry scoffed under his breath, turning to look off into the distance, "Yeah. Friends…"
~~~
Hermione closed her eyes, remembering that night sixteen years ago. She'd been so nervous to see him that night, especially with the ulterior knowledge that he and Ginny were seeing each other. The whole friends plea truly came out of nowhere… but it didn't matter anyway. They'd never worked to make that agreement come true.
And that was the sad reality. Harry and Hermione were not friends. They were simply married to a brother and a sister. Their kids were cousins. That was as far as their relationship went.
Hermione let out another sigh as she reached into the bottom of her dresser drawer and pulled out the small three by four picture, charmed for her eyes only.
Though, it would be a lie if Hermione said that she hadn't wished for things to be different back then.
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Again, I hope it was bearable. If it's not clear already, then I'd like to assure you that even though they're married, their won't be tons of H/G, Hr/R interaction. Next chapter's Hogwarts!