Unofficial Portkey Archive

But I never told you

What I should have said

No I never told you

I just held it in

And now I miss everything about you

I can't believe I still want you

After all the things we've been through

I miss everything about you

Without you

-I Never Told You by Colbie Caillat

I waited at the airport with Luna and Neville for the arrival of Ron and Harry. Ginny had her schedule full of tryouts, but she promised to be there at dinner.

A disembodied voice announced that Ron and Harry's flight just came in, so we waited at the arrival gate.

Ron came first, and after two years, I can't believe how much I missed him.

"Where's Harry?" I asked.

"He's coming-" he began, but I saw his black hair and immediately ran to greet him.

I stopped in my tracks. Harry was with someone. Someone with long, shiny black hair and almond-shaped eyes.

Cho Chang.

They had their arms around each other. It was almost like they were . . . together.

I hugged Harry, feeling awkward. He introduced Cho as her girlfriend, and I was sure that the loud crack in my head was the loud echo of my heart breaking.

Later at dinner, Ginny was shocked to see Harry and Cho together, seeing that they didn't work out when we were in school. Apparently, Cho had also trained to become an Auror and well, there they were. Ginny shot furtive glances at me to see if I was alright. I knew one thing. I wasn't alright.

The bigger surprise came after dessert, when Harry told everyone that they had an announcement to make.

Cho took a deep breath and revealed her left hand. There, on the fourth finger was a glinting diamond ring.

I ring that should have been mine, had I told him the truth before he left.

"We're engaged!" she gushed. In her excitement, she kissed harry on the lips.

I wanted to cry. I wanted to just throw up. I should be the one kissing him, not her.

It's your fault, the voice nagged at the back of my head. Well, the voice was right. It's my fault that I never told him.

Everyone was happy for them. I pretended to look happy for their sake. I didn't want to ruin his now-happy life. Let me be the miserable one.

I immediately excused myself and apparated back to my flat. There, on the coffee table were the recent acceptance letters I'd received. I've been thinking of attending an Ivy League university to get my proper bachelor's degree. Maybe even a Masters. Now seemed the right time to do it.

I gathered everyone for lunch the following day (except Cho and Harry, they were looking for apartments) for my own announcement.

"I'm going to the States," I said nonchalantly as I began serving them cake for dessert.

"Hermione, are you mad?" Ginny asked.

"Call me bonkers, then," I replied, "I just wasn't to get a proper degree, you know. It will be quite useful."

"But Hermione," Ron began, "you'll be an entire ocean away."

"All the better," I blurted accidentally. Ginny raised her eyebrow while the rest gave me puzzled stares. "I-I-I mean, at least I'll be able to concentrate. I already took a few entrance exams. I've been accepted to Harvard, Yale and UCLA, but Brown really seems like the school for me."

"Hermione, are you sure?" Luna asked. "Are you even serious?"

"Of course I'm sure," I replied confidently. "And very serious about it. The reason I'm telling you is because I leave next week."

"Hermione, you can't be serious," Neville said.

"I already told you, I'm serious!"

The following week past uneventfully. I got all my papers done. It seemed like everything was working together just to let me leave.

"Ginny, make sure Harry doesn't find out 'til I'm gone, okay?" she pleaded.

"Why?"

"I just . . . don't want to ruin his life," she replied. "Just put this letter in their apartment on the morning of my flight. Make sure to do it sneakily."

"Okay," she replied with a laugh. Her eyes glowed with realization. "It's because of him, isn't it? He's the reason why you suddenly want to go to the States."

"Apparently, you read my mind," Hermione admitted. "I just want to spare myself from hurting. Four years is a long time. That should do the trick."

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Harry's POV

I woke up with Cho beside me as always. I looked at her carefully. Her soft lips, her beautiful hair, her peaceful face. Suddenly, I just realized that I wanted Hermione to be the girl I wake up with. Apparently, my feelings for her are still palpable. Gently, I stood up and padded to the kitchen to prepare breakfast. As usual.

The letter on the dinner table caught my attention first. My name was scribbled on the front in Hermione's handwriting.

What the-?

I brewed myself a cup of coffee and sat down on the couch. Why did Hermione write me a letter? She could just all me on the phone. I opened the letter gingerly and began reading.

Dear Harry,

I suppose I'm already on the plane now, on the way to the States, where I'll be attending college. I'm really sorry I didn't tell you. I was just scared that I might say anything unnecessary.

When you were training to become an Auror, I couldn't believe that I missed you so much. I miss how we used to help each other, save each other's lives and things like that. Heck, I even missed your green eyes. I missed looking at your smile, and the blanket of security that it gives me.

Now that I'm an entire ocean away from you, I'm sure I'll miss everything about you. I'm sure that life without my best friend would be very hard.

You're probably wondering why I wrote this letter, instead of just calling you on the phone and saying goodbye properly. Well, there's this one thing that I really, really regret and I' m afraid I'll be embarrassed when I say this because I'm already too late. You won't be finding out until the end of this letter, though. I want you to know that I'm really sorry that I held it in. I can't say it to you personally anymore, because I don't want to ruin your life.

I'll be in the US for at least four years, harry. I might find a job there and maybe I'll just come and visit sometimes. When I don't feel ashamed of myself, that is. I hope you and Cho would have a wonderful future ahead of you. Don't worry about me. I'll be okay.

I love you, Harry. I love you more than I should, than a best friend should. I'm sorry I never told you.

Love from Hermione

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