DISCLAIMER: Harry Potter is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. The Oz series was originally created by L. Frank Baum and is now owned by the International Wizard of Oz Club and Walt Disney Pictures Inc. while the classic 1939 film The Wizard of Oz was produced by Metro Golden Meyer though recently re-released by Warner Bros. Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.
A/N Mel Gibson's controversial film "The Passion of the Christ" is has been released. Everybody, if you have enough free time to read this chapter, go watch this film as soon as you can. That is, after you read this chapter of course. OK, that was probably a little stupid for an A/N. Of course, I'm free to say anything in my A/Ns.
Chapter 11: The Next Phase
Crookshanks was bored. Of course being a cat, boredom wasn't really much of a deal since the average cat tended to sleep for twenty hours a day: if you had nothing else to do, just curl up and sleep. But Crookshanks was obligated; he had asked if he could get to know any of the other cats of Oz. After all, any feline was bound to be far more amicable than Mrs. Norris. But while Eureka and the Glass Cat were definitely preferable over Mrs. Norris, they made Crookshanks wonder if he himself was the only decent cat in existence personality wise.
"So like I was saying I do believe you see me as the most beautiful feline in the all the lands you have ever been in, do you not Mr. Crookshanks?" said the Glass Cat. "After all, what other cat has the crystalline transparent skin like I do? How much beauty can you observe from the rolling of my pink brains? Or the gleam of my ruby heart?"
Crookshanks hissed. "Oh come on, that's nothing more than a red stone and a bunch of pink gunk," he snapped irritably. "And besides what's the big deal with you being transparent? Can you imagine how unsightly you look when you eat something?"
"I don't eat!" said the Glass Cat with an indignant shake of her head. "I have far better things to do than chase mice around each day."
"If you don't chase mice, what good are you other than standing around trying to look beautiful?" said Crookshanks. The Glass Cat looked furious.
"He's certainly my favorite cat," said Eureka. She was called the 'Pink Kitten' but as cats were partially color blind, Crookshanks couldn't tell whether she was white or pink.
"So what kind of a name is 'Crookshanks' anyway?" asked the Glass Cat, obviously trying to change the subject.
"I don't know. What's your name again?" asked Crookshanks.
"Yeah, what was your name again?" asked Eureka. She already knew the Glass Cat's name but she never missed an opportunity to tease the other cat.
Looking absolutely mortified, the Glass Cat mumbled something unintelligible.
"I can't hear you," said Eureka with a singsong voice.
"It's 'Bungle' OK!" snapped the Glass Cat. The other two cats burst into laughter much to the Glass Cat's anger. "I don't see why you find it necessary to embarrass me. You don't have much of a clean history yourself pork eater!" she snapped at Eureka.
"Pork eater?" asked Crookshanks.
"This flesh and blood cat," said the Glass Cat "was once nearly beheaded for attempting to eat Ozma's pet piglet. That was before I came to the Emerald City but I know the story."
"Hmph, those pigs were practically begging to be eaten looking so plump and juicy like," said Eureka.
"Oh what have I gotten myself into?" groaned Crookshanks.
"You only reap the seeds you sow," replied Hedwig from her perch above the bickering felines. "You asked to spend some time with some Oz cats and now you're obliged to spend your time with them."
"Oh very funny," snapped Crookshanks. "I don't see you having such a great time with your companion."
"Owls and chickens don't necessarily get along," said Hedwig, referring to the golden hen perched next to her.
"I would be a more friendly chicken if the owl were not as haughty," replied the yellow chicken. Her name was Billina and she was a companion of Dorothy from way back.
"I am sorry you think of me as too haughty," said Hedwig "but when I was told that I could meet with another bird other than Pigwigeon, I was hoping I could meet another owl, or at the very least another raptor."
"Sometimes, you don't know what you've really got until after you get it," said Billina. "Take me for example. Sometime after I arrived in Oz, I hatched eleven chicks. Since I couldn't tell them apart, I called all of them 'Dorothy' and they all wore a locket containing a picture of Dorothy from Kansas. Unfortunately, two of the chicks turned out to be roosters so I had to change their names to 'Daniel'."
"And exactly how does this relate to our situation?" asked both Hedwig and Crookshanks at the same time.
Billina blinked and said, "I'm not sure."
Hedwig would've said something if a cry hadn't suddenly rang out from down the hall proclaiming, "The Princess has returned! Princess Ozma has returned!"
* * *
Ozma stepped into the Tin Castle amidst the cheers of the Winkies and the Ozites. She smiled at them lovingly before stepping up on a dais. "Thank you everybody, and I am sorry that I have caused so much worry and fear during the time I was held prisoner. I extend my gratitude to the wizards and witches of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry who released me from my prison," she said. "This evening, we will hold a council to decide are next course of action. I would like to invite the Hogwarts representatives to attend."
Harry and Hermione acknowledged Ozma as she took her leave amidst the cheers of the Ozites. Others were about to leave when Ron came forth and said, "Hey Scarecrow." The Scarecrow came up as Ginny pulled Draco forward. "Scarecrow, this is Draco Malfoy," said Ron.
"Wow, a man made out of straw. What will people think up next?" said Draco in a daze.
"Let me guess, he drank from the Forbidden Fountain," said the Scarecrow.
"That's right," said Ginny. "Ron says he can now be completely reeducated. I wouldn't go as far as say reeducated but I was wondering if you knew anybody that could at least give him a new kind of identity. Someone who knows how to live life to the fullest, and has a sense of fairness and kindness will also help. Someone..."
"Someone with no dignity whatsoever!" exclaimed Ron. Ginny scowled at her brother who merely grinned back at her unashamedly. Draco just looked confused.
The Scarecrow appeared to be lost in thought. "Well, the Tin Woodsman would be the best person to teach him kindness and fairness," he said, "But if you want someone to teach him how to live life to the fullest with no dignity, you want Scraps."
"Who's Scraps?" asked Ron and Ginny. No sooner had they said this, a swirl of many colors bounded up in front of them, turning cartwheels, back flips, somersaults, moon-saults and the occasional dance step. The multicolored figure stopped in front of Ron, Ginny, and Draco in the pose of a cross between a curtsey and a bow.
It was a Patchwork Girl. She had a patchwork skirt and apron, red leather shoes, carefully formed fingers and thumbs with small gold plates for fingernails, and was stuffed throughout with cotton. Her hair was brown yarn, which hung down to her neck in several braids. Two silver buttons stitched on with black thread served for her eyes, and her ears were made of two thin gold plates also stitched on with black thread. Her mouth was shaped with two rows of pearls sewn in for teeth and a tongue of scarlet plush, but it was closed in the back and thus did not connect to anything in her stuffed cotton insides. Her face looked just like the rest of her patchwork figure, with one cheek of yellow and the other red, a blue chin, purple forehead, and a padded, bright yellow nose.
"Did someone call me?" asked the Patchwork Girl.
"Scraps," said the Scarecrow. "This is Draco Malfoy he drank from the Forbidden Fountain."
"Say nothing further," said the Patchwork Girl. "I'll teach him all the basics of living. And might we consider giving him a new name? 'Draco Malfoy' sounds so gloomy and depressing?"
"You're the one with no dignity?" asked Ron.
"I hate Dignity!" exclaimed Scraps, going into a fast paced dance. "Perhaps I would've been more 'dignified' if Ojo the Munchkin boy hadn't placed more brain mixtures in my head than was meant to. But as it is, I'm grateful to Ojo as I certainly wouldn't have wanted to end up a boring servant with only the intelligence to do her job." Scraps suddenly burst into song and started turning cartwheels.
Ron's grin grew wider. "Can you just imagine Malfoy acting like this Patchwork Girl?"
Ginny shrugged. "It might be interesting to see."
* * *
There was still some time to go before the council started so the Hogwarts students had to kill time. At present, they were chatting with one H. M. Wogglebug, T. E; that is he was a Highly Magnified Wogglebug whom was also Thoroughly Educated. He was rather flat, with a glistening dark brown back and a striped light brown and white front. His nose ended in a curling antenna and his ears looked like miniature curling pigtails. He wore a swallowtail coat that is dark blue with a yellow silk lining and a flower in the buttonhole, a white vest, fawn colored knickers, and a top hat.
"So as I was saying, why waste valuable time studying when you could spend all that time playing sports?" said the Wogglebug. "When I became headmaster of the Royal Athletic College of Oz, I brought in the School Pills: they're sugar coated pills that give you dosages of basic education like grammar or spelling. Thus, the students at the great Temple of Learning don't need to waste time studying when they could be playing sports, they pills do all the studying for them."
Ron looked delighted at the prospect of School Pills. Hermione looked horribly scandalized.
"How could you implement such a thing?" she exclaimed. "How could you disband all the joys of learning for the pursuits of sports? I've never heard of such a thing so ridiculous!"
"I've never heard anything more wonderful," said Ron.
"You would," said Hermione haughtily. "But what happened to the joys of learning?"
"Joys? I'll tell you what would give me joy," said Ron. "Hogwarts bringing in these School Pills! Can you imagine Harry? Getting to play Quidditch instead of taking all those classes? All that Quidditch?"
"I don't know," said Harry. "Well sure I'd rather play Quidditch than take Potions but I think even I'd get tired of the sport if that was all I did twenty four-seven."
"You're mental, you know that?" said Ron.
"No, these School Pills are what's mental!" shrieked Hermione in a shrill voice. "How can you even consider these, these alternatives?! Don't you understand the joy of looking something up and learning something new?"
The Wogglebug looked troubled. "I don't know. I've never looked up anything, other than a magnifying glass." Hermione sighed exasperatedly at the Wogglebug's poor (in her opinion at least) pun.
Hermione was about to come up with another retort when a voice called out, "The Council will start now." Sighing, she and the other Hogwarts students made their way to the council.
A/N OK, I confess. This chapter is mostly a filler episode to showcase the various Oz characters. I'm having so much fun writing about these characters. But, I'm writing a story here so I'll promise everyone that the plot will advance again next chapter. In the mean time, let us bask in the joy of LOTR:ROTK winning 11 Academy Awards.