Cruel Summer
The steaming water beat down on James' back as he pushed his head under the strong jets. He enjoyed feeling the nearly-scorching liquid run down his body after Quidditch training. It released his tight muscles and also helped him think clearly. There was a kind of peace that took him after playing Quidditch…as though something deep inside him had been sated and was finally able to relax.
The disruption of voices broke into his mind and caused him to stop and open his eyes. They were male voices. The low laughter of boys, that had just cracked a stupid joke or something rather sordid.
James kept quiet and swiftly turned the water off, increasing the volume of their voices and allowing him to hear them better.
`Nah…course we'll beat Gryffindor,' the voice laughed.
Ok…they're not Gryffindor's…wait a sec…NO YOU BLOODY WON'T!
James felt like ripping the door open, grabbing this stupid person and kicking the crap out of him. He was tremendously passionate about Quidditch and had only lost matches in extreme cases…very extreme. The Marauder listened hard again, filtering out the others laughter and movement to hear actual words.
`You know…if we do win this match, I might actually push the odds in my favour of getting her.'
What?
He heard the Quidditch team either groan or snort with laughter. Another voice then caught his attention.
`Yeah right…everyone knows she's in Potters pocket!'
At the mention of his name, James felt the anger in him increase for some reason. He couldn't recognise the voices of these people, but felt uneasy at the sheer knowledge that they apparently seemed to know him.
Who's in my pocket? A girl? Cool!
`Maybe she is…but that doesn't stop me from going after her myself…and anyway, she might change her mind when she sees me kick Potters arse on the field.'
Their laughter tested James' ability of control. He leant his head against the cold, ceramic tiles and screwed his eyes shut.
Oh…I'm so gonna enjoy beating the shit out of you…whoever you are…
`I didn't think she was dating Potter.'
`Apparently she's not…but there's something going on there.'
Who am I supposed to be dating?
The boy laughed, `I bet he's into her…I mean, anyone living with her would have to notice her soon enough…probably jerks off to her in the next room.'
It was that second that James realised who they were talking about…Lily. That guy liked…Lily.
His Lily.
The surge of rage that flew up from his toes to the top of his head, made thinking an exceptionally difficult thing to do. He just about refrained from launching himself out of the cubicle door, stark naked.
Fucking twat! He's never going to get her…I'll break his legs before he even manages to ask her!
`Hmmm,' the boy continued, `I dunno what I'd do if I was in his position…jump her and fuck that sweet little body probably.'
Laughter filled the changing room. James couldn't believe the stuff they were saying about her. Lily wasn't like that…he wouldn't let her be like that…he'd die before he let some random guy take her.
`Come on Matt…like Potter would let you do that.'
`Oh yeah?' he snapped, `Potter's probably had the same idea…Lily must look good enough to eat…no one around…no witnesses.'
Matt? Who the fuck is Matt?
Anger was pulsing through his veins, as if the only thing keeping his body focused was liquid rage, instead of blood. James was certain this Matt guy was going to feel what pain really was. James pulled his trousers on in fury, replaying the disgusting ideas the boy had suggested that he did to Lily.
God Lil…this bastard's gonna pay!
`So how far have you got with her?'
This stopped James dead in his tracks, and he listened intently.
`Progressing,' James heard the smile in his voice, `any day now she's gonna be aching to get into my bed…guys, that virgin's gonna be mine.'
James tore the door open, slamming it against the ceramic wall and the crash silencing the large changing room. He looked at the boys as he walked into the room, his shirt askew in the rage of pulling it on. The moment he saw them, everything fit into place like a sick and twisted jigsaw.
He acknowledged the Ravenclaw chaser with pure contempt, `Hmm, really? Somehow…I don't think so.'
After the shock of everything he'd said being heard by the Head Boy, Matthew narrowed his dark eyes, `Ohhh, I get it…he does have a thing for the Head Girl.'
James fumed as he watch him leer, `Appropriate name don't you think?'
He restrained himself from pointing his wand at the boy and shouting the worst Unforgivable curse he knew. Instead he gritted his teeth and spoke, his cerulean eyes glittering with confined venom.
`I'd kill you…before you even got close enough to look at her.'
Matthew looked at him with mock regret, `Sorry mate…bit late for that…she seems to want to get close quite a lot…and I'm not going to deprive her of that.'
James laughed sarcastically, `and you think I'd just let her go off with you…you're a fucking idiot!'
`Come on now Potter…what's a little sharing between captains…you have her in the mornings, I have her at night.'
Forgetting all means of wizard fighting, James lunged at the Ravenclaw and slammed a hard punch into the side of his face. He grabbed him, throwing them both to the floor and punched him around the face a few more times. He didn't think; he just saw Matthew and Lily in his head, her beautiful smile and pretty laughter…and it being destroyed by Matthew's sick threats.
James felt himself being wrenched away from the boy under his fists, and he fought against them; needing to feel his hard punches against the sticky bloodied face that was Matthew Reede. It was just a red haze…a void of everything except retribution.
Someone slapped him hard across the face, and he grabbed them hard, throwing the opposing body to the cold, hard floor of the changing room.
`For fuck sake Prongs! What's wrong with you?'
The haze lifted quickly, his nickname somehow being the password to his normal self. James was latched onto Sirius, his hands gripping his clothes and pinning him to the ground. He let go quickly and sat back, surveying the room quickly. Peter and Remus were standing by the door and looking at him, a worried shock distorting their features. The Ravenclaw Quidditch team were either huddled by their severely injured captain, or looking at him with a new distasteful fear.
Sirius got up and straightened his clothes, watching his best friend in confusion.
The rest of the Marauders had been walking towards the Quidditch field, looking for their friend, when they heard shouts and cries of people. Finding James pounding the crap out of the boy, Sirius had tried to intervene - only ending up on his arse, nearly getting a punch from James himself.
James didn't know what to do as he sat there. He didn't feel sorry for doing it…it was for Lily, not him.
Not like she'll ever be grateful for it though.
James examined the split skin over his knuckles, the pain slowly dulling the anger. Grabbing his Broomstick and remaining Quidditch stuff, he walked slowly towards the changing room exit.
`Prongs?' he heard Sirius call out to him.
He ignored him continuing towards the door.
`Hey…James?'
James didn't care. If he couldn't have her…nothing would matter anymore.
**************************
Lily stormed into the Head Common Room; bursting through the door, and slamming it shut behind her. James sprung awake from his sleeping position on the sofa. He sat up and rubbed his eyes groggily, and Lily walked over to him, anger flaring in her deep green eyes.
`What the hell did you think you were doing?' she shrieked at him.
James subconsciously backed away on the sofa from her voice, and grimaced at the look of fury on her face.
`I can't understand why you're so stupid James!' she continued, `you pick fights with people…you are so ridiculous it makes me sick!'
After waking up a bit more, he brain processed what she had spat at him and he glared at her, standing up, `Lily, I…'
`Just shut up!' she snapped, `…you are meant to be Head Boy, James! How could you be so immature?'
James watched the girl in front of him pace back and forth, shooting glares and looks of disgust at him. Lily had heard about the fight between the two boys at dinner as it was all the Gryffindor table could talk about, and also that James had provoked it - which she wasn't surprised of. She had made her way to the Head Common Room after dinner was over, knowing he would be there. She couldn't grasp why he would be such an idiot to jeopardise his position in the school, just over some disagreement.
God! Why do boys have to get physical? Why can't they just use their brains for once in their lives?
Lily looked back at the Marauder, `Do you realise that you could get suspended? What are you going to do then?'
`Not much I can do is there Lily!' James growled folding his arms across his chest.
She turned to face him, `Well maybe you should go and speak to Professor Dumbledore. Tell him that you didn't mean to or something…apologise maybe.'
James couldn't believe the words that were coming out of her mouth, they were ludicrous…there was no way he was going to do that. He imagined himself doing all of those things…apologising to Reede and pleading with Dumbledore…no way.
`I'm not going to apologise Lily! And what I did…I very much don't regret!'
Lily narrowed her eyes at him, `What the hell is that supposed to mean?'
`I thought you were meant to be smart,' he snarled, watching the anger spread over her face, `It means…I don't regret showing that dickhead just what I think of him.'
`Oh for god sake,' Lily barked, sick and tired of him, `Is this all just because Matthew likes me?'
James paused, stunned, `Wha…'
`Because I know James!' she said cutting him off, `I know…about you…'
He frowned and looked her, `About me?'
`Yes,' Lily nodded, her eyes never leaving his `I know…about your feelings…for me.'
Erm…whatthefuck?
`M-my feelings?'
`Yes, and if this is just some kind of male territory thing…just stop it!'
James wondered if this whole thing was some kind of dream. She knew his feelings? How the hell did that happen?
Ok, she knows what you feel for her…but she still thinks that twat is some kind of god?
`Lily, he doesn't like you,' he said gently.
Her emerald eyes dazzled with rage, and she spoke bitterly, `Well I care to differ!'
`What?' he said incredulously, `Lily…look I wouldn't lie about this!'
`Oh really?' she spat, `I would of thought it would come easy to you!'
`For fuck sake!' he yelled in frustration, `why do you have to make this so difficult?'
`Me?' she screeched back at him, `It was you trying to dispose of potential boyfriends!'
`Lily, he was going to fuck you then ditch you…relationship was not going through his mind!
James had thought he'd got through to her as she paused and looked at him, the raw hurt showing evidently in her eyes. He watched her with open compassion and stepped closer to her.
`You say that you love me James,' she finally croaked.
`Yes…Lily I do…I don't know h…'
`Then why,' she growled, `do you persist in trying to ruin everything good that happens in my life!'
He stopped, his mind not really registering fully the comment she just made, `What are y…'
`You're so sick in the head James,' she said, backing away from him, sharp tears stinging her eyes, `Matthew wouldn't do that…he's not Sirius…'
`Sirius has nothing to do with this Evans!'
`You're lying James…I know you are…I'm not stupid…'
By this time James thought he was going insane. He didn't know why she wasn't accepting this, it was the truth after all, and he was getting tired of repeating himself. He strode up to her retreating form, grabbing her arms hard and making her flinch under his grip.
James looked hard into her eyes, `Listen… I heard him informing the entire Ravenclaw Quidditch team about the stuff he was going to do with you! I'm not going to repeat it, because you damn well won't believe me! It was sick and disgusting! That's why I punched him…and that's why I don't regret it!'
Lily looked at him, the fear showing clearly in her eyes. He didn't want that, he didn't want her to be scared of him. She kept stealing small glances at his hands, as if he might punch her.
God Lily, don't think that…I would never…
He felt her shiver her under his hands, and he moved into her a little more. James didn't know what he was doing…he saw how delicate she was, and he wanted to wrap her in his arms, and protect her from the likes of Matthew Reede and everyone else. Despite her fiery and confident composure, she appeared in front of him now as a naïve little girl, not really knowing what she was getting herself into.
I wish I'd killed Reede for taking advantage of that!
`Lily…' he whispered, moving into her.
Lily couldn't think as she watched him advance on her. She liked the feeling of him holding her, it felt as if nothing could hurt her…except maybe him. Her sense of reason was damaged before he had grabbed her and Lily's mind wasn't acknowledging what exactly was happening. All she knew next was the feeling of his lips pressing down on hers, coaxing a low moan in her throat and a flare of electricity through her body. Lily, not thinking, parted her lips as he moved his tongue over them.
James was in heaven. This felt so good. Her mouth was so warm and sweet as he caressed her softly with his tongue, and the little whimpering noises that were coming from her throat were delicious. He found that he had his hands tangled in her auburn hair, running the rich colour through his fingers as he kissed her. The taste of her was intoxicating…such a sweet and pure taste. God, he wanted her…he wanted to possess her completely.
`Lil…' he breathed through the kisses, `god…I love you…'
James deepened the intensity of the assault on her mouth; getting lost in the sensation of her…here…with him…together. It was everything he wanted, and it was finally happening. He moved her towards the back of the sofa, pressing her sinewy body in between his and the soft material. James moved his hands down her sides, gripping her hips; just wanting to feel her here, making sure it's not some cruel trick his mind was mercifully playing on him. He knew the truth when he felt Lily's small hands on his shoulders and he slid his hands back up her body, gently kissing the base of her neck, and earning a whimper from her.
Lily felt a shock run through her as his lips met the sensitive space of skin near her collarbone, and she moaned from his hair brushing her skin, making it buzz with a feeling of charged electricity. Hearing him mumbling incoherent words, her mind was sent into an overdrive of questions and uncertainties.
Oh God, what am I doing? I don't get this…how did this happen? What does he think he's doing? This isn't right, I don't want this!
`Mmm, Lil…baby you're so beautiful,' she heard him sigh near her ear.
Lily cringed, remembering everything and not wanting to believe. She placed her hands over his wandering ones and tugged them off her body. James didn't understand as she pushed him away and he looked at her.
`Lil?' he ventured, unsure of what…and why…
`Don't…James…I just…I didn't want this…'
He moved into her again, running his hand through her hair, and cupping her face. Lily looked at him for a second then pulled away, moving out of the small space between the sofa and his strong body.
`Lily…please…don't do this…I love you…'
She couldn't listen to him; couldn't handle the situation. What was wrong with her? How come she didn't know what she was doing? It was as if he took her over for a moment in time. Her senses were in overload and all she was able to do was respond to his soft kisses…and delicate touches…
God, shut up! I don't love James!
She heard him call her name again as she made her way to her bedroom door, and she reluctantly turned around to look at him. He looked like a dishevelled puppy; his hair was more messy than normal - where she knew she had ran her fingers through it. His clothes were also a bit untidy, and Lily didn't want to know what she had done to do that.
`Lil…'
`Just stop James, ok?' she snapped, `that just then…it wasn't me, I don't want this…I don't want you James, after what has happened in the past, you can't really blame me can you?'
She turned around, walking closer towards her bedroom door, and she turned back to James' hurt expression, `I hope you don't expect me to believe what you said about Matthew…he's not like that James, and I know he's not…I'll make up my own mind thank you, and I don't need anyone else's contribution…
She paused, `I'll see you in the morning.'
With that, she turned and opened the door to her room, leaving a thoroughly hurt and confused James to watch her walk inside and close it firmly.
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