A/N: Once again, thank you, merci, gracias, grazie, obrigado, xie xie for all the reviews! Holy sheeet, you guys are so kind; am in severe danger of getting a big head! Ok, I'll shut up now and here is the long-awaited.. um.. well, here it is! Hope you likes!
Chapter Eleven
You know how they say you don't appreciate what you have until you don't have it anymore? That was the
prevailing thought in Harry's mind for the whole two weeks since his and Hermione's falling out.
To say he had been buffaloed by Hermione's outburst would be the understatement of the century. He was very angry with her for what she'd said. There was a grain of truth in her blowup, sure, but that was beside the point. Even though he was sure that she hadn't meant what she'd said, the way Harry saw it, she had to have at least thought it unconsciously for it to come out that way.
Harry missed her so much, even as he stubbornly avoided contacting her or talking to or about her.
But try as he might, he couldn't turn off his mind. He couldn't stop thinking about her. Her words had really hurt him, because she was the one person whose opinion mattered most to him. She was the woman he loved. Yes, he still loved her. He would always love her and that was why it hurt so much.
When Harry wanted to wax philosophical, he would wonder why what happened had happened on the very day he'd decided to tell her how he felt. It was as if fate was punishing him for being presumptuous. Look at all the crap that had happened in his life so far. You'd think he would have learned. Who the hell was he to think he had a right to happiness?
Wait. There's Emerson. She makes him happy. Right? Sure, when she wasn't screaming nonstop for seemingly no reason. Which she had being doing a lot lately. If he didn't know better, Harry would have thought Emerson was merely manifesting how he felt about what had happened with Hermione. God knew he wanted to scream like that sometimes too.
But as it was, Harry was being run ragged by his daughter. Something was wrong with her but everybody he talked to said she was fine. "Oh, just normal growing pains. How old's she again? Seven months? Yeah, just normal growing pains." Dismissive hand motions.
Maybe so, but without Hermione to help him anymore, Harry was really feeling the pressure. He was at his wit's end. And miserable, to boot.
************
Hermione was hardly having a better time of it. She was having trouble sleeping, worrying about Harry and Emerson. She missed him so much, missed their laughter and friendship. She missed Emerson, whom she had come to regard almost as her own child. She missed just being in Harry's presence and when she thought about how she had let her emotions run away with her, she wanted to weep with embarrassment.
She felt so guilty and was terrified that she had ruined their friendship; Harry hadn't said a peep to her in two weeks. Ron had been sending his regular owls from the road, but she couldn't bear to tell him what had happened and just let Ron go on thinking that everything was the same.
It was, without a doubt, the worst two weeks of Hermione's life.
************
"Come on, Em. Please stop crying," Harry pleaded as he walked his daughter back and forth across his living room a few nights later. The baby had been wailing almost incessantly all day and had woken him up three times the night before. That was three steps back, as far as Harry was concerned, because she'd already been sleeping through the night. And now this.
But nothing he tried seemed to work and he was tired and irritated. He wanted badly to get someone, but it was now after 10 o'clock and he didn't want to bother anyone. He wished Hermione-
"No, I don't," he said aloud, juggling Emerson who started struggling to be put down. He acquiesced only to have her immediately wanting to be picked up again. "Oh God. Who am I kidding? I need Hermione."
If Voldemort could see him now! The great Harry Potter browbeatened by a seven month old.
'What a missed opportunity, ole Tommy. All you had to do was stick me with a cranky baby and you'd have won,' Harry thought sardonically.
Frustrated, he picked her up and carried her upstairs to her room. Harry placed her in her crib and walked out of the room. Emerson started crying louder and something inside Harry snapped. He spun around in the doorway and glared at his daughter who was standing up holding onto the bars of the crib, looking utterly miserable.
"WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?" he yelled, gripping his hair. "CAN'T YOU SHUT UP FOR ONE MINUTE?!"
The baby's mouth fell open in shock and for a long ominously silent moment, Harry and his daughter stared at each other. So intent were they that they didn't notice a startled Hedwig taking flight out the open window.
Emerson plopped down onto her rump, drew in a deep breath and let out an utterly glass-shattering scream.
"Oh God. Oh shit," Harry moaned as he hurried to her. "Em, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." He reached into the crib to pick her up but the baby went rigid and turned away from him. Mortified, he drew his hand away and sank down to the floor. Emerson was crying as if her little heart was breaking and defeated, Harry leaned his head against the crib and cried too.
************
Hermione apparated into her living room, glad to finally be home. She had been her father's "date" to the Greater London Dentist's Association Awards dinner and while it had been great seeing her dad pick up an award, she was a bit too caught up in her personal misery to really be a good companion. At least she had looked the part of the doting daughter - short, black strapless cocktail dress, heels and her hair up in a nice updo. Minimal makeup. More than a few young bachelors had approached her but she'd politely declined them all.
She sighed, dropped her bag and made her way to the kitchen for a quick cup of tea before bed. She had just summoned her favorite cup when Hedwig swooped through her window like a large white bat.
Hermione's heart leapt. Had Harry sent her a message? Was he finally ready to talk to her again?
"Hedwig! Do you have a letter? Is Harry writing to me again?"
Hedwig clattered her beak as if trying to say something and Hermione frowned. There wasn't anything tied to the owl's leg. Had she lost it? "Hedwig. Where's- Is something- Oh my God! Is something wrong with Harry? Emerson?"
The bird squawked louder and swooped back out the window, obviously telling her to follow, and feeling frantic, Hermione gathered herself, concentrated and disapparated.
She arrived in Harry's living room to the sound of a baby crying above her. Her heart in her throat, Hermione ran up the stairs and burst through Emerson's open doorway. The sight before her made her stop and stare. Emerson was sitting in her crib sobbing heartbreakingly while Harry sat on the floor with his head in his hands.
"Oh my God, Harry! What happened?" Hermione exclaimed, hurrying to the baby.
He gestured miserably, his face streaked with tears and a look of utmost self-loathing on his features.
Hermione picked the baby up. "Oh, sweetheart. It's ok. It's ok. Harry, go downstairs and make some tea. I'll be right down, ok?"
He shot her a look of pure gratitude before he stumbled out of the room and Hermione turned her attention back to the distressed child.
Fifteen minutes later, Emerson was fast asleep and Hermione shut the door, muttered the appropriate charms and crept downstairs. What on earth had happened here?
**********
Harry was sitting at his kitchen table staring into his untouched cup of tea when he heard Hermione come into the room. He looked up at her and she rushed to him.
"Oh, Harry."
He gathered her into his arms, feeling his eyes prickling. "I can't do this, Hermione. What was I thinking?"
She drew back and sat down in the chair nearest him. "What happened?"
He shook his head. "I don't know. She's been like that for the past two weeks. She wouldn't stop crying.. and.. I just lost it." He looked up at her, his eyes filled with anguish. "I yelled at her, Hermione. She's just a baby and I yelled at her. What kind of horrible person am I? What kind of father am I?"
She reached across the table and took his hand. "Harry, it's alright. You're only human. You had to snap some time. She's teething and it hurts, that's why she's been cranky."
Harry looked down into his cup. "Teething."
She nodded. "I'm so sorry. This is all my fault."
He looked up at her words and watched her face crumble. "Hermione?"
"I'm so sorry, Harry! I didn't mean those nasty things I said. I don't know what happened. I'd just been having a really bad day and I took it out on you. I know that's no excuse-"
God, she was beautiful, even with her wet eyes and her nose turning red. Harry slid off his chair and knelt beside her. It was his turn to comfort her and she threw her arms around his neck and clung to him. He could smell her unique scent on her bare shoulders and suddenly he was aware of how soft her skin was. Suddenly he was aware of the way the small hairs curled at the back of her neck. Suddenly he was aware of how wonderful she felt in his arms and he wanted never to let her go.
Harry held her tighter. "Hermione. Please. Please don't leave me."
She pulled away and touched his face. "I won't leave you. I promise. Can you ever forgive me?"
"There's nothing to forgive," he said, looking into her eyes. And as he said it, he knew it was true. There was nothing he wouldn't do for her. What did a few words spoken in a moment of stress matter if he could have her by his side again? "I need you so much."
She gave him a watery smile and Harry's heart twitched in his chest. Tell her. Tell her now. "I love you," he blurted.
She froze, a look of confusion, surprise - hope?- crossing her features. "Harry, you're tired. You don't know what you're saying," she said shakily.
Harry touched her face. "No, I'm not tired and I do know exactly what I'm saying. I love you. I've loved you for so long that I can't remember a time when I didn't."
Her mouth fell open and tears started rolling down her cheeks again. "Harry, what are you saying?" she asked in a tiny voice.
"I'm saying, Hermione Granger, that I'm so in love with you that I can hardly think straight. I've been miserable without you these past weeks and not because of Em, either. I realized how I felt long before Emerson."
Hermione was openly crying now. "Harry-"
"You don't have to return my feelings," he rushed on, desperately. "I know you don't feel the same way. You love Ian. But I just had to tell you. I couldn't keep it inside any longer."
She laughed even as the tears flowed faster. "Harry Potter, for all that you're the greatest wizard of our generation, you can be so unbelievably stupid. But I don't hold it against you because I've been stupid too."
Harry could scarcely breathe, could scarcely believe what he was hearing. What he hoped he was hearing. Could she be saying what he thought she was? "What are you saying?"
She reached out and stroked his face. "Oh Harry. I love you too. I've always loved you. I don't love Ian. I never have. It's always been you."
Harry's heart was suddenly hammering loudly in his ears, almost rendering him deaf. She loved him! She really loved him. She was still talking but he couldn't hear her anymore; his whole being was so full of joy. He couldn't wait another second. Fulfilling a fantasy he'd had since he was 16 years old, Harry leaned forward and kissed her.
They both gasped at the electric current that surged through them when their lips met. Harry's arms went around her and pulled her off the chair so she was kneeling on the floor with him. His tongue slipped into her mouth and he nearly swooned. She tasted so good. Her lips were so soft, her mouth so warm and Harry deepened the kiss, hungrily exploring her mouth.
They broke apart gasping. Hermione's lips were red and slightly swollen and her eyes were bright. Harry cupped her face and kissed her again and her soft moan when his tongue rubbed lightly against hers raised the little hairs on the backs of his arms. Oh, Zeus. Merlin. Fate. He loved this woman. And she loved him! She-
He broke the kiss, and held her at arm's length. "Hermione, are you really here? Please tell me this isn't just a wonderful dream. Please tell me you're really here and you love me."
She kissed him softly before pulling back. "I'm really here, Harry. And I really do love you. I love you so much, that the word "love" is not enough to describe the feeling."
Harry grabbed her and crushed her to him again, loving her hands in his hair, the sweet scent of strawberries from hers, the simple fact that she was in his arms.
There was a rustle of wings behind him and he pulled away and turned.
"She came to get me," Hermione said, looking at Hedwig.
"Thanks, Hedwig. You're a lifesaver." Harry told the bird, who hooted softly from her perch by the fireplace.
He stood up slowly, pulled Hermione up and looking deeply into her eyes. "How could we have been so blind? So stupid? This whole time we've been feeling the same way about each other?"
She smiled wryly. "Yeah. Almost 15 years. But we know now, right?"
Harry nodded. "Right. And I'm never letting you go," he told her quite seriously. "Do you want something to drink?"
She hesitated then nodded and Harry started to lead her into the kitchen. But Hermione didn't move and Harry turned to look at her. She was biting her lip, and then she looked up at him, her lovely brown eyes so full of love and lust that for a minute, Harry forgot to breathe.
"No, I don't want a drink, Harry. There's something else I want."
Hell, yeah! Harry swallowed. "What do you want?"
Hermione reached up and rubbed her earlobe and the innocent gesture made Harry suddenly light-headed as the blood in his body sped south. "I want... I want you to make love to me."
Harry moved to stand in front of her, taking almost painful notice of how her breasts swelled above her strapless dress. Merlin, she was so hot! "Are you sure?"
In response, she stood up on tiptoe and kissed him. Softly at first, barely there, feather-light kisses that drove Harry crazy. He groaned and slipped his arms around her waist, pulling her body flush against his. He ran his hands up and down her bare shoulders and Hermione shivered and clutched at his shirt. Harry deepened the kiss, his tongue hungrily exploring every ridge, every crevice of her mouth; he wanted to get to know her all at once and as slowly as possible, all at the same time.
Her fingers tangled in his hair and he lowered his mouth to her neck and nibbled and suckled until Hermione was breathing in little panting mewls. The sounds she was making sent goosepimples up and down his spine and Harry was suddenly achingly, insistently aroused. He backed her into the wall and kissed her with a furious passion while she grinded her hips against his, his hardness pressing into her belly. She rubbed against him again and Harry hissed, grabbing her hips to still her.
"Hermione," he groaned.
She pulled away and looked into his eyes, and Harry felt molten lava surge through his veins at the look in them. Her eyes were black and glittering with desire, and every single shard of self-control he had promptly turned tail and fled like a whipped dog. He gave a strangled groan and captured her mouth again, trying through his kiss to make her feel what she was doing to him. Hermione whimpered and clung to him and Harry stooped to pick her up.
"No," she panted, her hands clutching his hair. "Right here."
Too far gone to argue, Harry roughly hiked her dress up and pushed her knickers aside. He inserted a finger into her wetness, moving it in and out while his thumb caressed her clitoris and Hermione whimpered again, fumbling with his button and zipper. Finally, she managed to push his jeans and boxers down and before Harry could blink, she had dropped to her knees and taken him into her mouth. He bit back a yell as her head bobbed on his cock, gods, it felt so good and he knew if she kept doing that he wouldn't last much longer. He pushed her away gently and stood her up again.
Yanking her dress up, he completely ripped her tiny lace knickers off, lifted her up and pressed her against the wall. His penis searched, found, and he entered her slowly, gritting his teeth against the urge to rut into her mindlessly. Hermione wrapped her legs around him, pulling him in deeper and they both shuddered. She was so hot, so wet, so tight that Harry thought his brain would melt from sensory overload.
"Fuck me, Harry," she whispered in his ear, her warm breath raising what felt like every single hair on his body. Nearly blind with desire, he grabbed hold of her hips, pulled out slowly and slammed into her.
This was not a gentle copulation, they were not 'making love'. This was wild, energetic sex, tearing at each other, bruising kissing, frantic thrusting. This was the coming together of a passion too long denied. This was the culmination of almost a decade of classic unresolved sexual tension, driven by a deep, overwhelming love. For too long, they had drifted - two perfect halves - searching for that other half that would make them whole. And now they were. At long last, they were whole. They were one.
And holding back was not an option.
Hermione gripped his butt and tried to move with him but Harry held her in place, pounding her into the wall and she arched her back instead, changing the angle of his penetration so that he rubbed against a particularly maddening spot with every thrust. Their breathing was loud and harsh and her hairstyle was coming undone but they didn't notice. Harry could feel the fire building in his belly, he felt his balls tightening up and knew he was close, he was going to explode. He buried his face in her neck, and Hermione grabbed his head. "Look at me. Look at me, Harry." And he looked. And suddenly he was gone, he was crying out her name helplessly, he was coming so hard that he felt his knees buckling. And all the while their eyes were locked onto each other's, tears streaming down Hermione's face as she cried out her ecstacy.
Harry's knees couldn't hold him anymore and he sank slowly to the floor, taking Hermione with him. They held each other tightly, still joined and Harry felt like he never wanted to get up. He never wanted to leave her. But slowly, they stopped trembling, their breathing returned to normal and Harry slipped out of her. Hermione raised her head and smiled at him.
"Hi," she whispered breathlessly.
"Hi, yourself," he said softly, wiping the tears off her face with his thumbs. "Hermione." Harry was overwhelmed. He was at a loss for words to describe the sheer measure of emotion that had filled that experience. Never, ever had it been that good for him! He loved this woman so much and finally, at long last, she was in his arms. She was his. And he couldn't find the words to tell her what that meant to him, couldn't express..
Hermione looked deeply into his eyes and kissed him. "I know. I feel the same way."
She knows. Of course; this is Hermione, who knows me better than I know myself.
Harry blinked back tears and hugged her to him fiercely. She sighed and laid her head on his shoulder and they sat there for a long while, not speaking, each lost in their own incredulous thoughts, before she got up slowly. She kicked off her shoes and slipped out of her now wrinkled dress and Harry felt himself harden again as he saw her breasts for the first time.
"I'm gonna take a bath," she told him then turned and walked up the stairs and Harry almost came again at the sight of her lovely, round bottom. At the bend, she looked back. "Feel free to join me." She winked.
Harry grinned stupidly for a second before shedding his clothes and hurrying up the stairs after her. He entered his bedroom, the master bedroom of Ballynore and crossed quickly to the bathroom, where Hermione had started the water running.
He nearly choked when he saw her. Hermione was kneeling on the marble floor by the bathtub, checking the temperature of the water and his eyes were captivated by her shapely bottom in the air with the soft pink folds of her flower exposed. Harry could not resist. He walked quickly over to her, dropped to his knees and pushed her forward. Then he lowered his head and took a long, slow lick.
She gasped in surprise, but was soon moaning, gripping the edge of the tub and opening her legs wider to give him better access. Harry slipped his tongue inside her, tasted himself in her, but not caring. He suckled and nibbled and licked, loving the sounds she was making and the taste of her as she pushed back against his mouth. He inserted two long fingers into her, worked them fast and furious while sucking on her clit and Hermione wailed as her muscles clamped down on his fingers, her body convulsing.
Harry slipped his fingers out, grasped her hips and entered her in one fluid motion. The walls of her sex were swollen and twitching with her release and she was still trembling. He leaned back on his haunches and pulled her down into his lap and onto his cock. She started to ride him, gripping the tub and he reached around and filled his hands with her beautiful, bouncing breasts. Her hair was, by then, completely undone from her elegant updo and she was mumbling incoherently as he reached down and rubbed her hard nub in tight circles.
Hermione arched her back, throwing her head backwards onto his shoulder and Harry turned his head to breathe into her ear. "Say my name," he groaned.
"Harry!" she cried ecstatically. "Oh God, Harry!"
Feeling his ardor rising, Harry leaned forward, bending her over, and slammed into her again and again while placing small kisses all over her sweaty back.
Hermione screamed, his name a breathless litany of sobs falling from her lips and the sensation of her walls milking him hard was his undoing. Letting loose a hoarse cry, Harry erupted deep inside her feeling the force of his orgasm shaking him like a ragdoll in the teeth of a mad dog.
They clung together, riding out the storm until she sagged against him, her hair in his mouth, their breathing ragged. The tub began to overflow and it was only then that they finally disentangled themselves and got up slowly. Harry shut off the water and pulled Hermione into his arms. He kissed her gently. "I can't believe you're finally mine. I've wanted this for so long and I love you so much."
She smiled tearily. "I love you too, Harry." She leaned in to kiss him back and they stood there in the wet bathroom, beside the flooded tub, exploring each other's mouth slowly and leisurely. They were in no hurry.
They had all night.
Correction: they had the rest of their lives.