Author's Note: I'd like to thank everyone who has given me feedback on this piece. It has been an emotional roller-coaster to write, and I am very grateful that apparently some of that emotion is getting through to the readers. If I can make people feel Harry and Hermione's love and heartbreak, even just a little, I feel I have accomplished what I set out to do. I really appreciate all the kind words. They help motivate me in ways you can't imagine.
Part 5: Tremble
The first thing I see when I open my eyes is her. How fitting. How perfectly appropriate. The hospital room lighting is not flattering, but right now she is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. How long has she been right in front of my eyes, only to be overlooked by me? I have been a fool. Watching her now, sleeping fitfully with her head on my chest, I see everything clearly for the first time. My life has not been about defeating the Dark Lord. My life has been about finding this amazing woman that is here with me now, and through her, learning to love. Love. How easy it is to say it now. How much pain could I have prevented, just by understanding my feelings sooner, speaking sooner? We'll never know now.
Smiling, I gently take a strand of her hair in my hand. How she hates her hair. Bushy, plain brown-haired Hermione, I've heard her call herself. I love her hair. Seeing her fight a daily battle with it never fails to bring a smile to my face. She wants so badly to be more than just the smart girl. She thinks she is plain. If only she could see herself as I do. She is radiant. She shines from within, and everyone that feels her warmth is drawn to it. I will spend the rest of my life trying to make her see herself through my eyes, as she has helped me to see myself through hers.
I'm so lost in my thoughts I don't notice she is awake immediately. She is staring at me. Oh God, her eyes. How many times have I stared into those eyes, wanting nothing more than to see her looking at me like she is right now? Always before, when she noticed me staring, I have looked away. Not this time. No more hiding. No more secrets. Let her look into me, and I'll look back. I can still feel her hair between my fingers. There's something in her eyes….she is afraid. Can she doubt, even now, how I feel? How can she know how I feel, when I have never told her? I have to SAY something. Deep breath. This is Hermione. Just TALK.
"I didn't want to need you. I learned to survive by being strong on my own. When you have nobody, you can only rely on yourself. I had been alone so long, so long locked in that cupboard, that I didn't know any other way to be. I wasn't sure how to be anyone's friend. I was scared to depend on anyone too much. I couldn't afford to be weak; couldn't afford to need anyone. There is a part of me I keep locked away, that I don't let anyone see. It keeps me safe. I was secure there, inside myself."
"I'm not sure when or how it happened. You got in. I fought hard against it, tried to keep my pain inside. It was all I knew how to do. But you wouldn't let me. You were always there to talk, always there knowing just what I needed to hear - and when I didn't need to hear anything you were simply there for me. Every time I wanted to give up, you wouldn't let me. Every time I thought I couldn't take another minute of being the Boy Who Lived, you reminded me I am just Harry Potter. You SEE me, even when I can't see myself. You accept me. You have…loved me….even though I have been too blind and too stupid to notice. We had to almost die for me to understand. But now I do. I understand. I didn't want to need you. But I do."
"I need you Hermione. Not just because you know me better than anyone else. Not just because you keep me sane. And not just because when I am with you, I feel like I can do anything. I need you because being apart from you hurts. I need you because when you're with me, nothing else matters. You make me want to be a better person. I need you Hermione….and I can't go one more day without making sure you know just how much. I don't want to be SAFE anymore. I only want you." I cup her chin in my hand and brush away her tears. I can feel her body trembling at my touch.
"Be mine."
She smiles. I love her smile; the one she gives to no one but me. How could I not have known how she felt before I heard her say the words? What did I do to deserve someone like her?
"I'm yours."
I feel my heart racing in my chest as I pull her mouth to mine. Her lips are soft, and sweet, and yielding. I wrap my arms around her and know that I am going to hold her this tight for the rest of my life; that until this moment I have not truly been alive.
I don't have to say the words. I know I don't. But I want to. She said them to me, holding back death itself so I could know her heart. I want to say them. And now it seems so easy…..
"I love you," I breathe into her ear. "I'm sorry it took all of this for me to finally tell you. Forgive me?"
She pulls away, a serious look on her face. "That depends."
"On what?"
"On how good you are at showing me you're sorry."
And until the nurse comes in and kicks her out, I show her just how sorry I am.
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They released me almost immediately after I woke up. My body had already been healed, so there was no reason for them to keep me there. After a few tests to make sure there was no lasting mental damage, I was able to leave. She is coming back with me now to collect my things at school, and to be with me when I say goodbye to the only real home I've ever known.
It is a serene night on the Hogwarts grounds. Term ended a few days ago. The students have all returned to their life away from school. For the past seven years this strange, wonderful place has been my life. The biggest part of that life is walking right here beside me, with her hand in mine. I know I don't deserve her; don't deserve her loyalty, her love. Being close to me almost cost her everything. She saved me, in all the ways a person can be saved. She never gave up on me. Smiling, I turn to find her looking at me. I'll never understand what she could possibly see in me.
"Hermione?"
"Yes?"
"Why me?"
"Hold me, Harry."
She puts her arms around me. It is quiet here near the lake. The light breeze barely moves the trees. I hold her close, feeling her heart beating against me. Her breath is soft against my neck. I'm not sure how to describe how I feel at this moment. We fit together so well. It feels right to hold her. Natural. She fills my senses until nothing else exists. I softly press my lips to the top of her head. The clouds move slowly across the sky, and we stand holding each other. She tilts her head up to look at me, and I know she can feel everything I am feeling too.
"That is why, Harry."
Her lips meet mine.
Nothing more needs to be said.
I love you, Hermione Granger. I always will.
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End notes: This particular idea had been kicking around in my head for at least a month. I knew I wanted to do a first person of Harry and Hermione that really showcases their feelings for each other. Honestly, I didn't think I could pull it off. Even more honestly, I still am not sure I have. I needed to get my own thoughts on the two and how I see them together down in words, and this is the result. Thanks for reading. I may do an epilogue piece for this, but honestly I don't know if it needs one. Until next time!