Author's Note:
Thanks for all the reviews. I really appreciate it guys! Below, I have used two scenes from Book 1: Harry Potter and
the Sorcerer's Stone and Book 3: Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban. I had to paraphrase a bit to fit the
storyline. I hope you enjoy. A special thanks to Ash for all the feedback and help!
Chapter 10
Do What You Have to Do
"What ravages of spirit
conjured this temptuous rage
created you a monster
broken by the rules of love
and fate has lead you through it
you do what you have to do
and fate has led you through it
you do what you have to do ..."
(Do What You Have to Do by Sarah McLachlan)
"Harry," Julie said, laughing as he kissed her neck. "We better get back inside. Billie's probably going to tar and feather us for shirking our responsibilities."
"It would be worth it," he said, smiling broadly at her before kissing her softly on the lips.
"This is going to sound so cheesy," she began, "but I never knew it could be like this."
"Like what?" he asked her.
"Feeling like all my insides were going haywire all at once," she said. "I feel like that whenever you're around."
"You've never felt that way with anyone before?" he asked.
"No," she said. "To tell you the truth I've never been in love with anyone before. I mean, I've dated, but I've never been in love before. Something's always held me back."
He pulled away from her. He felt guilty. He had been with other women since Hermione's "death". Yes, these women had meant nothing more to him than a warm body on a cold night, but he'd still been with them. The way he'd lived his life these past four years was not something he was proud of. He'd been lonely. He knew it wasn't a valid excuse. He comforted himself with the fact that he had never given anyone else his heart. It was she who owned it then and it was she who owned it now. She always would and there was nothing he could do or would do to change that.
He was also angry. He wanted to tell her that she had been in love before. He wanted to tell her that they'd shared a happy life together before someone had taken her from him. He wanted her to remember that night when they'd given their virginity to each other. He wanted to her remember how they'd exchanged their own sacred vows.
"Harry?" she asked, putting her hand on his shoulder. "Did I do something wrong? Did I say something wrong?"
He turned around to face her.
"No," he said, smiling reassuringly at her. "It's nothing. You've made me so happy tonight. You have no idea how much."
He rested his forehead against hers. Their arms were wrapped tightly around each other. The night air was cool and Julie couldn't help shivering.
"Are you cold?"
She nodded. He wrapped his arms tighter around her and pulled her closer. She rested her head on his shoulder and he kissed the top of her head.
"You know ever since my accident, something's always seemed off. Something's always seemed like it was missing. For the first time in a long time, it feels as if everything's as it should be. This feels right. This feels so right," she said. "Almost as if it was meant to be."
"I feel the same way," he whispered. He pulled away from her and tilted her chin up and kissed her softly again. "Say it again."
"I love you," she said, smiling. "I love you."
He stroked her cheek with his thumb and pulled her closer to kiss her again.
"We really better get back downstairs," Julie said grudgingly.
"Okay," he said. He took her hand in his and reluctantly led her toward the staircase. She stopped him when they were halfway down the stairs.
"Can we, um, continue this after work?" she asked, nervously biting her bottom lip. "At your place?"
"Are you sure?" he asked her, trying to contain his happiness at what she'd just said.
Instead of answering him, she pulled him into another deep kiss.
"I'll take that as a yes," he said, laughing. She smiled knowingly at him and then pushed him forward down the stairs.
When the opened the backdoor to the restaurant, they didn't see that Billie and Ray were in the kitchen talking with Trey. Trey was holding a bouquet of carnations. He broke into a wide smile when he heard Julie's voice, but his smile quickly faded when he saw that she wasn't alone and that she was holding Harry's hand. When Julie caught sight of Trey, her own smile disappeared.
"Trey," she said softly.
"I, um, thought I'd stop by and see how you were doing," he said looking away from her. "Obviously, I needn't have worried. You seem to be doing alright."
He angrily dropped the flowers onto the floor and stormed out of the kitchen.
"Billie?" Julie asked helplessly.
"Go ahead," Billie said, a worried, confused expression on her own face. "The party's winding down anyway."
"Thanks," Julie said quickly. "I'm sorry, Harry."
She quickly turned around and looked at him before rushing out behind Trey.
Harry could only look on in disbelief.
Meanwhile…
London 2:00 a.m.
Ron Weasley groggily got out of bed and promptly let out a string of expletives as he stubbed his toe on the bedside table.
"Ron!" Kit exclaimed sleepily. "You'll wake up the whole neighborhood!"
"Merlin forbid the whole neighborhood doesn't get any sleep. I mean, as long as I'm awake!" Ron answered back angrily. "We wouldn't want to keep the neighbor's up, would we?"
"Will you just go see who it is knocking on the door, please?" she asked.
"That's what I'm trying to do before the bloody table got in my way," he said.
"Yeah, it's the table's fault," Kit said, lying back down on her pillow.
Ron gave his wife one last look of derision before heading out of the bedroom and down the hall toward the door. He was muttering under his breath all the way.
He opened the door to find a very distraught looking Harry.
"What the bloody hell are you doing here at this time of night, Harry?" Ron asked. "You know between you and Neville, I'm never going to get any sleep. It's like you have no concept of time. I mean, I know you're in America and there's a time difference, but think about it for once, will you?"
He quickly regretted what he said when he saw how upset his friend was.
"Geez, Harry," he said. "You look like shit."
"Thanks, Ron," Harry said, sarcastically.
"Come on in," Ron said, standing back to allow him entrance into the flat.
"Kit!" he called to his wife. "Harry's here!"
A few moments later Kit came into the sitting room, in her robe and slippers.
"Is everything okay?" she asked. "Is Hermione alright?"
"I don't know," Harry said. "I have no idea. I'm losing my mind with this. It's like one step forward and two steps back with her. One minute I think I'm making progress and then the next thing you know something derails it."
"What happened?" Kit asked.
Harry explained to them about how he'd taken her to the movies a few weeks ago and how they'd talked and had a good time. He told them about the kiss they'd shared and how Trey had interrupted.
"Trey?" Ron asked. "She's dating some guy named Trey?"
"Yeah," Harry said.
"Trey? What kind of name is Trey? I mean that's like something you put plates on, isn't it?" Ron asked.
"Ron!" Kit said, hitting her husband playfully on the arm. "Go on, Harry."
So Harry continued his story. He told them how they'd decided to put the kiss behind them and try to continue as friends. He explained how they still spoke at work, but things were still sort of awkward between them. He told them how everything came to a head that evening during the wedding reception when they'd flirted at work and enjoyed each other's company. He told them how they'd shared a dance and how Julie had run out. He told them how he followed her up to the roof where they'd kissed and confessed their feelings for each other.
"Well, that's good isn't it?" Ron asked.
"You would think, wouldn't you?" Harry asked. "So we go back downstairs and Trey's inside waiting to talk to her. He saw us holding hands and went all spare and ran out of the restaurant. She ran after him."
"Oh," Kit said.
"Oh, is right," Harry said. "I know I'm supposed to be patient and understanding, but this is getting to be more than I can possibly stand. Do you have any idea how hard it is to look at her and hear her talk about how she's never been in love before? How hard it was to have her look at me and not know who the hell I was? She has all these memories that were robbed of her and I can't do anything about it."
"Is there anyway you can break the spell that's on her?" Kit asked helpfully. "I mean if it was a memory charm, can you do anything to reverse it?"
"Not until we know exactly what was done to her and by whom," Harry asked. "I need to find out more about this Simon Maxwell. That's the guy who's passed himself off as her father."
"I'd like to be there when you meet him," Ron said angrily. "I'd like to beat his brains out for what he did to her."
"Do you know much about him?" Kit asked.
"He told her that her mother had died from cancer and that he'd moved them to the states to start over. How could he do that to her? What kind of sick bastard would do this to someone?" Harry asked. "And she cares about him, too. You can see it in her eyes when she talks about him. She thinks of this man as her dad. She has no idea what he's done to her."
"It'll break her heart when she finds out," Kit said.
"Yeah," Harry said, finally sitting down on the couch. His shoulders shrugged and he felt as if he was about to break down. Kit got up from her own seat and walked over to him. She put a comforting arm around him.
"She probably just ran out after this Trey person to explain to him what happened," Kit said. "She did tell you she loved you, right? That's a start."
"Yeah," Harry said. "I wish I could believe that."
"You can," Kit said. "She'll remember, Harry. I know you don't want to hear this, but it's just going to take time. You have to have faith. Have faith in the love you have for her. She will remember."
"I want to believe that," he said. "It just seems like just when I think something's happening, something else comes along to muck it all up again."
"Why don't you try and get her in situations that might bring up memories?" Ron asked.
"I can't very well bring her here to London?" Harry asked. "Or to Hogwarts?"
"Well, no, but you can put her in situations that might bring up memories," Kit said helpfully. "Like that time you and she went to the planetarium in Atlanta? You could do something like that in North Carolina."
"Maybe you could tell her that you're a wizard, Harry," Ron said. "You could tell her that and maybe it would help her get something back."
"I can't do that, Ron," Harry said. "She's been living as a Muggle for four years. She'd think I was nutters if I pulled out my wand."
Ron snickered.
"Get your mind out of the gutter, Ron," Kit said. As she thought about what Ron had just said, she too broke out into giggles. Before too long, Harry started to laugh too.
"I shouldn't be laughing about this," Harry said.
"You shouldn't feel guilty for laughing," Kit said. "You're either going to laugh or cry about something like this or you're going to go crazy. We all need to laugh every once in awhile. That's part of the reason why I married this goofball."
"Hey," Ron said. "I'm offended by that!"
"It's a compliment," she said quickly. "Your sense of humor is one of your most attractive qualities, Ron."
"That's better," Ron said, puffing his chest out.
"You see what I have to put up with 24 hours a day, 7 days a week?" Kit asked Harry.
"Yeah," Harry said. "You must be on a mission from God, Kit."
"When did this become a pick on Ron session?" Ron asked.
"Cutting you down always makes me feel better, Ron," Harry said, laughing.
"Well, you need to get Hermione back here, Harry," Ron said. "I miss having someone to infuriate. I'm the one always getting picked on these days. She needs to come back and give me some relief from that."
"He will bring her back," Kit said, smiling at Harry. "Harry's going to get Hermione back for him and for us."
*********************************************************
At the same time that Harry was talking with Kit and Ron, Julie had caught up to Trey at his apartment.
"Hi," she said, when he answered the door.
"Hi," he said angrily.
"Can I come in?" she asked.
"Suit yourself," he said, ushering her inside.
"Thanks," she said.
They were silent for a few moments, neither really knowing what to say. It was Julie who broke the silence.
"Trey," she began, "I'm really sorry for what you saw at the restaurant. I had no idea you were going to be there when we came back downstairs."
"Oh, so it's my fault," Trey asked. "I'm so sorry that I interrupted your interlude."
"I didn't mean it like that," she said.
"Who the hell is that guy, Julie?" Trey asked her, his eyes blazing with anger. "Who the hell is he? We were doing just fine until he comes along."
"We weren't doing fine, Trey," she said softly. "Do you remember how you told me you loved me that night? What did I do? I ran off to the bathroom. That's not a typical response is it? And it's not you. It's me. I know that's the biggest cliché when things like this happen, but I just couldn't say it back to you. You don't want to be with someone who doesn't love you as much as you deserve to be loved. You are a wonderful guy, Trey. You've been a special person to me for a long time. I care about you a great deal, but-"
"You don't love me," Trey interjected. "You don't love me."
"I'm sorry," she said, tears welling up in her eyes.
"We've known each other for months, Julie," Trey said. "This guy comes into town a few weeks ago and now you're in love with him? It doesn't make sense."
"I know it doesn't," she said. "I can't make sense of it anymore than you can, but it's something I just know. And it doesn't matter how long you've known someone. You don't always have a say in who you fall in love with or why. I know you don't want to hear this, but I need to tell you this."
"So you'll feel better?" he asked angrily.
"No, so you'll understand," she said.
"I don't understand," he said. "I don't think there's anything you could possibly say that could make me understand this. What I don't understand is why you aren't asking yourself these same questions. Julie, a few weeks ago, you didn't even know this guy. And now you're in love with him?"
"I have asked myself these questions, Trey," she argued. "I might not have an answer as to why or when it happened, but I know it's there. I can't do anything to change it."
"Don't do this, Julie," Trey said. "Don't throw us away."
"You deserve to have someone in your life who will love you back as much as you love them. It's not me, Trey. I wish it could have been. Honestly, even if Harry hadn't come into the picture, I don't know if you and I would have gone anywhere. Something was holding me back."
"What was holding you back?"
"I don't know," she said simply.
"I hear that a lot from you," he said. "You use it as an excuse. You use it as an excuse not to get close to anyone."
"I do not," she retorted.
"Why don't you just go, Julie?" Trey asked. "You obviously don't want to be here with me. Go back to Mr. Perfect. See how long it takes before something holds you back with him, too."
"Trey," Julie said.
"Go," he said, walking to the door and opening it. "I hope you'll be very happy. I hope we can still be friends. It's all for the best, right? I covered all the relationship ending appropriate things to say, didn't I?"
She had no answer for him.
"Goodbye, Trey," she said. She took one last look at him before she walked out. He closed the door behind her.
She broke down in tears when she walked outside the apartment building.
She managed to collect her thoughts and get a handle on her emotions as she made her way to the bus stop.
She stopped suddenly when she felt a searing pain in her head. She doubled over and put a hand to her forehead. What the hell is going on, she asked herself silently.
In a flash, she had a vision.
She was running behind Harry. They were near a lake of some sort. It was dark and the only sounds that she could hear came from the distance. It sounded to Julie like a yelping dog. She and Harry must have been running toward the dog because as they ran the sounds seemed closer and closer. The yelping stopped abruptly and to Julie's surprise, she didn't find a dog, but a man, who was crouched on all fours, his hands over his head.
"No000," he was moaning. "Nooooo….please…"
Julie turned toward Harry and she saw these horrible creatures gliding in a black mass around the lakeside toward them. Julie spun around, feeling very cold all of a sudden. Everywhere she turned, she saw these horrible creatures coming at her, encircling her and Harry.
"Hermione, think of something happy!" Harry yelled to her, raising something that looked like a stick at the figures that were fast approaching them. He stepped closer to her and pulled her close to him as he pointed the stick at them again.
"Expecto Patronum! Hermione, help me! Expecto patronum!"
Julie saw herself try and repeat the words Harry had said. "Expecto-" she whispered, "expecto---expecto---"
But she couldn't say it for some reason and those dark figures kept coming in closer and closer. They seemed to form a solid wall around them.
Then, everything went black.
Julie tried to catch her breath, but before she could, she had another vision. This time, she was on a train. She was walking down the aisles trying to find something. She saw herself stop at one of the compartments and look in on the occupants of the compartment. One was a young boy of about 11 years of age with flaming red hair. He was holding a rat on his lap and another boy, who looked like Harry would have at the age of 11. He was wearing a pair of broken glasses.
"Has anyone seen a toad? Neville's lost one," she said to the two boys.
"We've already told him we haven't seen in," the red-haired boy said impatiently to her. She hadn't really been listening to him, though. She looked at the stick in his hand.
"Oh, are you doing magic? Let's see it, then."
Julie saw herself sit down across from the boy and although the red-haired boy looked taken aback, he cleared his throat and said, "Sunshine, daisies, butter mellow, turn this stupid fat rat yellow."
Julie watched as he waved his stick at the rat, but nothing happened. The rat stayed gray and fast asleep on the boy's lap.
"Are you sure that's a real spell?" she heard herself ask him. "Well, it's not very good, is it? I've tried a few simple spells just for practice and it's all worked for me. Nobody in my family's magic at all, it was ever such a surprise when I got my letter, but I was ever so pleased, of course, I mean, it's the very best school of witchcraft there is, I've heard---I've learned all our course books by heart, of course, I just hope it will be enough-I'm Hermione Granger, by the way, who are you?"
The two boys exchanged looks with each other.
"I'm Ron Weasley," the red-haired boy muttered.
"Harry Potter," the other boy said.
"Are you really?" Julie heard herself ask the boy. "I know all about you, of course---I got a few extra books for background reading, and you're in Modern Magical History and The Rise and Fall of the Dark Arts and Great Wizarding Events of the Twentieth Century.
"Am I?" Harry said, looking somewhat dazed by what she'd just said.
"Goodness, didn't you know, I'd have found out everything I could if it was me," Julie heard herself say, rather bossily. "Do either of you know what house you'll be in? I've been asking around, and I hope I'm in Gryffindor, it sounds by far the best; I hear Dumbledore himself was in it, but I suppose Ravenclaw wouldn't be too bad…Anyway, we'd better go and look for Neville's toad. You two had better change, you know, I expect we'll be there soon."
Everything faded to black again. Julie found herself sitting on the cold concrete.
What is going on? She had to ask herself. Why was Harry calling her "Hermione"? This Neville in her vision, was he the same Neville who'd visited the restaurant a few months ago alarmed that she bore a striking resemblance to someone he knew? And what were those horrible, dark figures that had threatened her and Harry? She felt as if she couldn't breathe. Whose memories were they?