Chapter 20 - Great Hall, Sleeping, Question, and Book
Harry abruptly stood up out of his chair, turned his back to Hedwig, and looked through the window behind his desk. He sighed and put his hands in his pockets nonchalantly and stared out into the cold winter grounds. There were some students outside, enjoying some winter fun in the snow. Some were making snowmen, some were having snowball fights, and some were ice skating on top of the frozen lake. Harry, for a fleeting second had the memory of walking the outer edges of that lake with Hermione in their fourth year, during a time when Harry's supposedly most loyal friend wasn't talking to him.
"I'm giving up Hedwig," said Harry, in a rather pathetic way. He continued to watch the grounds, not wanting to look directly at Hedwig.
He could hear Hedwig sigh disapprovingly from behind him. "Is that what you really want to do? You want to not love Hermione anymore?"
"No it's not that!" said Harry, turning around and finally facing Hedwig. "I'm not giving up on loving her. I'll still love her… there's no stopping that… I'm just saying that… I give up in trying to make her notice me…"
Hedwig looked at Harry much like a loving mother would do should her child be suffering. Harry was staring contently at Hedwig, not wanting to break the gaze any further. He looked so vulnerable and helpless behind those glasses and his eyes were glossy with tears. She could see that he was serious about this, yet it looked like it took a lot of will power to say it, and with every word he had said, it looked like it caused him a lot of pain.
Harry slumped back into his chair, crossed his arms on the table, and rested his chin on them. He closed his eyes and his head swayed slightly. Hedwig walked to him and got as close as possible, putting a comforting wing on his shoulder. It was this that made Harry release himself and to let everything go. It was this that told him that everything was going to be ok and it was going to be all right. Harry could feel tears roll silently down his cheeks.
"It'll be ok Harry," said Hedwig softly and very comfortingly. If she could hug him, she would have. "It'll be ok…"
***
January was approaching and the end of the holidays was drawing to a close. It was early in the morning and Harry was alone in the Great Hall again for breakfast, looking at Secrets of Potions: Made Easy. There were some interesting potions in there: there were simple ones that made you fall asleep to some advanced potions that made people fall in love.
Harry grinned. Love potions were banned from use in Hogwarts.
A great white owl swooped down suddenly on the table where Harry was, causing his goblet to stir, his plate to tinkle and a few pages to ruffle.
"Hi Hedwig," said Harry, looking up from his book to look at her.
"Hi Harry," said Hedwig, shaking and ruffling her feathers. "You feeling ok?"
This was what Hedwig always asked everytime she had come in contact with Harry. It had been a few days since Harry had "given up" on Hermione, and it looked that Harry was not getting any better. He looked tired and worn, his eyes baggy and his hair was sticking out in more directions than usual.
"I'm wonderful," answered Harry airily with no tone of "wonderfulness" in there. "I've never felt better."
"Still can't sleep?" said Hedwig, looking sideways at him.
"Not to a normal sleeping schedule," yawned Harry, glancing back to Secrets of Potions: Made Easy for a second. "I'm sleeping all over the place and at weird times. I found myself sleeping on couches, in the library, with my head on my desk, and there was one time where I fell asleep standing up while leaning against a wall!"
Hedwig tried to hide a smile. "You seem to handle your situation with Hermione very well."
"I have to don't I?" said Harry matter-of-factly. "I don't want to show any type of less than normal emotion toward her or to anybody. I don't want them asking questions."
"So you've been putting on an act then?" she asked. "Can I have some of this?" She was motioning to his goblet of orange juice.
"Sure, go ahead," offered Harry. "And yes, I guess you can say that I've been putting on an act…"
Hedwig had finished drinking out of Harry's goblet. "And what is it about that book that you find so interesting?" She noticed Harry looking intently at it. "I hope you're not turning into Hermione."
"This book has interesting potions in here," said Harry, not taking his eyes of the book. He grinned to himself; he was starting to sound like Hermione. "I'm looking at one particular one in here…"
"It's not a love potion is it?" said Hedwig darkly.
"Of course not Hedwig! Just listen to this." Harry shifted in his seat and began to read to her.
"While there is no real name for this particular potion, it is usually referred to as the "Reliving Potion". What this potion does, should one brew it correctly, is make one who takes the potion relive past events in ones own life. After the potion is taken, should one close his or her eyes, he or she will be able to relive past moments in time (how far back is explained in the instructions) as if the person were having a dream about it, only that compared to a normal dream, you feel see and feel everything that had happened in the desired past moment. For example, ever wondered what it felt like to have your very first birthday, when you were far too young to remember? Or ever want to remember what it felt like to go on a very exciting trip?"
"This potion is strictly for entertainment purposes only. It should be noted that this is a very advanced potion to make, considering it found in this book. The only risks are not brewing the potion properly (which can lead to only very minor side effects). For best results, take the potion just before bed."
Harry finished and looked back at Hedwig. She looked very confused at the matter.
"So what is it that you want to relive Harry?" she asked, frowning.
"I'll tell you when I relive it," said Harry, stowing away the book to one side, and finishing his cereal. "It says that the potion is advanced and that it'll take quite a while for it to brew. It states that it is a distant relative to the Polyjuice Potion."
"You're not telling me that you actually want to make this thing do you?" said Hedwig as if the idea of it were mad.
"Of course I do," said Harry, ignoring Hedwig's attempt to persuade him not to do it.
"What are you going to get out of this Harry?" asked Hedwig, trying to reason with him.
Harry couldn't believe at how hostile Hedwig was on the matter. It wasn't like it was dangerous or something like that. It had clearly stated that for an advanced potion, the risks were very little.
"I'm just going to keep myself occupied with this potion," said Harry, as if that saying it would settle the matter.
"I just don't want you wasting your time on something where you're not going to get anything significant out of it!" said Hedwig, almost pleadingly now.
"You said to keep myself occupied with activities so that I can sort of take my mind off of Hermione," said Harry coolly.
"But… but…"
"I'm going to keep myself occupied with this potion, take it myself, and hopefully relive some past memories that I miss," said Harry in a final sort of way, though with the respect that one would talk to his mother in.
Over the next half hour or so, the Great Hall started filling in with students still looking tired from just waking up. Harry was the only one in there that looked to be the most awake out of everyone. That was saying something, since Harry was not getting any sleep at all. There were chunks of students here and there, leaving large gaps of spaces between groups of students. One person decided to join Harry in his secluded space at his table.
"Hi Hermione," said Harry, smiling at her and looking from his bowl of cereal.
"Morning Harry," smiled Hermione, sitting on his right. She propped her head against her hand and yawned. She looked very tired herself
"She looks so beautiful, doesn't she Harry?" hooted Hedwig teasingly.
"Shut up Hedwig!" Harry hooted back, almost smiling because Hedwig knew that it was what Harry was thinking.
"Hi Hedwig," said Hermione, smiling at her and stroking her wing with her free hand. "I'd always thought it was cute how you two hoot to each other like that," added Hermione, now looking at Harry but still stroking Hedwig.
"Just a little fun pet thing she and I do," said Harry playfully, almost blushing. "It'll be kind of sad you know, having a friend for about 7 years and not have a conversation with each other."
Hermione giggled and continued to stoke away at Hedwig. There was a long silence and Harry took the opportunity to finish his cereal.
"You're up early… again," said Hermione next to him. She had stopped stoking Hedwig and he also noticed how close she had scooted to him now; their shoulders were almost touching.
"I can't sleep," said Harry, almost dreadfully. It was no use trying to hide his tiredness from her; she could see right through him. He could feel the warmth coming from Hermione's body.
"Are you feeling all right?" asked Hermione with concern, scooting over to him closer. She put her left arm around him and rested her hand on his shoulder and put her right hand to his forehead. Harry closed his eyes intoxicatingly and took a quick intake of air that was barely audible as she made contact. He could feel a tingling sensation from the tips of his hair run through his body all the way down to his feet. It felt so good to be touched by Hermione. "Yes… I feel ok…"
"You don't seem to have a fever…"
Harry gulped and concentrated on the sensation of Hermione's hands. Whether or not she was touching his shoulder and his forehead didn't matter; the skin on skin contact with Hermione was something that he loved, something that he hadn't felt in a long time, something that he almost had forgotten about. His breathing was low, soft, and deep.
"Harry?"
He fluttered his eyes open and turned slightly to Hermione. She was smiling sheepishly at him, one of those cute "Hermione can only do" smiles. He also become aware that Hermione had not let go of him. It was a good thing she didn't have a hand on his chest, otherwise she could feel how fast his heart was beating.
"Are you sure you're ok?" she asked, half smiling at him and still not letting go. "You don't feel sick, but you look drowsy."
"It's… it's too early in the morning," replied Harry stupidly. He was looking in her eyes now and noticed that she had very subtle and very little, light freckles on her face.
"I bet you're just thinking about something before you go to sleep," said Hermione, finally breaking her hold on him. "You just have insomnia."
Harry groaned softly so that Hermione didn't hear him. No, don't let go…
"Could I have some of that?" asked Hermione. She was motioning toward his goblet of orange juice.
"Sure," said Harry gratefully, yawning softly at the same time. "You can finish it if you want."
He had expected Hermione to take the goblet and to create space that was once between them. Instead, she reached for the goblet and brought it to her mouth, her seat planted firmly into the spot very close to him. Harry became aware of how self-conscious he was getting; Hermione being this close was particularly dangerous. He pretending to be eating his cereal, but watched through the corner of his eye Hermione drink out of his goblet. Her eyes were closed and her hair falling back from her face as she tilted the goblet toward her. When did Hermione look so pretty drinking out of a goblet? When she lowered it from her face with a satisfying sigh, having finished drinking all of the orange juice, Harry again expected her to create the space that was once between them. Instead, she put the goblet back down on the table and stayed firmly in her spot, still very close to him.
"Thank you…" she said appreciatively, almost distantly.
But Harry was surprise by something else instead; she had scooted even closer to him now that the sides of both of their bodies were completely touching; it was like they were joined at the hip. She sighed lazily, leaned toward him, and rested her head on his shoulder.
"You don't mind, do you Harry?" said Hermione sleepily. Harry couldn't see her eyes, but he was pretty sure that they were drooping.
"No, I don't mind," said Harry, his voice a little higher than usual. "I don't mind at all…"
He felt the same tingling sensation course through his body. The height was perfect for her to rest her head on his shoulder and it fit perfectly into the spot like a piece of a puzzle. He could have sworn he felt Hermione snuggle closer to him; her bushy hair just grazing his face.
"I'm so tired…" she whispered, more to herself than anything. Harry felt her close her eyes and gulped again, just as he caught Hedwig's eye. She had watched everything and there was an amused expression on her face.
"Giving up are we Harry?" hooted Hedwig, smiling knowingly at Harry. "I'll leave you two alone then." And before he could answer, she spread her wings and swooped out of the Great Hall, making a rush of wind sweep at Harry and Hermione, brushing some hair out of her face. Hermione seemed indifferent about Hedwig's departure and decided to snuggle in response.
"Mmm…" he heard her say.
Harry looked down at her again. Her breathing was slow and deep, like she was trying to fall asleep. It felt so right… so perfect…
He could feel eyes upon the pair of them and quickly glanced around the Great Hall. Sure enough there were eyes from all around the other house tables piercing in their direction. Some of them (most of them girls) were giggling and whispering behind their hands. Others looked to have an amused expression while others looked indifferent.
Harry chose to ignore them, but he liked the attention he and Hermione were getting. He betted it looked so cute seeing the two of them sitting there alone with Hermione resting her head on Harry's shoulder. He wondered what they all were thinking. Like they were boyfriend and girlfriend…
He shook his head out of his trance, pushed away his bowl of cereal, and grabbed Secrets of Potions: Made Easy to occupy himself, from the staring eyes. As much as he wanted to go out with Hermione, she wasn't his girlfriend and she never was. He grinned; he remembered telling people time and time again in fourth year that Hermione wasn't his girlfriend. Now he wished he hadn't said anything at all. He could feel someone walking toward them.
"Hi Harry," said Rachel. She had made her way from the Ravenclaw table and sat across them in in their secluded area. The closest student was about ten feet away. She looked like she was one of the girls that were amused, but not giggling. Harry put a forefinger to his lips.
"She's sleeping," whispered Harry, motioning toward Hermione. He could feel her body rise and fall with every breath. He saw Rachel glance at Hermione and smile.
"You two are so cute," she said, smiling in a way a girl would if she saw something cute. Harry turned to his book, hoping that she didn't see the heat rise in his face. "Have you seen Ronald?"
"Still sleeping I think," said Harry, half glancing at her from his book, still aware of the heat in his face.
"Mind if I ask you something?" asked Rachel, leaning closer over the table, making sure that no one in the vicinity could hear.
"Sure," said Harry, looking up from Secrets of Potions: Made Easy.
"You remember when I asked you who you wanted to take to the Valentines Ball?" whispered Rachel, glancing at Hermione to make sure she hadn't woken up. Hermione slept peacefully, her breathing low and soft. Harry nodded.
"Who did you want to take, Harry?" asked Rachel, though she looked as though she knew the answer.
He blinked. It believed that it was just Hedwig who knew his secret crush on Hermione. He had never thought of telling anyone else, but everyone else was also staring at them in the Great Hall. Harry hesitated to tell Rachel.
"I won't say anything," said Rachel, reading his expression perfectly. "I promise."
Harry sighed at her and gave a lop-sided smile. He looked at Hermione for a second then back at Rachel, gave a thought for another second and another final sigh, as if the take the anxiety away. "Her," he mouthed, tilting his head ever so slightly to Hermione's sleeping head.
Rachel smiled, followed by a look of sympathy.
"Oh, you poor thing!" sighed Rachel, looking very sorry for Harry. "It's too bad Ernie already asked her…" Harry looked very sullen at those words and Rachel rushed to change the subject. "How long have you wanted to ask Hermione?"
Harry opened his mouth to answer, but closed it almost as quickly. He was going to say that he wanted to go out with her two years ago, but thought better of it. He had shared a secret with Rachel, but he didn't want to share the entire secret.
"Recently," lied Harry, turning back to his book to hide his blush. Hermione shifted in her position, but stayed asleep on his shoulder.
"You better keep you're eyes peeled though, Harry," said Rachel, almost seriously this time but still in a low whisper. "I hear that there's someone else out there that likes Hermione almost as much as you and Ernie do."
"Who!?" whispered Harry, taken aback by this new piece of information.
"You know who I'm talking about Harry," said Rachel incredulously. "If someone gave Hermione an expensive red dress, it'd be outrageous if he didn't like her!"
Harry's insides grinned. Rachel was referring to him, though she had no idea. This also told him that his plan was working; nobody had figured out who gave Hermione that dress and he was grateful for that. He played along.
"Right," he said, trying his best to sound disappointed at the thought of another falling for Hermione. "I'll keep an eye out…"
"Anyway," continued Rachel. "Still thinking of coming to the Ball?"
"Maybe," said Harry truthfully. "I guess maybe I should, seeing as I didn't go to the last one, but then again, going without a date would be kind of awkward…"
"You aren't going to be the only one going without a date," said Rachel, as if the thought were ludicrous. "I'm sure of it!"
"I guess…" said Harry, half shrugging. "Looks like I got until the day of the Ball to decide then."
"Well good luck Harry," said Rachel, standing up from her seat. "And I'm sorry about Hermione." She looked very sorry for him again. Harry was getting used to the looks of pity he was getting.
"Don't be…"
"And if it makes you feel any better," whispered Rachel, "Hermione has said before that you're very cute."
Harry suddenly didn't feel that much tired anymore. Still tired, but not as much. He was certain that Rachel saw him blush this time.
"Ernie is nothing compared to you," said Rachel, dropping her voice so that she was sure only Harry could hear. "And you and Hermione would make a very perfect couple. But that's our secret… "
She left at the last of her words, leaving Harry to smile and fluster, while Hermione continued leaning against his shoulder, sleeping peacefully on his shoulder…
Harry kept himself occupied and returned to Secrets of Potions: Made Easy looking and studying the potion he had told Hedwig about. He didn't remember how long it was, but he was sure it had been at least half an hour Hermione slept on his shoulder. Students were filing in the Hall now, making it crowded and filling up the gaps between the students. It also became a lot noisier than one would expect for one to sleep. Harry could feel Hermione stir on his shoulder.
"What's going on,?" she said lazily, looking around the Hall at the commotion. She had retracted her head from Harry's shoulder and stretched, making a cute soft groaning sound Harry had not heard before. They were still very close.
"Good morning," smiled Harry, looking away from his book to look at her.
Hermione smiled back at him. "Sorry for using your shoulder as a pillow…"
"I didn't mind," said Harry looking back at his book, not wanting her to see him blushing. He felt another figure approaching him and Hermione. It was Ron.
"Morning you two," he yawned, sitting opposite of the pair of them. He didn't seem to notice at how close Harry and Hermione were, but Harry could've sworn Ron gave him a sly grin.
"Hi Ron," said Hermione sleepily.
"Morning Ronald. Rachel was looking for you," added Harry, matter-of-factly.
"Really?" said Ron, his eyes lighting up. He seemed to be swelling suddenly with unseen energy.
"She's at the Ravenclaw table I think," said Harry looking over his shoulder to confirm.
"Thanks Harry!" exclaimed Ron, standing up from his seat as though it got hot and as quickly as he arrived, he was gone.
Hermione giggled. "That boy is something else."
"Tell me about it," replied Harry, automatically looking back at his book. Hermione smiled.
"What are you reading?" she asked. "I always see you reading that book now." She had scooted closer to Harry again, only instead of resting her head, she rested her chin instead in the edge of his shoulder. Harry reacted by turning toward her; she was looking at the book, keen to see what he found so interesting. Their lips were so close…
Harry quickly turned back to the book and hoped that Hermione didn't notice anything peculiar. He cleared his throat. "It's this book Dan let me borrow."
"Gryffindor third year?" said Hermione.
"That's him," said Harry, looking at the book but not reading any words, completely aware that Hermione still rested on his shoulder. "He and I had a talk because he needed advice about something and he let me borrow this book. He says that maybe there's something in here that can help me."
"Help you with what?" asked Hermione, looking curious.
"Whatever is said between me and him, stays between me and him," said Harry grinning. He wasn't about to tell her that he had come to him for love advice and to tell him that there was something in the book to help him with his love for Hermione.
"Well that book must be interesting," said Hermione sarcastically, "if it's got you reading it all day."
"What are you saying about me?" said Harry in a mock hurt voice.
"Nothing…" said Hermione playfully.
Harry laughed and Hermione giggled to join him. There was another silence, broken by Hermione, her chin still planted to a spot on Harry's shoulder.
"I'm so sorry Harry…"
"About what?"
"About the way I was acting before. I was being so stupid and -"
"You still on that? I said I forgave you."
"I know, but I still feel really terrible about it! I wish there was something I could do to make it all up to you!"
"You could come with me instead of Ernie to the Ball," said Harry in a whisper.
"What?" asked Hermione, looking at him from his shoulder.
"I said I'm just glad we're back on good terms that's all," said Harry.
A/N: I see that I can't get some things past most of you. Some of you have quite possibly figured out what's to happen in the further chapters. Let's just say that there is a reason why I'm keeping Hermione from seeing Harry's attempt to show her he likes her…
Hope you guys like this chapter… you guys deserve some H/Hr interaction right?
Hope that many of you already seen the PoA movie!!! It's Harry and Hermione's movie!!! And on a more personal note, Emma Watson is very pretty… I may just have a small crush on her… ;P but anyway, she's going to be a total hottie when she's 18!!! Count on it!!
And I dedicate this chapter to my girlfriend, Malia. I love her so much!!!