A/N: You'll notice Draco is featured again this week. This is mainly because you all asked so many questions for him. Since there's only a certain amount of space available for the Hogwarts Advice Column (not to mention the author (that talks in 3rd person) does have a life…), you'll notice that not all questions are answered. For those who asked questions to other characters, or even for those who did ask questions to Draco, be assured that your questions will indeed be answered by one of our future columnists, but not necessarily by Draco. But you need not fear, for there are some twists to this story (including more Draco appearances), and the characters may not necessarily play by the rules.
"Draco, because your feature in the Hogwarts Advice Column was such a success last week, I'd like you to do us a favour and continue again this week. We still received many requests for your help," said Dumbledore.
Draco tried to hide his frown. "All right. But who'll be doing it next week?"
Dumbledore smiled. "Ginny Weasley."
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The Hogwarts Advice Column
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Featured Columnist: Draco Malfoy
Comments from Last Week: Would all you insolate idiots stop pestering me to solve your worthless life's problems? One of my brain cells spent on answering your questions are worth more than your family alone.
This is your final warning. My last week. So enjoy while you can.
Bwahaha.
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Dear Draco,
Being a Slytherin, blonde, intelligent, witty, good-looking and evil is very hot. Please meet me in the Astronomy Tower at Midnight. ^_~
-Sexy Slytherin-
Dear Pansy,
Refrain from bothering me with your pathetic advances and meaningless drabble. I am not and never shall be interested. But since you so politely asked, I'll make sure your meeting is not cancelled. Expect Goyle fifteen minutes late. He tends to get lost on his way there.
Good day,
Draco Malfoy
Draco,
YOU LIKE GINNY! I know that you think that you think she's just a weasel or a mudblood lover, but in truth, you love her firey red PASSION! And you wish that passion was directed in your direction...admit it, go on and admit it!
-Anonymous
-This is an Automated Message from our Featured Columnist-
DRACO MALFOY HAS CHOSEN NOT TO RESPOND TO THIS QUESTION.
Dear Draco,
Lately I have had guys coming all around me asking me out. I havent gone out in a date for years and I'm kind of happy about bieng single. But sometime I do feel like that something is missing! But enough about me! Draco you are so hot! I love intelligent, witty, good looking, evil guys! Holla back if your interested!
Totally Confuse
Dear Totally Confuse(d?)
Bloody hell. This isn't a dating service; it's an advice column. . . Although I'm noticing the majority of Hogwarts students are unable to tell the difference. Of course, I completely understand your desire to be with me as opposed to with any other guy in Hogwarts. But I'm afraid I must decline. Never in my life shall I date a girl who writes to an advice column for a date. Despicable.
But if you're still interested, I'd be willing to hook you up with Marcus Flint- I hear he's a fantastic kisser.
Good day,
-Draco Malfoy
P.s. Malfoys do not "holla".
Dear Draco,
I have a situation I guess you could say. There's this guy (of course it's always a guy isn't it?) and he really likes me, but for obvious reasons, I don't like him. I mean he's much too thick to speak in complete sentences, let alone string two words together. And he always seems to hanging around you. So how do I, someone who is enchanting, beautiful, and evil, get rid of him? (But maybe you're the wrong person to ask since he's always hanging around you.)
Enchantingly Evil
Dear Enchantingly Evil,
Feed him three-dozen cupcakes and meet me in the Slytherin locker rooms at eleven o'clock.
Marvelous day to you,
-Draco Malfoy
Dear Draco,
I am hopelessly love with Harry Potter, but I don't think he knows who I am! What should I do???
-Anonymous
Dear Anonymous,
Drown yourself.
Good day,
-Draco Malfoy