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The Hogwarts Advice Column by Pink Inspiration
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The Hogwarts Advice Column

Pink Inspiration

"Weasley, we have to talk."

Ginny gulped nervously as Malfoy tightened his grip on her wrist. He pulled her along to an abandoned classroom and shoved her inside before closing the door and placing a locking charm on it. "Weasley, we have to talk," he repeated.

She wrung her hands and looked down. "Look, Malfoy, it's really not what you think. You have to believe me. See, Pansy Parkinson, she's you know, the blonde one with a bit of an... unusual nose-"

"Weasley," Draco snapped. "I bloody well know who bloody Pansy bloody Parkinson bloody well is!" The boy's usual pale complexion was beginning to resemble that of an overcooked eggplant.

"Um, ok, but look, Parkinson took some of my letters and responded to one! And, knowing my luck, it had to be…" Ginny sniffed and looked at the ceiling.

"This one?" Malfoy shoved the parchment towards her, where she spotted the question and answer:

Dear Ginny,

I want to know how you refrain from jumping Draco in the hallway??? :D

-meg

Dearest meg,

Oh it's so difficult to hide this inner passion I have for the Prince of Slytherin House. It's almost unbearable to hold all these emotions inside of me. I write secret poems to him every night. You know, I found this torn-up picture of him on the Quidditch field in December, and I've taped it together and put a water-repellant charm on it. Then I stuck it to the inside of my shower. It's an amazing experience. I suggest you try it.

Delightfully yours,

Giny Wesly

"It wasn't me!" Ginny said weakly and handed him back the parchment.

"You didn't spell your own name right, but I expect that happens often."

"Malfoy-"

"The whole school bloody well didn't have to know what you use to wank off to-"

"You bastard!"

Draco paused. "What did you just call me?"

"I called you a bastard. An insecure, bloody disgusting bastard! It's beyond me who would even touch you, let alone bed you!"

Malfoy had Ginny pinned against the wall so fast she couldn't remember having traveled from the desk she was seated on to her current position on the opposite end of the classroom.

"Malfoy, unhand me!"

"Do you bloody well know what this has done to my reputation? I am famous for having a fanclub of gorgeous, skinny, desirable females! And you-" he said, tightening his grip on her neck, "do not fit ANY of the above!"

If Ginny suffered a blow to her ego, she didn't show it. "You complete idiot!" she yelled, sending a swift punch towards his nose. Malfoy clutched it in horror as blood seeped through his cupped hands.

"Weasley! Do you not realize that you have just harmed the most aesthetically pleasing facial feature to ever-"

He was cut off as Ginny made a move to kick him in the groin, but instead landed on top of him, knocking them to the floor at the exact moment that the door burst open to reveal McGonagall and Flitwick in the middle of a philosophical conversation.

"Be it resolved that during the Gregarian war of Phira in 1231- Malfoy! Weasley! What in Merlin's name-" Minerva McGonagall made a step towards the mangled pair of students, both of which were bloody from Draco's nosebleed.

"Now, now Minerva, I think a trip to visit Poppy is in order before any questions can be asked."

"Yes, I, er, suppose. A levitation charm, please?"

- - - - - - - - - -

"Ah, Mr. Malfoy, Miss Weasley." Dumbledore clucked his tongue at the two miserable teenagers seated in two seats facing his desk. "A broken arm, I see. Is it healing nicely after the trip to the Hospital Wing, Ginevra?"

Ginny turned to glare at Malfoy and mumbled a "yes, sir."

Dumbledore turned to Draco. "And your nose, Draco? Stopped bleeding, I hope?"

Draco pursed his lips before responding. "Yessir."


"Well, then. All medical inquiries aside, I am afraid that disciplinary action must be taken. You are both aware of the Hogwart's zero-tolerance policy for violence?"

"Yes, sir," Ginny responded, rubbing her aching shoulder.

"Very well, then. I am sure you are both eager to return to your housemates, therefore I will make this short. This is your assignment for the next four months." Dumbledore reached behind his bureau and pulled up a large duffel bag brimming with rolled parchment.

Both students groaned in unison.

- - - - - - - - -

The Hogwarts Advice Column

A Malfoy-Weasley Collaboration

Welcome to the newly designed Hogwarts Advice Column! Submissions are welcome, addressed to either Draco or Ginny. Please keep submissions anonymous, we are here to help you!

Sincerely,

Draco Malfoy "Of course, being blonde wasn't intentional, but the ladies love it…"

and

Ginny Weasley "Family matters."

- - - - - - - -


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