Unofficial Portkey Archive

Confused Paths

Rating: PG-13

Genre: Drama/Romance

Summary: After Sirius' death, Harry goes through the worst moment of his life. He thinks there's no way he'll ever be happy again... And he keeps following the confused paths of life. My first attempt at fanfiction. Rated PG-13 to be sure; I tend to use bad language. It may go up or down later.

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters... You know the rubbish. Don't sue me, JKR; I'm not making money of this, and I don't have any money to be taken. I own the plot, though. Oh, I own Johan and Rafaelle, but they don't show up at this chapter… :P

Chapter 1 - Dark Summer (Part I)

A young boy stares at the window, in the smallest of room of Number 4 Privet Drive, Little Whinging, Surrey. His mind is playing to him the same scene it has been playing for one month. A dark-haired man was being hit by a jet of light, then falling through a veil. This man is the boy's godfather, and that veil was his final destination; his death.

Harry has been mourning over Sirius' death since he arrived at Privet Drive, at the beginning of summer holidays. He's been discreet about it, though; he wanted to avoid some taunts like the ones from Dudley, about Cedric. In fact, Harry has been nothing but normal in front of the Dursleys; he does all of his chores then goes up to his room, always in silence, except if someone talks to him and expects an answer, which is fairly rare. He then closes the door and starts moping, for an extensive amount of time, until he has to go down again or he falls asleep. Having no homework from Hogwarts really helps on this practice.

Four weeks had passed this way, and nothing had changed. Harry had no news from outside, since he didn't receive the Daily Prophet anymore, and his friends didn't write him any letters. He didn't feel like writing them, also. He had nothing to tell them. The Dursleys had been as pleasant as they could be, since they have been threatened at King's Cross; and he didn't really want to talk to anyone, nor meet anyone. No one would understand his feelings, anyway; nobody had lost a godfather. To Ron and Hermione, Sirius was just a friend, and so, they would have probably forgotten everything. To Dumbledore, Sirius was just a part of the Order of the Phoenix, someone whose death was understandable, if the Order's purposes were fulfilled.

Dumbledore. He was still mad at the headmaster. He had kept that prophecy as a secret, for all that time; and now, he had thrown it as a bomb, over Harry's head. He either had to kill Voldemort or be killed by him; which means he had to be protected and cared, that everybody near him could and would die, just for saving the bloody world. Harry didn't care for the world right now. He didn't care for Dumbledore's plans, or for the Order, or anything. He cared for Sirius, his last piece of family, that was now gone. 'If Voldemort showed up right now,' Harry thought bitterly, 'I would beat the living daylights out of him, if that made everyone leave me alone. But I suppose he must be enjoying my misery, so, he will not be coming.' Voldemort had indeed been quiet for that summer; Harry's scar didn't even scratch.

Just then Harry realized that a brown owl had been standing at his window. 'What the hell is an owl doing here, at seven in the morning?' He slowly got up to pick up the letter. The Dursleys weren't awake yet, so Harry thought it was really weird for an owl to be at his house so soon. Fortunately, the owl was silent, so the Dursleys wouldn't wake up. Harry slowly took the letter out of the owl's leg, and it flied away. Harry looked at the letter. It had a Ministry Seal on it.

Harry looked at the calendar on his drawer. It was July 29th today; so, that letter was probably holding his O.W.L. results. Harry remembered Hermione and a small smile formed on his face; she would be probably thrilled to see her results. The smile dropped immediately, when Harry reminded himself that he didn't want to talk to anyone right now. He opened the letter; it had two parchments inside. The first one was the usual parchment he received at the beginning of every year; the second one had his O.W.L. results. He ran his eyes quickly over the letter, and stopped to look at his final result. It said he achieved seven O.W.L.s. 'Pretty good,' he thought, 'but now I will make the breakfast. I will read it better later.' He threw the parchment on his bed and got down the stairs.

Harry arrived at the kitchen and started cooking; he finished the task quickly, since it wasn't a complex meal. The Dursleys wouldn't complain, since they barely spoke a word after the threat at King's Cross; and also, they liked not having to wait for the breakfast. Harry had been waking very early, since his nightmares wouldn't let him sleep; so, he got accustomed to cook the breakfast before the Dursleys were awake. It was good for both sides, since Harry didn't have to see their faces.

After cooking, and eating his part of the meal, Harry got to his bedroom again. 'Time to look at this letter more carefully,' he thought.

Hogwarts School of Wizardry and Witchcraft

Mr. Harry Potter,

The Wizarding Examinations Council is proud to give you the results of your O.W.L. exams, which you took last June, at the end of your fifth year at Hogwarts School of Wizardry and Witchcraft. You are able to course, at your 6th year, any subject in which you have scored a grade higher than 'Poor', which happen to be 'Acceptable', 'Exceeds Expectations', and 'Outstanding'. Your chosen subjects for the next year must be marked below and sent to your Head of House at Hogwarts School of Wizardry and Witchcraft. We must remind you that there is no Astronomy N.E.W.T. level course.

Wizarding Examinations Authority Head,

Griselda Marchbanks

Results of O.W.L. exams for Harry James Potter

Ancient Runes

Practical: -

Theoretical: -

Final Grade: -

Total O.W.L.s: 0

Arithmancy

Practical: -

Theoretical: -

Final Grade: -

Total O.W.L.s: 0

Astronomy

Practical: Acceptable

Theoretical: -

Final Grade: Acceptable

Total O.W.L.s: 1

Care of Magical Creatures

Practical: Outstanding

Theoretical: Outstanding

Final Grade: Outstanding

Total O.W.L.s: 2

Charms

Practical: Exceeds Expectations

Theoretical: Exceeds Expectations

Final Grade: Exceeds Expectations

Total O.W.L.s: 3

Defense against the Dark Arts

Practical: Outstanding (with extra credit by Prof. Tofty)

Theoretical: Outstanding

Final Grade: Outstanding

Total O.W.L.s: 4

Divination

Practical: Dreadful

Theoretical: Poor

Final Grade: Dreadful

Total O.W.L.s: 4

Herbology

Practical: Acceptable

Theoretical: Acceptable

Final Grade: Acceptable

Total O.W.L.s: 5

History of Magic

Practical: -

Theoretical: Poor

Final Grade: Poor

Total O.W.L.s: 5

Muggle Studies

Practical: -

Theoretical: -

Final Grade: -

Total O.W.L.s: 5

Potions

Practical: Exceeds Expectations

Theoretical: Acceptable

Final Grade: Exceeds Expectations

Total O.W.L.s: 6

Transfiguration

Practical: Exceeds Expectations

Theoretical: Exceeds Expectations

Total O.W.L.s: 7

The Council congratulates you in your achievements, Mr. Potter.

'Well, that was really good, I guess,' he thought. 'Two Outstandings... One in Hagrid's class! He will be proud of it... Three Exceeds Expectations... One in Snape's class! That will show the slimy git... But I guess I can not make his class without an Outstanding... Not that I care for it, but I need it to become an Auror...'

Harry threw the parchment aside at this realization. He couldn't become an Auror anymore. Snape said clearly that he would accept only those people who had achieved an 'O' in his O.W.L.... But the parchment said you could choose any class in which you had an 'A' or better. It wouldn't hurt to mark Potions, even if Snape forbids him to go.

The boy picked up one of his quills, then marked at the parchment the courses he would be choosing. Professor McGonagall had said he would need Charms, DADA, Potions and Transfiguration, plus another one to add five N.E.W.T.s... He had to pick up either Herbology or Care of Magical Creatures. He decided for the latter. "Hagrid is better than Sprout," he said to himself. He then called Hedwig at the window. The owl was out hunting, but he knew that it would appear when it heard the calling. It showed itself some minutes later, dropping a dead mouse on its cage. Harry was already attaching the letter to Hedwig's leg when he remembered that Hagrid had been "fired".

"Do you think Hagrid will be teaching this year, Hedwig?" The owl emitted a low hoot. Harry took it as a "yes". "Dumbledore must have cleared the things that Um-bitch has done." Harry snorted at the nickname he has just given the former Professor. He finished attaching the letter and then said to Hedwig, "Take it to Professor McGonagall, okay?" The owl hooted again in response, and left. Just then, Harry heard the steps of the Dursleys walking to the kitchen. 'Got to change my clothes fast, soon Aunt Petunia will send me to clean that damn garden.'

The day progressed uneventful, Hedwig being back at the beginning of the night. After dinner, Harry locked himself up in his room again. He had quit his habitual walks, since the dementor attack last year. He just sat at his bed and begun to stare at the window, mourning over Sirius' death. He still blamed himself for it, and every time he looked at the window, he thought that it was his fault that Sirius could not watch the moon, or the stars, or anything else, anymore.

Suddenly the silence was broken by the arrival of an owl. This time there was no way Harry could miss it; the owl kept flying in circles around his room, and was screeching rather loudly. Fortunately, the Dursleys were still awake, and they were watching the TV in rather loud volume, too. Harry caught the screeching owl, which he recognized as Pig, Ron's owl. Harry detached the letter from the tiny owl's leg and thought bitterly, 'After four weeks of silence, what the hell does Ron want with me?'

Harry expected it to have some lame excuse for not writing, then more excuses for not telling anything useful about the War, then a promise that someone would be coming to catch the boy up soon. Harry got it right, partially.

Hey mate,

How are you? Hope you are better than you were at the end of the term. Sorry if I have not written anything, I just did not know anything to say about... about Sirius' death, you know. I am really sorry for it. He was a great guy, and we all miss him. I know it must be harder for you, since he was your godfather and all...

'When did Ron learn to understand other people's feelings? If I remember well, he was the one with the emotional range of a teaspoon...' he continued, remembering Hermione's sarcastic remark.

... but you should not mope around very much. Hope you are past that by now. By the way, Hermione is here and we both wanted to tell you something...

"Ah, that explains it. Hermione probably told him 'it is harder for me because he was my family…'", Harry said sarcastically to himself, mimicking Hermione's voice.

... Well, mate, you see, at the second week of the summer I finally gathered some courage and asked her out. She said she would give it a thought and some days later she said yes! So she came here and we have been doing quite nicely for the last two weeks.

Harry was astonished. 'Ron asked Hermione out? And she accepted? I never knew Ron fancied her... Well, there was that face he made when he saw her at the Yule Ball, in the fourth year, but even I gawked at her there... And they are constantly bickering. I lost count of how many times I had to leave because I could not stand their rows. There is no way they could get together! It does not make any sense!'

By the way, your birthday is in two days, so we thought of having you here for a party. What do you think? Answer right away, so that someone from the Order can go and pick you up there. Dumbledore said it is okay for you to come.

Harry stopped reading and thought a little about the invitation. He wasn't willing to see anyone now, because they would probably push the Sirius subject; as far as Hermione seemed to understand why Sirius is more important to him than to everybody else, they wouldn't understand him anyway. And now, with Ron and Hermione dating, it would be even harder to stand being with them. Harry didn't know why, but the idea of his two best friends together couldn't enter his mind. So, he decided that he wouldn't go. It was a better party to stay here at the Dursleys, where he could think about Sirius freely and he didn't have to stand his best friends snogging.

Well, that makes it. Hermione and Ginny send you their greetings and they hope you will be coming. The others are not here but they will probably be at the party. The twins are making lots of money at the store; they said half the school had gone there already. Bill and Charlie are still working for the Order; and Percy… Well, we have not heard from him but we think he will be back soon with some excuse. I will finish this letter now. Send the answer fast!

Your best mate,

Ron

P.S.: Hermione is asking for your O.W.L. results. She has got 10 and is going to course all of the classes. I have got 6; I think that is good enough, the twins had 3 only. I will be going for Magical Creatures, Charms, DADA, Herbology and Transfiguration. I want to play quidditch after school, you know; so it is not that I will need any N.E.W.T.s. But in the end, Hermione convinced me to go for all the subjects I could (my other O.W.L. was Astronomy). No more Snape! Yey!

Harry smirked at Ron's last comment; Ron was probably thrilled with the possibility to be free from the greasy professor. Harry, though he also wanted to be free from it, was quite willing to endure it if he could become an Auror. Quidditch was good, his passion, his soul; but he wouldn't like to live forever playing it. Having a real and steady profession was quite better.

He picked a blank parchment from his things and rapidly wrote Ron's response. He said he didn't want to go to the Burrow, that he was still mourning for Sirius' death, and that he had achieved 7 O.W.L.s; the same ones as Ron, plus Potions. He was going for all his subjects too, except Herbology, because he needed only five N.E.W.T.s to become an Auror. He sent some greetings for Hermione and Ginny, and finished the letter by saying: "We see each other at September 1^st. Harry." Then, he attached the letter to Pig's leg and sent the tiny owl away.

'It is better this way,' he thought.

A/N: Don't be fooled by what you read, this IS H/Hr... My hands can't write R/Hr. :P English is not my mother language, so, my grammar and my style may (and probably will) be terrible... I'll try to improve from here, since this is my first. R/R. ^_^ Next chapter is halfway through, so I guess I'll have it finished in two days.

My girlfriend (who is not my beta; I don't have a beta and I think one would have a lot of work here) said that Harry's results were bad. I don't know... Do you think he deserved higher grades? Tell me at the reviews, if you review. ^^''