|
Pub Night By Tawny Spitfyre Part Four: Bits and Pieces Harry waved over the waitress and ordered drinks for the group. The table was silent for a few moments. Seamus was still grinning, clearly reviewing a few of the lines in his head. Hermione and Ginny were both absentmindedly fidgeting with their drink glasses. "So," Ron said, finally breaking the silence. "Let's play a game. See if you can figure out whose pick-up line this is…." He had an evil glint in his eye and a crooked little sneer. "I can bewitch your mind, ensnare your senses, and give you a night of unparalleled passion…if you're not as big a dunderhead as I usually take home." "Oh, no!" Hermione said as she cringed. "You're going to say that's Snape…and that's a horrible, horrible thought!" "Eww, eww, eww!!" Ginny squealed. "I don't want to think about that!" Harry seemed to agree as he put his hands over his eyes and shook his head, apparently to erase the mental image he'd just been given. Seamus looked absolutely disgusted; he even set his drink back on the table, as if he couldn't stomach another sip. "Well, I bet I'm not far off," Ron said, laughing at their reactions. "I'm sure he tried to hit on women at some point in his life…however, I don't think even the best line would get them to overlook that greasy head of his." "How about this one then?" Seamus chipped in. He snarled up his face and squinted one eye. "Young lady, I can see that a dark wizard is coming this way to chat you up. You'd best come with me…. Nice knickers, by the way." Seamus' Moody impression elicited an uproar of laughter from the other four. "That was brilliant!" laughed Ron. "You don't think he can really see through clothes with that eye, do you?" Hermione asked. She was smiling, but the look on her face clearly showed that she was truly wondering about this now. "No, of course not…I don't think," Ginny answered and laughed. "Speaking of seeing…I've got one." She held the back of her hand to her forehead dramatically and said in a misty voice, "The fates have informed me that you will be coming home with me tonight, where you will gaze into my orbs and I'll make charts of Uranus." "You've been hanging around your brother too much, Gin," laughed Harry. "Ron's usually the one to make Uranus jokes." Hermione was holding her hands over her eyes. "That gave me really horrible mental pictures!" "What part?" Ron asked her, snickering. "Charting Uranus…? Or Trelawney's saggy orbs?" "Urgh!" Seamus snarled. "That's an even worse mental picture!! I could have gone all night without thinking about that." He shuddered. "Wait, wait," Ron laughed. "Here's Lockhart…well, the old Lockhart anyway." He ran his hand through his hair and smiled his best Witch-Weekly's-Most-Charming-Smile-Award smile. "If you're just saying 'no' because you don't want to remember this in the morning…I should let you know that I'm rather skilled with memory charms." They all groaned. They, of course, all knew about Lockhart's accident when he tried to erase Harry's and Ron's memories, but Harry was the only other one who had actually heard Lockhart bragging about his memory charm skills. He thought Ron's impression was spot-on and he laughed heartily. "Come on, Harry," Seamus said, nudging him. "You do one." "I don't think I can do any professors," Harry said, shaking his head. He thought for a moment. "No…but see if you can guess this one." Harry sat up straight in his seat, making himself as tall as possible. "Funny game, chess. Have you ever noticed that the bishop is a blatant phallic symbol?" he asked, holding up an imaginary chess piece. "Funny, because my pieces are soooo much larger than all of my friends'. But then again, I have very large hands…you do know what they say about men with large hands, don't you?" Ron laughed and nodded as he reached over and patted Harry on the shoulder. "Too right, Harry!" He smiled pompously. "That's definitely me…and true, at that!" Ginny shuddered. "Alright, that's enough about my brother's…umm…bits and pieces." "What about Harry, then?" Hermione asked with a grin. "What?" Ginny asked, grinning wickedly. "You'd rather talk about Harry's bits?" "No, you cheeky girl!!" Hermione said quickly, slapping her lightly on the arm. "I mean Harry's pick-up line." She picked up her glass and took a long drink, trying to hide the blush that Ginny had caused. "I can do that one," Ron said. He reached over and grabbed Harry's glasses and put them on, which was a funny sight by itself. Then he ruffled his hair to imitate the famous Potter 'do. Ron shrunk down in his seat and said in a deep and charming voice, "You know, Wizarding society owes me quite a debt; after all, I did vanquish the Dark Lord…twice. The Minister and I have had talks about how I can possibly be thanked for all I did. I think if you came home with me tonight, you could pay off your part of that debt." Seamus apparently thought this was hysterical; he laughed so hard that he had to excuse himself to visit the loo. Ginny, Hermione and Harry were laughing, too, but Harry had to defend himself. "Now, you know I would never say something like that!" he told Ron as he laughed. "No, I know you wouldn't…but I'd pay you 5 galleons to go over to the bar and try it on someone!" Ron laughed back. "He wouldn't dare!" Hermione piped in, looking sidelong at Harry before he could answer. "He'd look like a complete pompous git, and probably get himself slapped, or worse." "It'd still be worth 5 galleons to see." "You'd pay 5 galleons to see a girl slap me?" Harry asked, still laughing. "Well, yes…but she may not slap you, you know. She might actually take you up on your offer!" Ginny and Hermione were quick to disagree, and a dispute ensued. The girls were certain no witch would ever fall for that line, but Ron reminded them of the caliber of female Quidditch fans Harry had acquired. While they agreed that the female fans might take any opportunity to go home with "the famous Harry Potter," they still thought that line would be a turn off. Seamus returned to the table and interrupted the argument. "Right, I've thought of another one," he said as he sat down. "This one's for you." He pointed at Ginny and winked. "Of course I'm a natural redhead," he said in a high-pitched voice. "Just take me back to your place and I'll prove it to you." "Oh, really, Seamus?" Ginny laughed. "Please don't tell me you thought of that while you were in the loo!" He didn't say anything, but just raised his eyebrows and smiled at her. "I'm telling your girlfriend," she said playfully. "And two can play that game!" She grinned at him evilly. "Here's Seamus then: 'Ya gat any Irish in ya?'" she said with a bad attempt at an Irish accent. "No…? Well, do ya want some?" They all laughed and Seamus smiled proudly. "Hey, that's a good one…I'll have to remember that!" "So…how about Hermione?" Ron said daringly, drawling out her name. They locked eyes and it was obvious that a challenge about to occur. Ginny and Harry looked at each other, both with anxious expressions, then back at Ron and Hermione. |
|