~A/N> Sorry it took so long to post this, but it gave me a little bit of trouble. Hopefully I did book 5
justice, it's really hard to summarize such a large book into one or two chapters. It's almost one-thirty in
the morning, so I apologize ahead of time for any mistakes that I might have made towards the end. Thanks for all of
the wonderful reviews on the last chapter, they were great!!! Thanks to Spaz141 for her help on this
chapter!!!!
After that night, I tried to stay away from Harry as much as possible. It wasn't hard to do because he was either practicing Quidditch or spending time with Cho Chang. Just seeing them together...I just don't understand what he sees in her.
I was sitting with Ron in the Common Room one night, doing my homework and listening to him gripe about Defense class, when Harry came in and sat with us. A little part of me was happy to see him, but I squashed that part quickly. I reminded myself that I didn't need him and that I was fine on my own. Ron continued to complain about Dolores Umbridge and Harry seemed to agree with him on how awful her class had been lately. They were both moaning that they weren't learning anything in that class anymore and I had finally gotten fed up with their griping. "If you don't like it, why don't you do something about it?" I asked, irritated.
"What do you mean?" asked Ron.
"Well since Harry is so good at Defense, why don't you start a club? You could let the students who want to learn how to defend themselves join and then teach them what you know." Harry just sat there staring at me for so long that I gave up.
"Never mind; obviously you don't think it's a good idea, so just forget I mentioned it" I snapped, and then returned to my homework.
Silence stretched out for a couple of minutes before Harry said "I think it's a good idea Hermione, I'm just not sure I should be the one to run it."
"You are the most qualified Harry" I said, looking at him again, and after seeing the haunted look on his face, wished I hadn't.
"How would we go about getting everyone together?" Ron asked, pulling me away from Harry's stare.
"I'll organize everything and get back to you guys, alright?" I asked, gathering my books together. I needed to be alone for a little while anyway, and this gave me a good excuse to leave.
"Alright" said Harry, giving me a small smile. I knew he had no idea why I was distancing myself from him, but I wasn't about to explain it to him; it would be too embarrassing.
~*~
Hermione had arranged for anyone interested in the "Defense Club" to meet at the Hogs Head on our Hogsmead weekend. Twenty-four people showed up, including Cho. I noticed an odd sort of look on Hermione's face when she spotted Cho, but before I could ask her what was the matter, she started the meeting. It went okay, except that they expected me to explain what happened to Cedric at the Tri-Wizard Tournament, which I refused to do. Hermione said that she would find a place for us to meet at Hogwarts at least once a week, and the meeting was over.
After being ignored by Hermione for about a week, and then trying to talk to Professor Dumbledore, only to have him once again not look me in the eye, put me in a very stroppy mood.
Our Quidditch game against Slytherin was a real low point. Fred, George and I ended up getting into a fight with Draco Malfoy and we were permanently banned from playing Quidditch. I don't think I had ever felt so angry before in my life. I stomped my way up to Gryffindor Tower, barely controlling the rage that was building inside of me.
I slammed through the portrait hole and slumped down onto the couch, glaring into the flames as if everything was their fault. I heard the portrait hole open again, but I didn't even bother to look up to see who it was; somehow I just knew it was her.
"What do you think you're doing Harry?" asked Hermione, and I knew she was standing there with her hands on her hips, glaring at me, and it seemed to make me even more angry.
"I thought you weren't talking to me?" I asked, my voice dangerously low. I glared at her, daring her to continue nagging me.
"Oh for the love of...what's gotten into you? Do you even realize what you've just done?" she asked, and I jumped off of the couch and advanced on her quickly.
"What do you mean 'what I've just done'? You might have missed the fact that MALFOY had started everything!" I yelled, and watched as she backed away from me, looking...afraid. Damn her Father for hurting her the way he did.
"If you would have just walked away from him and let it go, everything would have been fine" she admonished, hiding her fear and sounding more angry now.
"You may walk away from what's important to you Hermione, but I don't. I'm not going to sit there and let that sad excuse for a wizard talk badly about my friends, no matter what." I noticed that I had struck a nerve with her, and said "what's the matter, 'Mione? A little too close to the truth is it? You are the one that's been pushing me away lately, not the other way around."
"Really?" she said, advancing on me now, standing toe to toe with me. "At least I don't let my hormones overrun my body and then abandon my friends."
'What the hell?' I thought, wondering what that was supposed to mean. "What are you talking about?!" I yelled losing the little patience I had left. "You're the one pushing me away!"
"You're the one spending all of your bloody time with Cho Chang!" she yelled, and then I watched her eyes grow wide with the realization of what she had just said.
"What?" I asked. "Is that why you've been acting the way you have? Hermione, she just wants to know about Cedric, you know, how he died."
I watched as her anger seemed to turn to sadness in a heartbeat, and I became even more confused. "Don't worry about it Harry" she said quietly "I knew you couldn't be around all the time, no matter how much you promised. I'm sorry I yelled, and that I upset you more."
She went to go upstairs, but I gently laid my hand on her shoulder, feeling my own anger start to ebb away slowly. She looked so sad..."Hermione, will you please just tell me what's wrong?"
"Nothing Harry, I'll be fine." She took a deep breath and said, "I'm used to being alone, its no big deal. Good luck with Cho."
"Good luck with Cho, 'Mione, what do you mean?" I asked her, completely lost.
And she walked up the stairs, away from me once more, without any explanation.
~*~
I couldn't believe I had almost let my feelings for Harry slip out that day; I could have lost him as a friend, and I don't think I would be able to deal with that.
I was on my way to our DA meeting, we had decided to call ourselves 'Dumbledore's Army', and chastising myself for almost screwing up the best friendship I have ever had. I walked into the Room of Requirement, our new meeting spot, and stopped dead in my tracks. There on the far end of the room stood Harry with Cho, the two were obviously flirting with each other. I just shook my head and made my way over to the front of the room.
I ended up paired with Ron that night, while Harry walked around helping everyone; he seemed to spend more time with Cho. I felt like crying, but somehow managed to keep myself together. When Harry walked up with Cho tagging behind him, it took all of my will power not to roll my eyes.
"Hey Hermione" he said, having the nerve to smile at me.
"Yeah" I muttered, and walked away. Realizing that the meeting was over, I made my way back to the common room to finish up my homework. Ron walked with me and decided that he was going to work on his homework too. After working for about twenty minutes, Harry walked in with a strange look on his face. Ron looked up at him and gave him an odd look.
"What's the matter mate?" he asked. I stopped writing so that I could hear his answer.
"Well, um, Cho...kissed me" he said. I closed my eyes so that I wouldn't have to see the look of happiness on his face.
"Really? How was it?" Ron asked, and I felt like reaching across the table and hitting him.
"It was, um...uncomfortable" said Harry. I jerked my head up and saw him look towards me, and then he quickly looked back at Ron. "I don't know why she did it really. She's been pestering me about Cedric for a while now; how he died, did he mention her the night he died, and then tonight, she comes up to me crying after the meeting. Says that she wonders if Cedric would have been able to do everything we had been doing and asked if I thought he would have joined the DA; then she just...kissed me."
"And..." Ron prompted...the stupid git.
"And I guess she didn't appreciate my reaction because she ran out of the room crying." Harry looked from Ron to me, as if asking my opinion. My head was swimming with everything he had just said; could it be possible he didn't like Cho as more than a friend?
Not really knowing what to say to Harry at that point, I excused myself and quickly headed up to my room. I went to bed that night with my heart a little lighter, knowing that Harry and Cho were not a couple.
~*~
The school year seemed to keep getting worse; I was still having nightmares, Cho kept giving me dirty looks every time I tried to apologize, and Hermione just kept to herself most of the time. Thankfully, I had spending Christmas at Grimmauld Place with Sirius to look forward to.
I made my way upstairs with the four Weasleys and Hermione to Dumbledore's office; we were going to take a Portkey from there to Grimmauld Place. We all grabbed hold of the old hat that Dumbledore had made into the Portkey, and next thing I knew, we were in the sitting room at Grimmauld.
"Harry!" said Sirius, walking over to us. "It's good to see you again!"
"Hey Sirius!" I said, glad to see a friendly face. "Been keeping busy?"
"Trying to" he said, smiling a truly happy smile.
I took my things upstairs and noticed that the place looked a little better than it did last time, but not much. Mrs. Weasley already had dinner ready, so we ate and turned in early. I fell to sleep immediately, but only a few hours later, woke up gasping for air and covered in sweat. I had had another damn nightmare, and I couldn't shake this one, it seemed too real. I jumped out of bed and ran to the girls' room, just to reassure myself that Hermione was okay. I quietly opened the door so as not to scare them, only to find Hermione's bed empty.
"No" I breathed, running back out of the room and heading down the stairs. I ran into the sitting room and saw that a fire was lit, and there sitting on the couch was...
"Hermione?" I asked, almost running over to the couch and kneeling in front of her. She sat looking at me with a scared and confused look on her face.
"Harry, what's wrong?" she asked, obviously worried by my behaviour. Before I could even think about what I was doing, I wrapped my arms around her tightly, and just held her, to prove to myself that she was really there. After about five minutes, she slowly pulled back from me and rested her hands on my cheeks while staring into my eyes. "What's the matter?" she asked.
Feeling a little embarrassed about the way I had acted, I looked away from her gaze and said, "Nothing, I'm just overreacting."
I heard her sigh and looked at her once again, to see a look of hurt pass quickly over her face. "What's happening to our friendship Harry?"
"What do you mean?" I asked, not sure what she meant.
"We used to be so close, and now we can't seem to even talk to each other any more" she replied.
I looked at her for a moment before saying "I'm not the one who's been pulling away Hermione." I saw and felt her body tense and continued "look, it was just another nightmare; Voldemort had taken you from the school, and when I found you, i-it was too late. I just needed reassurance that you were okay; I don't want to argue with you anymore."
I looked at her and saw the tears in her eyes; I suddenly realized that it had been a really long time since I had seen a genuine smile on her face or heard her laugh. "What are you doing up?" I asked.
"I couldn't sleep," she said, and I noticed that the black circles under her eyes seemed darker than usual. How come I hadn't noticed that before? "I-I keep having nightmares too."
"Do you want to talk about it?" I asked, not wanting to go back upstairs just yet; I didn't want to leave her like this.
"Not really; it's the same thing over and over again. I always relive that day, but instead of my Dad being killed, it's my Mum or it's you. I can't stand to see it anymore."
A tear escaped out of the corner of her eye and I reached out and wiped it away without thinking. When I touched her face, it was almost as if an electric current ran down my arm and I let my thumb linger on her cheek. Before I realized what I was doing, I leaned in closer to her and kissed her. I pulled back slowly and opened my eyes, and she slowly opened hers and stared at me.
~*~
I sat there looking at him, completely dazed and surprised by his kiss. Before I knew what I was doing, I leaned towards him and placed my lips on his again, loving how they felt rough and soft at the same time. He reached out and gently put his hand on the back of my neck and pulled me closer to him. We stayed that way for a little while, just the gentle pressure of lips on lips, and then I felt his tongue gently touch my bottom lip. My first reaction was to pull away, never having felt that before, but then I slowly parted my lips just a little bit. He seemed as nervous as I was as he tentatively slipped his tongue into my mouth, gently touching it to mine. Not really knowing what to do next, I started to roll my tongue in a circle around his in a clumsy way, not knowing if what I was doing was right, but at that point I really didn't care. I was dizzy and light headed, and happier than I had been in a long time.
We slowly pulled back from each other; breathing a little heavier than normal, and I unconsciously brought my hand up to my mouth. I looked at Harry and watched as his face went from relaxed to a look of confusion, and then...regret. "Hermione..." he said, and before he could even start to apologize for what had just happened or try to rationalize it, I interrupted him.
"I really should get to bed," I said, standing up from the couch and pretending to yawn. "Mrs. Weasley said that Dumbledore is trying to arrange for us to go Christmas shopping tomorrow. Good night Harry."
I mustered the best fake smile I could, and without looking back, walked up the stairs to my room. I fell in bed that night and knew it would be a long time before I fell to sleep.
~*~
After that night, Hermione and I just kind of...existed around each other. We made small talk, we exchanged presents with one another, and we never brought up the kiss again.
After spending the Christmas break with Sirius, I hated to think of him at Grimmauld Place all by himself again; he had seemed really down when we had left to return to Hogwarts.
When classes started up once again, Dolores Umbridge had somehow found out about the DA, and when she confronted me about it in front of Fudge, I had tried to deny everything. Unfortunately, the list of all of the members names had been found in the Room of Requirement, and just as I was about to admit to everything, Dumbledore had interrupted me and said it had been all his doing. He said he had formed Dumbledore's Army in the hopes of building an army that would go against the beliefs of the Ministry. When Fudge tried to have him arrested, Dumbledore had done something to render him, Umbridge and two Aurors unconscious; one of the Aurors was Shaklebolt, a member of the Order of the Phoenix.
Dumbledore took hold of Fawkes' tail feathers and they disappeared right before everyone became conscious again. I had gotten off the hook, but now Umbridge was Headmaster of Hogwarts.
Hermione really buckled down on Ron and I, pushing us to study for our O.W.L.'s, and really leaving us no free time at all. Ron had one night off a week, and that was only to practice Quidditch. Finally the day of our first exams came, and everyone seemed to be a nervous wreck. After getting through the first written and practical exam, the rest of the week seemed to go by quickly. Defense Against the Dark Arts had been the easiest tests for me; in the practical exam I was asked to produce a patronus and did it successfully, earning an extra point on the test.
Hermione, on the other hand, seemed to get crankier as the week passed by. She snapped at anyone that dared to talk to her when she tried to study, and always had a book open in front of her at every meal. I was surprised she didn't have some sort of breakdown with the way she was pushing herself so hard.
On the night of the Astronomy exam, we were witness to something horrible; Umbridge had decided to sack Hagrid, and to do it at night, hoping to have surprise on her side. It didn't work and Hagrid fought back, knocking a few Aurors unconscious in the process. Professor McGonagall had gone out to try to stop her, and in the process was severely stunned; she ended up in St. Mungo's that night, her condition unknown.
Two days later, while I was taking the History of Magic exam, I...saw something. It was a strange room with many doors, and as I watched, Voldemort appeared and was speaking to someone. When that someone came into view, I was shocked to see that it was Sirius. Voldemort was telling him to take something from a shelf and give it to him; he said that Sirius had to take it because he couldn't touch it. I saw him perform the Cruciatus curse on Sirius when he refused and watched as he writhed in pain, unable to do anything to stop it. I ended up waking up on the floor of the Great Hall where we were taking the test, shaking from what I had just seen, and had been escorted out of the hall by the Examiner and told to go back to my room to lie down. Instead, I waited outside for Ron and Hermione to finish their tests. When they came out, I told them what I had seen and that I needed to get in touch with Sirius.
After arguing about it for a bit, I came up with a plan to get into Umbridge's office so that I could contact Sirius by floo. Unfortunately, the plan didn't work and me, Hermione, Ron, Ginny, Luna and Neville were caught in the act. Umbridge tried to force us to tell her what we were doing and tried to get me to tell her who I had contacted, but no one told her a thing. Just as she was about to use the Cruciatus on me to get me to talk, Hermione yelled out that she would tell her. What happened next was a strange string of events.
Hermione 'confessed' that we had been developing a weapon for Dumbledore, and that we had been trying to contact him to let him know it was completed. When Umbridge wanted to see it, Hermione said that she would only show it to her and no one else. I was forced to go along, and Hermione took us into the Forbidden Forest. She led Umbridge right to the Centaurs, who ended up carrying her off to the deep part of the Forest. Ron and the others found us, and we ended up going to the Ministry on the Thestrals; we were there in a matter of minutes.
Once inside, we found the room I had seen in my 'vision' and I spotted the glowing white sphere. Ron noticed that my name was underneath it, along with Voldemort's, and when I picked it up, the voice of Lucius Malfoy rang out behind me. He informed us that it had all been a trap set up by his 'Master' to lure me there, so that I could take the sphere from the shelf and give it to them. One hell of a fight broke out after that. It was us against twelve Death Eaters, and we weren't going to go down quietly.
We were chased throughout the Department of Mysteries, and it seemed as if we were being picked off one by one. I had watched in absolute horror as Hermione had been hit by a purple jet of light and knocked unconscious. Neville had picked her up and carried her behind me as I made my way to a strange room that I had never been in before. It had stairs leading down to a floor below, where there was an archway that had black veil across it. We had been chased down to the floor by the Death Eaters that were left standing, and just as they were about to attack us, Sirius, Remus, Tonks, Kingsley and Moody showed up and fought them off. During all of the fighting, the sphere, which held a prophecy about me, had been broken.
The battle continued until the only two left that were trading curses were Sirius and his cousin, Bellatrix Lestrange. I watched as Sirius taunted her when her curse missed him, and then the next one she threw at him connected, and pushed him back through the veiled arch.
When I tried to go after him, Dumbledore, who had arrived and restrained the other Death Eaters, stopped me. He said that Sirius was gone and he would not be coming back. I was devastated, and angry. Bellatrix made a run for it, and I ran after her, swearing I'd make her pay for what she'd done. I chased her into the lobby of the Ministry, where I unsuccessfully tried to use the Cruciatus curse on her. She just laughed at me and taunted me, until I told her how angry her 'Master' was going to be when he found out the prophecy had broken. She didn't believe me at first, until she had tried to summon it to her, and it never came. She started asking the Dark Lord to forgive her, and when I said that he couldn't hear her, his voice came from behind me and said "yes I can."
When I turned around, Voldemort was standing behind me, and he was definitely angry. He sent the killing curse my way, which had been blocked by Dumbledore, who had suddenly appeared. He and Voldemort started dueling, and at one point, Voldemort had vanished. I had thought that Dumbledore had won, until my scar seared with pain and I felt as if I were dying. I heard Voldemort's voice coming from my mouth, and I knew what had happened. He had possessed me, taunting Dumbledore with the fact that to kill him, he would have to kill me. I remember thinking that I wanted to die, and that Sirius death was entirely my fault, and the next thing I knew I was on the ground shaking. Voldemort had left my body, grabbed Bellatrix, and disappeared; but not before Fudge and many others at the Ministry saw him. Fudge was beside himself with the knowledge that he had just seen firsthand that Voldemort had in fact returned and that I had not been lying. He had a lot of explaining to do.
Dumbledore created a portkey and sent me back to his office. I sat there dazed, reliving everything that had happened, and admonishing myself for falling for Voldemort's trap. Sirius was gone because of my recklessness; I didn't think I would ever forgive myself for that. When Dumbledore returned to his office after talking with Fudge, he tried to apologize for not telling me about the prophecy. He explained that the reason he wouldn't look directly at me before was because he feared Voldemort's connection with me would allow him to see what Dumbledore was up to; he also tried to convince me that what had happened to Sirius had not been my fault. I had lost my temper completely and started destroying things in his office; I had made a complete mess and it had not made me feel better at all. I felt as if the guilt was going to eat me alive.
Professor Dumbledore had taken out his pensieve and let me hear the prophecy; I just couldn't believe what I heard. Basically it came down to me killing Voldemort or him killing me, but neither of us could live while the other did, or something like that. I had felt so lost and alone; and then Dumbledore told me that I would have to go back to the Dursley's for at least part of the summer.
I had left the office to go check on Hermione and Ron, who were down in the Hospital Ward. Dumbledore had said that they were going to be ok, they were just going to have to stay there for a few days. I walked down the corridor thinking of how I had almost lost my best friends, I had lost my Godfather, and I was spending the summer with the Dursley's, the only people that possibly hated me more than Voldemort did. I started to wonder if my life could possibly get any worse than it already was.