~A/N>Wow you guys, 44 reviews on the last chapter!! That's the most I've gotten for a single chapter out
of all my stories! Thank you so much!! Thanks to Spaz141 for all your help!!!
I led Hermione out of her Mother's room and walked her over to where Tonks sat on the bench. She sat down and
leaned her head back against the wall, looking worn out. Tonks gave me a questioning look, and knowing what she was
asking, I nodded my head yes. She closed her eyes for a moment and then looked at Hermione. She put her hand gently on
Hermione's shoulder and quietly said, "I'm sorry Hermione".
Hermione just sat there, not responding to Tonks and I sat down next to her, worried. "Are you O.K.?" I asked and she slowly lifted her head off of the wall to look at me. She nodded and then turned to Tonks and said, "thanks Tonks. Do you think we could go home now?"
Tonks looked at her for a moment, perplexed by her behavior, and asked, "is there anything you need to arrange for your Mum?"
"I'll take care of that" came the voice of Dumbledore, startling the three of us.
"Professor Dumbledore?" I asked, wondering how it was he came to be there, and then I remembered the orderly that Hermione mentioned he knew.
"Hello Harry" he said, and then looked to Hermione with sympathy shining in his eyes. "Miss Granger, I do not want you to worry about any arrangements; I will take care of them and then let you know when the service will be; is that all right with you?"
Hermione sat there quietly and said, "yes Sir. May we go home now?"
Her voice held no emotion, and when I looked at Dumbledore, he just gave me a small smile, but I could see the concern in his eyes. "You and Harry will be going to Grimmauld Place for the remainder of the summer."
'Did he just say Grimmauld Place?' I thought to myself, feeling fear jolt through my body as my stomach turned violently. "I can't go there" I said quietly, thinking no one could hear me. I jumped when I felt a hand on my shoulder and looked to see Hermione sitting up.
"Why are we going there Sir?" she asked, sounding a little more like herself.
"It seems that Charlie has been injured in Romania and the Weasley's left soon after you did to visit him. I assured them that I would make sure you were well taken care of" Dumbledore explained. "Tonks, would you please escort them there and stay with them until further notice?"
"Sure I can" Tonks replied, looking as confused as I felt at that moment. "What about their trunks?" she asked.
"That has already been taken care of" he answered, looking at Hermione and I with a look of sympathy on his face. I started to feel my anger rising; he was taking control of my life again, and I had no say whatsoever.
I felt Hermione slip her hand into mine as she laid her head on my shoulder. "I'm tired Harry" she whispered.
"Why don't we get going then?" asked Tonks, getting up from the bench and looking at us expectantly. Resigning myself to the fact that I had to go, I wrapped my arm around Hermione's waist and lifted her up. Dumbledore held out an old ratty shoe to us, and the three of us grabbed onto it. Once more I felt the familiar tugging behind my naval as we were transported to the one place I had never wanted to go to again.
We landed in the entryway, somehow staying on our feet, and then made our way into the sitting room. It was so dark, and when Tonks lit the candles that were in there, I felt like running out the door. The place smelled like death, or what I thought it would smell like, and I immediately saw the image of Sirius falling through the Veil again flash before my eyes. I must have tightened my grip on Hermione, because she asked, "are you ok Harry?" I just nodded my head and tried to block the image from my mind.
"I need to take care of something before I turn in; why don't you two go on up to bed?" asked Tonks, startling me from my thoughts. I noticed on the clock that it was five-thirty in the morning; we'd been up for almost twenty-four hours, not that I slept anymore, but Hermione must have been exhausted. I nodded at Tonks and steered Hermione towards the stairs, and we made our way up to our rooms.
When I stopped in front of the door to the room where she and Ginny always stayed, she froze. "I don't want to sleep in there by myself" she said quietly with a scared look in her eyes.
"Why don't you grab your nightclothes, change in the bathroom and come to my room when you're done? You can sleep in there with me" I said, sounding more emotionally stable than I felt at the minute. She mutely nodded her head and made her way into the room to grab her things.
I went into my room and rummaged around my trunk for something to sleep in and changed quickly. Soon I heard a knock on the door and told Hermione to come in. She came in dressed in a nightgown and looked a little uncomfortable. "Why don't you take Ron's bed?" I asked, pointing to it. She nodded and walked over to it while I climbed into my bed. I blew out the candle on the nightstand and settled under the covers. I lay there, thinking over everything that had happened that night, when I noticed Hermione standing next to my bed.
"Can I sleep with you?" she whispered, and I slid over to make room for her. I watched her outline in the dark as she crawled under the covers with me, trying to stay warm in the cold room. I turned onto my side so that I was facing her and noticed that she was looking at me. It was still about an hour until dawn and I could see her eyes shining as the moonlight hit them. I wrapped my arm around her waist and moved so that I was comfortable.
"Thank you for going with me today" she said quietly.
"It was no problem; you've always helped me when I needed it, and I'm glad I had a chance to return the favor" I replied. I lay there watching her face in the moonlight and realized just how pretty she was. She had a sort of quiet beauty about her, and knowing how brave, smart, fearless and kind she was only added to that beauty.
As I watched her, she lay there staring back at me and I wondered what she was thinking. Before my mind could really register it, she had leaned forward and placed her lips on mine. For one fleeting moment I realized how dangerous it was to be kissing her while we were in bed together, but as she persisted and I felt her tongue tease my lips, all thoughts seemed to slip away. I opened my mouth to her and felt her gently slide her tongue in. Gods, she tasted so good...
I was surprised even more when she pushed my t-shirt up and her fingers skimmed over my skin, making it feel as if it were on fire. I kissed her harder as I felt a fire ignite in my groin; it was a feeling I had never experienced before and it was addicting. It were as if my body was urging me to press on; I felt as if I needed more of her and no matter what I did, it would never be enough. When I felt her gently sucking on my neck, I lost all coherent thought and let my natural instincts take over.
~*~
I had no idea what I was doing; all I knew at that moment was that I didn't want to feel the debilitating pain anymore; I wanted to forget all of the bad things that had happened to me, and I wanted Harry to be the person to make me forget. I had lay there next to him, staring into his gorgeous green eyes and I had wanted to kiss him so badly. I wanted to forget how I had watched my Mum die only hours before, and I wanted to make him forget the pain of losing Sirius, if only for a little while. We both deserved it, didn't we?
I was pulled from my thoughts as I felt his hands slip from my hair, down my shoulders and dangerously close to my cloth covered breasts. He hesitated for a moment and then slid them slowly downward, brushing the sides of each breast, and the sensation caused me to gasp into his mouth, interrupting our kiss.
He bent down and claimed my lips again as his hands continued to wander, making my skin burn under his touch as I tried to pull him closer to me. We were pressed up against each other with no room between us, but it wasn't good enough for me; it was like I wanted to make him a permanent part of me. He was always there for me, just as he had been that day and he was always so kind. I felt him wrap his arm around my waist and he held me close, almost as if he could sense what I so badly needed.
I wrapped my leg around his, tangling us together even more, and as I pressed against him, I felt it; he was hard and it was because of me. That realization made me feel...powerful, wanton and wanted, for the first time ever.
We continued to attack each other's lips as our hands roamed freely over the others body; suddenly, Harry pulled away from me, panting and trying to catch his breath.
" 'Mione" he breathed "we need to stop."
My heart plummeted as I pulled away from him, feeling hurt by his rejection. I had thought that he was enjoying what we were doing as much as I was, but I guess I was wrong.
Much to my embarrassment, tears sprung to my eyes and I quickly looked away from him. I didn't want him to see that he had hurt me, and I didn't want him to see the disappointment in my eyes. I felt him place his finger under my chin and lift my face up so that I was looking into his eyes again. I saw the worry in his eyes as he noticed my tears. "Please don't cry" he said, wiping them away "I didn't stop because I wanted to; I stopped because I had to." I looked at him, confused, and he said "I stopped because now is not the time; I would love to make love to you, but not like this. It's been an emotional day for both of us, and I don't want to do this just to forget the pain for a little while."
I couldn't believe he was being the sensible one; wasn't that my job? And he picked now of all the times to do it? I sighed, starting to feel exhausted by the emotional roller coaster I had ridden all day long, and Harry bent down to place a light kiss on my lips. "Make no mistake, when we're both ready, and if you still want your first time to be with me, I want to finish what we've started here tonight. But I want it to be special; you deserve to have your first time mean something, and I want you to be able to look back on it fondly, not as a mistake."
I still felt a little embarrassed by my behavior, but I was glad that Harry wasn't angry with me. Going over what he had just said in my mind blew me away; he had to be the sweetest guy on the Earth. "You're probably right" I said, "thank you for being so understanding."
"Your welcome" he said as he hugged me. I snuggled up to him again and I felt him kiss the top of my head. "Night 'Mione."
"Night Harry" I said, and then closed my eyes, drifting instantly off to sleep.
~*~
I woke up late in the afternoon and realized that I was still holding Hermione. I lay there for a little while, just watching her sleep; she looked so peaceful and I wished that she hadn't had to experience so many bad things. No one deserved so much misery, especially her.
I carefully used my finger to move a strand of hair that had fallen over her eye, and I watched as her eyes slowly opened. I felt a smile spread across my face as she looked confused for a minute and then realization dawned in her eyes. "Morning" she said as she stretched.
"Good Morning" I said "How did you sleep?"
"Better than I have in a long time" she replied. "How about you?"
"Best night's sleep I've had all summer" I replied truthfully.
She looked at me a bit sheepishly and asked "are we ok?"
"We're fine, as far as I'm concerned" I replied. I had no regrets about what happened between us, and I was still trying to figure out where I got the will power to stop before we went too far. I watched as a smile of relief appeared on her face, and I felt my heart lighten a little.
We both realized that we were actually hungry, which was unusual for me, so we climbed out of bed and made our way downstairs. Tonks was on the couch in the sitting room, reading some book, and she looked up at us as we walked into the room. "Morning" she said, giving us a look I hadn't seen before.
"Morning" we both said at the same time.
"You know, I went to check on you a few hours ago; imagine my surprise when I didn't find you in your bed" she said looking at Hermione, and my stomach suddenly felt like I had swallowed a brick. "Imagine my shock when I not only found you in Harry's room, but in his bed too."
I watched as she stared at us sternly, and much to my relief, the stern look melted off of her face and was replaced by a smile. "Gotcha, didn't I?" she asked, looking from me to Hermione. "I was a little surprised to find you there, but with the day you both had yesterday, I can overlook it. Just as long as nothing happened between the two of you and it doesn't happen again."
Hermione and I both nodded in agreement, trying not to show our guilt, and then made our way into the kitchen for breakfast, not saying another word about it.
~*~
That night, Harry and I had both retired to our separate rooms, but I had a nightmare in the middle of the night and snuck back into his room again. In the morning we were both woken up by Tonks, who looked none too happy with us. I explained why I was there and what my nightmare had been about, and she calmed down a little.
That same day, Dumbledore had shown up and announced that my Mother's funeral would be that day. I was shocked that he had arranged everything in just two days. The service was held graveside and it seemed as if everyone in the Order of the Phoenix was there. It turned out to be a memorial for Sirius also, and Harry looked like he was ready to run away. We both sat there, sitting stiffly in our seats as Dumbledore spoke on my behalf and said some really lovely things about Sirius; I placed a rose on her casket and said a final goodbye. Harry waited for me, he didn't look at or speak to anyone, and when I walked up to him he grabbed my hand immediately. I knew he was angry because he felt Dumbledore had blindsided him, and he kept to himself for the rest of the night.
From then on, I crept into Harry's room every night for the remainder of summer. We both seemed to sleep better wrapped up in each other's arms, and Harry's dark circles weren't nearly as dark anymore. I was happy when he started eating more and wasn't looking so thin and unhealthy. That wasn't to say he was over losing Sirius though.
I had walked into the study one afternoon, intent on finding a good book to settle down with, when I heard banging coming from upstairs. When I went up to investigate, I found out it was coming from the room where Buckbeak was kept. I walked to the door and opened it slowly; I froze as I took in the scene before me.
Harry lay curled into a ball in one corner and the bedding that had been spread on the floor for Buckbeak to lie on was everywhere. The poor Hippogriff was backed into the opposite corner, his head tucked under his wing, scared to death. I slowly walked over to where Harry was and crouched down next to him. His whole body was shaking, and as I got closer, I realized that he was crying. It was kind of a shock; I'd never seen Harry break down like this before. I lightly laid my hand on his shoulder and asked "Harry, are you ok?"
"I'm fine!" he bit out, causing me to quickly withdraw my hand. Gathering all of my courage, I scooted closer to him and wrapped my arms around him, just sitting holding him. He tried to push me away, but I held fast and stayed my ground. "Leave me alone!" he yelled, trying once more to get me to leave. After all of the nights he had stayed up with me and listened to me cry over losing my Mum, I'd be damned if I was going to leave him like this. He must have been keeping it all inside and trying to ignore it by comforting me; now it had built to a head and he obviously couldn't keep it in anymore. It hurt to think he felt he couldn't come to me, but I would deal with that later.
"Why did he have to go to the Ministry?" he asked, his emotional pain evident in his voice. "He was my Godfather; he was the closest thing to family that I had, and now he's gone too. Why do I keep losing everyone I love?"
I just held him tighter and cried with him, hoping he would finally just let it all out. He gave up after a while and shifted so that his head was in my lap and I ran my hand soothingly through his hair. He would talk once in a while, thanking me for being there and telling me how he wished he had gotten to know his parents. We stayed that way for hours, until he finally picked himself up off of the floor and held his hand out to me. I let him help me up and as soon as I was standing, he wrapped me in his arms and gave me a big hug.
~*~
After that day, I saw Hermione in a totally different light. I was around her most of the time, and when she wasn't with me, I found that I missed her. It was a strange feeling for me, wanting her around me all the time. We started going into the study every night, going through all of the Dark Arts books, looking for any spells or curses that could help fight Voldemort. I don't know how it was possible, but we seemed to get closer and I found that she was someone I could talk to about anything, and she would just listen. I was finally ready to admit to myself that she was more than just a friend to me.
About two weeks before we were to go back to Hogwarts, the Weasley's came to stay at Grimmauld Place with us. We had to become sneaky when it came to Hermione slipping into our room; luckily Ron didn't seem to mind once we explained everything that had happened. We also had to promise not to fool around, but Ron was a sound sleeper, so it was an empty promise. It was always the same; kissing, touching, tasting but always stopping just before we went past the point of no return.
One night, after a particularly heavy snog session, I wrapped Hermione in my arms and started to drift off to sleep. She was facing me and I felt her snuggle up to me. I think she thought I was sleeping, because she kissed my forehead lightly and I heard her whisper "I love you". I tried not to react, because obviously she wasn't ready to tell me; she only said it because she figured I couldn't hear her. "You've stuck by me when no one else did" she whispered.
I lay there pretending to sleep until I heard her slow, rhythmic breathing that told me she was asleep. I slowly opened my eyes, watching her sleep and smiled as Ron snored loudly and muttered something about spiders in his sleep. I lightly ran my hand over her hair, wondering how it was that such a gorgeous, wonderful woman could love someone as emotionally screwed up as I was. I leaned over and lightly kissed her forehead, like she had done to me, and whispered "I love you too".