~A/N>I want to warn you now, this is a very angst filled chapter. I would have made it longer, but I was crying
as I wrote it and couldn't go on. I hope it doesn't upset anyone too much; I know it may hit a little close to
home for some of you. Please review, and feel free to e-mail me with any thoughts you might like to share.
I spent the rest of term in the Hospital Ward, and then rode the train with everyone else. Harry really hadn't been speaking to us lately, so it was a very long, quiet ride. Mrs. Weasley had been waiting for us on the Platform, with her arms outstretched towards us. We made our way to the Burrow and settled in, trying to keep ourselves occupied. The first two weeks seemed to crawl by since we didn't have much to do.
I had been up in mine and Ginny's room when Mrs. Weasley had knocked on the door. When she walked in the room, I immediately knew something was terribly wrong. My first thought was that something had happened to Harry, and I felt my stomach drop; could Voldemort have gotten to him at the Dursley's? She came over and sat on the bed next to me and took my hand in hers. I was really starting to get a bad feeling and when I looked at her face, I noticed tears in her eyes. "Mrs. Weasley, what's wrong?" I asked, fearing her answer.
"I...it's your Mother" she said, and I was so shocked that I just sat there staring at her. 'My Mum?' I thought, immediately feeling ashamed of the small amount of relief I had felt when I heard it had nothing to do with Harry. I must have had a confused look on my face because Mrs. Weasley said "Dumbledore just received word from one of the orderlies there that he knows; it seems your Mother has taken a turn for the worse."
"What?" I asked. "How can that be? She's in a Mental Ward; how can she be dying?"
"Remember when she tried to take her life?" Mrs. Weasley asked, looking uncomfortable. I shook my head, urging her on. "Well, they had to give her a transfusion because of all the blood she lost. It seems that she's developed an infection from it, and her respiratory system is slowly shutting down."
I felt the tears pool in my eyes as my eyesight became blurred, and I asked "how much longer does she have?"
"They're not sure, but they don't think she'll survive the night." Mrs. Weasley wrapped me in a hug, but it didn't help. The hug felt...uncomfortable. Mrs. Weasley was a wonderful Mother, but she wasn't my Mum. At the moment I found myself wishing it was Harry hugging me instead of her, and I was once again consumed with guilt; she was only trying to comfort me the same way she would her own children.
She pulled back slowly and said "Dumbledore has arranged for you to go see your Mother; Tonks will be taking you and she's waiting downstairs in the Kitchen."
I sat there for a moment, scared to go see my Mum by myself; I didn't really know Tonks very well and she was only going to be my guard. I looked at Mrs. Weasley and asked "do you think it's possible that Harry could go with me?"
"Oh, I don't think Dumbledore would allow that Dear" she said, with an annoying, placating note to her voice.
"Well, I'm not going without him" I said, sounding like a very spoiled child. I knew I was being unreasonable, and that if Harry went with me it might put him in danger, but I didn't care. My fear of going to see my Mum alone was almost crippling. I needed him there for support, and it would also get him away from the Dursley's, if only for a little while.
Mrs. Weasley gave me a look I had never seen before, and it was a little scary not knowing what she was thinking. She turned, said "come on" and walked out the door. I followed her down the stairs and into the kitchen, where she quickly threw in a hand full of floo powder, said "Headmaster's office" and stuck her head in. After being in there for about ten minutes, she pulled her head back out and stood up. She turned and said "against my objections, Dumbledore has decided that Harry may accompany you to see your Mother."
Relief flooded through my body immediately, and I turned to go upstairs to get my things. "Thank you Mrs. Weasley" I said, stopping and turning to face her. She just gave me a small, forced smile and I made my way up to my room to get some things I might need.
As I was gathering my things, the dire condition my Mum was in hit me full force, and I sat down on my bed. She would probably be dead by morning; she was the last of my family and I was going to be completely alone. The tears started streaming down my face as I wrapped my arms around my body, feeling scared that I would have to take care of myself from this day on.
I had made my way back down to the kitchen and Tonks was just pulling herself out of the fire. She was holding an old, beat-up shoe in her hands as she walked towards me. "Dumbledore just gave me this Portkey to use" she said, looking down at the shoe. I just nodded my head in understanding and waited for the time we were to leave. "We have two minutes" she said, as if reading my mind. She held it out to me and I grabbed hold of it as she looked at her watch. She counted down the time and once again I felt the familiar tugging behind my naval.
~*~
I sat staring out of the window, sitting in the small second bedroom that the Dursley's had so graciously let me move back into. Moody, Remus and Tonks had threatened Uncle Vernon when he had come to pick me up at the station and told him they would always be watching over me. I had been there for two weeks, and had spent the entire time in a chair, staring out at the clouds as they passed by.
I kept seeing it over and over again; Sirius laughing and taunting Bellatrix and her hitting him with the curse, knocking him through the Veil, taking away the Godfather I never really got to know. I was so angry; angry at her for taking him away, angry at him for being there and angry with myself for letting Voldemort trick me like he did. I heard and felt my stomach growl, but didn't move to get any food. I couldn't remember the last time I had ate; I felt sick at just the thought of food. Aunt Petunia would come knocking once in a while, wanting to know why I was staying cooped up and why I wasn't coming down to meals. I would just sit silently, listening to her rant on and on, not really caring what she said anymore. I half expected my Uncle to storm through the door and beat me into submission, but it seemed that what Remus and the others had said to him had gotten through his thick skull.
I also couldn't remember the last time I slept properly. I dozed off a couple of times while sitting in the chair, but I'd wake up shortly after, usually yelling and sweating profusely thanks to the round of recent nightmares. They had gotten so much worse since leaving Hogwarts; now I kept seeing Hermione get hit with that purple jet of light, only in my dreams, she didn't survive. Seeing that plus a re-run of Sirius falling through the Veil was enough to stop me from wanting to sleep.
I heard the doorbell sound and Dudley yell that he would get it, and then tuned everything out to go back to my mourning. I jumped as I heard my Uncle Vernon bellow "Get down here boy, now!!"
Perplexed as to why he would be calling me, I slowly made my way to the door, feeling weak from not eating or sleeping. I had climbed down about three steps when I noticed Tonks standing at the door. Giving her a questioning look, I made my way down the rest of the stairs, starting to feel light headed from the exertion. It was then that I saw her; Hermione stood directly behind Tonks, her arms crossed and her face red and blotchy, like she had been crying.
"Hermione?" I asked, confused as to why she was there. She looked up at me and I knew immediately that something was horribly wrong. She almost ran to where I was and flung her arms around me, clinging to me like her life depended on it. "Mione, what's wrong?"
I started to get really worried when she started sobbing, her entire body shaking with the force of it. Forgetting completely about Sirius for a moment, I wrapped my arms around her tightly, and tried to give her some comfort. I looked at Tonks, quirking my brow in question, but she only shook her head. I noticed then that she had tears in her eyes also. I started to walk over to the couch to sit her down, but Uncle Vernon bellowed "what do you think you're doing?"
"Sitting down" I mumbled, walking by him.
I noticed his hand come up, about to grab my arm and stop me, and then I heard Tonks say "don't touch him!"
I sat down with Hermione tight by my side and looked towards Tonks, and would have laughed if it weren't such a serious situation. She had her wand pointed directly at Uncle Vernon, the tip pressing lightly into the tip of his nose. "If you don't mind, we need a little privacy; there's something we need to discuss" she said, as her eyes gleamed with anger, and a small smirk played on her lips at the sight of Uncle Vernon nearly shaking in fear. Uncle Vernon started to back up slowly, with Tonks following him, until he had backed into the kitchen and closed the door behind him. Aunt Petunia had been in there preparing dinner and Dudley must have run in there after he answered the door, scared of who was on the other side, and now all three of them were peeking through the door at us.
Ignoring them completely and turning all of my focus onto Hermione, I hugged her to me a little more and asked " 'Mione, what's the matter?"
She sniffled rather loudly and wiped the tears from her face with her hand, trying to pull herself together so she could talk to me. She looked into my eyes and sat staring for a moment, seemingly transfixed. She blinked and quickly turned away, suddenly quite interested in something out the window. She turned back towards me, and not quite meeting my eyes said "I know you've been through a lot lately, with everything's that happened, but I..."
Tears started running down her cheeks again, and when I reached up to wipe them away, she whispered "it's my Mum, Harry; they don't think she's going to make it through the night."
My hand stilled on her cheek so that I was cradling it, and said "I'm sorry Hermione, is there anything I can do?"
"Yes" she said quietly "will you go with me to see her? Dumbledore has already said that it's ok."
I looked at her, surprised that she would want me to go, but her Mum was dying. Did I really want to go through that again, watching someone die? I looked into her eyes, and I could see fear in them. 'Fear of what?' I thought to myself as I watched her, and I realized how scared she looked. Resigning myself, I said "yeah, ok, I'll go."
She gave me a really weak smile and leaned over to give me a hug. I heard Tonks clear her throat behind me and I turned to look at her. "We really need to get going" she said, and turned toward the door. I stood up and reached my hand out to Hermione, helping her up off of the couch. We walked hand in hand out the door, following Tonks over to the side of the house where we would be shielded from view. She held out a battered old hat for us to grab on to, and the next thing I knew, we were outside a Hospital I had never seen before.
~*~
I looked up at the building in front of us and grabbed a hold of Harry's hand, squeezing it as we walked into the lobby. The first thing I noticed was the smell; it smelled of antiseptics and urine, and I almost gagged from the noxious stink. Thankfully, Tonks walked up to the receptionist and asked what room my Mum was in.
We followed her over to the lifts, making our way up to the fourth floor and to room 405. "I'll be sitting right out here" she said, motioning over to a bench against the wall. I nodded and put my hand on the doorknob; I stood there for about a minute, trying to convince myself that I needed to go in.
"Hermione?" asked Harry quietly, squeezing my hand. "Are you sure you want me to go in with you?"
I looked at him for a moment, gathered all of my Gryffindor courage and said "yes, I want you to go in with me, but only if it doesn't make you uncomfortable."
He looked back at me, seemingly studying my face and said "alright, let's go in then."
I nodded and slowly twisted the doorknob while pushing the door open. I stopped dead in my tracks and gasped at what I saw. My Mother lay in the bed covered with a blanket, her face was snow white and her eyes were sunken into her face. My hand flew to my mouth to stifle the sob that was threatening to escape and I felt Harry hold my hand a little tighter. I slowly walked closer to the bed and I could hear a faint rasping sound; I was surprised when I realized it was coming from my Mum.
"Mum?" I whispered, trying not to just lose it and start crying hysterically. Her eyes fluttered open and her head moved slightly so that she could look towards us. I was shocked that she was awake; the last I had heard any information on her, she had still been in a coma. Her lips formed a faint smile, which disappeared quickly when she started coughing uncontrollably. I rushed to the side of her bed, scared when she couldn't seem to catch her breath. I found the call button on her bed and pushed it, hoping someone would come to help her.
Two seconds later, an orderly came rushing into the room, and looked surprised to see us there. He made his way to the opposite side of the bed and rolled my Mother onto her side, easing her coughing a bit. When she started to recover her breathing, he took a syringe full of something clear and injected it into her IV. He looked over at me with a kind look on his face and said "she'll be a little better in about five minutes. Are you her daughter?"
"Yes I am" I said quietly, looking at my Mum's face and noticed she was looking back at me.
"She speaks of you all the time" he said, smiling. "She's very proud of you; she says you're a top notch student."
I smiled at her as the tears sprung to my eyes, and I felt Harry walk up behind me. I noticed in Mum's eyes that she recognized him, and she gave him a small smile. Harry smiled back at her as he took hold of my hand once again.
"Mum, you remember Harry?" I asked, and watched her nod slowly. She took a deep breath and whispered, in a raspy voice, "you...saved us".
Harry looked away for a moment, and turned back to look at her again. "I'm just sorry I didn't get there sooner" he said, his voice full of regret.
She shook her head, looking upset. "No one...ever tried to...help Hermione...and I...before" she panted out and then closed her eyes, looking thoroughly exhausted.
I looked at Harry and noticed his eyes were bright with unshed tears. I squeezed his hand and looked back to my Mum, only to find her watching the two of us. "Are...you two...a couple?" she asked.
Harry and I looked at each other and I noticed his cheeks were slightly pink, probably the mirror image of mine. I looked back to my Mum and said "no Mum, Harry and I are best friends, that's all."
She smiled a true smile, and looked from me to Harry. The look that dawned on her face was one of someone who knew a secret that no one else knew. "Maybe one day...you'll both...find your special...someone."
She had closed her eyes then and tried to take a deep breath. I watched as her chest rose and fell, noticing that her lips had a blue tinge to them. I looked up at the orderly and whispered "why is there a blue color around her lips?"
He looked at me for a moment, as if sizing me up, and said "you're Mother's lungs aren't working right and she's not getting enough oxygen."
"Isn't there anything you can do to help her breathe?" I asked, watching as she labored to draw a breath.
"She's asked us not to do anything" he said quietly, not meeting my eyes.
Suddenly I realized what it was he was saying; my Mum didn't want to live anymore. This hit me hard and I turned and buried my face in Harry's chest. He wrapped his arms around me and rubbed my back lightly, just like my Mum used to, and I started to cry harder.
"Hermione" I heard my Mum say and I slowly turned to look at her. "Please...don't be sad. They can't...cure me so...why prolong it...and make...you suffer more?"
I walked over to the side of the bed and ran my hand over her hair; she looked nothing like how I remembered her and it upset me even more. "I don't want to lose you Mum" I said, watching as a single tear escaped from her eye. "We hardly ever got to spend time together; Dad always ruined everything for us."
"I...know" she said as a few more tears ran down her face. "I'm so sorry...I didn't...protect you." She started coughing again and I watched as the orderly took another syringe out of his pocket. A couple of minutes later her coughing fit stopped and I continued to stroke her hair. "You deserved...so much better" she whispered, and I could see how upset she was.
"It's ok Mum" I said, hating that she was so upset. "I understand why you didn't leave; he would have found us and tried to kill us no matter where we went."
She looked at me with an almost proud expression on her face and I smiled at her through my tears. I just wanted her to know that I didn't blame her for anything. "I love...you" she said, pulling me from my thoughts.
"I love you too Mum" I said. I bent over and carefully wrapped my arms around her the best I could, giving her a hug. She felt like skin and bones, and I could feel my heart break for her; she seemed to have suffered through so much, but still she tried to stay strong for me. I pulled back and smiled at her, wishing I could express everything I was feeling at that moment.
She shifted her gaze over to Harry, who was standing a little ways behind me, and gestured for him to come closer. He slowly walked over to stand next to me and she reached out and took hold of his hand. "I know...we really don't...know each...other but..." She started to cough again, but this time it wasn't as bad, and she continued. "please watch...over my...daughter."
He stood there staring at her, his gaze never wavered as he said "I promise I'll always protect her and be there for her."
She smiled at him and continued to hold his hand and mine. We stood there quietly for a little while, and then her eyes rolled back into her head. "What's wrong with her?" I asked, looking at the orderly who was examining her, fearing the worst.
"I'm afraid she's slipped into a coma" he said apologetically. Harry and I lay her hands at her sides and he wrapped me in his arms and held me.
We pulled up two chairs and sat at her bedside for the rest of the night, the only time one of us left was to go to the restroom. Tonks brought in some food and water, but neither of us touched the food. At four in the morning, just as I was dozing off, the machines in my Mother's room started to go off. The orderlies came rushing in and my greatest fear was confirmed; she had passed away. I walked up to where she lay and lightly kissed her cheek in a final goodbye. "I love you Mum" I whispered one final time, and then let Harry lead me out of the room.
~The next chapter won't be so depressing, I promise.