Unofficial Portkey Archive

Hermione, Ron and Luna had arrived on an unseasonably crisp, cool morning. Hogsmeade was barely waking up itself. Only a few of the stores were open and sleepy shopkeepers could be seen unlocking doors and running last minute errands. Spring was a bustling time in the wizarding town and a few eager faces could be seen waiting in anticipation for the exciting day ahead.

Luna was the first to speak, "Before we start running around, I have something special that I would like to show you Hermione. Ron?"

"Yeah, let's head over to the shrieking shack"

"Is that where the surprise is?" Hermione asked.

"Yep," Luna said with some excitement.

The shrieking shack was no longer the frightening place that it once was. The noises and commotion that used to come from it had stopped for quite some time. However, people still rarely went there. How exciting is an abandoned old shack, with everything else there is to see and do in Hogsmeade?

There was a small, round door set on the east side of the shack. It was locked, but not by a locking spell. A muggle lock was placed on the door and had an impervious charm placed on it. Luna pulled a small key from her left pocket and turned the key till the lock clicked open. Ron grabbed the door handle and swung the door wide. He held it while the two girls stepped inside. He walked in behind them, pulling it shut.

The shack had been immaculately cleaned and the wood floors were stained and finished. Paintings of all the people Hermione cared about in her life were hanging on the walls. There was a small, but cozy looking bed in the upper loft and in the small living area, was a quaint loveseat. There was also a tiny two shelf pantry that was stocked with food. Hermione looked around and suddenly felt very safe and quite at home. There was even a series of shelves built into the wall that had some of her favorite books put away neatly and in order. Luna jumped around the room in giddiness. She reached over on top of a shelf and lifted up a little muggle music box. She turned the handle a few times and set it back down. It played a lovely song that made Hermione close her eyes and hum along. When she opened them back up, she saw Ron and Luna smiling at her.

"What is all this?" Hermione asked.

Ron walked toward her and grabbed her hand, "It's a very special gift for you." He pointed to a snow globe on a small table near the couch. "That's a ministry approved portkey that will take you to the Gryffindor common room. There's a matching one in the common room that has a protective charm placed on it. Only the three of us, Ginny and Dumbledore can use it. He insisted on that."

"I don't understand…"

Luna piped in, "This is your new room. This is your couch and your bed and you don't have to share it with anyone, unless you want to. The couch folds out and can sleep two more people. For times when you want company."

"But why?" Hermione asked in a stunned voice.

"So, you don't have to be embarrassed when you have your nightmares," Ron said quickly.

Hermione shook her head knowingly, "You mean so I won't freak out all the other girls every night."

"Well, that too," Ron said with a grin.

"I don't mind at all," Hermione said, "This is perfect. I love it. Thank you so much. I already feel right at home. Not sure why, but I do."

"Ron can… can we talk about Harry?" Hermione asked.

"Of course. Our course we can."

"I know that three people have died trying to bring him back, but don't you think it's a little strange that Dumbledore does not go after him? Why is that? I don't understand. It's Harry, shouldn't we do everything in our power to, you know do something?"

Ron's voice sounded low and ragged, "I agree with you Hermione, but right now, it's not our decision. Dumbledore said that a tremendous amount of dark magic is being used out there in the forest. So, in the state that Harry is in, he's extremely dangerous and very powerful. He never said it, but I kind of think Dumbledore is… well… scared of Harry. Or at least scared of what he is capable of right now. I think we're all hoping that in time Harry will settle down and it will be safer to try and send a group in there to get him back. The other problem, is that he is so far inside of the forest, that there are any number of dangerous things between us and where Harry has been hiding out. More people could die trying to find him and I don't think Dumbledore is willing to risk that."

"Oh," was the only response she was willing to offer.

Ron walked over and hugged Hermione. She did not hug him back, but Ron did not seem to notice. Human contact was hard for her. Luna ran over to Ron and kissed him quickly on the mouth.

She ran over to Hermione and said, "I just knew you would like it."

She threw her arms around her and kissed Hermione. Hermione stepped back and grabbed Luna by the arm and in one quick, viscous move threw her down to the ground. She had not meant it to be so rough, but Luna hit her nose hard on the wooden floor and it made a sick crunching sound. Luna slowly pulled herself up and blood was gushing from her nostrils. Her nose was bent all funny.

Hermione had fire and ice in her voice, "Don't you ever kiss me Luna! EVER! I know what you really are. I've seen the real you, so you just stay away from me!"

Luna was on her knees and holding her hand over her nose. Her fingers and palm were catching some of the blood, but it spilled over and still made its way to the floor. Ron knelt down at her side. He put his arm around Luna and pulled her gently up. She was shaking and felt tears stinging her eyes. She looked at Hermione and saw undisguised venom and hatred staring back. She would remember that face, that look and it would take many years for her to erase it from her mind.

"Why did you do that?!" Ron yelled at Hermione. "What the hell is wrong with you?!"

"Wrong with me?! What's wrong with you? You should be on my side! We were friends long before she ever came into the picture. Why are you dating her anyway? There's obviously something wrong with her. She's a complete lunatic. She's only dating you, because no one else will give her the time of day. You're just too stupid to realize it!"

Ron hit her. Not softly. Not a slap. He hit her. The pain was so intense that it made her eyesight fade to black for a moment. She shook her head and felt a bit dizzy. She sat down on the couch and rubbed her face. It took a moment to sink in what had just happened. Sweet, dependable, loveable, fairly goofy Ron had just hit her. Not like he was hitting a girl, but the way a boy would hit another boy, and it really hurt.

"I'll have Ginny take the two of us off the protective charm spell. I hope you enjoy your new place. Luna worked day and night for a week to get it done for you. By the way, in the future… don't talk to me. I'm through with you."

Ron took Luna by the arm and reached for the Hogwart's snow globe.

"Wait," Luna said. Blood was still dripping at an alarming rate from her obviously broken nose. "She doesn't know what she's doing Ron. She didn't mean to hurt me. She's very confused. We can't just cut her out of our lives, not when she needs us the most."

Hermione sat on the couch staring at one of the paintings on the wall. It was a picture of Hagrid standing next to his hut. He was waving with a broad smile on his face.

"Luna, c'mon. We're leaving."

Ron took her hand and pulled her away. Luna looked over at Hermione with pity in her eyes. A moment later they were gone. Hermione looked around the room and tried to make herself focus. She tenderly placed her hand on the side of her head. The whole side hurt and she could feel it bruising up quite nicely. She sat there for a moment just looking at all the paintings. She noticed a small mirror hanging from one of the walls. She stood up and walked over. She could see that her cheek and ear were turning a dark shade of violet. That part of her face really hurt, but for the life of her she could not seem to remember why.

--- ---

Four weeks had passed by. They came and went far too quickly. She only had one more week to prepare. She was becoming what she wanted though. Her mind had become sharply focused. It was no longer a storage place for memories and knowledge. In fact, in some ways Hermione had become almost stupid. She would barely be able to survive the classes she had taken in her first year at Hogwarts. However, when it came to her reaction time, her body movement, her quick problem solving abilities and survival skills she was second to none. It was almost scary what she was capable of, but at the same time sad for all the things she no longer was.

Hermione never missed any of her new classes and spent almost every waking hour concentrating on the lessons she was learning. On the rare occasions she was not, she was wandering the empty places of Hogwarts or meditating in the shrieking shack. That place had become her sanctuary. Suddenly it dawned on her that it had been a gift from Ron and Luna. She decided to find them and thank them.

She was heading to get an update from Myrtle. Hermione now knew that not even Myrtle could find Harry, but she would often have tidbits in the form of things she had heard or found out in the forest. She decided it was more important to find Ron. She concentrated on what time it might be and felt that it was probably shortly after supper. She ran to the great hall. Her legs were getting notably more toned and her running ability was quite improved from when she first started. At first she had found her body ungainly and awkward, but each day she felt a little more comfortable in her own skin.

In quick order she was stepping through the doors into the great hall. She looked around and saw Ron and Luna at the Gryffindor table. They had just finished eating and were having an animated conversation about something. Probably yesterday's quidditch match. She had heard that the Gryffindor had won, but the came was quite close against the Ravenclaws and everybody seemed to be talking about it. She wouldn't know, as she really did not have time for such things.

She noticed that as she was walking towards the table that the number of Gryffindor students sitting there was drastically reducing. It was almost en masse, the closer she got the more of them turned, saw her and decided it was time to leave. That was pretty normal now. No one would go anywhere near her or talk to her, except for Ginny and her teachers. As a matter of fact, Ron and Luna had not said a word to her in quite some time.

"Hey, you two. How come you haven't talked to me lately? You two lovebirds too busy for your old friend?"

Ron stopped talking immediately and looked up at her. His face looked distant and unfeeling. It was not Ron's face at all. He looked so different from what she remembered. Ron began to open his mouth and his lip began to curl in a sneer.

"Ron Weasley, shut your mouth right now," Luna ordered. She turned back and smiled, "Hi Hermione. How are you?"

"I'm not really sure. Oh my gosh, did you break your nose Luna?!"

Ron shook his head and laughed angrily.

"Um, yes, I broke it a couple of weeks ago. I fell and hit the floor."

"I'm sorry Luna. I hope it doesn't hurt too badly." Hermione replied.

"No, it doesn't hurt anymore. Don't worry yourself about it. Come sit with us. Have you eaten?"

"No, I haven't," Hermione said. "I don't really get very hungry anymore."

Ron looked at Hermione and noticed that she had lost quite a bit of weight. She looked thin and her skin was very pale.

"You need to eat Hermione," he muttered, "you're too skinny. It's not good for you."

"Oh, I'm fine Ron."

"Really?" he replied quickly, "I haven't seen you eat at all in the past two weeks. I've been watching you and I couldn't help but notice."

"Oh, I'm okay."

Ron stood up angrily, "No. No, you are not okay. You need to get something to eat!" He grabbed both her shoulders and looked her square in the eye. "You are not well. Eat something."

"I don't want to Ron."

His face went flush and his temper flared up. He began to shake her.

"You stupid girl! How can you not remember that you were the one who broke Luna's nose?" He pointed at Luna, who looked embarrassed. "Do you see that? You did that to her Hermione. And now you've decided to just quit eating?! If you're trying to kill yourself than keep it up! Because, you're doing a great job of it!"

Ron kept shaking her and he was unable to control the anger and sadness inside of him. He began to cry and yelled at her some more.

"Stop doing this… whatever it is that you're doing. I'm sorry Harry is gone. I miss him too. I miss him so much that every day is a new nightmare for me. But, what you're doing isn't going to bring him back. There's a name for what you're doing. It's called suicide!"

With that he let her go and stormed out of the room. Luna walked up to Hermione and put her arms around her. She hugged Hermione tightly and then left to chase after Ron. Hermione watched her go and felt another piece of her soul leave with them. Pretty soon there would be nothing left of her. She was almost as empty as that old mirror in the dark room. She had to find a way to hang on. Only one more week and then she could end it all. She would find Harry. She would find him and deal with him; even if she had to die to do it. She wanted to explain everything that she was thinking to Ron, but she was already losing the ability to share her thoughts and feelings with other people. Just talking and keeping up the pretense of some level of normalcy was getting difficult to impossible. She had to try and keep herself sane for just a little longer.

She felt a terrible hunger pang in her stomach. She had gotten herself down to one meal every other day, but she would gorge for that meal. She figured that out in the forest, she would be lucky to eat that often, so she tried to teach her body to deal with that. However, it was time to answer her need, so she immediately went down to the kitchens. Dobby was nowhere to be found, she asked about him, but the other house-elves told her that he was running an errand for Dumbledore and would not be back until later.

She asked if there was any food. A younger house-elf said that there was nothing prepared right now, but there was a rack of lamb cooking over an open fire. It had just been put on and would probably be ready in a couple hours if she wanted to come back. She immediately walked over to it and touched it with her hand. The flesh was bright pink and barely even warm yet.

She smelled it and it made her stomach do a flip-flop. She quickly tore off a large chunk of the raw meat and stuffed it in her mouth. With each bite blood ran down, some into her throat and some onto her chin. It tasted so good. It was sort of sweet and the chewiness of the meat and fat mixed together made her want it even more. She grabbed another piece and ripped it off and began to chew on that as well. All the house-elves had stopped and were watching her in horror. She looked up at them and realized what she was doing. She became embarrassed and wanted to hide her face. She began to walk away, but then with both hands tore off a piece the size of a loaf of bread and then ran out, not looking back.

Even after she had left, the elves just stood there in shock. They decided it was time to talk to Dobby about her behavior and see what could be done.

--- ---

She felt satisfied after finishing off the lamb meat. She ate until she was full and then began to absently chew on one of the bones. She had just ported into her living room. When she saw herself in the little mirror she noticed that her face was a mess. She wet a cloth down and wiped her face clean. She patted her tummy and smiled. It felt really good to eat her fill.

She suddenly became tired and lay down on her couch. She sat staring at the ceiling and noticed how cleverly the rafters criss-crossed one another to help support the roof. There were exactly three spider webs. Only one of them had a live spider though. It was merely sitting still, waiting for anything to become trapped in its web. She looked around and counted exactly five paintings in this room. Of the five, three had people waving and two had people standing there smiling. She could tell that one of the books on her bookshelf was slightly askew from the others. She could smell cinnamon in the air. It was Wednesday and that meant that the candy shop was making cinnamon snap lollys. She also noticed the faint smell of two people who had walked a little too close to the shrieking shack; probably within the past hour or two. None of these things bothered her, she just happened to notice them. At first she did this as practice, but now it just happened on instinct. All of her focus had paid off and she had become painfully aware of the world around her.

Her eyelids were starting to droop and her eyes felt tired and dry. She blinked and rubbed them and decided it was time to sleep. She was too weary to get up and so she just fell asleep right where she was.

--- ---

Her eyes opened and her ears immediately began to tune in to any possible sound around her. She sniffed the air and could smell something was wrong. She closed her eyes and pretended to still be asleep. She kept herself perfectly still and kept her heart-rate down by forcing her body to remain calm. It was out there, but she needed it to give away its presence. The faint sound of a snapping twig did exactly that. It was immediately outside the only window in the whole place. It had to be there, because the door was too secure. So, it was the only other easy way in. She had closed the window, but that would not stop it from coming inside. Almost as quickly as she thought it, the sound of breaking glass shattered through the night air. The smell was unmistakable. The scent was very strong. It was now inside.

She felt a strange tingle in her stomach. She could feel the panic welling up inside her. No matter how much she prepared herself, she knew that it was far faster and stronger than she could ever become. She could smell her own sweat. Her own essence was mingled with a smell that she did not recognize coming from her body. It smelled a bit like a light flowery perfume. It even made her a little intoxicated, from just the scent. She liked the smell and she could tell that it had smelled it too. It was sniffing the air. Its claws were scraping against the wood floor. It was just in the other room now. All it had to do was come through the door and it would see her here, defenseless. The thought of being unable to defend herself against it made her tense.

She felt the tingle in her stomach go a little lower. She began to feel something she had not felt in a long time. Her body temperature began to rise noticeably. She felt an intense yearning shoot through her. A sense of pleasure ran from the tips of her breasts down to between her legs. She could feel herself becoming wet down there. It made her rub her legs together in anticipation.

Then another smell hit her senses hard. It was a strong woody musk smell coming from it. It made her giddy and terrified at the same time. She looked up and it had come in the room. Harry looked at her with a fierce hunger in his eyes. It was going to be very different tonight. He approached her slowly with an intense stare. His eyes never left her. He licked his lips and took another step. Hermione pulled her nightgown up above her waist and spread her legs. She wanted him to come and take her. She did not want it to be soft or gentle. She wanted him to prove that he was worthy of having her. She could almost feel his touch, his need. She craved it like she craved the air around her. She closed her eyes and waited for him.

"I've come for you Hermione."

"I'm waiting," was her reply.

She felt his body slip between her legs and linger over her. She opened her eyes and waited.

--- ---

Her eyes opened and she looked around. She was still on the couch and still wearing her school robes. She remembered that she had never bothered to change out of them. She got up and walked into the next room. The sunlight was coming through the tightly closed window. She walked back in and looked in the mirror. She saw herself and hated what was there.

She fell to her knees and began crying. It had been weeks since she had been able to cry. She was embarrassed and humiliated. She had eaten raw meat and loved it. The Harry of her nightmares was no longer a thing to fear, but some dark thing to fill a deviant sexual void somewhere inside of her. She touched her cheeks and felt the wetness slipping along the contours of her face. She had become something vile and horrible. She had become a beast like Harry was. The difference was that she had chosen to become this. She was a monster. Her body rocked back with each sob that escaped her lips. She was running out of sanity. She wasn't going to make it another week. Four weeks was not enough time to prepare, but if she did not leave now then she would not be coherent enough to finish what had to be done. Harry had killed three people, he was no longer the boy she would live and die for. He was some kind of creature that killed for pleasure. She had to hunt him down, find him and… she could not even bring herself to think it. But nevertheless the thought constantly hovered over her, like a violent storm.

She could not leave without saying goodbye, but she knew that there was no one left, except for maybe Ginny and Luna who would even care that she was gone. She decided to use the last of her intellect to write a letter. She would fill it with all of her thoughts and feelings, so that maybe one day they would all understand. For deeper by far than the wild girl, deeper than the madness, lay the real Hermione. Inside her still beat the heart of the one who stood by Ron and Harry through the darkest of times. She had not forgotten her love for both of them. They were two missing pieces from the puzzle of her life, Ron her brother and Harry her love. She was never able to tell them how she really felt, so now was her chance. Her last chance. She grabbed a roll of parchment and a quill and began to furiously write. Her whole being slowly translated into words. Five hours later, when she finally put it down, she had written a small book. She looked it over one last time. It would have to do.