Dear Ginny,
Today is exactly 4 years 2 months and 16 days since the day that you died. That means this is letter number 1599. Often times I wonder why any higher being would leave me on this plain of existence while whisking you away, but I always remember, they were just giving me time to repent. Giving me a chance to right my wrongs.
They knew if they had taken me 1, 599 days ago I would have never made it to heaven.
I got into a fight with Fleurdelis today. Apparently I wasn't supposed to use that emerald vase I got you for our first Valentines Day anymore. She hurled it against the wall and then broke down in tears screaming I would never be as good a parent as you were.
What cut the deepest was the fact that she is right. I will never hold a candle to your parenting capabilities.
When I came home with Fleudelis , I didn't know what to do with her. I didn't know anything about her.
When I came home I had no friends. Your family hated me. They blamed me for your death, and they weren't wrong.
Dr. Granger …I mean Dr. Potter tells me that I am holding on to my feelings and the way I need to release them is by apologizing to Fleurdelis for everything I feel I have done to cause her pain. Including your death.
I wouldn't know where to start. I am scared what she would say. I am scared what I would say.
Sometimes when I lay awake at night listening to Fleudelis' less and less frequent sobs, I wonder if I made the right choice in not letting your parents raise her. I wonder if I'm doing a good job. I wonder if you would be proud of me.
Fleurdelis goes back to Hogwarts tomorrow. I am proud she is in Ravenclaw. I should have always expected her not to be in Gryffindor or Slytherin, it came as a pleasant surprise.
It still hurts when I think about the fact that I will never be able to say I love you Ginny again. It hurts that I stopped saying it 12 years early. It hurts that I will never be able to spend the night in our bed in the after glow of our lovemaking. It hurts that I will never be able to feel your touch again.
I've come to a decision about something very important right now and need to say farewell.
You're always in my heart,
Draco Malfoy
Draco sealed the envelope and opened the locked drawer on the right side and lovingly placed the letter on the mounds of other sealed envelopes.
Letting out a sigh he rose out of his seat and walked into the hallway. The light tinkling of piano notes filled his ears. Closing his eyes he followed the music to one of the Malfoy ballrooms. There his strawberry blonde daughter sat, her fingers flying across black and ivory filling the room with a melody suitable for angels.
"Fleurdelis," Draco called. They teen hit a sour note but kept on playing, pretending as though she hadn't heard her father calling her.
Draco took another step into the room and saw her lack of music; he felt a swell of pride at his daughter's musical talent.
"Fleurdelis," Draco tried again, hoping she would respond. Hoping they could talk with out screaming. Again, a sour note was hit, but the pianist continued to play. Secretly, she was hoping he would get frustrated and walk away.
"Fleurdelis I want to talk to you," Draco stated finally building up enough courage to walk into the room and close the piano.
"What do you want?" Fleurdelis asked with the simultaneous sigh and eye roll preceding her question.
"I need to practice," she stated trying to uncover the ivory keys with no avail.
"I need to apologize," Draco snapped, his words coming out crueler than he intended. Immediately his daughter got a defensive face and stood to leave.
"I do not have to listen to you yell at me. Uncle Ron would not like to hear how you are treating me," Feeling as though she had won she turned to leave but Draco grabbed her arm to stop her. Internally he mused her similarities to Ginny.
" Fleurdelis I am your father, you will listen to me. Now sit down," Draco tried to sound calm but failed terribly as he tried to force her to sit on the piano bench.
"Mom would never do this to me! Mom loved me and is your fault she is gone and I have to live with you!" Fleurdelis yelled knowing that this statement usually ended all of their discussions, which is exactly what she wanted. She didn't want to talk to her dad. She never would.
"You are right it is my fault and I am sorry!" Draco yelled back matching her volume. His anger blinded his senses of fear and uncertainties making him able to do something that would forever alter his and his daughter's relationship.
"I am sorry I ran away," He started still yelling.
"What the hell are you talking about?" Fleudelis interrupted sanding up so the height difference wouldn't be so extreme.
"You are going to sit down and listen!" Draco screamed shoving her back down onto the piano bench.
"I am sorry I ran away. I am sorry I was not around when you were growing up. I'm sorry you had no father. I am sorry your mother had to raise you alone. I am sorry you felt as thought your mother didn't love you. …" Fleurdelis realized what was happening and began to struggle in her father's grip. She did not want to hear what he had to say, but he only held tighter.
"I am sorry I missed everything about you. I'm sorry you had to be the one to contact me. I'm sorry I was the cause of yours and your mother's pain. I'm sorry I was afraid to come home. I'm sorry I never chose a side in that damned war. I'm sorry you never knew the real woman your mother was…" Tears were streaming down Fleurdelis' face as she tried to get away from her father. Taking her fisted hands she began beating his chest, trying to push him away, trying to hurt him like he was hurting her. He only talked louder.
"I am sorry I made your mother come get me from Africa. I'm sorry your mother died. I'm sorry I did not let the Weasleys take you and raise you. I'm sorry I am such a bad father. I'm sorry I don't know how to raise you. I'm sorry I don't know how to love you…" Fleurdelis began to sob loudly and beat harder. He needed to feel what he was doing to her.
"Stop! Stop this you aren't sorry!!" She shrieked as he released her wrists and she began punching him anywhere she could. Anywhere that she felt like might be able to hurt him.
"I'm sorry that your child hood is worse than mine. I'm sorry you hate me. I'm sorry your mother was broken. I'm sorry I am defective. I am sorry I couldn't save your mother. I am sorry I couldn't save you. I'm sorry your broken." By the time Draco finished tears were pouring out of his eyes too.
"I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!" Fleurdelis sobbed hitting him softly, not having the energy or strength to try and inflict pain anymore. Draco pulled Fleurdelis into a hug and she sobbed into his shirt.
The same phrase each breath. The same phrase professing her hate for him.
Eventually both stopped crying and Fleurdelis stopped sobbing and for the first time in either of their lives they held each other.
Neither one was ok. Neither one ever would be. But it was a start.