Friday, October 7th
Dear James,
I don't really know if you'll ever read this or not, but… Today, I realized for the first time how much I like you. I don't know how I never saw it before… I guess it's because you've always been very persistent about driving me mad and pulling pranks on me. Why do you do that? Is it for attention, maybe? Because if you are worried that I don't notice you, you're wrong… I think about you a lot.
Especially at night, just before I fall asleep. Is that why I dream about you so often? I had a dream just two days ago. Does that mean I've liked you a long time? I don't really know…
In fact, you asked me just yesterday if I'd go to Hogsmeade next week with you… I'm sorry I said no. I didn't even stop to think about it, did I? I'm just so used to telling you no, maybe that's why I do. It's not that I don't like you, because I really do.
A few weeks ago, I overheard someone saying something about the two of us getting together and I tried to act mad, when really, I sort of liked the idea… Since then, every time anything is said about us, I get embarrassed and blush. This morning when you came down to breakfast, I saw another girl go up and talk to you… Let's just say I didn't like it in the least. I watched you with her for a few minutes, not knowing that the entire time my friends were talking to me until Emily said, "You could take her, Lily… and if you can't, I'll be right there." When I looked at her, they were all grinning at me… I don't know how or why, but it was then that I realized just how much I like you. Why did it take me so long?
I'm sitting in the Gryffindor Common Room right now, in my favorite chair- you know, the one that no one else will sit in just because they know it's mine. You walked up to me, grinning in that charming way only you can, and tried to read what I'm writing. I think you'll read this someday, just be patient.
Since I won't let you read, you just slide into the armchair next to mine. Your hair is really messy, as it always is, and you keep running your hand through it. Merlin, I love it when you do that. I know I'm always yelling at you to stop, but please don't. You wouldn't be you if you didn't mess up your hair.
You're still staring at me, with those beautiful hazel eyes of yours. And it's only making me wish more than ever that I could tell you everything I think about you, but I can't.
Not that I don't want to, because really, I do. Its just that... Sometimes I wonder if you only ask me out because I'm the one girl who won't go with you, or because you're so used to asking… or it's a joke… or you've got a bet with one of the other Marauders… or that you- Okay, I know, I need to stop now.
I just looked up and you are talking to a girl that walked up to you. Oh…She's sitting on the arm of your chair. Her name is Ashley and she's a sixth year. I've talked to her a few times, but I never really liked her much, and I especially don't now.
I don't want you to think I'm horribly possessive, because I'm not, or that I expect you'll wait for me forever, because I don't. You don't even know that I like you yet. I only hope you don't hate me for constantly refusing you. don't think I get jealous over a lot of things, either... I usually don't.
I just didn't want to see you with her… You can do so much better.
So I left Gryffindor Tower to go up to my room. The one that is right next to yours, along with our Common Room and our bathroom. I'm so glad that we are this year's Heads. I love how hard you try to do everything right. I can always tell when you're concentrating really hard; you frown a tiny bit and bite your bottom lip... I've noted a lot of your little habits like that lately.
Tomorrow morning I know you're going to get up early because of your Quidditch game and I'm positive you're going to be wonderful. You always are, you know.
Much as I hate to, I'm going to go to bed now. But don't worry, I'll leave my door open just a bit, so that I can hear your quiet snores when you go up to bed, as I know you are going to do sometime soon.
Good night James,
Lily
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Friday, October 14th
Dear James,
I woke up this morning not feeling very well… I was tired because I stayed up last night trying to finish homework. I woke up late so I didn't have much time to fix my hair or anything, and by the time I got downstairs for breakfast, there weren't any seats by my friends, and there was absolutely no bacon left. I have to have bacon in the morning- I look forward to it from the second I wake up.
I was late to Divination, and I was assigned extra History of Magic homework. Then, at lunch, I remembered I hadn't practiced that new spell for Transfiguration. Arithmancy was all right, but none of my work was up to my usual standard.
Out of all this, you'd think I would have been positively exhausted and snappy by dinner, wouldn't you? But I wasn't…
Why?
Because this morning, you told me you liked my hair, of all things. Even though it looked seriously neglected. I guess I just needed the compliment… But I wanted to thank you, even though I already did. You don't know how that simple little sentence changed my day. So thanks.
It didn't even bother me after you left when Sirius said it was 'all a matter of opinion.'
I can hear you singing from the bathroom. I can't tell what song it is, but I think its kind of cute that you like to sing in the shower… I do all the time.
Right, well, I'd better go finish my extra homework so that I don't have another day like today… Hope you have sweet dreams tonight. I know I will, because I'll be dreaming of you.
Always,
Lily
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Tuesday, October 18th
Good morning, James!
Today we are going to meet for a Head meeting and I can't wait. At dinner, Professor Dumbledore is going to announce the Halloween Ball… We've been planning it for weeks now... I wonder why he decided to wait until we only have two weeks left until Halloween to tell the school? Don't worry, though. Our ball is going to be wonderful.
This morning, you woke up earlier than you usually do… I think you're still very excited about winning the Ravenclaw game last Saturday. I told you you'd do well... You scored most of the points… I was watching you the entire time like I said I would.
The sun hadn't even risen yet when you woke up, but I still beat you to it. I was in our Common Room, reading a book when I heard you get up.
I heard you in your room for a few minutes before you drug in here. Your hair was everywhere, your glasses were sideways, your eyes were only half-open. You walked in, and I had to try my hardest not to laugh when you saw me. Your eyes flew open, and you grinned.
Of course you wanted to know what I was writing, but I couldn't tell you. I did tell you that you'd know someday. I hadn't even really meant to, but it made you smile in a curious way, so that's okay. Your smile brightens my day.
Even if you told me how weird I was right after that.
You just left to do something or another, but that's all right. It's leaving me the time to write to you in here. But I think I'll go wake Emily now. She won't get up in time for classes, if I don't.
After that, we'll go down to breakfast, which is good, because I'm very hungry as it is.
Then we all have History of Magic and Divination.
It's going to be a very long day… But we still have our meeting to look forward to!
Yours truly,
Lily
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Tuesday, October 25th
Dear James,
Do you know what happened today? Well, of course you do! Just humour me. You asked me to the Halloween Ball… Can you imagine my answer?
I was a little nervous when you asked me… Well, maybe it was a lot… Okay, I was positively terrified… You had this determined look on your face, like you were going to keep asking me until I said yes… Then you looked quite taken aback when I smiled up at you and said, 'Sure… I'd love to.' Then you looked confused… Then happy. I don't think I've ever seen you grin so much. I thought I liked it before, now I know I do. I wish you could have seen the look on your face… I'll never forget it.
It was breakfast when you asked, so naturally, the entire hall buzzed for minutes after I said yes. Everyone was surprised… Especially when I came and sat with you and your friends after you asked me.
Classes weren't much fun, but every now and then, I caught you staring at me, and instead of taking away points, or something stupid, I smiled back. Every time I saw you staring, my cheeks got hot… and every time, they grew hotter, and hotter, until I'm sure they were crimson.
At lunch, everyone stared again when I took the seat next to you, but I hardly paid attention. You positively glowed with pride the entire time. Though at first, I think you were a bit shocked that I'd accepted. I hope you were glad, though.
The moon is getting bigger. It looks beautiful outside my window… It's floating above the Hogwarts grounds, with an odd mist hanging around it.
As we are the Head Boy and Girl, we're going to have to start working like mad on the Halloween Ball. We did have to fight hard to talk Professor Dumbledore into letting us have one this year, didn't we? We're allowed to get out of lessons next Tuesday, so we can decorate and put the finishing touches on everything… Then we get the entire night together. This weekend is the Hogsmeade trip. I've already got the perfect outfit picked out for the ball- I'm going to buy it Saturday in Hogsmeade, so that I can look my best for you.
I really am glad you asked me.
Lily
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Monday, October 31st
Dear James,
Well… Today is the big day! I can't wait to see everyone's faces when they see how we did the decorations… And I really can't wait to go with you.
We get to open the ball and start the first dance after dinner… Won't it be fun? I had a lot of fun today working on the ball with you. I'm glad Dumbledore offered us the extra time.
I'm sitting on my four-poster right now, wearing my dress for the ball. I'm glad we chose for everyone to wear costumes. I think you'll like mine. Do you remember those muggle plays we studied for a week at the beginning of this year? I'm one from one of them… Only you'll have to guess which I am when I see you. I remember you were the one who had to give a speech on this particular Shakespeare play… So I chose a character from it. It also happens to be my favourite play ever.
My dress is white, and flowing, with a medieval type bodice. The neckline is square-cut… The sleeves are navy-blue velvet, fitted at the top, and curve out at the bottom… my hair is curly, but not because I wanted it to be… I tried to get it straight, but I don't suppose that many people will notice, will they? It's up in a graceful bun, and I have white flowers tucked into parts of it.
I can't wait to see your costume… I bet you'll look even more handsome than ever.
I can hear you calling me right now… You're ready to go down to the Hall. We are supposed to be there a bit ahead of everyone, anyway.
I just want to say that I'm really looking forward to spending the evening with you… Our first real date. Isn't that exciting?
I promise I'll write more soon but for now, I have to go to you.
Always,
Your Lily
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Tuesday, November 1st
Dear James,
Oh, wasn't the ball beautiful? The decorations were a knock-out with the bats and the pumpkins… And the food was excellent. The dancing was fun, and the music was great, but to me, the best part was you.
I got back to my room last night and I couldn't sleep… I was so excited. The way you held me when we danced… It was so… so… right. I just felt like me in your arms… Like I've always belonged there and I always will. I can't really explain it... I just felt like the most important person in the entire world from the way you danced with me. I never knew that was possible…
Some of the songs we didn't like, so we sat down with our friends, who had a table together, and we talked the whole time. That was fun, wasn't it? I'm not sure what I like more- talking to you, and hearing you laugh, or dancing with you. I guess that as long as you're there, I'll have a good time.
But after the ball… I think that was my favourite part of the entire night. We walked up to the Head Common Room and we held hands the entire way… When we got up here, we just stared at each other, remember? Isn't it funny how a minute can seem like eternity? Well, that minute was the longest I've ever felt. But then, you started to lean down… And we kissed. You're a good kisser, too! Okay, look… I know this is kind of weird for someone my age… But I've never kissed anybody! You were my first… But I'm glad you were. I'll always remember because of that. Of course, I'll always remember it anyway, just because it was you, but it will just be extra special.
I was really surprised when I saw your costume. You chose a character form one of Shakespeare's plays, too! Isn't it funny how we did that?
But… Why did Remus leave so early? He left in the middle of the ball, he didn't even dance with anyone! I hope he's okay.
I started hearing your calm breathing long ago, so it must be getting late… I'll write more later…
Yours truly,
Lily Elizabeth Evans
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Wednesday, November 16th
Dear James,
Filch almost caught us out of bounds tonight… After hours. I've never been anywhere I wasn't supposed to be, either. Honestly… I was terrified. Or I would have been if you hadn't been there.
We went up to the Astronomy Tower… just to look at the stars, honestly! I doubt Filch would have believed that… But whatever- (Isn't that the best expression? I heard it from my American cousin this past holiday… they say it all the time over there.) I told you how pretty I thought the snow was and you said you could take me up to the tower… It was so beautiful up there, you know, the way the snow was falling… We were so close to kissing, when we heard a meowing around our feet. Mrs. Norris.
Do you have any idea how much I hate that bloody cat?!
Well, we ran… but Filch was close by- we could hear him muttering to his filthy cat… He almost caught us, too…
We made it all the way back up to our tower and had already collapsed onto the couch when I remembered something.
We're Head Boy and Girl. We could have just been patrolling.
We laughed a long time over that… And that's where we are now, curled up on the couch… You fell asleep about half an hour ago, and for a while now, I've been watching you. You smile when you're sleeping, did you know that? And every so often, you sigh contentedly. I love to watch you sleep…
All right, well… I think I'd better go to sleep, too, or I won't be able to get ready for Divination tomorrow. Hmm… Then again… Missing Divination wouldn't be so bad, would it? Too bad I'm Head Girl.
Night, Dearest…
Lily
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Friday, November 25th
Dear James,
I think I fell in love you today.
I woke up with a rose on my pillow… I wonder who put it there? You did! I know it was you, because today is our one month anniversary. I'm so glad you remembered! Can you believe it's only been one month since you asked me to the ball? I suppose time flies by when you're in love.
Today, we went for a walk around the lake and you were just so sweet. You make me feel so important when I'm with you… I don't know how you do it. If only I knew that you loved me as much as I love you, I'd give you this book… I plan on doing it soon. Maybe I'll give it to you for Christmas?
After our walk, you took me down to the kitchens… I think you were a bit disappointed that I'd been there before. I'm sorry. I used the kitchens a lot back in 5th year, with all our O.W.L's. I imagine this year it's going to be the same. I'm not really looking forward to the N.E.W.T's.
Anyway, we went up to our Common Room and spent part of the afternoon there. I love being with you. I love everything about you... I love you.
You had Quidditch practice earlier, so you had to leave, and you just got back. we're sitting in the Common Room again, doing a couple essays. Well, you're doing essays. I'm writing to you… I like that much better, anyway.
You look exhausted, and I don't blame you. You were out at the pitch for at least three hours, and it looks like it may start snowing any minute now.
Do you remember the day we met? It was the first time either of us had been on the Hogwarts Express. Were you afraid of everyone as I was? I doubt you were, you acted so calm that day… I remember I was shaking when I first walked into the station, I'd only found out about wizards and spells and broomsticks a month before, you know… I was getting very anxious because I didn't know how to get onto the platform... Then I saw that you had an owl and a trunk just like mine! Remember how I asked you and your parents to help me? I was so nervous.
Once I was on the platform, we got separated in the crowd… But just when I was close to tears, you came along and helped me. I couldn't carry my trunk onto the train… So you helped me. You were my knight in shining armour ( or the pair of jeans, and the t-shirt you were wearing). We took seats in the same compartment, then Sirius came along.
I was furious with him right off. I don't even remember what for... I think he called me 'Red' or something. I stormed out of that compartment so fast, I don't even think you saw me leave. that's when I met my best friend Emily.
I'll never forget that day. I can't remember if I ever told you thanks for helping me with my trunk, though… So just in case I didn't… thank you. I'm sure I would've been hysterical before I got even halfway onto the train if you hadn't helped me.
You just knocked your book off the table… You're asleep, arms folded on the table, resting your head on them. You're facing me, though, and your smiling.
I'm going to go put away your books, and take off your glasses, so that you can sleep. I'll go get us a blanket, then sleep right here next to you so you won't be alone... With love,
Your Lily
P.S. I wanted to tell you I think I will give you this book on Christmas for your present… I'm almost out of pages… but I'm not sure if that's because I write big, or if its that there aren't many pages. Maybe both? Well, only one month left…
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Tuesday, December 20th
Dear James,
Today, after I tutored those fifth years in Charms, I went back to Gryffindor Tower, expecting to find you with the other Marauders… I did find you, but you weren't with your friends. You were sitting on a couch off to the side, talking to a little girl in first year, Kambrie Alex… she was crying because she was here by herself for the holidays, and was lonely- you'd found her in the corridor earlier, and was still comforting her when I found the two of you. You looked so sweet, holding her, letting her cry into your shoulder. I watched you there for at least ten minutes, until someone came along, and told me I was blocking the portrait hole.
Well, I think I should go now, the two of us just got back from Gryffindor Tower. Kambrie asked us to stay with her until she fell asleep, and we're going to get up early so we can check on her.
Goodnight, love…
"Your Lily-flower"
P.S. I love the nickname you made for me, too…
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Saturday, December 24th
M dearest James…
Well… Christmas is almost here, isn't it? I'm giving this to you in the morning, and to be quite honest, I'm a bit afraid… what if you don't like it? I hope you do, but I have you another present just in case you don't… I've changed my mind at least a dozen times as to whether or not I should give it to you… but I know I'm going to. In the morning, I think I'll write one last thing to you, then send it over with an owl before the sun rises…
I hope it snows tomorrow, so we can go out in it- we haven't gotten to all year, and as it's Christmas, it would be the perfect time for snow, don't you think?
My parents were a bit disappointed that I didn't want to come home for the holidays this year, but told them I couldn't leave Hogwarts this year… that I had to stay, and I'm glad I did, really.
I can hardly write, because I'm shaking so badly… I'm a bit nervous about giving this to you. I'm still worried you won't like it… I think I've been pretty good about writing in it… I've already had to add the pages like I said I would.
Well, even though I'm too excited to sleep right now, I think I'll go- I need to save the last page for tomorrow morning, anyway, don't I? So I'll say goodnight to you, love…
Lily
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Sunday, December 25th
Happy Christmas, James!
Well, the day is here, whether I'm ready to give you the book or not! But I'm in such a good mood right now, I've assured myself you'll like knowing my thoughts… or at least, I hope so.
Even though its early, I can hear you yawning- I had planned on sending this to you very early, but now, I think I'll just wrap it and take it to you before you're all the way awake… I don't really want to get out- I'm tucked deep into my covers to keep away from the cold, but I think I'll do it, just for you, as soon as I'm done.
I only want to say one more thing… every time you see this little black book, think of me… because I'm always thinking of you.
Now I'd better go before I change my mind again, and stay in these warm covers all day… Happy Christmas!
Loving you always,
Lily Elizabeth Evans