Wednesday, January 26th
My dearest Lily,
Today, I finished reading the diary you wrote me… And I can't tell you how much I love it. I couldn't have asked for a better gift- it's perfect.
I knew the moment I read the last word that I was going to write to you in a dia- well, a journal also (I can't write in a diary, how manly would that be?). I love knowing that I can look into the little black book and read and hear your thoughts… I thought maybe you'd like the same thing someday. I don't know when exactly I'll give this to you; I just know that I will.
I remember several times when I saw you writing in that book- and every time I did, I wanted to know what it was… But the most you would ever say about it was, "You'll see… someday." Do you even know how curious that made me? But I am glad that I had to wait- it was definitely worth it.
You know, one entry out of the entire book stood out to me… It's definitely my favourite. On Friday, October 13th, you told me how you had a terrible day- everything went wrong for you… You got up late, couldn't find any bacon, got extra homework… Yet you were in a good mood- all because I complimented you. We were sitting in our Common Room together on the couch when I read that page… And it only made me love you more. I watched you for a while, as you wrote a letter to your family. Every now and then, you stopped and bit on the end of your quill, like you were deciding what to write next. When you finally looked up and saw me staring, you smiled that beautiful smile of yours and looked down at the black book in my hands. I think you liked to know that I was reading it, because you positively beamed at me.
I still find it hard to believe we're together- not that it seems utterly impossible to me, it's just that I can't believe I have you. Does that make sense? I guess it's just because I've liked you since the moment I first laid eyes on you… But I knew I could never have a chance.
Do you know that I was almost too afraid to ask you to the Halloween Ball two months ago? I can't tell you now how glad I am… I thought I was dreaming when you really said yes- it even took a few moments for it all to sink in… Then all Heaven opened before me- Lily Evans had said yes! I remember my friends saying what a 'miracle' it was when I actually managed to get six detentions that week… Mainly from McGonagall and Murdoc, of course. I don't think either professor has ever really taken too well to me… Or so they say. I bet they both think I'm one of their top students- they just don't want to admit it.
Did I mention how good you look with that green streak in your hair? I think it was a nice Christmas gift from Sirius! It took him a lot of thought, too, and he didn't even ask me for help! Not that I would have approved him giving you extra 'Christmas Cheer' (As he calls it,) while you were sleeping. I'm just saying it looks really nice…
And his silver hair? Classic. That was a really nice charm you did.
I'm going to have to write a long letter to my parents, since I forgot to do it yesterday- it is Christmas, after all. But I promise I'll write back at my next chance…
Love,
James
--------
Sunday, January 30th
Dear Lily,
Hasn't this holiday been fun? I didn't think we were going to have much snow, but on Christmas morning, we woke up and it was quite thick! We've been out in it everyday since. The other Maruaders and I were going to pull a few pranks on Snape, but you wouldn't let us. Do you even know how good you are? Not a bad kind of good- I mean you make me wish I was more like you. I want to change for you. So I made the boys stop- even if it wasn't anything that was going to leave a mark, or anything… For long.
Everyone is coming back tomorrow- then classes start on Monday. Every year, I wish the holiday was just a bit longer… But you know, I guess it's plenty long… Even if I am getting used to staying up late with you in the Common Room, then getting up early again to see you for breakfast. I'm starting to get dark circles under my eyes, but that doesn't matter… I'm with you. Sirius says I'm getting too girly. If I was too girly, would I be with a girl, though? I don't think so. He just doesn't understand- he's never had a girl longer than three days, I don't think. I've always kind of wondered if he was capable of having a girlfriend for more than a week without losing interest. He claims he gets 'bored' with most girls.
Of course I remember the first day we met! My mum was about to leave me at the barrier, when this 'pretty girl with red hair came up asked us how to get onto the platform.' (That's how she described you to my dad later.) 'I felt so sorry for her- she must have been muggle-born, because there wasn't anybody with her… She was shaking so bad when she asked us, I almost gave her a hug,' (Yeah, don't ask me, it is my mum I'm talking about- she's a real nut sometimes.) Anyway, I was speechless when I saw you… I think the very first thing I noticed about you were your eyes. I don't think I've ever seen eyes so bright. You smiled at us and I knew I was already lost. Mum knew I had a thing for you right off; I could tell by the way she was smirking at me. You know that knowing grin your parents give you sometimes? The one that tells you they are reading you like an open book? Well, that was the look I was getting when I hurried onto that platform. I couldn't find you in the crowd, so I set off, looking in every compartment… Then, in one of the last ones, I found you- you looked so adorable… You couldn't get your trunk through the door, because of the step. But then that trunk is at least twice your size- I don't know how you don't ever get lost in it, just trying to pack.
We got our trunks onto the train- and found a compartment together. I could've sworn I heard angels singing when you asked if you could sit with me. I was just about to ask you the same thing, yet I was happy that you asked me first. We were actually getting on pretty well… Until Sirius had to walk in.
He grinned at me the second he stepped over the threshold of the compartment and I knew he was going to mess something up for me. And he did.
He called you 'Red'… then wanted to know what he'd done wrong. I was in the process of strangling him when I realized you'd left. He did not have a fun trip to Hogwarts that year.
Right, well, I think I'd better go to bed, as it's almost midnight and I tucked you in nearly an hour ago…
Night love,
James
----------------------
Thursday, January 13th
Lily,
Today, you got a letter from your family… And it wasn't the happiest news. Not that anyone is hurt, they're all just fine… But since Petunia has been engaged for two months now, she feels it's 'high time to get married' as she wrote it. Her and that… Vernon… beef. That's our nickname for him. You described him to me- and I don't like the sound of him at all… I only hope he and Petunia go far, far away when they get married. I don't even see why they are getting married, they only met last May! That isn't even a year… And her wedding is in two weeks.
At least your parents said you didn't have to go since you're in school… I don't think I could handle having you gone, even for just a day.
Sirius is leaning over my shoulder, reading what I'm writing. He says I've gone all mushy… Which is fine, because at least I have a girl.
Oops… He read that too. I think I'd better go, before he blows this up, or something…
Love,
James
----------------
Tuesday, January 25th
Lily dear,
Three months. Three months! Can you believe it's only been three months? I can't. It seems like we've been together forever.
Today, we snuck out to Hogsmeade… It was fun. We went to the Three Broomsticks, where you nearly had a heart attack because you thought we'd get in trouble. But you shouldn't worry, I love you too much to get you caught.
Today was also the first time you told me you loved me.
I know you wrote in the book and everything, but it still felt good just to hear it. I can't explain the feeling I got when you said those three little words. My heart nearly exploded, I felt light-headed, my knees grew weak, and I almost fainted. All in a good way, of course.
But I'm going to call it an early night, just so I can see if I'm already dreaming. If I fall asleep now, I could be falling asleep in my dream, so the only way to know if I'm dreaming right now is to 'fall asleep' and wait until morning… Then I'll know.
Hmm… I'm not making much sense… But can you blame me?
LILY EVANS TOLD ME SHE LOVES ME!!!!
Sorry, I just had to get that out…
Goodnight Lily-Flower, I love you,
James Potter
-----------------
Sunday, January 30th
My dearest Lily,
It fully dawned on me today how close the day is that we graduate. We only have a few months left- can you believe it? A little under five months, to be exact. I really can't see myself away from Hogwarts. I love everything about school here. Except perhaps the Slytherins, but I don't think I need to go into detail.
I know I'll miss no having you to wake me up almost every morning, especially when you wake me up with a kiss. That is the best way to wake up, you know.
I'll miss eating breakfast every morning with you. I love it when someone gets the last of the bacon before you do, so you steal it off their plate… I love to hear you laugh when Sirius does something completely stupid.
I'll miss walking you to class, sometimes carrying your books, then sitting with you. Have you ever noticed that our schedules are the exact same? It's because way back at the end of second year, I sort of… borrowed your schedule plans from McGonagall so we'd have the same classes… Funny what a person will do for love.
I'll miss cuddling with you while we do our homework, or just laze about after our lessons until dinner. I truly love that warm, comfortable feeling I get when you're tucked safely in my arms.
I'll miss tucking you into bed every night, with a kiss.
I'll miss hearing you say 'I love you' just before you shut your eyes and drift away into sweet dreams… Hopefully ones about me.
I'll miss the Prefect meetings that we have every Tuesday with all the Prefects. You're usually the one who deals with all the 'business', so I just sit back and watch you.
I'll miss that look you get when you're really into what you're saying; you get a sparkle in your eyes and your cheeks get flushed…
So really, I guess that when I say I'll miss everything about Hogwarts, I mean that I'll miss you. You are my everything, Hogwarts or not.
What do you think will happen to us after we graduate? I have no doubt you'll get accepted into any of the ministry positions you want… You've always been brilliant, and you always will be.
I hope to get into Auror training- do you think I will?
The only thing I really know is that I want to still be with you after we graduate. Maybe we can get an apartment in London together, so we can be near the Ministry and still be together.
I can hear the Marauders in our Common Room right now… I'd better go stop them from making a mess.
Love,
James
------------------
Wednesday, February 23rd
Dear Lily,
Everyday that I spend with you just convinces me
Merlin, Prongs! What has gotten into you? Oh- Lily, I love you! Oh, Lily, take me I'm yours! Oh, Lily, I want you! Oh, Lily, I dream about you! Oh, Lily, come away with me! We can fly away after the next Quidditch match! Oh, Lily, why are you so beautiful.
Honestly, mate, she's going to get light headed reading all this sentimental mush.
Oh, Remus, go bite yourself… Lily, I want to spend the rest of my life with you! All right, I give up. Oi, James! Just so you know when you read this, Moony and I used a permanent sticking charm on here! Courtesy of everyone's favourite Marauders… Happy Birthday, mate!
Padfoot, you arse, it's Wormtail's birthday… And don't think in terms of permanent… Think long lasting!
Sincerely, with all our love,
The Marauders
Minus James…
And Peter!
Ahh… Lily, I am so sorry! Those two can be such prats. And they really did use a permanent sticking charm… I tried to rip out the page, but it wouldn't budge. I was polishing my broom when they 'ambushed' me and locked me in my own closet for an hour. Like I said, they're such prats. Well, I'm going to hunt them down and try out a few… charms I saw a Slytherin use a few days ago…
James
------------
Saturday, March 5th
Dear Lily,
Today, we had our first fight. I don't like it at all. Really, what we're fighting about doesn't have anything to do with either of us… Not directly, at least.
You asked me where it is that Remus goes every month and I couldn't tell you. I'm so sorry, love. I do want to tell you, but it isn't my place to tell anyone, even you, unless Remus consents first. But don't worry, I think he will before long.
I know you know that Sirius, Peter, and I go somewhere every month at the same time Remus does, even though I've tried telling you we just need a 'Boys night'. You're too smart for that though. I do hate keeping anything from you… You have no idea how much I hate it.
I know it isn't going to help, me writing in here when I don't even know when I'm going to give it to you, but I just felt like I should explain what I can somewhere.
We got a rather nasty essay today on Goblin Enslavement, so I'd best get started on it before I forget. Sweet dreams, love.
I really am sorry,
James
------
Monday, March 7th
Dear Lily,
You can't even imagine how happy I am that you're not mad at me anymore. Well, you weren't really mad, you just didn't understand.
Today, Remus drug us all the way up to Gryffindor Tower after History of Magic and explained everything. Even though we missed Transfiguration, it made us all three of us feel better, I think.
And it really made him feel good that you cried when he told you about being a werewolf. Not that he was happy to see you cry, it's just now he knows you don't despise him or hate him now that you know the truth. But it was also hard for him to tell you it all… I realized for the first time today that he's never actually said it. That he's a werewolf. I don't think the rest of us have, either… Until now.
But he didn't tell you everything; he left some of it to me… And I wanted to write some of it out here first, so I don't say something wrong later, when I tell you.
Sirius, Peter, and I are all unregistered animagi. When we found out about Remus's condition back in third year, (Not that he told us, mind you, we had to figure it out ourselves.) we swore we wouldn't let him go through all that alone every month. We tried just about every spell and charm we could think of to help him, but nothing worked. Then Peter stumbled upon a useful little piece of information (Literally, stumbled- he tripped over a book and it fell open, right on the page we needed. It was real magic, I think.). Anytime a human is in the presence of a werewolf in his wolf form, it… well, I'm sure you know the stories… But a werewolf can be around other animals, including animagi. It took nearly two years for all three of us to master it. Peter had to have all the help he could get… Sirius is Padfoot because he's a dog, Peter is Wormtail because he's a rat, I'm Prongs- a stag, and Remus is Moony… a werewolf.
Remus was very anxious the first few times we went with him. He was always worried that we'd get caught and sent to Azkaban, or something like that, or Dumbledore would find out that he let three of his friends become animagi to help him. I think that's what he was the most worried about, disappointing Dumbledore. But then we would start planning our next months adventure… We started feeling safe enough to take him out of the Shrieking Shack, taking him farther and farther away from it… Until we knew the area well around Hogwarts.
It was then that we decided we needed a name. And it came to us: The Marauders. It fit perfectly and we all loved it. As Marauders, we felt we should live up to our name. Since I had my invisibility cloak, we started sneaking out almost every night, wandering around the castle. We found every secret passage, every shortcut, every secret room around the place… And were able to make 'The Marauders Map', a very useful marauding tool… It shows anyone and everyone anywhere near Hogwarts at anytime.
We've been through a lot since that day that we found out about Remus's problem… We will always be there for each other- especially Remus. So every month, we help him in the only way we know how… We go with him.
Thank you for understanding,
James
-----------
Saturday, March 19th
Morning, love!
It's a beautiful day outside- the birds are singing… Flowers are blooming- or will be soon.
Spring has always been my favourite season. Well, after winter. I love snow. And I guess I like fall, too. Summer is all right… But I'm not one for hot weather- though I do like being out of school. Okay, so maybe spring isn't my favourite- but it's one of them!
Or I did like being out of school for summer… But we won't ever have another summer holiday, will we, love?
That thought terrifies me.
Sirius just walked in and wants to know if I am 'really writing in that book again.' Well, I'm writing in something, in any case.
He says I might as well write you a novel and get it published. Ha.
Argh- he's going through my room again- he doesn't believe me when I say that my stuff doesn't change around between his visits. I'd better go stop him before he breaks something.
Love,
James
-------------
Monday, April 11th
Lily,
Today was just a good day. Dumbledore decided it would be a good day not to have any classes, I guess. Only Merlin knows why. Dumbledore just gets mad ideas like that sometimes, maybe.
And everyone does, to some degree don't they? Yes, they do. Well, I do at least… If I didn't, I wouldn't have ever asked to the Halloween Ball and where would we be right now? There's no telling. But I am glad that everyone gets their 'mad ideas.'
Lunch was especially good for some reason… Maybe it was because I could smell your hair next to me… Hmm.. I don't even remember what I ate, come to think of it…
A bunch of us went out and played Quidditch for a while. I was a bit disappointed when you didn't want to go outside. I wasn't really very much into the game, so I left to find you…
How did you like your first ride on a broom with James Potter? Your face when we first took off was priceless… But I wouldn't have let you go for anything. The more we flew, the more you liked it, I think.
We ate dinner in the kitchens, with the Marauders. Don't you love to watch the house-elves when they dance? It was funny- I've never seen them do that in all seven years I've gone there…
Sirius seemed a bit in awe when they started singing, I wonder if he is still there in the kitchens where we left him?
I haven't seen him in quite a while… Maybe I should go check?
It's only two weeks until our six month anniversary…
Love,
James
-----------
Monday, April 25th
My dearest Lily,
Half a year. It might as well have been ten years, for all the attention I paid… All that I care about is that I'm with you. Can you believe it's been six months? You're right… Time does fly by when you're in love.
I hope you like the roses I sent you today, too…
25 flowers; the 25th day is the date of our anniversary.
7 yellow roses; one for every year I've known you.
6 White roses; one for every year of hard work it took to get you.
6 Pink roses; one for every month we've been together.
3 roses; just because I love you and I love to say it.
1 Red rose; you're the only one for me. I love you.
1 More red rose because you only get one chance at life and I want to spend mine with you.
1 Lily; roses are beautiful, but lilies are more special… They are one of a kind. Just like you, love.
James
------
Saturday, May 7th
Dear Lily,
Wow… We won the Quidditch Cup.
It was a fierce game, I'll admit- and it was close. Fifteen minutes into the game and Gryffindor was only up by ten points- I was trying to get the quaffle from Lymon, Keyes and Pritchard were after the Snitch, the crowd was going wild…
Kiaya Morgan sent one of the Bludgers at Lymon, who dropped the quaffle… I caught it, just as the entire crowd gasped. Jo Keyes (of Gryffindor,) had her hand stretched out toward the snitch… I speed off for our goalposts, hoping to score once more before she caught it. As I sped by, I looked into the stands and saw you cheering, your eyes glued to me. I smiled…
And scored for you, just before Keyes caught the snitch.
Gryffindor won, 310-140.
This morning, at breakfast, you came and found a seat next to me. You told me to win for you… And I did. But you also told me- in front of everyone- that you loved me. It made me feel so good, there was no way I could not win. Then you told the team good luck. I think we won because of those two simple words.
There's still a party going on in Gryffindor Common Room- I guess we'd best go break it up; tell them to go to bed before McGonagall gets to them…
Love,
James
-----------
Sunday, May 29th
Lily,
We only have one month left. One month!
I've been thinking over the last few days and I've decided something. I'm going to ask you to marry me.
We've already talked about getting a flat somewhere in London, so why not get married? I love you more than you can ever know and you love me, so why can't we? I know it's only been seven months, but I know a lot of people who got married sooner than that! I haven't said anything to anyone yet, but I definitely think I will ask you. If I don't back out first… I'm already feeling nervous, just at the thought… I might go to Hogsmeade soon and look at rings… Just to get an idea.
I know it's awfully short, but I'm going to stop here…
I love you…
James
------------
Saturday, June 4th
My dearest Lily,
Well, I went and looked at engagement rings in Hogsmeade today. They had two that really made me think of you. At least I have some idea of what I'm going to buy when I do…
I also got the letter from my parents today. I sent them an owl on Monday, asking what they thought of the idea and they love it. I kind of thought they might be a bit anxious about it, but they seem excited… I've already told them all about you. They can't wait to meet you. Mum told me to pick the biggest ring I can find… I don't think you'd like a big ring though, it just doesn't seem like you.
Hopefully mum was joking.
Next, I plan to tell the Marauders… I wonder what their reactions will be…
No, I wonder what your reaction will be. A good one, maybe?
Well, if I plan on doing anything, I'd better get to bed…
Night, love,
James
--------------
Wednesday, June 8th
Lily,
I told the Marauders that I want to ask you to marry me. They all looked shocked for a moment, then they all grinned and yelled in excitement. I wouldn't be surprised if all of Gryffindor House heard us… They were excited for me.
"We wondered how long it would take you!" Sirius said. Trust him to say something like that. It gave me the impression that they talk about me all the time, now.
I'm still feeling nervous, but since I looked at rings, it makes me want to ask you more than ever. Hope I have the nerve to do it. I might end up fainting in your arms like a little girl. Who knows.
Speaking of fainting… I'm exhausted. It's been a long day. A good one, of course, but a long one…
Goodnight, love…
James
-------------
Dear Lily, Thursday, June 16th
I'm going to do it this Saturday… I'm positively terrified, but I'm going to do it.
I was having my doubts, until last night. I was going up to see the Marauders in the Tower, when I saw you with that little first year, Kambrie Alex. She was crying again… I didn't want to interrupt and ask why, so I gave you a smile and ran upstairs.
When I came back downstairs, the two of you looked so sweet; you were still on the same couch, curled up together, asleep. Your arms were wrapped protectively around her and she had her head resting on your shoulder. I felt my heart give an almighty wrench when I saw that you had tears on your cheeks, too. I wanted to wrap my arms around you and never let you go when I saw them… I never want to see you cry… That's what made up my mind. Seeing your tears… Seeing you sad. I know I'll take care of you; I won't let you cry.
Except for happy tears. Happy tears are good.
I slid onto the couch beside you and waited…
I guess I fell asleep there, because the next thing I knew, you were laying on my shoulder, one arm wrapped around me, and there was a little light outside the window. Kambrie was curled up in the other corner of the couch.
I watched you sleep for a while, admiring those little freckles on your nose, and the beautiful colour of your hair, when you opened your eyes and smiled at me. That's when I knew I was going to ask you. Yeah, I know I said it was when I saw your tears, but it was then, too.
I carried Kambrie up to her dorm and we left for our Tower.
I found out why the two of you were crying. Kambrie's family- her parents and little eight year old twins sisters- were killed in Voldemort's latest series of attacks. Her parents were refusing to go over to the dark side, so he just killed them all… Isn't that horrible? Kambrie is only eleven… And she has no family left, because of some stupid wizard who went mad. It's things like that that make me want more than ever to be an auror.
Where we fell asleep again on the couch. Well, you fell asleep. I'm writing to you in here, of course, but then I'll probably go to sleep…
Okay, yeah, I'm getting tired just thinking of it… So I'll write more when I can…
Love,
James
P.S. Haven't the N.E.W.T.'s been horrible? Well, they're not as bad as I imagined they would be, but still! I hope I got all O's… I did on my O.W.L.s and I didn't expect to, so maybe I'll get lucky again… Who knows…
------------
Saturday, June 25th
Dear Lily,
That's it! I bought it! You're going to love it, I know you are. It isn't big and showy, it's just perfect for you… It's a neat little sliver band, with a diamond in the middle, and the tiniest of pearls, one on each side, and a small cluster of diamonds around them. I'm not very good at describing jewellery, as the most I've ever owned was a watch, but it really is beautiful. Like you.
I had to go to Dumbledore to ask his permission to go to Hogsmeade. I wasn't going to ask, I was just going to use my invisibility cloak or a passage, but I figured that on something this important, I didn't need to risk my chance of not getting the ring. So I went to him and told him I wanted to marry you. He was very happy for us… Then again, I think he already knew what I was up to- he seems to know everything that goes on in the castle, whether we want him to or not. Well, mostly everything.
So, I have exactly six days to work up my courage… I hope you say yes. You will, won't you? If you don't, I don't know what I'll do… But I'm not going to think like that right now…
Because I'm tired. But I'll write back at my next chance.
Love,
James
------
Tuesday, June 28th
Lily,
Am I doing the right thing? I only have a few days left to decide… I want to ask you, but what if you want to wait? Oh, I'm going crazy…
Soooo crazy.
Remus spent an hour in here earlier, trying to tell me it's the right thing and that I love you, so should act like the 'big bad Gryffindor' that I really am and get it over with… I couldn't agree more.
But it's easier said than done.
He should ask someone to marry him and see what it's like.
Well, I'm so tired I think I'm about to faint on you next to me (We're sitting in the Common Room,) so I think I'll put everything away and go to bed…
Love,
James
------
Wednesday, June 29nd
My dearest Lily,
I only hope I don't change my mind later… I'm scared out of my wits… I got my dress robes ready this morning, so that they won't be wrinkled and I'm actually going to try and fix my hair… I've had the ring in my pocket all day, checking every few minutes to be sure that it's still there. We spent the entire day, by the lake… Then, at five, you said you needed to go up to your room to get ready.
I need time to get ready, too. Well, actually, it'll only take me a few minutes to get my robes on, but I've got to try to calm down…
Please say yes, please say yes, please say yes, please say yes…
Okay, that doesn't help. I've got to go find the Marauders… Maybe they can help distract me for a bit? I sure hope so. If not, I might just run up to your room right now and beg you to marry me.
I'm not very good under pressure.
More later,
James
Wednesday, June 29th Again…
Lily,
This is it! I can't believe I'm really going to do this… Well, yes I can. I love you. I love you a lot, actually… So I'm going to ask you to marry me right after we graduate… I've got it all planned out in my head how it will go… But I'll probably forget it all when I see you. I'm supposed to meet you in our Common Room in about ten minutes… I'm sitting in the seventh year boys dorm right now… Trying to work up some more courage. I keep thinking everything will go wrong… I'll trip, or forget the ring, or it won't be in it's box, or I won't graduate, or I'll get a sudden cold and sneeze on you when I'm asking…
Hopefully none of that will happen, though…
Ahh… if I don't go now, I won't have time to go all the way up to my room and get my dress robes on before I take you downstairs…For our last feast at Hogwarts.
So I'm going to go, now…
I love you, Lily Evans…
PLEASE MARRY ME?!
James