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Deer to Me by Suns Golden Ray
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Deer to Me

Suns Golden Ray

"You and me
We used to be together
Everyday together and always
I really feel
That I'm losing my best friend
I can't believe
This could be the end."
-Don't Speak, No Doubt

Chapter Eighteen

With a soft click, Lily closed the door to her dormitory quietly, so as not to wake the inhabitants. They'd be up and about in about 15 minutes, but Lily was always the first up in the House, just so she could get a good morning walk in.

"How do you get up this early every morning?" yawned a voice from the staircase. Lily looked down and found James Potter, a red mark still marring his face where he had slept on his hand, waiting for her. His clothes were rumpled and his hair was messier than usual, but he was awake and waiting for her at the junction of the two staircases.

"What are you doing awake?" Lily asked, softly, descending the stairs.

"Waiting for you," James answered, simply. When she came face to face with him, he frowned. "You didn't wear your hair curly."

"I tried," Lily blushed, running her hand over the top of it and feeling the bumpy strands of hair that ended in a tight bun. "It's horrible-"

James reached behind her and pulled the rubber band off of her hair and watched with early- morning fascination as her copper hair cascaded through his hands. The curls were large and thin, and very frizzy; James could see why straight-laced Lily detested her hair. But he loved it, the way that each strand was completely different, but together was a mish-mash of perfection.

"It's gorgeous," James smiled at her, hand still tangled in her hair, lightly cupping her scalp.

"I don't..." Lily looked down and a blush came to her face with his fingers lightly brushing her scalp. "But if you say so..."

"I do," James unwound his fingers from her hair and gestured down the jointed stairs. "Shall we?"

"All right," Lily heard some movement from both sides of the staircases.

They walked in rather companionable and amicable silence, mostly because James was too tired to think of anything intelligent to say and Lily was too nervous to say anything intelligent.

"So...where do you usually go in the mornings?" James asked.

"Well, I usually take a walk around the castle, while everyone is still asleep," Lily said, blushing.

"Must be nice, to be all alone," James said. Lily nodded. They turned a corner and passed several students who were sleepily making their way down to breakfast.

"But talking with someone is so much better," she shrugged. "So-"

"Evans, why are you wasting your time on this waste of flesh?" A drawling, sneering voice chimed in from behind them. James visibly stiffened but did not lash back. He wasn't going to rise to Snape while Lily was watching so closely.

"I have nothing to say to you, Sniv...Snape, so just...get on your way." James was pushing the words out through his teeth as if it pained him to say them. Lily looked at him oddly. Was he actually being...civil to Severus Snape?

"I'm sure," Snape said, his yellow teeth bared. "You know, Evans, once he gets you into bed, he'll leave you like he does all the rest of them."

"Lily, this is such bullshit," James said, looking at her. "Let's get out of here."

"And do you think that he's changed?" Snape continued, rounding on them. He could see James' attempt to keep control over himself was a losing battle. "Why, just yesterday, I saw him using some first years for target practice for Auror spells-"

"Stupid lying Slytherin," James growled, rounding on him.

"At least I have morals," Snape continued. "Gryffindors may be brave, but the way some of you sleep around, I'm not surprised that you people don't have some kind of new diseases-" He didn't finish his statement because James had socked him in the cheek. Snape had committed the ultimate sin by insulting James' best friend.

As with dueling, James was the better man, and he had gotten in a few good punches before he was Stunned to the ground along with Snape. He looked up to see McGonagall staring over them, absolutely livid. Sirius and Peter (among a gaggle of students that had accumulated to watch the fight) were there as well, the latter holding the former back, and having a hard time doing it.

"Mr. Potter! Mr. Snape! There is absolutely no excuse for your behavior. You are a part of the Auror program, Mr. Potter. And you, Mr. Snape, are a school prefect. There is no reason why you two should be fighting." She whirled on Lily. "And you, Miss Evans. You are also a school prefect and a member of the Auror program." She sniffed. "Twenty-five points from all of you."

James felt his heart sink and sat up slowly when he was unStunned. Professor McGonagall stormed off and James dared to look at Lily. She was blinking back tears. James opened his mouth, but Lily took off running down the hall. James was up in a flash, after her.

"As I said, some people don't change," he smirked and watched James disappear after his love interest. "Potter sure has turned into a coward since he's been broken by Evans-" He was going to say more, but Sirius had stuck his wand in-between his eyes.

"Don't you ever insult him, you God-forsaken piece of trash," Sirius growled. "He's just trying to be a better person, can't you just respect that?"

"Don't make me laugh, Black. You know as well as I do that Potter is after is just-"

"Just because he's my friend doesn't mean he has my morals," Sirius shook Snape again. "You'd better wise up or else."

"Or else what?" Snape asked. "Potter'll tell on me? You'll send whiney little Pettigrew on me? You'll whine to your parents, or should I say Potter's parents, yours don't want you anymore. What about Lupin? He'll cough on me, will he?"

Sirius suddenly was struck with an idea. Snape was still going on.

"I noticed that he's again missing from your gaggle of friends. And I've also noticed that he's conveniently missing whenever you three are at your most actively scheming-"

"Well, Snivellus, you've outsmarted us," he said, slowly. A grin was slowly spreading on his face. "Remus really isn't going to visit his mother, he never has. Do you want to know where we go every month, dear Severus?" He stepped back and put his hands in his pockets. "Go down to the Whomping Willow, there is a tiny knob at the base of the tree. Press it and the tree will stop moving. There is a tunnel under it, go through there and you'll end up where Remus is."

Snape gave him a doubtful glance. "How do I know some sort of trap isn't waiting for me there?"

Sirius shrugged. "It's the perfect chance to get us all expelled, Snivellus. Take it or leave it." With that, Sirius strolled down the hallway, whistling.

***

"Lily!" James cried, rubbing his forehead "Hey! Lily!"

"Go away!" she replied icily.

"Well-um...Lily, I'm sorry-" James started lamely. Lily rolled her eyes. "But, I mean, Lily he insulted Sirius and I-"

"That is no excuse for hitting him!" Lily stomped. "Like...like a muggle!"

"What's so wrong with fighting like a muggle?" James folded his arms. "Your family are muggles."

"B-But you're a wizard!" Lily stuttered. "Why didn't you-" she changed her mind, "Never mind, you shouldn't be fighting in the first place!"

"Lily, you've got to understand something," James said. "In the male world, when you're insulted, and your best mate is insulted, you don't just say, 'Oh sorry, I don't fancy you talking about my friend like that!' and then walk away skipping happily."

"Well, sorry," Lily snuffed. "Being a girl, I don't know these things."

"Obviously," James grumbled. "But from the way the shoe hit my scalp, I don't think it's the only thing you're mad about."

"Well, Snape made a point, didn't he?" Lily asked, not looking at him in the eyes.

"What point?" James asked.

"The point that all your trying to do is land me in....well, land me in bed," Lily mumbled. "Why else would you be going through all this trouble to 'change' yourself? And he's right, you're not even changing yourself, you're just putting on a front."

"I...uh....um..." James stuttered. Truthfully, he didn't know why he pursued her. She was beautiful, yes, and he (like all other boys) would have liked to have shared a bed with her for a night, but he was positive that it didn't end there. Unfortunately, his tongue was stuck to the roof of his mouth so he couldn't profess all of these feelings towards Lily. So he watched, helplessly, as her face became redder and redder, either with anger or embarrassment, or both.

With a huff, she turned and stormed off down the hall. James finally picked his feet off of the ground and ran after her calling for her. She kept a steady distance in front of him, as he kept calling after her.

So she ducked into the one place where she knew that he couldn't yell at her, the library. Plus she could hide among the rows and rows of books and loose him effectively. However, he was not a Seeker for nothing and cornered her in the back of the library, away from Pince's surveying eyes.

"Lily, I'm sorry I hit him, and you're not just a one night stand to me-" James pleaded.

"Yes, because we've never had a one-night-stand, thank God-" Lily retorted. "Why I ever thought that you were a good person is beyond me."

"Lily, I really have been trying," James said. "Honestly, I have. I'm not good at it at all, though. Please teach me-"

"James, you're an impossible case and it would be a waste of my time," she huffed. Suddenly, a terribly acrid smell permeated their noses. Lily wasn't sure what it was, but she strongly suspected that it was a dungbomb.

"My, my, is this a little lover's spat?" The rolling voice of Bellatrix was followed by another blast of the putrid smell. The two Gryffindors coughed violently and backed away from her.

"Merlin's beard, Bellatrix, go a little lighter on the perfume," James coughed. Bellatrix laughed throatily.

"It's a new brand, but I suppose you don't like it?"

"No," James hacked.

"Lily, you should really be less high strung," Bellatrix cooed. "You could die from high blood pressure."

"I'll remember that," Lily said as Bellatrix sauntered away, leaving a wake of coughing students as she passed. James turned to find Lily, but she had slipped away while he was looking away.

***

James lay sprawled on his back in the Common Room. After a day of unsuccessful chasing around the school of Hogwarts, James had finally cornered her to her dormitory. Only problem was that he had forgotten that the girl's dormitory had an alarm system when it came to boys. So here he lay, staring up at the red-draped ceiling, contemplating the beginnings of his errors and, more generally, his life.

"What are you doing?" Sirius asked, filling his field of vision.

"Thinking about the universe," James answered simply. "And where I went wrong." "I can tell you that. When you first realized that pranking people was fun," Sirius grinned, holding out a hand. "Come on, I want to get down there as soon as we can?"

"Why?" James asked, turning his head to the side but not taking Sirius' hand.

"I want to be there in time for the show," he answered, holding out his hand again.

"Sirius, that's not funny," James frowned. "It's no picnic for him-"

"No, no, no, Prongs. Not that. I have a new form of amusement for us tonight," he said.

"What?"

"Well, I told Snivellus how to get past the Whomping Willow," Sirius laughed. James blinked at him.

"W-What did you say?" he asked quietly.

"I told him how to get past the Whomping Willow-"

"You STUPID IDIOT!" James roared, sitting up so fast that it made his head spin. "Do you even REALIZE what you've done!" He jumped up and ran out of the Common Room as fast as his legs could carry him with Sirius and the rest of the Common Room staring at him like he was crazy.

James sprinted through the hallways, ignoring the calls of teachers and prefects telling him to slow down. A million thoughts were swirling in his head. A lot of them had to do with their pending expulsion. And their pending trials to Azkaban for not only breaking laws concerning Animagi, but for sending a 16-year-old fellow student to his horrendous death.

He just hoped that he could run fast enough.

***

Snape stared at the formidable tree thrashing about in front of him. He had a long stick in hand and could just make out the little knob at the base. When the tree leaned up to come back down, he stepped forwards and tapped the knob. The tree went through a shivering experience and then stood up straight. In-between the roots, Snape saw a stairwell. He quickly made his way towards it and then down the steps.

He was now completely bathed in darkness. Pulling out his wand, he murmured the incantation and his wand a lit in a tiny light. The tunnel was earthen and dingy, as if it was just blasted away instead of carefully dug. Slowly, because he did not want to alert anyone to the sound of his incoming, he edged his way along the tunnel.

There was a light that was becoming clearer and clearer. He could see the covered light from the moon shining in one window. He shuffled a little and his footsteps echoed into the open room.

"Padfoot? Prongs? Is that you?" Ah, there was the infamous Remus Lupin. Snape grinned devilishly. He was not at home with his mother, unless his mother was relocated to this shack, which he sincerely doubted.

"No, Lupin," Snape could see Lupin pale considerably. "But I'm sure the headmaster will be very interested to see where you are going. I daresay he'll be quite upset when he finds out that you-"

"Snape, get out of here now!" Remus said. If Snape had been listening over his extreme gloating, he would have heard the begging in his voice.

"It's no use, Lupin. I know what I see, and you are most definitely not at your mother's house."

"Snape, I'll..." he suddenly became rigid. Snape noticed that a beam of moonlight had hit his arm. Then everything clicked into place for the Slytherin. The monthly disappearance, the sickly nature before and after he left, it could only mean one thing.

"You're...a ... you're a ..." he couldn't spit out the words. "But you're not allowed to...you aren't supposed to be-"

"Get...out...now....please! GO!!" Remus cried as he crumbled to the floor in severe pain. Snape could see the bones in his face getting longer and his teeth rearranging. Snape backed into the wall and grasped for something to defend himself with. Against a fully grown werewolf, he would have no chance.

"SNAPE!" James Potter burst out of the tunnel and saw Remus slowly losing his mind on the floor while Snape stood motionless against the wall. He ran towards Snape and grabbed him by the arm.

"Potter, you....you've been-"

"We've got to get out of here before..."

A low growl emitted from the side of them. The wolf that was before Remus was fully transformed and ready to eat manflesh.

James looked towards the tunnel and knew that Sirius and Peter would be making their way. That would expose the truth further. But to their right, there was the door to Hogsmeade. However, there was now a fully grown werewolf in their midst.

"Snape, when I say go...run towards the door..."

"But the fireplace is closer-" Snape hissed back.

"Don't argue with me, or I'll leave you for bait," James said. "I'll distract him."

"How can you distract a werewolf?"

"I can do it, just run," James said. He edged forwards and the wolf growled at him. Snape edged around the corner of the room. James licked his lips nervously. It was either risk being bitten, or be sent to Azkaban for breaking wizard laws about Animagi.

"Moony...I know you're in there. Just hold onto that wolf for a few more minutes," James whispered. "I know that you can understand me..."

In response, the werewolf whined and took a few steps back. Snape bolted towards the door, and the werewolf turned and ran towards him, jaws snapping. Snape was out the door when a big black dog tackled Remus to the ground. The dog growled at the werewolf who immediately recognized him and whined in appreciation. James took this opportunity to make his way towards the door.

Once the door was locked behind him and Remus, Sirius, and Peter were safe with at least one of their secrets, James turned on Snape, who was very pale and trembling slightly.

"Stupid...fucking...Slytherin..." James reached back and punched Snape square in the face again.

***

Albus Dumbledore brushed his hands off on his robes and adjusted his glasses. He had just stepped into the Hog's Head bar to have a visit with the barman, and, as fond as he was of the barman, the bar was in complete disarray. This was the norm, so Dumbledore did not say much about it.

However, the sounds of a certain James Potter yelling his head off in front of the Shrieking Shack, brought him away from his normal route of heading back to Hogwarts. He came upon the scene of James red-faced and irate standing over a very pale Severus Snape.

"Why'd you have to go in there!" James was about hoarse now.

"How'd I know that there was a monster in there-?" Snape was back to his normal self. James shook with rage and took several steps towards Snape.

"Remus is NOT a MONSTER!"

"Mr. Potter," Dumbledore said, forcefully. He could see the back of James stiffen. "I don't doubt that you know the secret of the Shrieking Shack, but it would be wise not to alert the rest of Hogsmeade. I daresay you've alerted the first half already."

James turned and opened his mouth, but Dumbledore put up his hand. "I must ask both of you, why are you out of the school at such a late hour. And on such a night as well."

"Professor!" Snape cried. "Sirius Black has tried to murder me!"

"Only because you're a nosy little-"

"That will do, James," Dumbledore gave him a smoldering glare. James was quieted immediately. "Where is Mr. Black?"

"He's...not here," James looked away from Dumbledore and felt lower than he'd ever felt in his life. To him, Dumbledore was something like a second grandfather, since he had lost his first one in the fight against Grindlewald. Lying to him felt worse than lying to Sirius or Lily.

"Where is he?"

"I...don't know," James stared at the ground. He wanted to crawl into a hole and die right then.

"Well, you had best find him. Mr. Snape, up to my office with you. I believe we have some things to discuss."

James stood there dumbly as Dumbledore and Snape walked towards the Hogwarts gates. Next to him, he saw Sirius approach, his face unreadable.

"James, mate, I'm-oof!" Sirius keeled over as James lugged him one in the stomach.

"I hope you realize what you've done," James said, staring over him angrily.