Rage and Mystification
Author's Note I will be updating this story every Wednesday Saturday from now on. Anyways, back to the story.
Disclaimer I don't own Harry Potter or any of the characters. I just like to have my own twisted ways with them. : )
Rated NC-17 for violence, language, many depressing things, imagery and graphic detail, and so on
Summary Harry's 6th year. The wizarding world turns its back on Harry, so Harry decides to turn his back, too. Harry becomes depressed and suicidal. Well, until a certain Gryffindor girl comes along and gives him a reason to keep fighting, to keep living. HP/HG. Also, this story is in no way meant to be cute, comforting, and happy. This story is meant to be a little depressing, dark, and something down right nasty.
WARNING!!! There will be a little bit of graphic imagery. Also, there is a slight mention of Ron/Hermione, but even though they are dating, it won't last…she gets with Harry in a couple of chapters!!!
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Chapter 2
Just a Letter
Harry dropped the razor on the floor beside him. He looked down at the blood trickling down his arm. As he watched the blood trickle down, he noticed that a few droplets of blood appeared on the Dursley's cream white tile floor. Harry slowly began to pick himself up off of the cold bathroom floor. He looked down and couldn't believe the amount of blood that was on the floor, but at the same time, he could really care less.
He loved the new feeling that his body was going through, but at the same time he couldn't believe what he had just done. As he watched his blood flow out of the wound and down onto his arm, he felt shame. It just didn't seem right, but yet he loved the feeling so much he wanted to cut himself again and again. Just so he could watch the blood run out of his arm.
The more he watched the blood, the more he began to feel. He could actually feel the pain. He loved it, but at the same time he hated it. Before, he could just pretend that it was all some kind of horrible nightmare and that eventually he would wake up; but now, now he knew. He knew that it wasn't just some dream; he knew that this was his life and there was no getting around it. In dreams you can get cut and it won't hurt, but in life it does hurt. He loved being able to feel it, because now that he knew that it was real and that his life was real, he could move on in life.
He loved it so much because before with the pain, he couldn't tell where it came from. He knew that it was an emotion, but he didn't know whether it came from his head or his heart. But this, this pain was from his arm. Now, he knew exactly where all of the pain was coming from.
He walked over towards the finely made sink in his aunt and uncle's bathroom. He turned on the water and tried to clean his cut. He tried to wash away his blood; he tried to wash away the evidence of the crime he had committed. He wanted to wash it all away so nobody would know about his new little pleasure.
Harry tried and tried to wash away his blood, to wash away his new little sins. But it just didn't matter, the harder he tried to clean it up the cut or to cover the cut, it just bled more. Finally, after a few minutes of trying to clean himself up he just gave up. He looked through the medicine cabinet until he found what he was looking for. He wrapped the bandage around his wound until he thought that it was sufficient enough.
He slowly opened the door to the bathroom and began to sneak out. He had to be extremely quite, for he did have to pass his cousin's room in order to get to his own. Harry was half way there when he heard a noise. He didn't know what it was from but it did sound an awful like Dudley talking in his sleep. Once he passed Dudley's room he was safe and quickly and quietly went back to his bedroom.
As Harry entered his room he grabbed his white tee shirt, that was now stained with blood, and tore it off, leaving it and his pants in a little pile in the centre of the room. Harry had felt very tired, but he didn't want to go to sleep. He was afraid. He wasn't afraid of the dark or anything, but he was afraid of the nightmares he had while he slept.
One more nightmare of Sirius dieing or one more nightmare about what Voldemort was going to and Harry thought he just might lose his mind. He was tired of the nightmares; he was tired of watching Sirius and Cedric die over and over. He was tired of watching the sick things that Voldemort did to people. Harry took his glasses off and laid them on the bedside table and then proceeded to lay himself down onto his bed.
He started to stare out of his bedroom window; he couldn't really make out any objects since his glasses were no longer on his face. None the less, he stared out the window trying to make out the shapes of the other houses, the streetlights, trees, and stars. Longer he stared at an object the odder the object started to look. Longer he looked out the window the heavier his eyelids became.
Finally Harry decided that it didn't matter how bad the nightmares may be, he needed to sleep. As long as he at least got one hour of sleep, the nightmare would be worth it. The young boy rolled over in his bed and started to drift off to sleep, when he heard a clicking noise on the window.
When he turned around to look at what it was, it looked like an owl; like Ron's owl, Pig. Harry jumped out of bed put his glasses on and pulled the window open, letting Pig into his room. The little owl flew a lap around Harry's room before he dropped the letter in Harry's lap then laid himself down on Harry's desk.
Harry desperately ripped the letter open, he was hoping that it would be Ron's letter saying that they were coming to take him out of this place, away from Little Whinging, to take him away from his aunt and uncle's house. But what was on the inside of this letter was nothing that Harry could have suspected.
Harry,
I hate to have to tell you like this mate, but I'm sorry. You can't come out to the burrow this summer. Mum and Dad said that 'we just have too many things going on.' I don't know what my mum and dad are on about; they've been acting well, strange. Mum said that as soon as 'Mione gets her she'll explain everything to me and her about what's going on.
Well they've been acting strange ever since Percy came back to the family saying how sorry he is. And how he can now see the errors of his ways. He keeps going on and on about how Fudge said that if he put as much distance between you and us that would be the best thing to do. That it would be in the best interest of everyone.
It's a load of crap if you ask me, but mum is buying; and dad doesn't dare cross her. Mom has always believed Percy over the rest of us, even when he did go against the family. Mom just said that he was growing up and trying to find out who he is and where he belongs and crap like that. I can't stand her when it comes to him and I can't ever stand that bloody bastard.
I personally believe that he's got something up his sleeve. It wouldn't surprise me one bit if he was just trying to brainwash us all and get us to follow Voldemort. He's always been the slimy one of the family. Fred and George, now they are tricky, but they aren't two-timers like Percy.
I know that you were really looking forward to coming out, but you can't. I really want you to, I mean, I don't really want you staying out there at the Dursley's. Well, especially after well, you know. I'm going to miss having you around Harry. I really wish mum and dad would let you come out here, but I don't know. I hope the Muggles aren't treating you too badly. I wish you could be here. If you can, write back sometime. It would be nice getting an owl from you!
Ron
p.s. Guess What!!! It finally happened!! Me and 'Mione are well, you know, together!! See you on September the 1st. Oh yeah, by the way, Happy Early Birthday!! I don't think I'll get another chance to tell you, so I might as well now.
Harry dropped the letter in confusion. He couldn't understand what Ron had meant. What did they mean by 'we just have too many things going on?' What in the fuck could they possibly be doing that's so important? There's nothing that they could be doing, they don't have the money to do anything. There is obviously something that Ron isn't telling me. There has to be something.
The whole summer he had been looking forward to getting out of this hellhole and now he finds out that he has to stay here. He knew that Dumbledore wanted him to stay out at his aunt and uncle's house for at least 3 weeks, but not for the whole summer. Surely someone, anyone would soon come and get him out of here.
Harry fell numbly to the floor. His world started to spin in rage and mystification. Harry was mad at the world; he hated everyone. It wasn't fair that he had to stay here. He clenched his hands into fists. He needed another release for his anger. He couldn't control himself. He picked himself up off of the floor. He was pacing across the room. He needed to hit something.
For a brief moment, Harry thought of returning to the bathroom and using his uncle's razor again. But he quickly shoved that thought out of his mind. His arm was still bleeding from the last cut. He needed another release; he needed something else to help him ease the pain.
Thoughts of anger were all that was crossing Harry's mind. The only thing Harry wanted was to get the fuck out of his aunt and uncle's, but no, now he is stuck here for the rest of the summer.
Harry walked over towards the wall of his bedroom. He punched the wall as hard as he could. Pain shot through his arm. But the pain of what he had just done was worse. When he looked down at the wall he noticed something, something very bad. He had just made a gaping hold in the wall. He didn't mean to shove his hand through the wall.
"Fuck." Harry said, trying to think of something to do, so that the Durleys wouldn't find it.
Harry quickly grabbed one of the calendars on his desk and tacked it to the wall. It didn't really hide it, but it was good enough. He didn't care if they found out or not anymore. They still locked him up, they still beat him, and they still ignored him, anyway. What else could they possibly do? Ground him? Right, they wouldn't even bother saying it to me; it would be a waste of their breath.
Harry walked back over to his bed, trying to calm himself down. The young boy tried to take deep breaths. He tried to become more relaxed, but it just didn't work. He laid himself down on his bed; he looked up at the white ceiling, unseeing.
What is going on? Why doesn't anyone want to help me out of here? Why hasn't Hermione, Hagrid, Lupin, or even Dumbledore sent him even just one owl? I need to know what's going on out there. I need to know what is up with Voldemort. I need out of this house. I want to be back in the wizarding world, no I need to be back in the wizarding world.
I can't just sit around here. I need to do something. I need to help. I can help the order. I can tell them the kind of dreams I've had. I can do anything besides sit here. They could use my help. I just wish that they would let me help. What is going on out at the Weasley's? Hermione told me that she didn't even like Ron, now she's dating him. That's odd. Maybe something happened between them. It's not fair, why does he get the girl?
Harry still staring up at his ceiling grabbed his pillow and tried to smother himself with it. He took the pillow off of his face and laid his head back down on to it. He rolled over wanting to go to sleep, wanting to just lose himself in the dream, wanting to just disappear off the face of the Earth.
Harry was starting to drift off to sleep. When the next thing Harry saw was a flash of green light and he was being jerked out of his bed. He felt like he was going through a portkey. He landed with a loud and hard smack onto the floor into an unfamiliar room. As he got up and looked around he felt sick to his stomach.
The room, he could tell that it used to be white, but it wasn't anymore. The room was both red and brown. It was brown because of all of the dried blood stains all over the room. It was red from the fresh blood stains rolling down the walls.
Around the room, were...were bodies. Bodies chained to the wall, bodies chained the floor, and even bodies chained upside down. Some of them looked as though they were alive and others, well others looked as though they had been chained there for years. As he looked at them he noticed that most of them were men, some were women, and there were even a few children.
Harry saw a few men wearing complete black. The men dressed in black were holding whips and chains, and all different sorts of torture items. The men dressed in black walked over to a few of the men chained to the wall. Harry watched one of the men with the whips walk over to a man and take a whip and slam it against his back.
Some of the men that were chained to the wall had their backs facing Harry. Harry could see their shoulder blades sticking out through the skin. He guessed that was probably from getting beat with the whips. Harry saw that others were missing legs and arms. And the blood, it was just…everywhere.
Another one of the men walked to a man chained to the floor. He held a wand in front of the man's face. Harry watched the man on the floor pick up a knife and start cutting himself. Harry watched the man peel away his own skin. Harry watched the man have to try and eat his own skin. Harry turned away, he felt sick to his stomach.
It took a while for Harry to notice a black chair in the centre of the room. In front of the chair was a desk covered in papers. The chair and the desk looked very out of place, considering they were the only things in the room that weren't covered in blood.
There was a knock on the door and Harry snapped his neck towards the door, but heard the chair move so he turned to look at the person sitting in the chair. The man in the black chair turned around, was Voldemort. Two more men walked into the room carrying another man, well dragging another man. They were carrying him as if he was a hostage.
"Ah, Mister Malfoy and Mister Snape, I was hoping you two would be by soon." Voldemort's cold voice said into the room.
To Be Continued…
Author's Note: Yes, yes, I know…Ron and 'Mione… just wait, that doesn't last too long and when it's over…HARRY/ HERMIONE!!! Please, Please review… wait, why am I begging like a dog? Never mind don't review unless you really want to! : ) Again, this story will be posted every Wednesday and Saturday! See ya next chapter!!