Author's Note: I cannot believe how freaking long this chapter turned out to be! I think it's funny because I was planning on this being one of the shortest chapters and for now, it's the longest one that I have ever written. Anyway, on with the story!
I also want to quickly say…HAPPY BIRTHDAY KARLEE RAE!!!
Chapter 6
The Train Ride
Harry stood hesitantly in front of the door to the compartment, which held Ron, Hermione, Dean, Ginny, Seamus, and Neville. He stood outside of the door and watched them. They were all chatting so happily. They all had great big smiles that were spread across their faces. Not one person in that room seemed to notice or care that Harry wasn't in there enjoying himself along with them. The Gryffindor's eyes scanned the room. He noticed that Ron and Hermione's hands were interlocked; Ron's thumb was gently caressing Hermione's hand. Ginny and Seamus' hands were also together, expressing their love for everyone to see. He could hear his once friend's merry laughter and wondered how anyone cold be so happy.
Wrapping his fingers around the doorknob, Harry felt faintly depressed. He began to turn it, but he let his hand fall off the handle. He had raised his head to look back through the window but he caught Ginny's eye. She turned her head and stared at him; her face turned into a sneer and began to glare at him as though she had seen something very foul and disgusting. Harry slowly began to turn around but he looked back behind him once more. Hermione's smile was now back on her face as she snuggled closer to Ron. Ginny's sharp eyes were still watching Harry, taunting him to open the door. He began to walk away from the cheerful laughter, the merry laughter, his old life.
Sighing heavily, he walked up and down the small hallway looking for an empty compartment. He wanted to be alone. He wanted to be able to think. Finally, at the end of the hall he spotted a compartment that only held one occupant. Harry looked through the window trying to make out who the person was. He couldn't tell who the mysterious person was; Harry assumed that it was a she considering the person looked nothing like a he.
The person was dressed in nothing but black from head to toe. For some strange reason the person had reminded him of a little rhyme (Miss Mary Mack all dressed in black) that he had heard his aunt read to Dudley. The girl had on a black cloak but the cloak was open yet only revealed more black clothing. The hood on the cloak was drawn up around the girl's face. It looked like the girl was trying to hide her face, as if she didn't want anyone to know that it was her. All the girl seemed to want to do was stare out the window.
Harry continued to stare at the person, watching her for any movements to give away her identity. Suddenly the person shifted in her seat. Her face snapped towards the door. Emerald eyes met chocolate eyes once again. The chocolate-eyed girl attempted to give a small smile, but faltered. Harry slowly began to open the door to the compartment.
Once he entered, he shut the door behind him. The girl shifted slightly in her seat when Harry sat down across from her. She began to eye Harry wearily. She began to open her mouth as if she were about to say something but then shut her mouth back, as though she thought it would be best not to say what she was about to.
While blushing, Harry slowly began to look away; he didn't like being stared at like that. The girl continued to stare at him. Harry looked over at the chocolate-eyed girl out of the corner of his eye. She's still staring at me! Why? The chocolate-eyed girl gave a small nod towards Harry causing pieces of her silky brunette hair to fall out behind the hooded cloak.
Harry's eye gave a slight twinkle and he too nodded. Both had made their silent hellos. The brunette girl turned her head and began to stare once more out of the window. Black and brunette both gave a surprised gasp as the train gave a sudden jerk and began to slowly make its way out of the train station.
"How did you get in here?" Harry whispered out to her. "I mean, I saw you in their with Ron and everyone else…"
"I just got up and walked out."
"Why?"
"I couldn't stand it…they just kept saying things about you…"
"Oh…" Harry barely whispered out.
The girl began to nod her head as sleep began to engulf her small, pale form and Harry couldn't help himself but to watch her. The brunette girl pressed her face against the window and slowly began to nod off to sleep. Harry also began to stare out of the window; he watched the scenery flash by without ever really seeing it.
Harry tried not to think of the constant late night meetings that he had been having with Hermione Granger for the last couple of weeks. Though they never really went past groping, touching, licking, and sucking; but neither wanted to go to the next step, sex. They both had made a truce not to talk about it anymore, a truce that when they reached Hogwarts they would no longer see each other. It would just be better that way, Harry had told Hermione at their last meeting. Hermione nodded and agreed to Harry's request, but Harry could tell that Hermione really didn't want to agree.
He didn't know why he had forced Hermione not to tell; it is just that once they got back to Hogwarts Harry wanted everything to be back to normal, even though he knew that things would never be the same again. He didn't want to be attached to Hermione. He didn't want to be attached to anything. Nevertheless, at the same time, Harry knew that Hermione was the only thing keeping him here. Letting him know that this is real, this is what is going on. Harry knew at that moment that he never should have let Hermione slip through his fingers, but it was too late now.
Pressing his head against the cool glass Harry began to lose himself in sleep and a mixture of thoughts about Hermione. His mind swirled into a realm of uncertainty as his body slowly drifted away into the darkness. Harry's eyes slowly fluttered open; he began to pull himself off the window. He didn't know how long he had been asleep, but he figured it had been a long time considering that it was now pitch black outside. Harry looked over at the other occupant.
The brunette girl was now lying curled up into a small ball on the seat across from him. The way she was laying was in a very defensive manor. She just looked even more at peace than she had any other time Harry had caught her sleeping. Her face was very soft. The brunette's eyes were fluttering; it was obvious that she was dreaming. Her mouth was slightly open, reviling her white teeth.
Harry saw something flash by out of the corner of his eye. He looked over at it. There she was, just staring at him. No, not staring, glaring at him. She was looking at him as if he was unworthy of life, looking at him as if he didn't even deserve to be near the brunette girl seated across from him, looking at him as if he was about to pass on his 'evil ways' to the poor girl, looking at him as if he was the scum of the Earth.
Quickly, he turned his head away from the girl. He fixed his gaze on the window as the hot tears began to sting his face. He didn't understand, he couldn't understand why Ginny was acting the way she was. He had heard what she had said, but he refused to believe in it. He thought that if maybe, just maybe he pretended it wasn't real maybe then it wouldn't be real. It didn't matter, how many times he prayed, hoped, and wished that it all would go away, it never did.
The story of my fucking life. Sorrow, depression, anger, and abuse. But never love. No, never love. If I was loved then all of this shit wouldn't matter. If I was loved, the world wouldn't seem so sad. If I was loved, I would never feel alone in a crowded room again. If I was loved, there would be no more tears to wash down my cheeks. If I was loved, then I wouldn't die alone. If I was loved, then this war would be worth fighting for. If I was loved, everything would somehow make sense. If I was loved, my hand would always be held. If I was loved, my heart wouldn't be torn the way it is. If I was loved, I would let people in. If I was loved, all of my defences, all of my walls of protection, would come crashing down. If I was loved, everything would seem perfect, everything would seem right.
Harry took a deep breath in and slowly let it back out again. He turned his head to look back towards the window where Ginny had been standing, but she was no longer there, she had already left. Sighing with relief, he really didn't want to look back into her hating eyes once again. He never wanted to see that kind of emotion in Ginny ever again, especially directed at him. He looked back once again just to make sure that she really was gone. Still there was nothing there.
A loud gasp shook Harry from his thoughts. Harry looked over at the girl who had made the noise. He was almost frightened by the sight of her. The brunette's hood fell off her head, her brunette hair was sticking to her face from all of the sweat, she was taking in deep uncontrollable breaths, her body began to shake and tremble looking as though she was having a seizure, and she began to shake her head back and forth while mumbling incoherently.
Jumping over to the other seat, Harry tried to wake the girl up. Harry began to panic. How in the hell am I supposed to wake her up with her flinging her arms and legs like this? How am I even supposed to get near her? How am I supposed to help her? But those thoughts soon left his mind as the girl's eyes shot open.
But her eyes weren't normal. At first, they stared right up at Harry, but then they rolled back into the brunette's head. Harry quickly straddled her. He bent down and grabbed the young girl's face. He wanted her to wake up but he didn't know how to wake her up. Harry began to grow even more panicky.
"DAMN IT!!! WAKE UP!!!" Harry shouted into the girl's face. Tears began to form on Harry's face; he didn't know what to do. "WAKE UP!!! PLEASE!!! JUST WAKE UP!!!"
Harry started to take in deep breaths, trying to calm himself, but it was useless. The young girl continued to fight Harry off. She continued to thrash her arms and legs around. Harry grabbed the girl's arms and pinned them down above the girl's head. Much to Harry's surprise the girl slowly started to stop moving, she slowly stopped trying to fight Harry off.
The girl's eyes shut once more but quickly reopened. This time they immediately focused on the figure straddling her. The girl let out a strangled sound and quickly jerked herself out of Harry's arms. She knocked Harry off of her in the process of trying to get away from him. She backed up against the corner of the seat and brought her knees up to her face. She looked over at Harry. Harry caught that emotion that was flashing through the girl's eyes, fright.
Standing up slowly, he didn't want to frighten the girl more than what she was already. Harry sat himself down next to the girl. He reached his hand out to brush a piece of the brunette hair out of her face, but when the chocolate-eyed girl saw Harry raise his hand, she flinched away. Hurt flashed through Harry's eyes. He didn't know why the girl was acting like this, but he knew whatever it was, something wasn't right.
Harry cocked his head to one side. The chocolate-eyed girl looked up at him. Harry gave her a half-hearted smile. The girl backed herself even further into the corner. "Hermione? What's wrong??? Please, tell me." Harry whispered ever so softly.
Hermione looked up at him; tears were burning their way down her pale-flushed cheeks. Hermione slowly nodded her head, signalling that there was nothing wrong. Harry knew better than to fall for that. The only thing was that Harry wasn't so sure what was wrong or how to help her.
"Please, don't do that. I know that something is wrong. Just tell me. You can trust me. I'm here and I'm not leaving. Just tell me, Hermione."
"You really want to know?" Hermione asked quietly.
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Hermione quickly grabbed her trunk and began to head towards the door of her room. She turned around and looked at the room once more. She loved the room for all of the memories her and a certain raven-haired boy had shared in the last few weeks. That was all over now, school was starting back again and both of them knew that once they returned to the school they would never be able to see each other any longer. For she, Hermione, was dating Ron and Harry was Ron's best friend, and everyone knew that those two would fight about anything, especially her.
The chocolate-eyed girl turned back towards her door, laid her thin, pale fingers on the doorknob, and slowly began to turn the knob, opening the door. She was about to walk out, but there was someone blocking the way. Strong, tan hands shoved Hermione back into her bedroom. She lost her balance and fell backwards, landing on top of the bed. Two firm fire red lips smothered a loud gasp coming from Hermione. Their mouths were interlocked; neither wanted the kiss to end.
Licking, nibbling, and biting is what soon became of their kiss. Suddenly, the person who was on top of Hermione pulled away from her. Hermione looked up and found herself lost inside of a pair of emerald green eyes. What she saw in those eyes were lust, passion, and sorrow. Hermione could understand the lust and passion but she didn't know what to make of the sorrow.
The emerald-eyed boy leaned back into Hermione for another kiss. He began to whisper into their kiss, "The last time," he pressed his lips against Hermione's again and swirled his tongue around Hermione's, "this has to be the last time, Hermione."
Hermione pulled away from the boy's touch, "Harry, what do you mean 'the last time'?"
Harry bent down again and captured Hermione into another deep and fiery kiss. Harry's hands slowly slid down Hermione's chest. When they reached the buttons of her shirt, he slow began to undo them, slowly exposing Hermione's slightly paled flesh. Harry's tongue slowly slid its way down to the nape of Hermione's neck. Hermione bent her neck allowing Harry more freedom to do whatever he wanted.
It was then when Hermione noticed that the door still stood wide open; allowing any and everyone who walk passed to catch them in their little sexual act. Holy shit!!! Shit!!! Must…shut…door!!! Hermione shoved Harry off her. Harry gave her a look of confusion. Hermione quickly got up off the bed; she could hear voices, and they were coming this way. She ran over to the door and slammed it shut. She leaned against the door her forehead touching the cool wood and let out a deep sigh. That was too close, way too close.
She turned around slowly. Harry gasped at the sight of her. Hermione's shirt was undone exposing the flesh of her breast, her cheeks were tinted a dark pink, and there where little bites all over her neck and shoulder. Harry loved the way Hermione's normally bright chocolate eyes turned to a dark pool of bronze, whenever Hermione was passionate. Harry thought that he could lose himself inside of those eyes.
Hermione wanted to scream when she saw Harry. He was lying so innocently on her bed. Harry was sitting up with his legs parted, in an odd way Hermione was reminded of a school girl. Hermione's eyes grazed over the image of Harry. One thing that stuck out in her mind as she looked at Harry was Harry's lips. She loved how they were barely parted; she also loved how thick and red they were due to his excitement.
Hermione didn't know how Harry always got her like this, but he did. Hermione didn't know how she fell for Harry so fast , but she did. Hermione didn't know how he had claimed her heart, but he had. Hermione didn't even know if she loved Harry, but somehow Hermione's heart already knew.
She couldn't stand it for one more minute. Hermione wanted Harry and it was obvious that Harry wanted her too. She jumped on the bed and quickly crawled over to Harry. Their lips met and both felt a burst of electricity go through them. It wasn't long after when on the floor lied pairs of jeans, a skirt, two pairs of shoes, a bra, and two shirts.
When they were done, Hermione was lying in Harry's arms. Hermione turned around in Harry's arms to where they were face to face. Hermione looked up at Harry and smiled. Harry shifted uncomfortably. He looked down and sighed heavily. Hermione got the feeling that Harry was about to say something that neither was going to like.
"Hermione, I…" Harry began
"Shh…just a few more minutes. Whatever it is…I can tell it's bad…so please, please just a few more minutes." Hermione whispered into the silent room.
"Okay."
Hermione lied there in Harry's arms for quite sometime. She absent-mindedly stroked and played with Harry's hair. She didn't want this moment to ever be over. She knew that when it was, that Harry was going to say something. Most likely something that will end up making her cry in the long run. Although, Hermione knew that she would never cry in front of Harry, that would show to much weakness.
"Hermione…I have to, I need to say this."
"What?"
"Once we're back, …once we're back at Hogwarts…I can't see you anymore."
"Why?" She asked, but she already knew the answer.
"There's just too much of a risk of Ron finding out then. Too many people who could accidentally run into us or catch us. It's just that it's too much of a risk."
"I think it's worth the risk." Hermione mumbled very quietly.
There was an awkward silence between both Gryffindors for some time. Finally Harry began to move. He got up grabbed his clothes and began to get dressed. Hermione sat up beside him and also began to get dressed. Hermione pulled on the rest of her clothes and now began to put her shoes back on. There was a loud sigh beside her. Hermione looked over at the boy who had made the noise.
"What?" Hermione asked quietly.
"I…I don't know. Maybe this isn't the right thing to do…I mean, I like doing…well, this."
"Then why do you want it to end?"
"There's too much of a risk of someone catching us."
"So I guess you're not willing to be caught?"
"It's not like that, it's just that I don't know."
"What do you not know Harry?" Hermione said with some anger in her voice.
"I'm not going to mess this up for Ron!" Harry shouted.
"Then what the hell were you doing with me!!" Hermione was furious by this point. So angry that there were tears beginning to flow down her face.
"I was, I was just…"
"Oh, little me think our little Gryffindor hero fucked up again."
"Hermione, I…"
"Save it Harry. I don't want to hear anymore of this shit. Don't talk to me until you figure out what you want to do." Hermione began to stand up.
"Don't." Harry said as he stood up and grabbed Hermione's arm.
"Don't what, Harry?"
"Don't leave. I need you here."
"If you need me here, then why are you trying to say that we shouldn't be doing this anymore."
"I don't know. I just…I'm just confused."
"Confused about what?"
"Don't get me wrong I want to be with you, it's just…"
"Just what?"
"That Ron has always loved you…but, I… I just can't mess this up for him Hermione. I don't want to be the reason why you two may never fall in love. I'm just not sure about anything anymore. Everything is so messed up now."
"Harry the only thing that is messed up right now is you. Besides, it's too late Harry, I can't fall in love with Ron because I have already fallen in love with you."
"You… you have?"
"Yes, but I guess that was just another silly mistake of mine."
"Hermione…"
"No, Harry. What on earth would make me think that little Harry Potter would love me too…"
"I… I didn't know…"
"Of course you wouldn't. Good-bye Harry."
"Wait, what do you mean?"
"How long is a girl supposed to hold on Harry? How long am I supposed to stand by your side if you're not going to love me back? Because I can't do that Harry, not when I know that Ron will love me back."
"Just please, please Hermione." Harry said as he began to sit down pulling Hermione down with him.
"What?" Hermione whispered.
"Promise me, this has to be our last time no matter what."
"Fine this was our last time."
"Hermione promise me that you won't come looking for me. Because if you come back to me, I know, I just know that I won't have enough strength to push you away. I know that I would let you back in my arms. So please just promise me. Promise me Hermione."
"I promise. I won't go looking for you."
"Thank-you."
Hermione grabbed her belongings, turned and looked at Harry once again. That was one picture Hermione knew she would never be able to forget. Harry sitting there on her bed, hunched over, body shaking as he was crying, and his green eyes staring right at her. It was hard for Hermione to just walk away from Harry, but she knew deep down that she couldn't ever go back there. She turned on her heel and walked out the door.
As she made her way out of the Leaky Cauldron, she had got a lot of questioning looks. Hermione shrugged them off; she was used to being stared at like she was some kind of monstrous animal, after all she was a friend of Potter's. But there was one person that she noticed above all others. The young boy, that captured her attention and wouldn't let go of it, was standing next to the exit of the Leaky Cauldron. The guy appeared to be the same age as Hermione, yet somehow younger.
Without realizing it Hermione began to walk closer towards the boy. As she walked closer Hermione realized that somehow and in someway she knew that boy. She didn't know how she knew him, just that she knew him. The boy smiled when Hermione began to walk closer to him.
With the reddish brown hair, freckled face, and dark chocolate eyes, Hermione knew that she had seen this boy before. His face was just so familiar. Hermione then realized how much the boy looked just like all of the other Weasleys. Hermione thought that maybe this boy was somehow related to them. But how on earth does this boy have such dark brown eyes, when all the others have baby blue?
Hermione didn't want to think about the boy any longer, she wanted to get out of that place as fast as she possibly could. Even more people began to give her odd looks as she tried to hurry out of the place. She bumped into a few tables and chairs, but she didn't notice; she just wanted to get away from that boy's stare.
When she made it outside she reached down into her right pocket and pulled out her wand. She waved it down and waited. After a few seconds the Knight Bus appeared. Hermione didn't talk back to anyone, she just handed them the money and her bags. She got on the bus and took a seat near the back. She didn't feel like talking to anyone at the moment, she just wanted to be left alone in her own mind.
It felt like hours had gone by while Hermione was on the bus. She finally reached her destination, King's Cross. She threw all of her belongings onto a trolley. She came in front of the platforms 9 and 10; she quickly ran threw them with no hesitation. She didn't even really give the train a second look before boarding it.
Hermione didn't want anyone to find her so she sat in one of the very back compartments. But to Hermione this still wasn't enough to keep her friends from knowing who she was. She grabbed a black robe out of her trunk and quickly changed into it. She pulled the hood up around her face, trying to hide her identity.
Hermione realized that if Ron didn't find her on the train, then all of them would go into every compartment to try and find her. Hermione stood up and left the compartment and went to find her sweet boyfriend, Ronald Weasley. Hermione easily found her red-headed boyfriend. She took her seat next to him inside of the compartment. Hermione felt Ron take hold of her hand.
She heard the hurtful words they all began to say about Harry Potter. Harry, the lover she had for the last couple of weeks. It almost ripped Hermione's heart to pieces to hear all of Harry's old friends talk about him like this. She couldn't take it any longer. She stood up and left and went back to the other compartment.
She let out a deep sigh. She was trying not to think of a certain Gryffindor boy. But for some reason Hermione couldn't remember anything but him. Hermione turned her head towards the window and stared out the window and watched. She watched all of the happy children with their happy little families. She watched how the families smiled and hugged their children. Hermione felt a pang of hurt in her heart. It hurt her to watch other people be happy when she wasn't. It hurt to see that some people got to grow up loved. It hurt to know that she could never be like those children. It hurt her to know who she was.
She continued to stare out the window watching the people. Hermione felt somewhat odd just sitting there staring out the window watching the people. She began to shift nervously in her seat, because she thought she had just seen her father standing amongst the crowd. She heard a noise by the door and snapped her head towards the door, but it wasn't her father. It was Harry Potter. Hermione tried to smile and be nice but she was failing miserably.
Hermione began to squirm as Harry came into the room with her. It was just too much at the moment. They had just said that they were going to stay away from one another and what happens, Harry follows her in there. Hermione watched Harry with silent chocolate eyes. She saw that Harry was attempting to say something but didn't.
Hermione tried to hide her amusement as she saw Harry turn away blushing. Hermione didn't know why, but for some reason or another she just couldn't look away from Harry. She saw Harry turn a deep colour of crimson as she continued to stare at him with blank eyes. Finally after awhile Hermione gave a small nod towards Harry making a silent hello.
Staring at Harry was making Hermione feel a little lonely and empty. She couldn't look at him any longer so she began to look out the window. Hermione noticed that there wasn't really anymore people standing out on the platform any longer. She figured that it must be time for the train to take off. The train gave a sudden jerk and she gasped out with surprise. She also noticed that Harry had been surprised too.
"How did you get in here?" Harry whispered out to her. "I mean, I saw you in their with Ron and everyone else…"
"I just got up and walked out."
"Why?"
"I couldn't stand it…they just kept saying things about you…"
"Oh…" Harry barely whispered out.
Scenery began to flash by outside. As Hermione watched she could feel herself grow tired. After all, she had only a couple of hours of sleep. So why not go to sleep? It was the perfect time. She didn't want to face Harryl so why not face what dreams her mind had set up for this sleep. Hermione let herself fall against the glass of the window and drift off to sleep.
Hermione knew she hadn't been asleep for too long considering that it was still day. She pulled herself off of the glass and looked around the small room. Her eyes laid on the young raven-haired boy who sat across from her. Hermione didn't know why but she suddenly had the urge to just touch Harry. She wanted to feel his soft skin once again, she needed to be close to the boy once again. Hermione slowly got up out of her seat and went over towards Harry and sat down beside him.
She slowly began to rub the boy's arm. Hermione began to brush the long hairs away from Harry's eyes. As she stroked Harry's hair, Harry began to lean into the touch of Hermione's hand. Hermione's heart began to flutter. She knew that she shouldn't be over there with Harry, but at the same time that's all she wanted to do. Hermione finally got up and went over to the other side where she was supposed to be sitting.
Her eyes began to drift over different things in the room like Harry, the door, Harry, the window, Harry, the design in the cushions, and Harry. Her eyes ran over the door once again but this time she saw someone standing there, Ginny Weasley. Hermione couldn't help but notice the hate in her eyes. Ginny looked over at the sleeping Harry and glared. Hermione slowly stood up and walked over to the door and opened it. Ginny stumbled backwards as she tried to get away from her. Hermione quickly shut the door behind her and walk towards Ginny.
"Wait!" Hermione shouted at her.
Ginny ran herself right into a corner, they were in the very back of the train, there was no where for her to go. She turned around and glared at Hermione. "What do you want?"
"I should ask you the same thing. What were you doing outside my compartment?"
"That's none of your business."
"I think it is, especially when you have that much hatred when you look at us."
"It's none of your business."
"You're right it may not be mine. But if you hurt me or Harry, then it is my business."
"Who said I would want to hurt either of you?"
"The look in your eyes."
"Now, would you care to let me return to my compartment?" Ginny said as she began to walk passed Hermione.
Hermione grabbed Ginny and shoved her back against the wall. Ginny gave a gasp as a sharp pain went through her body as she hit the wall. "Yes I do care. I don't think I'm done talking to you yet."
"What do you want?"
"I want you to stay away from Harry."
"And what if I don't?" Ginny tested.
"Then I'll have to hunt you down and hurt you in more ways than you could ever imagine."
"Are you threatening me?"
"You can bet your sweet arse I am."
"I'm telling."
"Go ahead, and I'll tell that you had plans to kill Harry."
"You have no proof!"
"Neither do you!"
"I have my word and they can make you tell. All they have to do is give you one simple potion and you'll tell everything we need to hear."
"Yes and they would also hear that I would only hurt you if you hurt Harry or me. So that's not really a threat now is it?"
"I, well, no."
"Now, next question. Why were you staring at Harry like that?"
"I don't have to tell you a thing."
"You're right, you don't, but things would go a little faster if you would."
"I wasn't staring at Harry." Ginny said flatly.
"Oh really, then what were you staring at?"
"The monster that has taken over Harry. The old Harry, the Harry I know wouldn't sit in a compartment with you. Especially since you're dating my brother."
"Well, I doubt the old Ginny would stare at Harry like he's a fucking bug either. The Ginny that I always saw was right by Harry's side no matter what he might have done. "
"That Ginny died, when Harry changed. "
"I don't think Harry changed, I think you changed."
"I did no such thing."
"Then why could I hear you screaming at Ron to stay away from Harry? Saying that Harry was dangerous. That Harry would just end up killing you both. Why could I hear that if you never changed?"
"I, well, how could you hear that?"
"You were shouting loud enough for everyone in the Leaky Cauldron to hear!"
"I WAS NOT!!"
"You were shouting just like you are now."
"I AM NOT SHO-" Ginny tried to calm herself down, "I'm not shouting."
"You still didn't answer my question how could I hear all of that if you were still the same old Ginny?"
"I don't know. Maybe you can just answer that question yourself."
"Ginny shut the hell up. You talk too much, do you know that?"
"Some people like to hear educated people tal-"
"Like now, shut the fuck up. I don't want to hear this crap anymore Ginny. All I hear is nothing but lies. You're doing nothing but trying to cover your own arse. You're trying to make it seem like Harry has changed and gone bad and evil, when it was you who had changed. You're the one who your friends shouldn't trust anymore. All you do is make accusations without any proof."
"I have proof!"
"What proof?"
"Percy showed it to me."
"Percy showed you nothing but lies. If you read his journal or watched him you would know he is definitely not on our side of things. He works for Voldemort you stupid twit."
"You would only know that because you work for him too."
"I don't. I would never work for that bastard."
"Yeah, right and I'm Mrs. Santa Claus." Hermione took her robe off and rolled up both sleeves so Ginny could see her arms. Hermione shoved Ginny against the wall. Ginny began to squirm. "What, what are you doing?"
"Shut up." Hermione stood there in front of her and let her look at her. "There, see no Death Eater marks."
"I, I, that doesn't prove anything. Snape -"
"He has one. Voldemort won't let you in to his little 'group' without that mark."
"I, oh." Ginny stammered. "I'm still telling my brother on you."
"Me and Harry weren't doing anything that would make Ronald mad."
"I'm still telling him that you were in there with him."
"Go ahead. It's not like he's going to care."
"Yes, I think he will."
"Here's a wake up call, he won't care."
"What makes you think that?"
"Only because Ronald has been chasing after me for years and now he finally has me…"
"So."
"Do you honestly think that he is just going to let me go? Think about Gin, how long as he been after me?"
"I, oh."
Hermione put her robes back on and began to walk off. Ginny began to run after her. She turned around and told her to fuck off and kept walking. She went back into the compartment. She curled himself up into a little ball on the seat. She didn't know why, but for some reason she felt very vulnerable at the moment. She could feel sleep begin to pull her back into it's grips and she let it. She knew she needed to sleep.
She shut her eyes and suddenly she wasn't on the train any longer. She was alone in a room. The room was painted baby blue. Hermione had a cold chill. She recognized that room. She had been in this room a few times before and every time she came out hurting like hell. It was her old bedroom at her parent's house. Hermione tried to stand up, but she couldn't. She looked down at her legs, they were tied to a chair.
She could hear the door behind her open. She knew what was going to happen. She knew that this was a dream, she tried to wish it away. But she knew that this type of dream doesn't just go away. This type of dream is a memory, a memory that your mind will make you relive time and time again. Hermione suddenly felt like crying, she knew that she was now trapped in her own mind.
The footsteps were coming closer towards her. It became hard for her to breathe. She could feel the person standing behind her. Her heart began to beat harder and faster. She could feel the person lean closer to her. Her mouth grew dry. She could feel the person's breath on the back of her neck. Hermione smelt something on the person's breath that seemed permanently stained on the person's breath; the smell was the smell of alcohol, to be more specific, he had beer breath. Hermione suddenly felt like passing out and never waking up again.
Hermione could feel the person touching her. Her body went ridged. She could feel the person kissing the back of her neck. She felt as though she was now numb. She could feel the person's hand slip under her shirt. Hermione felt like she was going to be sick. She could feel the person place light kisses on the back of her neck. She didn't dare move, she was too scared to move now. Hermione could feel one of the person's hands reach lower and grasped one of her breasts.
The person's hand began to rub her over the fabric. Hermione felt like she was going to lose her mind. The person sat himself behind Hermione. Hermione began to take in short, fast breaths. The person untied Hermione's legs. He then grabbed Hermione's legs and pulled them up and pushed them apart making her look like she was in the missionary style position. Hermione felt like she was going to die. The other person now wrapped his legs around Hermione's so he could keep them open without having to use his hands. Hermione felt like crying.
Hermione could feel the man slip his hand underneath her skirt. A tear began to roll down Hermione's cheek. Hermione could feel the man rub his hand against her. Hermione now began to cry.
"Stop that whining. You better do what I want or you're only going to make it worse for yourself." Hermione stopped crying. "Now, that's better. When I touch you, I want you to like it." Hermione gave a nod, she knew what she was supposed to do.
At that moment, Hermione instantly knew which memory she was reliving. It was the memory, where her father touched her inappropriately. She felt like crying.
The man slowly took Hermione's skirt off of her. Hermione felt like crying again but she knew better. Hermione bit her lip to keep herself from screaming out. Hermione let out a small whimper. Hermione could feel the man grow hard, for it was pressed against her back.
Suddenly the man stood up and walked around to the front of Hermione. When he looked down at her; he took his hand and began to smack her across the face. She cried out. She felt pain shoot across her face. She took one of her legs that was loose and kicked her father as hard as she possibly could have in the groin.
Hermione felt like she was being ripped apart from the inside out as her father began to hit her again. Even more tears began to flow down Hermione's flushed cheeks. Hermione's arms and legs jerked violently against the chains as she tried to get up. A loud scream went through the room as Hermione had lost all control over her body. The pain that she was feeling, was more than she had ever felt before. She could hear someone screaming her name over and over again.
There was a light in the corner of the room that began to grow brighter and brighter. Hermione wished with all of her might to go closer to the light. She wanted the light to consume her. She wanted to get away from the darkness. She could hear the voice calling her name more clearly now. The voice was so familiar; Hermione knew that she had heard that voice before.
She could tell by the voice that something wasn't right. The voice sounded so scared, so frightened. Hermione wanted to call out to the person and ask what was the matter. But for some reason every time she tried to talk her voice failed her. The light around Hermione grew brighter and brighter.
Finally, Hermione wasn't in the pitch black room with the man. She was now back inside the train compartment with a worried looking Harry staring down at her. Suddenly, Harry bent down and hugged Hermione and didn't let her go. Hermione was still so frightened that she jerked hard and fast out of Harry's arms; sending Harry straight to the floor.
Hermione backed herself up against the corner of her seat and brought her legs up to her chin. She wrapped her arms around her legs and began to rock back and forth. She was so confused she didn't know what was going on or where she really was. She was almost sure that this was another trick of her mind's. She was almost sure that the person in front of her wasn't Harry. She just knew that the person was only dressed up as Harry. She knew that it wasn't Harry.
Chocolate eyes were glaring down the so called Harry Potter as he began to slowly stand up. Hermione's body went numb as the person sat down beside her. Her first reaction was to run away and not come back. Hermione saw the man raise his hand up. Hermione flinched back. She had thought Harry was going to hit her; like her father had hit her.
Hermione was so frightened of the man she didn't know what the man wanted from her. Hermione backed herself up into the corner as far as she possibly could. All she wanted was for this person to do, was to either leave her alone or just go on with the torturing. Which ever it was Hermione just wanted the man to go on with it.
Slowly, Hermione lifted her head up and looked at the man. This person who looked so much like Harry gave her a small smile. Hermione had to look away. She wanted to trust this man because he looked so much like the man that she loved.
"Hermione? What's wrong??? Please tell me."
This man sounded so much like Harry that Hermione's heart began to break. She didn't know if this was Harry or not. She didn't know if this was another one of Voldemort's games. She just didn't know what to do. All she could do was cry. She cried because if this was another one of Voldemort's tricks, then Harry didn't really care for her.
Hermione looked back up at this Harry and saw something in Harry's eyes. Her Harry's eyes. She could tell that this was not Voldemort's trick just by the look in Harry's eyes. Hermione almost wanted to shout for joy. Her Harry Potter really cared for her. It was all in Harry's emerald green eyes. Hermione slowly started to shake her head in disbelief. She couldn't believe that she had thought that Harry might have been a Death Eater.
"Please, don't do that. I know that something is wrong. Just tell me. You can trust me. I'm here and I'm not leaving. Just tell me, Hermione."
"You really want to know?" Hermione asked quietly.
"Yes."
"Are you sure that you really want to know what I dreamed?"
"Hermione, I'm sure. Whatever it is, I'm sure it was just a bad dream."
"That's where you're wrong, Harry." Hermione started, "It wasn't just a dream."
"What do you mean?"
"It was a memory of something that had happened."
"What happened?"
"You know how I told you about my father?"
"Yeah, what happened?"
"Well, I didn't exactly tell you the whole truth. I didn't tell you everything that happened over the summer. One day when my father got really drunk, he came after me. He chained me to a chair in my bedroom. Then…then…"
"It's okay. You don't have to tell me anything, Hermione."
"No. I want to, I need to tell someone." Harry nodded and waited for Hermione to continue. "He walked up behind me and began to… to touch me. Then, after I started to somewhat fight him off, my father walked in front of me and began to beat me. It's not like I haven't been beat before, it's just that this time with me chained down, I felt like I was trapped because I couldn't fight back at all. The whole time I felt like I was trapped."
Harry didn't know what to say. So he didn't say a thing. Instead, he bent over and wrapped his arms around Hermione and just held her. Hermione moved into Harry's embrace and rested there. Harry was in shock. Harry slowly began to rub his hand soothingly across Hermione's arm. Hermione shivered at Harry's touch. Harry knew that he needed to say something, but he just didn't know how to go about it.
Even though no words came out of Harry's mouth, she felt as though Harry had spoken something that had touched her heart, her very soul. Hermione couldn't help but to fall in love with the heat coming off of Harry's body. Hermione's mind began to grow tired and weak and all she waned to do was fall back asleep. As her eyelids began to close once more, the memory of the dream she just had flashed through her mind once again; her eyes slammed open.
Both of the them did nothing but lie there with each other for sometime. The train slowly began to slow down and finally came to a stop. Hermione shoved Harry's arms off of her. Hermione turned around to where she was facing Harry. Hermione saw the look of hurt across Harry's face and she couldn't help but smile. Hermione leaned in and placed a small kiss upon Harry's tender lips. Harry began to kiss back. He didn't care what he had said before, he wanted Hermione; he loved Hermione.
Hermione pulled back and looked down at Harry. Harry couldn't help but just want to lean in and kiss her again. Harry saw a small smile appeared across the girl's face, but it was soon replaced with sadness.
"Thank you." Hermione whispered ever so softly.
"For what?" Harry asked in confusion.
"For everything." She sighed. "For showing me love. For showing me people can care. For being there for me."
"Hermione,…I…" Harry began to say but struggled with the words, "I would do it again in a heartbeat. Besides, you're the one who has shown me love. I've never felt love before you."
"Goodbye Harry." Hermione placed one last kiss upon Harry's lips. She grabbed her belongings and walked out of the compartment.
Harry stood there in complete shock. Harry wanted to scream out to Hermione to stop, to wait. But he couldn't find his voice. Harry wanted to hold onto Hermione for the rest of his life. Yet, his arms wouldn't reach out and take a hold of her. Harry wanted to run to her. But, it was like his feet were glued to the floor, he couldn't move. Harry wanted to be near her. Yet, every time when she got around him, he knew he needed to let her go. All Harry wanted was Hermione.
Finally, after Hermione had left Harry's sight, he gathered his belongings and walked out of the train compartment. As he was walking out, Hermione, Ron, Dean, Ginny, Seamus, and Neville walked by. Ginny glared at him. Harry hung his head in shame. Ron gave Harry a half hearted smile before turning back to Hermione. It almost killed Harry to see Hermione walking with Ron; with Ron's arm around her holding her lovingly. Hermione came up to Harry and gave him a hug, when Ginny wasn't looking. The others didn't even pay any attention to him.
They just walked past and pretended like he wasn't even there. Harry watched them all walk ahead. He watched them all laugh and tell jokes. Harry watched all of his former friends walk away and just leave him standing there completely alone. He wanted to go up to them and join in on their jokes and fun, but he knew he was no longer welcome to hang with them. He knew he was no longer one of their mates.
As he exited the train he saw that there was only two carriages left. He watched all of his old friends get into one, so he decided to go over to the other. Harry's shaking hand reached the handle to the door and little by little began to open the door. At first, Harry thought that the compartment was empty, until he saw Hermione sitting in the corner of the carriage staring attentively. Hermione's chocolate eyes glared at Harry for a moment before they realized who it was.
"'Mione how did you get in here? I mean, I thought I just saw you go into the carriage with Ron."
"No, when he was talking to Ginny, I just walked off. He probably won't even notice that I'm gone until we get up to the castle."
Harry let himself fall into the seat directly across from Hermione. Hermione let a small smile appear on her face as she stared into the eyes of Harry James Potter. They sat in the silence for a few minutes. Harry could tell that Hermione wanted to say something, but she just wasn't saying it.
"Harry…" Hermione slowly began.
"What?" Harry replied.
"I…um…I don't know how to put this…"
"Then just say it."
"Well, this afternoon when we…when we…well you know…"
"Yeah, I know." Harry replied as a smile appeared on his face as he remembered what all they had done. "What about it?"
"When you were undressed I noticed something."
"What?"
"That you have cuts, really bad cuts up and down your arms."
When Harry heard that Hermione had noticed he began to cross his arms. His mind began to run over a million different questions. Harry didn't want Hermione to know that he had cut himself. Harry didn't want Hermione to begin to worry over him, when Hermione already had enough to worry about. When Harry didn't say anything Hermione continued talking.
"I know that they are probably from your uncle…but, Harry, how did you get those marks on your arm?"
"Well…I…um, they're from my uncle." Harry began to lie. "One time when he…when he beat me… I began to fight him off of me. So he beat me into submission, then drug me to the bathroom, grabbed a few of his spare razor blades, and he…he cut me with them."
By the time Harry was done speaking, Hermione had wished that she would have never asked the question. She could tell that when Harry began to talk about what his uncle did to him, it hurt him. Hermione didn't want to make Harry live in the past. Hermione didn't want to make Harry have to relive the nightmarish things that his uncle had done to him. Hermione didn't want to be the person in Harry's life that also reminded him of what had happened to him over the summer break.
Hermione felt like kicking herself in the arse for what she had just done to Harry. She knew that if she was Harry, that all she would want to do is try and forget everything that had happened, that she would try and pretend that nothing had ever happened. She knew that she most likely would have cried if anyone would have brought up the subject and make her relive all the pain that she had tried so hard to put behind her.
The chocolate eyes looked up into the worried emerald green eyes. Hermione saw the hurt and pain inside of Harry's eyes, but what Hermione didn't know was the real reason behind the pain and hurt. Hermione thought the pain and hurt was from the question that she had asked and how she had made Harry relive the past with his uncle. But the real reason only Harry knew.
The real reason why Harry's eyes showed hurt and pain was because he had lied to Hermione's face. The one person that he trusted, the one person that actually showed love towards him, the one person that cared for him, the one person that opened their heart to him and he just went off and lied to her face. It hurt Harry to lie to Hermione like that.
Yet, at the same time he knew that Hermione was too close to the truth. It pained Harry to know that someone was this close to finding out his little secret. It pained him to know that if Hermione really knew the real reason that he might lose Hermione forever. It pained him because he didn't want anyone to know what he was doing. He didn't want anyone to think that they could help him or stop him. Harry just wanted everything to disappear. He could take care of it himself. He didn't want anyone else's help.
Harry and Hermione both sat in silence for some time. Both Harry and Hermione let out a gasp of surprise as the carriage began to head towards the school. A small smile appeared on both Gryffindors' faces.
"Harry…" Hermione whispered ever so softly.
"What?" Harry said in shock. Hermione's voice had spooked him.
"Did you really mean it?" Hermione asked nervously.
"Did I mean what?" Harry asked confusedly.
"That it was the last time? That we shouldn't see each other anymore?"
"Yeah, I did." Harry replied very quietly.
"Oh…okay…" Hermione said disappointedly.
"But I don't know if I mean that now." Harry spoke eagerly.
"Why wouldn't you?" Hermione asked, she was shocked that Harry might actually change his mind.
"I don't know…it's just that I haven't ever really had anyone to talk to and… well…"
"You can talk to me?" Hermione suggested.
"Yeah…" Harry said relieved.
"Harry,…I…I don't think that I could just let go of you like that…I… I mean you're the only trustworthy friend I have and it's nice…you know…to have someone. Someone I can count on."
"Hermione, I want to be there for you, just that…well, a lot of things happen to me that I don't really expect to happen. I mean, I let a lot of people down. I don't think I could stand myself if I ever really let you down."
"Oh…"
Neither Harry nor Hermione would say another word. Both wanted to be with each other, both were starting to form feelings for the other, both wanted nothing more than to be able to be with each other, but mainly they just wished that their lives weren't so different from each other. They wished that their futures and their lives were leading in the same direction. They wished that their fate and their lives weren't meant to be so different from the others.
Harry looked over at Hermione. Harry knew that it was going to be hard to stay away from her. He knew that it was going to be hard to stay away from the one he loved. He knew that it would literally rip his heart. He knew that Hermione would be there for him if he needed her. He knew that in the days to come things were only going to get worse. He knew that none of his friends were going to be his friends anymore. He knew that there would be even more pain in his future than in his past. He knew that no matter what was going to happen that eventually he would have to face his uncle. He knew that he would have to face his problems with his cutting. But, the biggest problem was that Harry knew, eventually, he would have to face himself.
To Be Continued…
Author's Note: Well, that was a long chapter. Anyway, it was fun to write though. Review if you feel like it, I'm tired of begging for them. Just so you know, me and my friends haven't got together to write the rest of our little dialog. I'll continue our retarded story Wednesday.