Author's Note: : I want to thank all of the people who have reviewed. It just makes me feel all bubbly when I see that I've got a new review! I also want to thank my two best friends who also happen to be my beta readers, Kg Potter and Keyan Rews. THANKS GUYS!!
Chapter 7
Goodbye
Bumping along down the road, the carriage slowly made its way towards Hogwarts. Harry looked out the window to see how close they were getting to the school. He was looking to see how close he was to having to tell Hermione good-bye. He was looking to see how close all of his new enemies and old friends will live. He was looking to see how close to the end of the summer he was. He was looking to see just how far away all of his future problems lay.
Tears began to glisten in emerald eyes as they realized that all too soon that he would have to tell one of the only people that he loved good-bye. The carriage slowly made its way closer and closer towards Hogwarts. Sooner than later the carriage reached Hogwarts. Harry cautiously walked out of the carriage. Turning around to say good-bye to Hermione, Harry was surprised with a tender kiss on the lips.
Losing all self-control Harry wrapped his arms around Hermione and began to kiss her like he knew he would never be able to hold her in his arms again. Harry desperately kissed her; he never wanted to break away from her. He wanted to be connected to her forever. But he knew that she would pull away, that she would go back into Ron's arms, and that she would leave him alone once again.
A hand crept up Harry's back and began to trace up and down his spine. Harry couldn't help but to moan into their secret kiss. Harry felt Hermione's arms wrap themselves around him like they too didn't want to let go, that they wanted to stay there in their little comfort zone.
Pulling away, Harry let a small, seductive smile appear on his usually sorrowed face. Hermione stood up on her tiptoes and place another kiss on Harry's swollen lips. Harry let his hands rub Hermione's back in a comforting manor. Harry bent down to Hermione's height and gently began to nuzzle against her neck. He took in deep breaths trying to memorize Hermione's scent. Harry pulled away from her to let the memory of this moment, of her beauty, of everything to become a permanent memory; one memory that Harry knew would be hard to lose or forget.
Tightening his grip around her, he pulled her into a closer hug, a more intimate hug. Harry could feel Hermione shudder against him. Harry just wanted this moment to last forever. He just wanted to stand their and keep Hermione in his arms for the rest of time. Harry didn't care what happened to anything or anybody else; he just wanted this, he just wanted peace with himself, he wanted someone who he could love, he wanted someone who would love him, mainly, he just wanted Hermione.
Wetness began to seep into Harry's shirt. Harry pulled back away from Hermione only to find her sobbing against his chest. Chocolate, sad eyes looked up at Emerald, worried eyes.
"Hermione? What's wrong?" Harry gently spoke out to her.
"This…everything."
"What do you mean? Tell me, `Mione."
"I shouldn't be doing this with you."
"Why not?"
"Because, Harry, I'm with Ron! I'm not supposed to be here in your arms. I'm not supposed to be here kissing you! I just, I just shouldn't."
"Says who?"
"Everyone."
"Screw them Hermione. Just do what you want to do. Don't do what everyone wants you to do. If you only do what `they' want then you'll never make yourself happy. You have to do what you want. Do what feels right, `Mione."
"I know, I know. I like being here, in your arms. It's just that…I know I'm not supposed to be here."
"If it doesn't feel right then don't do it." Harry said as he slowly began to let go of her.
"No, no, no. This feels right. I like being here in your arms. I want to be here with you. I always want to be with you. It's just, well, I can't help but to think that it's just wrong." Hermione said hurriedly as she went back into his arms.
"I don't care if it's wrong or right. I want to be here, and only with you. I don't want anything else. I just want you."
"I want you too. It's just…it's just…"
"What?"
"Once we go back in there, we'll never get to see each other any longer. I'll never get to lay in your arms and fall asleep. I'll never get to wake up next to you. I'll never be allowed to see you. I'll no longer get to spend time with you. I'll have to be with Ron."
"I know…that's why I never want to let you go. That's why I just want to stand here with you in my arms for the rest of my life."
"I don't want to have to go back. I don't want to have to go back to not really having you in my life."
"Then don't."
"What?"
"Don't go back to that, Hermione. Stay here, stay here with me."
"Harry, you know I can't. I'm with Ron."
"Do you love Ron?"
"What?"
"I said Do you love Ron?"
"I don't know. Besides I don't see how that's any of your business. There are many factors in whether you love someone or not."
"It's a yes or no question, Hermione. Do you love Ron?"
"I, well, I don't know. I guess not."
"Then leave him. Leave him and stay with me. Please, I don't think I could stand it if I saw you with him."
"Harry, I can't just leave him for his best friend."
"I'm obviously not his best friend anymore."
"What makes you say that."
"The fact that anytime anyone says anything about me in front of him he doesn't stick up for me. In fact, he doesn't say anything at all anymore."
"I still don't think that I could do that to him."
"Hermione…please…do you love me? Just tell me…what do you want?"
Harry watched as the girl pulled away from him. Harry noticed that the girl looked up at him in confusion. He saw that the girl was thinking things over. Harry could tell that Hermione was drifting away. Harry could tell that he was losing his Hermione yet again. Harry knew that Hermione didn't know what she wanted.
All Harry could hope for was just that maybe, Hermione would want him just as much as he wanted her. Harry hoped with all of his heart that Hermione wouldn't turn her back on him. Harry was hoping that in the end Hermione would once again be in his arms.
"Harry…I…love you…but…" Hermione mumbled into his shirt.
"What?" Harry said as he gently ran his fingers through her hair.
"I just don't think that things will work out…not for now." Hermione began to softly speak. "I just need sometime to sort out all of my feelings. I need to find out what's going on. I mean, everything has just happened so fast between us and…"
"And what?"
"Harry…I don't know what I want…I just need to think things over before I make any decision."
Harry stood there in complete shock. He didn't know what to say to the girl who was snuggled in his strong arms. He didn't know how to make the tears stop falling from her eyes. He didn't know whether to hold on to her tight or just let her go. He didn't know how to comfort her. He just didn't know what to say to her. So, he didn't say anything to her. He just held on to her tight. He didn't dry her tears, but gave her a shoulder to cry on. He didn't comfort her; he didn't do anything at all. He just stood there holding her in his arms, which was more comforting than any words he could have spoken to her.
A loud cracking noise appeared next to them. Harry and Hermione both jumped and moved away from each other as they noticed that the carriage slowly began to be carried away by the Thestrals. Harry grabbed onto Hermione even tighter. He could literally feel Hermione begin to slip away. Harry felt a tear begin to escape from his eye.
Harry felt Hermione shudder against him. Harry looked down at her. Harry could see a flicker of fear in her eyes before it was replaced by a mask, covering her emotions. All Harry knew was that he couldn't lose her. She was the one thing holding him down on the earth. Without her, Harry thought he just might lose his mind.
Stumbling backwards a bit, Harry felt Hermione begin to push him off. Harry reached around her and held her tight. He didn't want her to leave him again. Harry began to cry as he felt the one girl he loved shoving him off of her. Harry couldn't take it any more; he let her go. He let her walk away from him. He watched her begin to walk right out of his life.
The raven-haired boy couldn't take it any longer he called out to her, "Hermione! Please! I love you!"
Harry watched her snap her head back towards him. Emerald eyes met chocolate once again. Harry watched Hermione begin to run back towards him. Harry held his arms open; Hermione jumped up into Harry's open arms. She placed her pale pink lips upon Harry's blood read lips. Harry began to kiss her like a mad man.
Interlocking their fingers together, Harry had thought that maybe, just maybe Hermione was going to stay with him. Harry could feel Hermione backing away from him once again. Harry looked down into her eyes and saw a tear begin to make a path down her cheek. Harry raised a hand to wipe away that tear, but Hermione moved her head out of Harry's reach.
"I love you, Harry." Hermione slowly said.
"I love you, too."
"Harry, no. You're not listening to me." She continued. "I love you, but I can't be with you."
"Hermione…please…don't…" Harry didn't want Hermione to walk away yet again. Harry would fall down onto his knees and beg her to stay if he knew it would do any good whatsoever.
"Harry, I just can't. I love you so much more than anything. I don't want to break your heart. I don't want to make you sad."
What is she thinking about? Leaving me would break my heart. Leaving me would make me sad. Staying with me would fill me with love. Staying with me would keep me happy.
"Hermione…you can't…"
"I have to do this. I have to sort out a few things with Ronald first."
"Hermione, please, don't go. I need you, I want you, I love you."
"Harry, stop making this harder. It's hard enough to walk away from you."
"Then don't walk away. Stay here. Stay here with me."
"I can't Harry. I love you too much to break your heart."
"Hermione you leaving will break my heart."
"I…I can't stay here."
"please…"
"Harry, I have to go. I'll come back to you…"
Hand in hand still, Harry saw Hermione slowly walk away. Harry's fingers were still holding onto her desperately. As she walked away, Harry could feel his fingers slowly slipping away from Hermione's. Harry could feel Hermione slowly slipping away from him. Harry could feel Hermione disappear.
All to soon, Harry fingers weren't holding anything besides air. Hermione had let go of him. Harry felt his heart break into a thousand tiny little pieces.
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"Hermione…please…do you love me? Just tell me…what do you want?"
Hermione was a little taken back. Did she love Harry? Did she love Ron? Did she even love either one of them? Hermione's thoughts were just jumbled up that she couldn't tell you who or what she loved. Hermione looked up into the eyes of her former lover. She became breathless; she wanted to hold on to him yet shove him away. She just wanted everything and more.
Thoughts were swirling through Hermione's head. She couldn't think of what she wanted to do anymore. She knew she loved Harry, but at the same time, Ron held a special part in her heart too. Hermione loved both of her boys. She just didn't know which one to choose over the other.
A loud gasp came from the emerald-eyed boy as Hermione saw the carriage make its way down the path and away from Hogwarts. Hermione jumped a bit away from Harry but then threw herself back into Harry's arms. She didn't know what she wanted. But she did know that she didn't want to be anywhere besides with Harry, wrapped up in his arms, and feeling completely safe and secure.
Hermione held onto Harry for dear life. She didn't want to have to make a decision. She didn't want to break somebody's heart. She didn't want her heart to break either. She didn't want to lose him again; she didn't want him to slip through her fingers yet again. She never wanted this moment to end. She never wanted to have to tell him good-bye but she knew that she must.
All she wanted was to be wrapped in his warm arms. She wanted to know that she was safe. She wanted to know that she would be loved forever. She wanted to know that Harry cared. She wanted to be able to look into his beautiful green eyes anytime she wanted. She wanted to be able to run her fingers through his raven hair whenever the urge struck her. Most of all, Hermione just didn't want this moment to end.
Hermione looked up into Harry's eyes and saw fear. She then knew what she had to do. Hermione couldn't let Harry fall in love with her. It wasn't right, she had no right whatsoever to break or play with his heart like this. Hermione couldn't stand to know that she of all people could make or break Harry James Potter.
She pulled herself out of Harry's grip. She knew she had to get away from him. Harry tried to hold on to her, but she just continued to shove him off. Hermione was wishing that Harry would just let go of her. Finally, she broke free from his clutch. Hermione could see Ron slowly turning their way.
Doesn't he understand? Doesn't he know that loving me will only bring him more pain? Doesn't he know that I'll only break his heart even more? I have to make him understand. I have to make sure that he knows that I don't want to hurt him. He has to know that I'm no good for him. He needs to know that I can't bring him happiness. But I just can't leave him! Not like this anyway!
Running away, Hermione's mind was screaming for her to turn around and go back to the-boy-who-lived. Hermione wanted to turn around and go back. But she knew, if she turned around, she didn't know if she would have the strength to walk away yet again. She knew now that she had turned around there was no going back; at least not for now. That's when she heard it. That's when she heard the raven-haired boy call out to her, "Hermione! Please! I love you!"
That was all it took. All she needed to hear was that Harry wanted her as much as she wanted him. Hermione turned around and ran towards him as fast as her legs would carry her. She needed this boy in her life. She didn't need Ron. She didn't need Viktor. She didn't need anyone besides him. Harry Potter was the one.
"I love you, Harry." Hermione slowly said.
She did love him, but she just didn't want to have to say it. She didn't want to confuse his feelings for her. She didn't want to lead him on. She didn't want to make him love her. She didn't want to love him. But all of this, all of Harry, was one sin that Hermione wanted to commit more than anything in the world.
"I love you, too." She heard it whisper through his full red lips.
"Harry, no. You're not listening to me." She continued. She just had to make him understand. She had to make him listen and know. She had to tell him about how much she loved him, yet that the way things were at the moment; she could in no possible way be with him. She couldn't. She was with Ron. She could feel herself growing feelings for Ron, but she knew her heart belonged to Harry. She knew that she should give Ron a chance, but she also knew that she shouldn't deny her love that she has right now with Harry. "I love you, but I can't be with you."
"Hermione…please…don't…" She heard his gentle voice pleading.
"Harry, I just can't. I love you so much more than anything. I don't want to break your heart. I don't want to make you sad. I know that I love you, but right now I'm just so confused about everything. I just need sometime to sort out my thoughts."
"Hermione…you can't…"
"I have to do this. I have to sort out a few things with Ronald first." Hermione pleaded with him. Hermione could see the hurt in his eyes. She could tell that she was slowly breaking his heart; that she was slowly ripping his heart from his chest. Hermione knew that what she was doing was unforgivable; but she had to.
"Hermione, please, don't go. I need you, I want you, I love you."
"Harry, stop making this harder. It's hard enough to walk away from you."
"Then don't walk away. Stay here. Stay here with me."
"I can't Harry. I love you too much to break your heart."
"Hermione you leaving will break my heart."
"I…I can't stay here."
"please…"
"Harry, I have to go. I'll come back to you…"
Hermione could still feel Harry's strong able hand against her own. She could feel the heat slowly leave his hand. Hermione could feel Harry grow cold. She looked up into his charming jade eyes one more time. She had to turn away; she could feel the tears begin to swell up in her eyes. She knew that if she didn't leave now, that she never would.
Gradually Hermione began to move her legs and walk away from the boy whose hand she was still holding. She let her hand slip out of his grip. She let herself walk away. She let herself break his heart. She didn't look back, because she didn't want to see what she would be missing out on. She didn't want to look back because she didn't want Harry to see the tears in her eyes. She didn't want to look back because she didn't want to see what she had done to the poor boy.
So, instead of turning away, she walked forward. She let the tears dry on her face; she held her head up high as she reentered the school. She walked quickly until she caught up with Ron. She let her hand become interlocked with his.
"`Mione where you been?"
"That's not important now is it?" She said slyly.
"No, I guess it's not." Ron said as he wrapped his arms around her and placed a light kiss upon her lips.
Hermione could feel herself being dragged away by Ron. She could feel herself being pulled into the Great Hall. Hermione looked around. She was trying to find someone. That someone who happened to have green eyes and raven hair. She didn't see him. She also didn't she the usually fan club that follows him around.
She felt herself being pulled down to sit at the table. As Dumbledore was talking, she couldn't help that her eyes began to wonder around the room looking for him. All she wanted was just to know where she was.
That's when she saw him. He was sitting alone at the very end of the Gryffindor table. In fact, no one was sitting even five feet near him. Hermione began to feel horrible. It looked as though people were avoiding him like a plague. Hermione felt her heart sink as she continued to stare at him. She felt an arm sneak around her and pull her tight.
She felt Ron lean in and began to whisper, "Don't look at him, `Mione. You'll just make things worse."
Ron had caught her off guard. How did he know what she was thinking? Did he know what had happened? What did he mean? Does he really know? "What?"
"Don't look at him. I don't want Ginny to see you staring at him then having her yell at all of us for why we are supposed to stay away from him. I've already had enough lectures."
"Oh…okay." Hermione could feel the weight lift off of her chest. He didn't know. He never would know. She would never let him know what was going on.
Author's Note: From now on, I am only going to update on Saturday. Having to update and write like this is becoming a major hassle and frankly I don't have the time or the energy to write like this every week. So, from now on I'll see you every Saturday! By the way, don't forget to review!
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