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Weasleys' Wizarding Wheezes by mysticdueler
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Weasleys' Wizarding Wheezes

mysticdueler

A/N: Oookay. I know it's been a long, long, looong time, and I apologize. RL has given me absolutely NO time to work, and even less time to relax. I said this was the busiest time of year for me, and it is. Sorry if I've estranged some people, but hey, at least it hasn't been a month! I'm not that bad!

DISCLAIMER: See Previous Chapters (I'm to the point where I a: have run out of ideas, and b: really don't care). Besides, it's not as if you actually read these things anyway.

Changes

Fortunately for Harry, Fred and George had chosen an out-of-the-way spot to meet, so nobody had witnessed his change. Unfortunately, however, this "idealistic" location was on the outskirts of Hogsmeade, meaning Harry had to pass through the town in order to get back. At first, everything was going smoothly, and there was little incident. Harry, used to people staring at him for being the Boy-Who-Lived, ignored the many looks he was getting, not realizing they were for an entirely different reason. However, Harry's luck was about to run out as he passed in front of the Three Broomsticks.

"Hey there, beautiful," Harry heard as an arm draped over his right shoulder. "Haven't seen you `round here before." A glance to his left confirmed Harry's suspicions; Seamus Finnigan was hanging off him, and, unless Harry was mistaken, was leading them slowly into the Three Broomsticks. Suddenly, there was another arm attached to Harry's other shoulder.

"How about we take you around, show you some fun?" Harry couldn't believe it; it was Dean Thomas, a.k.a. boyfriend of Ginny Weasley. Before Harry could even react, they had led him into the Broomsticks and plopped him down at a nearby booth table. Harry was still sandwiched between Seamus and Dean, finding himself trapped with no escape. "So, gorgeous, where are you from?" Harry, whose mind was still scrambling to make sense of the scene, could only stare at Dean, opening and closing his mouth like a fish out of water.

Seamus chuckled. "Looks like she's been dazzled by our irresistible charms, Dean." Harry had a witty retort finally ready, but stopped short, snapping his mouth shut, his eyes widening in shock. Seamus was running his hand along his inner thigh, and then felt Dean's arm drape around his shoulder and felt his fingers brush against her . . .

Harry had had enough. He jumped up suddenly, knocking over the table and surprising both Dean and Seamus. On pure instinct, Harry drew back his hand and let loose a colossal slap, hitting both boys in one fell swoop; sounding off a loud SMACK that echoed in the already dead-quiet room. Fuming, Harry spun around and stormed out, leaving Dean and Seamus looking guiltily at the other Hogwarts students; large, anger, red, hand-shaped marks on their cheeks.

It took several minutes for Harry to calm down enough to realize that he was walking the wrong way. Harry stopped and spun around, only to face a sight he'd much rather not. Draco Malfoy was walking towards him, talking to a small band of Slytherins. Some of their conversation reached Harry's ears. "All right, you all know your jobs. Be at your places on time, and Potter will get his. Just remember, leave the Mudblood to me." The all voiced their understanding, and Malfoy dismissed them. Before Harry could move, Malfoy spun around and saw her. For a brief second, Malfoy's face was one of surprise, but then the trademark smirk was back in place, something new glistening in his eyes that Harry had never seen before.

Malfoy walked up to Harry and held out his hand. "Hello, pleased to meet you. My name is Draco Malfoy." Reluctantly, Harry reached out to shake the offered hand, doing his best not to reach out and crush it, as it would completely blow his cover. But instead of shaking hands as Harry was expecting, Malfoy bowed down and placed a kiss on Harry's knuckles. Harry did his best not to gag out loud. "So, which pureblood family are you from? For only such beauty could come from a pureblood."

"Excuse me!" said Harry, ripping his hand from Malfoy's grasp. "But I happen to have a Muggle-born mother, and I'm proud of it!" Instantly, Malfoy's face changed; his smirk lost any trace of pleasantness it had once held and was now a full-fledged glare.

"Half-blood!" Malfoy spat out. "Looks like someone needs to teach you proper manners and put you in your place!" Malfoy grabbed Harry's wrists and used them to shove Harry against the nearby brick wall, hands stretched useless over his head. Malfoy stepped closer to Harry, very close. "A Half-blood like yourself is little better than a Mudblood. Know your place - you will do as I say, when I say it. I am your master now." Malfoy pressed himself bodily against Harry, smothering him. Harry could feel . . . Malfoy . . . pressing into his leg, followed shortly by Malfoy's attempts at trying to kiss Harry roughly.

Harry turned his head away, only to have Malfoy grab his chin with one hand and turn it back. "Come now, be a good little whore and put out for your master." That was as far as Malfoy got. Harry, whose brain had finally whirred back into action, jumped into action. While Malfoy may have had his hands pinned, Harry wasn't completely helpless. Harry raised his right foot and brought it down full force on Malfoy's foot, heel first. Malfoy stepped back, giving Harry all the room he needed. Before Malfoy could retaliate, Harry, using the wall as leverage, thrust her knee hard as she could smack into Malfoy's groin. Malfoy's face paled and his hands shot down to his crotch. Hands now free, Harry pulled her right fist back and hit Malfoy square in the nose, knocking him down. His way now clear, Harry gave Malfoy one last good kick before turning and tearing off.

Just as he was passing Zonko's, Harry's foot caught on the hem of his robes and he fell. "Ow, my knee!"

"Hey, are you all right, there?" Harry looked up and smiled hugely; never before had he been so glad to hear Ron's voice. Harry took Ron's hand as he helped pull Harry up.

"Yeah, thanks." Harry was still smiling. Harry noticed Ron's ears turning slightly red as he looked away, muttering something that sounded like, `Don't mention it.' Harry's face changed to one of concern. "Ron, are you all right?"

"Yeah, I'm fine; I'm fine." Ron whipped his head around to stare at Harry. "How - how do you know my name? Do I know you?"

"Ron, it's - " Harry was cut short, however, by a loud noise behind them.

"Oi! Ron! RON!! There you are! Quit flirting and get a move on, we haven't got all day, and we still need to find Harry!" It was Katie Bell, the new Captain of the Gryffindor Quidditch team. Ron blushed bright red and turned to leave.

"All right, all right, I'm coming. If I didn't know better I'd say you got a broomstick shoved up your - "

"RON!"

"Okay! Sorry!" Ron looked over his shoulder at Harry. "Well, it - it was nice meeting you. See you around." Ron dashed off to join the team, blushing again.

`Hmm, that was . . . bizarre. Is it just me or is Ron acting strangely?' Harry began walking toward the castle again, a little slower after having hurt his knee, both from tripping and when he hit Malfoy. `Maybe he's feeling sick? Oh well, I'm sure it's nothing too serious. Now, let's get the heck over to Hogwarts and find Hermione. She'll know what to do, she always does.' With that, Harry broke into a light jog, making sure this time he didn't trip on his robes.

When Harry reached the Great Hall, he was panting, out of breath, and there was a stitch in her side. Harry paused a moment to catch his breath and plan his next move. `I need to find Hermione as soon as possible. Where would she most likely be?' Harry smiled to himself and set off for his destination. Not wanting to waste any time, Harry quickly made his way over to the front desk and Madam Pince as soon as he stepped into the Library. "Excuse me, Madame Pince?" Harry asked quietly. Madam Pince looked up from her stack of books and parchment.

"Yes, how may I help you, dear?"

"I'm looking for Hermione. Hermione Granger. Is she here?"

"Hmm, I believe Miss Granger was here earlier, but she left quite a while ago. Sorry, dear."

"Oh. Well, thank you anyway." As Harry walked out of the library he was beginning to get worried. `What if I can't find her? What if she finished here and went to Hogsmeade and I missed her?' Harry stopped in the hallway, realizing he had no clue where to look next. `I'll try the Common Room next, maybe she's in there or her dorm room.'

Harry said the password as he neared the portrait, leaving the Fat Lady with no time for chitchat. Walking to the center of the room, Harry found Hermione's favorite spot vacant. `She must be in her dorm, then. Only one way to find out . . .' Harry took a few tentative steps up the girls' dormitory stairs, and when nothing happened she pushed forward more bravely. Just as Harry had expected, the sixth year dorms were at the very top of the tower, just like in the boys' side. Knocking on the door, Harry called out, "Hermione? Hermione, are you there?" There was no response. Harry opened the door a crack, then a little more until he had a big enough opening he could stick his head through. He was easily able to pick out Hermione's bed, it being the cleanest one. However, Hermione wasn't in her room.

Harry made his way dejectedly down to the Common Room. `Where is she? If only I had some means to locate her . . .' Suddenly, Harry froze, the obvious answer hitting like a Bludger; The Marauder's Map. `Potter! How could you be so dense? I'll just run up to my dorm and get the Map, and then . . . I'll . . .' Harry had been walking towards the boys' staircase as he was thinking, but stopped when he remembered his . . . situation. Fortunately, Harry had a ready solution; looking around to make sure no one was watching, Harry pulled out his wand and rapped his head, a cold sensation sweeping down him as he became Disillusioned.

Harry snuck up the stairs and into his dorm. As son as the door was closed he let out a sigh of relief, but kept the Disillusionment Charm on, just in case. Striding over to his trunk, Harry retrieved the Map from its hiding place and spread it out before activating it. "I solemnly swear I am up to no good." The lines had scarcely finished etching themselves over the ancient parchment when Harry began scouring over it with his eyes. It was not long before he came upon Hermione's dot, located up on the seventh floor corridor in a familiar room. `Ah, the Room of Requirement. Well, at least I'm guaranteed privacy there.' Harry wiped the Map clean and, after much internal debate, placed it back in his trunk before heading back down to the Common Room and on to the seventh floor.

Soon Harry stood before the entrance to the Room of Requirement, once again out of breath from having run up all the stairs (even with the short cuts it was a long trek). Harry placed his hand on the doorknob, took a deep, steadying breath, and proceeded inside. "Hermione?" he called out, breathlessly. There was a flurry of motion, and Harry was presented with an image of Hermione, standing in the center of the room, wand drawn and held ready at her side.

"Yes. Who are you? What do you want?" There was a slight edge to her voice, and Harry could see a small pile of homework scattered on a table behind her.

"Oh, Hermione, I'm so glad I found you!" Harry rushed forward and embraced Hermione briefly, much to the brown-haired bookworms surprise (and discomfort). "You wouldn't believe what happened to me. Fred and George - a fruit chew - changed - Seamus and Dean - Malfoy - Ron - " Harry had to stop here and catch his breath, still exhausted from his journey from the Gryffindor Common Room.

"What - what are you talking about? Who are you?" Hermione was looking at Harry as if she thought her crazy.

"Hermione, it's me. Harry" There was a silent pause for several seconds before Hermione burst out laughing.

"You-you're Harry?" Hermione had to pause in order to hold back her snorts. After she had calmed down she looked at Harry closely. "Nice joke, I needed a laugh, thanks. Now, seriously, who are you and what do you want? As you can see, I'm right in the middle of my studies, and I'm rather busy."

"But Hermione, it is me! I am Harry!"

"Oh, come off it! You couldn't possibly be Harry. First off, and most important, you're a girl, Harry's a boy. Second, Harry's much taller than you. And third, only Harry has his scar. Where's yours?" Hermione had her arms crossed, almost glaring at Harry. Harry sighed before lifting up his bangs, revealing the accursed mark; the bane of his existence. Hermione's eyes widened and her eyebrows shot up. "Th-that's - but - but . . . Harry?" Harry glumly nodded his head. Hermione took one last look at Harry before she fainted, falling to the floor. Harry, who still retained his Seeker reflexes, caught her before she hit.

Laying her gently on the couch, Harry drew his wand, pointed it at Hermione and cast, "Ennervate!" Hermione's eyes flickered before opening, looking confused. She appeared to focus on Harry's eyes as if drawn to them.

"H-Harry?"

"Yes, Hermione, it's me. Are you all right? You fainted."

"Yes, Harry, I'm fine. But what about you? Your voice is different, higher? Do you have a cold?"

"No, Hermione, I'm perfectly healthy. I'm just a girl now."

"What?" Hermione's eyes flicked over the rest of Harry before staring back into his eyes. "Harry?"

"Yes, Hermione?"

"I think I'm going to . . . to . . ."

"Faint," Harry supplied for her as she slipped back into unconsciousness once again. Harry sighed and revived her again. "Hermione? Hermione, are you awake?"

"Yes, yes, I'm up." Hermione looked at Harry, her eyes widening yet again. Seeing a pattern beginning to quickly develop, Harry spoke up.

"Whoa, there, Hermione. Don't pass out on me again, I can't keep reviving you forever, you know. I need your help."

"What? My help? Why?"

"Well, you always have the answers. And right now, I've got a major problem here."

"But, but how? How did this happen?" Harry quickly recounted his meeting with the Twins, not failing to add fairly derisive comments about them in the process. "I - I don't know, Harry. I can't think of anything I can do to help. This is beyond me, truthfully." Harry's face fell. "The only one who can help us now is Dumbledore."

Harry's face filled with horror. "Oh, no! Please, Hermione, not Dumbledore. I don't want anybody else to know! This is embarrassing enough as it is!"

Hermione looked at Harry warily. "Harry," she began gently. "I hate to say this, but you need to see Dumbledore." At this Harry looked away. "What will people do tomorrow when you haven't shown up? What about your classes? You certainly can't just waltz in without some sort of story to explain. That's why we need to see Dumbledore. He can help us make a cover story for the next week." Harry looked grim. He sighed before looking at her and saying,

"You're right, as always. But, hey, at least it's just Dumbledore. I'd never hear the end of it if Snape ever found out. All right, let's go get this over with." Harry and Hermione stood up from the couch and began to make their way to the stone gargoyle that guarded the entrance to Dumbledore's office.

A/N: Okay! There ya go! The next one will probably take some time. This week I have to prepare for my District Solo competition (I'm playing Popper's Tarantella for cello, if any of you know what that is or care). Cross your fingers for me to get a I rating! Also, I have to read a book for English, and probably got some more poetry to write . . . anyway, you get the idea. I'll write whenever I can, but don't expect another update for a while. *runs and hides from angry mob that's carrying torches, spears, pitchforks, and stuffed cabbage*


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