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Weasleys' Wizarding Wheezes by mysticdueler
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Weasleys' Wizarding Wheezes

mysticdueler

A/N: Hello there, to all my happy little readers! Welcome to another installment of the Wheezes. But, before we get started, I have a little challenge for you, something for all y'all to think over. I have done something very clever with Harry's pseudonym. Bonus points and bragging rights to the smart bunny (or bunnies) who figure it out. Good luck, and may the best (and brightest) fan-fiction-fanatic win!

Disclaimer: *Set to tune of Beethoven's Fifth*

This is not miiiiiiiiiiine . . .

This is not miiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine . . . .

This is not mine This is not mine This is not miiiiiiiiine

This is not mine This is not mine This is not miiiiiiiiine

This is not miiiiinnnnne This is not miiiiinnnnnne

I have no riiiiiights I have no riiiights

I will not make - MON - NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEY!!!!!!!!!!

Okay, enough of that. Let's get on with it!

Moving In

Harry, or rather Harriet now, sat nibbling his dinner, too busy focusing on plotting his revenge on Dumbledore to notice what he was eating (`Avada Kedavra is too easy, and it's detectable. Poison? Doesn't have enough class. Bludgeoned to death with by a rogue troll . . . might work. Problem is, where'd I get the troll? I could always do it the Muggle way . . .'). He was shaken from his dark thoughts as Pansy and Millicent both rose from the table, finished. Looking up, Harry found the table to be rather deserted. Though he vaguely remembered the location of the Slytherin Common Room, Harry realized it would be highly suspicious if an exchange student already knew the location of common rooms. Resigning himself to his fate, Harry rose as well and followed the trickle of remaining Slytherins.

The entire trip, not a word was spoken to Harry. In fact, none of the Slytherins even seemed to recognize his existence. `Well, his is downright unpleasant. I can't wait to get in their Common Room, that'll be a regular riot. Merlin, Dumbledore, what were you thinking?' Harry trained his eyes from Slytherin to Slytherin as he walked. `My, what a happy bunch they are. Good thing the sorting hat put me in Gryffindor and not Slytherin!'

Finally, `Harriet' and her guides arrived outside the entrance. Just as Harry was within hearing distance, Pansy gave the password in a hushed whisper that Harry heard nonetheless. "Death to all Mudbloods and Blood Traitors!" Harry scowled slightly but managed to hold his tongue; while he did detest the Slytherins, he wasn't about to go and agitate the whole lot of them, especially since he was to be, he shuddered to think, sleeping amongst them.

As soon as she stepped through the door, every single person in the common Room stopped what they were doing, and stared at Harry. Most had either a sneer or scowl of varying degree on their faces, while a few had looks of shrewd evaluation. At once, Harry froze and stared back, lost as to what to do. `Should I draw my wand? Would I even stand a chance against all of them? Are they going to attack, or ambush?' Harry shook himself mentally. `Okay, relax. No sudden movements, and the snake won't bite. I hope.' Harriet cleared her throat nervously.

"H-hello. Um, pleased to meet you all." Silently Harry was cursing himself for the waver in her voice. He decided to try again, more confidently this time. "As you already hear, my name is Harriet Lillify. I hope my stay doesn't inconvenience you, and that I will learn much from Slytherin House." At the end of her speech, Harry smiled, if not rather weakly. `I can't believe I just said that. What am I thinking - not inconvenience them, learn from Slytherin House? What's wrong with me?'

After Harry's announcement some of the Slytherins exchanged quick, disbelieving glances, and Harry saw the number of scowls increase, yet thought he saw scattered faces of silent appraisal. `Wow, great move there, Flamel! Now what?' Harry shifted his weight from one foot to the other, and back again, nervous and becoming somewhat distressed. The sound of the door opening again seemed to draw most of the Slytherins' attention, and, for the first time in his history at Hogwarts, Harry couldn't have felt happier or more relieved to see Snape standing behind him.

"All right, all right, enough of this nonsense. I expect you all to give our guest (Snape paused on the word `guest') a proper Slytherin welcome, and that we will all be on our best behaviors. Show Miss Lillify what makes Slytherin the best house at Hogwarts." All the Slytherins went back to what they were doing. "Miss Parkinson." Pansy approached Harry and Snape from the left side of the room.

"Yes, Professor?"

"Please escort our guest to the dormitories." With that said, Snape turned and left the Common Room in his usual dramatic, sweeping fashion. As Harry was escorted, or rather led like a cow, to the girls dormitories, Harry saw various people stare at her as they he passed, though they all stopped as soon as she was past them. As Harry passed through the door to the girls' dormitories, she held her breath, not fancying anything that was inevitably to come. It was bad enough that he had to sleep in a girls' dorm, but the fact they were Slytherins as well . . . Harry cringed at the thought.

Much to Harry's surprise, they did not follow a winding staircase, but instead proceeded to walk along a torch-lit corridor, much like the passages out in the surrounding dungeons, with the exception of the presence of multiple doors. Harry was too surprised to keep herself from blurting out, "It looks like a dungeon!" Pansy stopped and looked over her shoulder, giving Harry a quick once over, before letting out a snort of contempt.

In a sarcastic, sneering voice Snape would have been proud of, Pansy said, "That's because this is the dungeons." On the word `dungeons,' Pansy spoke in a perverted mockery of Harry's voice. Harry heard Pansy mutter, "Stupid half-blood!" under her breath. Harry clenched her fists and took the insult

`It's just for one day. Just for one day. One day. One day.' This was soon to become Harry's newest mantra, one that promised to be in use often. Harry noticed Pansy had opened the door on her right, above which were the words `Sixth Year Girls' in curved, gold letters. With a sigh, Harry stepped in. Immediately, the door slammed shut and sealed magically, and Harry found himself to be surrounded by five girls, each with a wand trained on her. `Oh, crap!'

"Don't move!" commanded Pansy, who stepped forward from in front of Harry. "Try any tricks and Millicent there will have your arms pinned faster than you can say `Pureblood'." Harry turned her head and saw that Millicent was indeed behind her, ready to lunge if need be. "Trust me, Millicent knows plenty about headlocks. Just ask that Granger Mudblood." All the girls chuckled darkly at this, except Millicent, who instead made herself look even more threatening. Seeing that Harry was deterred, Pansy lowered her wand, and the others followed suit.

Pansy stepped closer again, malice visible in her eyes. "We know what you did to Draco." Now Pansy was mere centimeters from Harry's face. "How dare you, you dirty Halfblood!" Spinning so her hair hit Harry's face, Pansy retreated a few steps before turning to face Harry again. "You think you can just walk in here and steal him right out from under our noses!" Harry couldn't believe what he was hearing. "He's mine, understand! I was here first!"

"What?! I couldn't care less if - " Harry was stopped by Pansy's wand pointed between her eyes.

"Save it, I don't want to hear your lies. Fortunately for you, I'm feeling generous tonight; Draco is fine and coming back soon." At this, she lowered her wand and Harry let out the breath he had been holding. "I'm warning you, try anything again, and you deal with me!" To emphasize, Pansy twirled her wand menacingly. "I'll be watching you." Pansy pushed roughly past Harriet out the door, and most of the girls followed, except Millicent and another girl Harry didn't know. Harry slid down the wall, coming to a stop when she reached the floor. She took a moment to collect herself and slow his breathing. It may not gave been an actual fight, but it still put Harry on edge.

Harry looked up after a moment to find the mystery girl to have closed her curtains, and Millicent to be sitting on her bed writing in a diary, of all things. Rising wearily, Harry took a cautious couple of steps towards Millicent and asked, "Um, I hate to bother you, but, which bed is, er, mine?" Harry hated the way his voice sounded so shaky, yet he felt he could do no better. Millicent looked up, rather confused.

"What?"

"I said," Harry started again, somewhat stronger this time, "which bed do I sleep in tonight? Could you show me? Please?" Though she started strong, Harry's voice ended weakly once again. Millicent looked at Harry for a few seconds, before pointing to the bed to her left.

"This one, next to mine." Harry gave her a weak smile.

"Thank you, really. It's just that, I'm feeling tired, and it's been a long day, and, well, thanks." As Harry moved toward the indicated bed, he cursed himself mentally. `Oh, I look like such an idiot! What's wrong with you, Potter? Pull yourself together.' Harry noticed out of the corner of her eye that Millicent was looking at her rather oddly. `Now she probably thinks I escaped from St. Mungo's or something. Just great!' Harry collapsed onto the bed and drew the green curtains tight, figuring it best if she followed the other girl's example.

`Ugh, I just want to sleep through this nightmare and wake up as if nothing happened. I can at least try, I suppose.' After a moment's hesitation, Harry changed into a nightgown, keeping her eyes closed the entire time. And so it was that Harry climbed under the sheets, a slight blush on his face. No sooner had her head hit the pillow and Harry closed his eyes did the dormitory door slam open and the girls reentered, closing the door just as noisily.

"Emergency meeting, now! Hey, Mitchelson, that means you, too." The wireless was shut off, and Harry heard indistinct grumbling sounds. "Yeah, yeah. Same to you. Now come on!" There was a scuffling sound, and Harry sneaked a peak through the curtains to find the girls crowded around Millicent's bed. "There's been some changes and setbacks to the plan, but we will be proceeding. Now, first off - Wait!" Suddenly, it was as if Harry was completely def; Pansy's mouth continued to move, but no sound reached Harry.

`What the - Oh, a silencing charm! Well, they certainly are brighter than I gave them credit for.' Harry turned to his dresser and picked up a long, flesh-colored string. `But not by much.' Harry stuck the Extendable Ear into his ear and in a few seconds heard Pansy's voice.

" - do it. Don't want any more information leaks. Now, as I was saying, someone's slipped, and Draco has a detention on the day we had planned for." There was a slight pause, and Harry guessed that Pansy must have been glaring for good measure. "For now, Plan B will have to work. We lure Potter to the Shrieking Shack, where we ambush him. Capture Potter with minimal damage if possible. If not, do whatever is necessary. The Mudblood you are free to do with whatever you please. Just leave some for Draco. He still wants to deliver the final blow. You all remember the signal, and your parts. Be ready to act. Any questions?"

"I'm out, Pansy." Harry couldn't believe what he heard. He took the Extendable Ear out and dug a finger in his ear, hoping to clear out the obvious buildup of wax. Hearing voices, Harry quickly put the Ear back in.

"What?! Not again, Mitchelson!"

"Yes, again, Pansy. I told you already, I have a bad feeling about this. I mean, this isn't your normal, everyday Anti-Gryffindor prank here; this is serious. If we're caught, it won't be detentions; it'll be expulsion at least. I see enough things that could go wrong as it is. I told you that if there were any complications then I was out. Why should I trust in a plan that can't even get off the ground?"

"How dare you! You insult both my intelligence and Malfoy's! Do you think we would be as careless as to allow ourselves to be caught so easily? This is nothing short of treason!"

"You're missing the point, entirely, Pansy. I'm not out against you. I just don't like the circumstances we're working under. Besides, you've had the brilliant foresight to have enough people to get the job done, right? One less won't hurt." The room was silent a moment.

"All right, fine! You got lucky this time. I'll let the matter slide. But cross me again, and I won't be so lenient."

"Understood, Pansy."

"Good. Remember, the next Hogsmeade trip Potter and the Mudblood pay!" Harry's eyes widened. There was another trip next weekend! He'd have to warn Hermione! It appeared that they were both in very grave danger.

`I have to tell Hermione, but when? I may not get a chance to until it's too late!'

"Argh!" Harry froze. He hadn't meant to say anything out loud, and it appeared that the silencing charm only worked one way.

"What was that?" Quickly, Harry tugged on the Extendable Ear and stashed it under her pillow. He rolled over with her back to the Slytherins and feigned sleep. He was just in time, as no sooner had Harry stopped moving when she heard the silencing spell lift and the curtains were thrown open.

"She's still asleep." It was the Mitchelson girl.

"Are you sure?" Pansy's voice, full of derision.

"Yeah. I'm sure."

"Well, just to be safe . . ." Pansy's voice was closer. "Stupify!" The spell hit Harry, and the world around her began to fade away. The last thing Harry remembered before darkness claimed her was Pansy's voice, the words echoing in his mind.

"Now, what to do about Miss Lillify . . ."

A/N: Well, that was fun, wasn't it! What will happen next? What will the Slytherins do to Harry? What is Dumbledore's plan? How will Harry cope? WHO TOOK ALL THE ICE CREAM?!?!?!?!?! Oh, wait, wrong question. Sorry got caught up in the moment. Tune in next installment to find out!


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