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Hermione's feelings are a little trickier, being as that, regardless of what Professor Trelawney says, I'm not clairvoyant. So what I've got is just some imaginative conjecture based on fact. I guess I'll just present the evidence and then sum up what I think it means, you know, like a good school paper or something.
Here's the first thing: Hermione doesn't seem to genuinely have romantic feelings for Ron. Ok, ok, I know I said "seem" and that implies speculation, but it's just so obvious. It could very well BE fact for all I know. It seems like she's just going through the motions. They snog, they fight, they snog, they fight. And then they break up (we'll come back to that). I don't think I've ever been witness to an actual heart-felt word spoken between the two of them. Which leads me to my second point:
Hermione and I have been engaged in some rather *intense* conversations. It started that summer after 5th year, continued on through 6th year, and led us here. I know all about her hopes for the future, she knows about my lack of ambition. I know all about the nightmares she has where I die, or her parents die, and she knows I have the same ones about her. I know how sensitive she is about her hair (which I happen to think is endearing). She knows that I regularly got the shit kicked out of me in primary school. She knows stuff I've never told anyone (stuff I'm obviously not going to reveal here). And I think I can safely say the same about my knowledge of her. Not that I'm bragging or anything, but I think I would definitely get top marks on a Hermione Granger exam. Boy do I wish that was a class.
Moving on.
Point three - Hermione is the only that notices when I get my hair cut. Trivial? Yes. But important nonetheless. My hair is such an unruly messy mop that *I* can barely tell after I've had it cut, so if she can, it means she's paying attention not only to what I say, but how I look. And since physical attraction is obviously a part of this whole 'love' thing, I figured it was worth mentioning. Plus, it makes me happy when she comments on it.
An addendum to point three would be this thing I know, but that I'm not supposed to. Hidden in Hermione's trunk, at the the bottom (I swear I was in there for good reason! I can't remember it right now, but it was definitely legit. Definitely.), is a stack of muggle magazines, with nothing really in common except they all contain articles about a certain muggle actor. Said actor is about six feet tall, has black hair, green eyes, is a little on the lanky side, and has a reputation for being a little clumsy. (ok, ok, I read the articles. Happy, now?!) Does that sound like anyone we know?
Ah, yes.
Me.
It could just be a coincidence, she could have a purely academic interest in the magazines. But isn't it much more fun to speculate that she doesn't?
Fourth point: We touch each other a lot. Not so obviously that it would garner Ron's attention, or anyone else's for that matter, but enough. She'll sit right up next to me if we're sitting on a couch. I'll touch her leg if I'm laughing at something she just said. Little stuff like that. Remember the "It seemed like a good idea at the time" incident with the Hufflepuff and the butterbeer? Hermione actually let me hold her hand on the walk back from the quidditch pitch after she saved me from myself and my hormones. I think she thought it was because I needed to establish a center of balance. Sure, fine, whatever she wants to tell herself. I knew what the hell I was doing.
Point five - She smells really, REALLY good. It's this whole woodsy/musk/vanilla/clean aroma and it's my favorite smell in the world. All right, all right. Not a point.
The REAL point five - Ah, screw it. No more points. I think Hermione likes me back. I just do. And if she doesn't, I think she definitely could. It's nothing I can articulate and it's nothing I can enumerate, but it's there. It is. We have a real potential, her and I.
So with that settled, it just leaves the issue of Ron. And what an issue it is. The "issue" is currently standing in the common room raving about how seventh years should be treated with "some real respect" (apparently, he had his shoe stepped on by an over-zealous third year). At least he's not raving about Hermione for a change.
Did I mention that she broke it off with him "for good" at the end of last year? No? I didn't mention that? That's odd considering it was the best thing to happen all 6th year.
Not that I wish ill things on Ron.
I don't.
He's still my best friend. It's just that it was clear that that relationship was all wrong (not that I'm biased or anything). No, seriously though. Toward the end there Hermione spent all her time upset and Ron would vacillate moodily between rage and depression. The kicker is though he still claims to have feelings for her. Claims he's "still in love with her."
Which is obviously the source of my problems.
See, I'm Harry Potter. I'm a nice guy. That's just my lot in life. Destined to do the right thing. Be the honorable one. While Ron gets to pout AND get the girl. Again, I want to make clear that I don't begrudge him his happiness. If I genuinely thought he and Hermione were right together, I WOULD do the honorable thing.
But they're not.
And I think I should at least have my shot. My shot to cross that line, that mysteriously drawn, but explicitly visible line, the one between friendship and love. The one I straddled for long enough. I want to CROSS it. I think it's about damn time.
I think Ron is just clinging to the one thing that was his and his alone, it wasn't a hand-me-down from the twins, it wasn't a left-over. His relationship with Hermione was the first thing he could lay sole claim to. And rather than moving on and finding himself more happiness, he's just clinging to this last straw of his first taste of it.
And inadvertently denying me mine.
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There'll be some real story (with real-life action!) soon and not rambling monologue, I promise. Well, actually, probably less (but still some) rambling monologue. What can I say? It's what I do. Thanks!
effectivelyabsent@yahoo.com
Here's a tip - don't try and outline fanfiction in a lecture hall. It's just not worth it, constantly looking over your shoulder, trying to figure out if the guy behind you is snickering at the professor, or where you've written words like "snogging," "muggle," and "Hufflepuff" in the margin of your notebook. Not that that happened or anything. Noooo, sir. . .