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"Ron said I was WHAT?"
Oh, come on, you really didn't think I wasn't going to tell her, did you?
"I don't know Hermione, I don't want you to yell at him or anything, he just said something to the effect of you still being enamored of him."
"Ha! That's a laugh! I'm not sure if I was ever enamored of him. Maybe not even in the beginning, part of me thinks he just wore me down."
See?! SEE?! Isn't that EXACTLY what I said? Yes, I think it is. I do feel bad for Ron though, he really is a good guy deep down. Deep, deep, deep down.
"Well, I think this is just his way of working through things. If you tell a lie enough times, you can convince yourself to believe it."
Yeah like, I'm not in love with Hermione. I'm not in love with Hermione. I'm not in love with Hermione. Wait, that didn't work . . .
"I just don't understand why this is even a topic of conversation anymore. It was done with a long time ago."
"I don't quite understand that either, Hermione, all I can think is that you're probably a really tough person to get over."
That was probably saying too much. Maybe she won't notice.
"Aww, Harry, that was nice of you to say."
Shit.
Wait, she's on the move. . .
And another cheek kiss! He shoots, he SCOOOORES! GOAL!
Well, might as well move this thing off the bench and into play.
"Um, Hermione, would you, uh, want to go, to Hogsmeade, or you know, wherever, this weekend, erm. . . with me?"
God, this selective stammering thing is fast becoming a pain in the ass.
"Of course, Harry! Do you need to pick somethi. . ."
I was once told off-handedly by Seamus that I should never play poker. Something about my face being too easy to read. I think Hermione just proved him right. I can tell you right now my face blanched as soon as she started speaking.
She misunderstood me.
She thought I meant as friends. And then she figured it out.
And now we're stuck in an awkward silence.
"Herm, I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable, I just thought, you know, it's seventh year, maybe there's more for us than where we are, maybe we should explore it."
Or maybe I should just stick my foot in my mouth and chew.
She still hasn't moved to say anything since she stopped mid-sentence.
"Wait, no, let's just forget I said that. Want to go down to dinner now?"
And then it happened.
She launched herself at me and grabbed me in a hug.
"No, no, no, Harry, I don't want to forget. I think this IS something we should explore. That summer really sparked something in me. You and I, we just click. Ron, that was just. . . it didn't fit. I love him, but not quite like that. But, this, this just makes sense to me, and you know how I like things that are logical."
THWAP!
Well, I've mentally smacked myself now, but she's still staring at me expectantly, so I guess she really did say that. I don't think I can deal with this level of honesty. I totally wasn't prepared. I was going to lay out another 'plan' before we had the talk about feelings!
And I've been stunned into silence.
"Well, Harry, I'll give you some time to think about what I said, I know Ron is your best friend and you wouldn't want to hurt him. I don't either. I'll see you soon, ok?"
Say something, say something, say something. . .
"Wait! Hermione! . . . you're my best friend too."
And those were my parting words as I watched the fat lady swing shut.
Smooth, Harry, really smooth. Dumb ass.
Now what? This was all great in theory. With my feelings firmly on the shelf and all. How did this get all turned around? *I* was supposed to be in control. But that really is what I love about Hermione, she takes things that are scary or hard and makes them go away. Well, in this case she actually made them scarier, but I'm sure it's a good kind of scared.
I just didn't think we'd ever get here.
I honestly thought, for all my day-dreaming and planning and posturing, that she just didn't feel the same way. That she couldn't feel the same way.
That's a lie.
I knew how she felt.
And now it's been confirmed and I'm out of my mind. What if I mess this up? What if I already did? I didn't exactly give her a warm reaction. And is Ron really going to be ok with this? Doubtful.
You know that Talking Heads song? The one about letting the days go by and water flowing and all that? That's exactly how I feel -
And you may ask yourself, how do I work this?
…And you may ask yourself am I right? Am I wrong?
….And you may say to yourself -
MY GOD WHAT HAVE I DONE?
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The Talking Heads song, if no one recognizes it, is 'Once In A Lifetime,' you'd probably all recognize it if you heard it. I just think that song has some part everyone can relate to on some level, and I think it fit here. This chapter didn't come out quite like I wanted, but my mind apparently has a mind of its own. Hope people are still reading!
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