Chapter Three
Harry headed to the hospital wing as soon as the lunch bell rang. People stared at him as he passed, but he ignored them. Nervousness had him fiddling with his wand as he moved along the corridor.
They were trying to unblock Hermione's memories.
It made Harry feel sick. He knew what it was like to have Snape invading his mind. He didn't trust Snape to be gentle or kind about it. Not even when Hermione had no way to prepare herself.
"Snape is very skilled at legilimens, Harry. I have no doubt he will do his best to return Miss Granger's memories."
Harry didn't have the same trust in Snape that Dumbledore did. But he was anxious that Hermione get her memories back as soon as possible. People were starting to ask questions. Their curiosity abounded over Hermione's absence from class and Harry's solitary contact with her. Only Ron knew what had happened and even then it had been an effort for Harry to choke the words out.
It scared him. Her ignorance of the dangers of their world-of her tie to him-it made her a target.
What Harry was willing to do to keep her safe, that scared him even more. He wondered how far he would go to protect her…
He opened the doors to the hospital wing, these thoughts weighing on him. It took him a moment to realize that Hermione wasn't occupying her usual corner. Hearing a muffled noise, he followed the sound around to the hospital wing's tiny bathroom. The door was open and Harry stopped, feeling his stomach clench.
Hermione was on her hands and knees, vomiting into the toilet. Madam Pomfrey held her hair back from her face and whispered to her in soft, soothing tones. Harry stared, unable to move-to speak. Every muscle in his body had seized up.
Hermione shuddered once and then relaxed, panting.
"What happened?" Harry said, voice coming out as a croak.
Madam Pomfrey looked up, startled. Hermione gave a small cry of surprise. Harry could see tears glistening in her eyes. He came forward.
"What happened?" he demanded. His fists clenched. "If… if… Snape…"
"No," Hermione moaned. "I'm alright… please, go away, Harry… please…"
The plaintive note in her voice seemed to go right through him.
"Leave? But I… but you…"
Madam Pomfrey stood up. With one swift move, she had him out of the bathroom, the door shut behind her. Harry clenched his jaw.
"Let me back in!"
Madam Pomfrey made a sound of disgust. "Really, Mr. Potter, I'm not in the habit of taking orders from you."
"What happened?" Harry asked again.
"Miss Granger will tell you, once she has herself cleaned up." Madam Pomfrey gave him a beady stare. "Honestly, Mr. Potter, haven't you learned anything about girls?"
Leaving Harry open mouthed, Madam Pomfrey disappeared back into the bathroom. A moment later, he could hear the sounds of water running.
Harry paced the hospital wing, drumming his fingers nervously against his legs. I can't believe Hermione's suddenly all concerned with vanity! Since when?
Harry's thoughts turned to Snape and a burst of anger clouded his mind. He was certain this was his doing.
The bathroom door snapped open and Harry turned around. Hermione's eyes met his. She looks better, Harry decided. She had colour back in her cheeks and her eyes were more focused.
Harry had opened his mouth to ask what happened when she took three quick strides towards him and flung her arms around his neck. Harry felt the breath go out of his lungs.
He almost asked if she had her memories back when he realized she was shaking. Her arms tightened around him. Harry tried his best to comfort her, startled by the way she had her face pressed so tightly against his shoulder.
She began to relax, allowing Harry to notice several things. One, she was very soft and warm, nestled like that in his arms. Two, her breath was hot against his shoulder. Three, her hair smelled nice, which was nothing short of remarkable, considering she'd just finished vomiting in a toilet.
"Hermione…" he finally said. "Not that this isn't nice, but could you tell me what happened?"
She pulled away and Harry realized he didn't want to stop touching her, not yet. Her eyes were still red from her tears and she looked fragile. He rubbed his hands up and down her arms and looked into her eyes. He couldn't help thinking how odd this was. It seemed like she was always doing her best to comfort him over one thing or another. Despite their situation, Harry felt a jolt of pride to know he could reciprocate that comfort.
"P-Professor Snape… he…"
"Yes?" Harry said, feeling his ire rise.
"The mind probe that he…" she chewed nervously on her bottom lip. "It was awful, Harry. I've never felt so… so… open and exposed. I thought I was going to burst from the inside." Her voice turned tearful. "He couldn't get anything, so he pushed harder… I didn't… I couldn't-"
I'llkillhim. KILL HIM. Kill. Him.
"Wh-what?"
Harry blinked. He felt his cheeks warm. "Erm… did I speak aloud?"
"Yes, she said sternly. "And you mustn't do anything of the sort! He's a professor! You could get in serious trouble!"
Harry blinked at her, surprised by how familiar her tone of voice was. On impulse, Harry hugged her close again.
"Alright. I won't."
She let out a tiny sniff. "I want my memories back-oh, you know I do! But I don't know if I can-"
"Shh. It's okay. We'll find another way. I promise."
She pulled away to study his face. Harry hardly dared breathe; she was so close to him. The palm of her hand slid down his shoulder and his arm, before she linked her fingers through his.
"You always make me feel better," she whispered. "How do you do that?"
Harry swallowed. "I… I-I know you, Hermione…"
"I don't remember having any friends," she said. "And I certainly never had any like you."
Harry couldn't say anything. Her eyes… her face… she was so close…
"Harry?" she whispered. "Were we… I mean… are we… you know…?"
She nodded her head in the direction of their joined hands. Harry felt his heart jump into his throat. Quickly, he pulled away from her.
"I… er…" Harry looked around, feeling a sense of desperation. "That is… we… no. No… we weren't."
"Oh," Hermione said.
"Yeah."
There was a long moment of silence.
Hermione tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. "I'm sorry. I didn't-I didn't mean to put you on the spot."
"It's… don't worry about it," Harry said.
He couldn't do this to her. They couldn't do this. Not when she knew so little about who she was-who he was.
"I… er… Ron was hoping to come by later." Harry forced a smile. "He said he'd bring you a copy of Hogwarts: A History. If that doesn't jog your memory, I don't know what will-it's your favourite book. He's been wracked with guilt over what happened. Don't be too hard on him."
"Alright."
Hermione's forehead had creased into a frown. It made Harry nervous-he couldn't figure out what she was thinking about.
"I'll see you later, then."
Without waiting for a reply, Harry turned. And fled.
***
Hermione had always been a smart girl.
She knew perfectly well there was something she wasn't being told. Grudgingly, she had accepted the world around her. She was a witch, she was eighteen-years-old, and she could not remember the last seven years of her life. The facts were immutable. She had no choice but to accept them.
But Harry was keeping something from her-a rather large something.
Her meeting with Ron had proved fascinating. Her mind wandered freely as he babbled talking about Quidditch and food and things she had no interest in.
Harry had said that they hadn't been… involved, for lack of a better term. But his reactions towards her told a different story. From the descriptions Ron provided of their relationship, Hermione had gleaned that, yes, Harry had been telling her the truth.
But they were in love.
She was certain that's what it had to be-for there was simply no other way to describe her actions around him. She had no memories of him, but his mere presence was enough to make her feel, deep inside. She only felt calm when he was around, as if he brought the real Hermione Granger with him.
That's what it is, she decided rationally. They were in love. Plain and simple.
And he was keeping something from her.
Since he wouldn't tell her himself, she'd go investigate. She refused to sit obediently in the hospital wing while others determined her fate.
That decided, Hermione waited for Madam Pomfrey to go to bed before heading out. After a short, internal debate, Hermione grabbed her wand. She knew it was useless to her, but it would make her look more intimidating.
Out of the hospital wing, she eyed her surroundings with trepidation. She'd only been in the halls of Hogwarts a few times-and always with someone to guide her. Shrugging, she set off.
The halls were nearly empty. The few students she passed openly stared, making her cheeks warm. She set her jaw and ignored the looks.
I have to find Harry, she thought, glancing around her. If she could prove to Harry she could take care of herself, he would have to tell her what he was keeping secret.
The only problem was, she had no idea how to go about finding him. After winding her way through several corridors without any sense of direction, Hermione gave up. She had no way of knowing where to go.
Just when Hermione was beginning to consider trying to find her way back to the hospital wing, she was stopped by the sound of her name.
"Granger, what are you doing down here?"
Hermione froze. She turned around and saw a blond boy she didn't recognize.
She tried to smile. "I'm looking for Harry, actually. Have you seen him?"
The boy didn't smile back. "Why would Potter be down here?"
Well, I've tried everywhere else…"
The boy took a step towards her. "Is this some sort of joke?"
Hermione backed up. "No, of course not." She faltered. "What did you say your name was again? I can't seem to recall it."
"What are you playing at, Granger?" The boy took another step forward.
"Nothing," Hermione said quickly, looking to step around him. He put an arm out to block her path. "I'm really just trying to find Harry."
The boy's nose flared. "And just why are you looking for Potter down here? What, did he run away from the common room in his haste to get away from you?"
"Common room?" Hermione repeated. "Where's… could you tell me how to get there, by any chance?"
"What are you, Granger, daft?" said the boy. "You know I have no desire to speak to filthy Mudbloods like yourself."
Hermione bit her tongue to keep from asking what a "Mudblood" was. From the boy's tone, she knew it was an insult.
"Why are you saying these things?" Hermione said. "You don't… you hardly know me."
The boy snorted. "You think you're funny, don't you? You think-" the boy broke off, realization dawning in his eyes. "You really don't remember anything, do you?"
Hermione hefted her chin. "I don't know what you're-"
The boy laughed.
"My, that is rich! No wonder Dumbledore's been trying to keep this quiet." The boy grinned. "You really have no idea who I am."
Hermione thought back to the warning hints Harry had dropped-the reasons she couldn't leave Hogwarts. Her stomach clenched in fear.
The boy's voice turned softer. "Potter's the only one that knows, is he?" the boy was so close to her that Hermione was forced to shrink against the wall. She could feel her heart thudding against her ribcage.
"With good reason," the boy continued. He stared into her face. "I could tell you anything and you would have no way of knowing what was the truth and what wasn't."
He pressed up against her. Hermione struggled not to cry.
"Get off me."
He chuckled.
"Look at you… so meek… so helpless…"
"I am not helpless," Hermione snapped, jerking her knee up between his legs.
Anticipating her, he backed out of the way and scowled.
"Now, Granger. That's no way to play nice."
The next thing Hermione knew, he had his wand pointed between her eyes.
"Do you know what this is?"
Hermione hesitated. "Yes."
"Then you know what I could do to you with it… what I could make you do…"
"Yes."
"Play nice, Granger," he said again.
Hermione felt dizzy. Anger with Harry erupted in her. He should have told her. Whatever he was keeping secret… he should have told her.
"What do you want from me?"
"Oh, it's not really you," the boy said. "If you had just kept your head down and stayed out of the way, you could have avoided trouble, Granger. As it is… your close connection to Potter puts you into a fair amount of trouble."
Harry? What isn't he telling me?
The boy must have noticed the look on her face.
"He didn't tell you anything, did he?" he said softly. His eyes glinted. "When the Dark Lord takes you, Granger, he'll torture you until you die. And you won't even be able to understand why."
Hermione felt the colour drain from her face. She leaned back against the wall to steady herself. Her legs were shaking.
Torture… Dark Lords…
"You're mad."
"Mad?" the boy hissed. He jabbed his wand under her chin, forcing her to look into his eyes. "Perhaps. But you believe me, Granger. Don't you?"
Hermione swallowed. "Who are you?"
The boy's eyes glinted. "Does it really matter, Granger? I'm the one with the wand. I have you trapped. Scared. Alone."
Hermione bit her lip, looking around for an escape, some way to outsmart him. She'd always fallen back on her brains. She had to be one step ahead, thinking of the future… thinking of-
"Malfoy, you will get the fuck away from her right now… or I will kill you."
The boy raised his eyebrows and turned, hands held in the air.
"Potter," he said. "We were just talking."
"Funny," Harry said, taking a few steps towards him. "Looked more like assault from over here."
Hermione felt a sob threatening to tear itself out of her throat. Harry looked so… scary, she realized. His wand trained on Malfoy, the dark look on his face… he was holding himself together with sheer determination.
Malfoy knew it.
"You should tell her, Potter," he drawled, trying to look unconcerned. "You wouldn't want anyone… taking advantage of her situation."
"You come near her again, Malfoy, and I will kill you." Harry paused. "And I'll consider it a warm up."
"That's sweet, Potter. Falling in love with a Mudblood. Just like your father. You're a disgrace to the wizarding world."
"No, I'm not."
Harry said this quietly, his eyes unblinking. Hermione pressed a fist to her mouth to hold back her sobs.
"Get out of my sight, Malfoy."
Malfoy seemed to consider the validity of Harry's words. Finally, Malfoy slunk off, grinning.
Hermione felt tears sting her eyes. She looked at Harry and a mixture of fury and concern flashed across his face. Fury dominated and he took a few steps towards her, shaking.
"What are you doing?" he exploded. "Do you have any idea what could have happened? If I hadn't-"
Harry broke off and kicked the wall. He grunted in pain.
"Oh, fuck," he said. "That hurt."
His eyes watered and Hermione had to stifle hysterical laughter.
"We need to talk," Harry said, grabbing her arm. He steered her down the hall, his fingers warm on her skin. He held onto her tightly, but not tight enough to hurt her.
She glanced at his profile. "I'm sorry. I didn't… I didn't mean to make you worry."
Harry grunted and pulled her into an empty classroom. He closed and locked the door behind them. His eyes seemed to soften when he looked at her.
"It's not your fault," he said. "I should've told you… I'd have done the same thing, if it was me."
"The things Malfoy said…" her voice trembled. "I don't know if… was it true? Does-does someone want to kill me?"
Because of you? she added silently.
Harry squeezed his eyes shut. "Yes."
There was a long moment of silence.
"Oh," Hermione whispered.
"He won't-I won't…" Harry trailed off and slammed a chair at the nearest desk. Hermione flinched.
When he turned back around, he was breathing hard.
"It's complicated," Harry said. "How do I tell you you're in danger because of me? When you don't even remember who I am?"
Hermione clenched her hands together. "I still… I still feel," she said tearfully. "Oh, Harry, don't you see? It doesn't matter what you tell me… I can't change how I feel about you." She moved closer to him. "Tell me. I need to know."
Harry took a breath and gathered her hands in his. "Listen to me, Hermione," he said. "I'll do anything I can to keep you safe."
Hermione's heart pounded and her mouth was dry. She nodded.
"It's… it's like this. It started when I was a baby…"