A/N: When this chapter was first posted (June 7), it was Amethyst's birthday. I feel like that should be immortalized. Happy birthday, my dear! Woot. *grin*
Anyway. After this, there's one more completed chapter that will be followed by an as-of-yet-unfinished chapter nine next week.
Thanks to everyone that's read and reviewed!
-Goldy
***
When Hermione was eight, she'd been forced to stay after school for copying a student's answers during a spelling test. She'd momentarily lost her head and couldn't remember where the "i" went in "receive." From that moment on, Hermione vowed to be the best in all her work. She would never again get detention.
How unimportant that all seemed now.
She told Ron and Harry to study for N.E.W.T.'s, not because she particularly cared, but because it was what she did. They needed to hear her nag them for that little bit of normalcy it brought to their lives.
She was growing to hate being the responsible one.
But now… her feelings for Harry overwhelmed her. She was aware she could be close to losing him.
She stood in the living room doorway, watching him. His back was hunched over and he stared into the flames flickering in the fireplace. Knowing he could sense her presence, she settled herself down on her knees next to him. For a long moment, neither spoke. Hermione watched the firelight dance over his face.
"What was our first kiss like?"
His shifted slightly to look at her, gaining a far-off look in his eyes. She wished she could share this memory with him.
"You know what would be helpful?" he cracked a smile. "A pensieve."
She reached out to touch his face and his skin was warm under her fingertips.
"We haven't got a pensieve."
"I know… I…" his smile faltered. "I just wish you could see what I can."
"Tell me," she whispered.
Harry was quiet. "I'm not much good at explaining these things, Hermione. I don't want to mess it up."
She shifted closer to him and dropped her hand down to his shoulder.
"You won't mess it up."
"Alright. Er…" he squeezed his eyes shut and frowned in concentration. "It was right after I told you about Voldemort… and-and the prophecy. You… you were just looking at me, you know, in that way you do. "
"What way?" she said.
"Like… like there's no one else in the world. It's this fierce, protective look." A smile touched his lips. "You sometimes get it when you tell me to do my homework."
She laughed. "Go on."
"I knew I shouldn't… but it didn't matter, not right then. I wanted it so badly. So… I, er… I kissed you."
"And?" she prompted.
"And?"
"Well, was it any good?"
"It was brilliant."
Hermione smiled. "Show me."
Harry's eyes flew open. "What?"
Hermione moved closer to him until their noses bumped. The heat from the fire was making her feel flushed. His hands had grabbed her upper-arms and his breathing quickened.
"You mean… you want…"
"Yes," she said. "More than anything. Don't hold back."
Harry leaned forward and kissed her. He didn't hold back.
She kept her eyes closed after he'd pulled away, imprinting the kiss on her memory. It was something she vowed she would never allow herself to forget.
"Hermione…"
He sounded hesitant, so she instinctively threw her arms around him, holding him close.
"It's… er… I've got a bad feeling," he whispered, his breath tickling her ear.
"A bad feeling?"
"Yeah, about Voldemort. I… Hermione, I think he's planning something. Something awful."
"How can you know?"
Harry shrugged. "I feel it. Not the way I used to, but I'm still connected to him."
Hermione shivered. How impossible it was to think of her Harry… connected to Voldemort…
"It'll be okay," she said.
He heaved a sigh and let his forehead droop on her shoulder. She rubbed his back slowly, trying her best to comfort him.
***
Harry was missing.
Thunder rocked through the house and lightening lit up the cobwebs and scratches hidden in the furthest corners. Hermione peered out a window, her forehead creased into a deep frown. The rain obscured the street below and the lights blurred into each other.
She heard a creak behind her, but didn't look away from the window.
"Did you find him?"
Ron came over to stand beside her, soaking wet and shivering. He shook his head.
Hermione pressed two shaking fingers to her eyes. "I wish Professor Lupin was still here."
Harry had been missing for two hours. Professor Lupin had left that morning, leaving the three of them on their own for the afternoon. We think he's planning something, Lupin explained. It's… it's rather serious. Whatever you do, do not leave this house.
"I walked two blocks in each direction," Ron said. "I nicked Harry's invisibility cloak. I could… d'you want me to go out again?"
"No," Hermione said. "It's too dangerous."
Ron thumped his first against the window frame.
"Why?" he said. "Why would Harry leave?"
"I don't know," Hermione whispered. "I should've known there was something… he was acting strangely yesterday, Ron. I should have known."
"Hermione…" Ron trailed off and sighed. He put an arm around her shoulders. Hermione sniffed and leaned against him. "It's not your fault, you know it isn't. We'll give him one more hour, okay?"
Hermione felt a tear roll down her cheek. "What if we're too late? What if he… Ron, what if it wasn't his choice?"
"I don't know," he said. "But we're safe here. It's must've been Harry's own decision to leave."
"And in an hour?"
Ron sighed. "We'll get Dumbledore."
"How?" Hermione said. "We don't know where he is-we don't know where any of the Order is!"
"We'll find a way."
"How?"
"I don't know, okay?" Ron said. "But we'll have to. If Harry's not back in an hour, we'll find a way."
"Alright," Hermione whispered.
Together they stared out the window, watching the pouring rain.
***
They watched in silence, speaking only when they checked the time. The hour crawled by. Hermione's ears picked up every creak and groan and her legs were stiff and cramped from standing immobilized by the window.
With forty-five minutes gone, they heard the front door open and slam.
Ron and Hermione exchanged a look before rushing into the entrance hall. Ron stopped short and Hermione nearly plowed into him.
Harry stood stock still, dripping water all over the floor. For a long moment, they simply stared at each other, frozen.
Finally, Hermione's legs began to work again. A sob tore its way out of her throat and she took three running steps towards him, throwing her arms around his neck.
His shirt was damp against her bare arms and he smelled like rainwater. His hair was plastered to his forehead and his skin felt like ice against hers.
"I'm alright," he said, his words sounding awkward. "I'm sorry. I… there was something I had to do."
"Shh," she said, pressing her palm to his cheek. His face was pale and cold. He closed his eyes, swaying on his feet.
"Come on," she whispered. "Let's put you to bed."
Harry nodded, shoulders relaxing. Hermione took his hand to lead him to the stairs.
"Why don't you make us some tea, Ron?"
Ron snapped to attention. "Yeah. Alright."
Hermione took Harry upstairs. She pushed open his bedroom door, and the lights were muted, making it hard to see. Harry sank onto his bed, his face still white. He was silent as Hermione rummaged around, pulling out a sweatshirt and sweatpants.
She dropped to her knees beside him to undo his shoes. Harry stared at her, unblinking.
His trainers were soaked through. Hermione's eyes stung with tears.
"Why?" she said, voice low. "Why did you-"
The door opened and Ron came in, holding a mug of tea. Hermione straightened up, brushing away her tears. Harry's expression was carefully controlled.
"Why don't you help Harry get changed?" Hermione said, voice overly bright.
She didn't wait for Ron to answer and hurried from the room. Out in the solitude of the hall, she leaned heavily against the closed door, finally letting her tears fall.
***
When Ron came out, Hermione had herself back under control.
"He wants to talk to you," Ron said. He peered at her thoughtfully, looking like he wanted to say more.
"What?"
"He… uh, he really loves you, you know," Ron shrugged. "Don't be too hard on him. He was just… doing what he thought he ought do."
"Oh, so he can tell you why he ran off, can he?"
"No!" Ron said. "But it's going to tear him up, not being able to tell you."
Hermione bit her lip. "I just want this to be over."
"I know," Ron sighed. "Go on. He needs you."
Hermione nodded and pushed the door open. Harry was in the same place she left him, but she was pleased to see colour coming back to his face.
He looked up at her as she entered, eyes worn and exhausted. He took a breath.
"Harry…" she whispered, overcome at seeing him. The worry of the last few hours caught up with her, and she grabbed the doorknob to keep herself from falling over. "Why, Harry? Why did you-"
"I can't tell you," he said, looking away. "I'm sorry, Hermione."
"Sorry?" she said. " You're sorry? You disappeared! I thought-I thought something horrible had happened to you!"
Harry leaned his elbows on his knees, cradling his face in his hands.
"I know. I'm sorry," he said again. "But there was something… I had to. Please don't make me tell you." He looked back up at her and seemed to read her mind. "Don't tell on me either, Hermione, please."
Hermione felt a pang of guilt, her thoughts turning away from writing to Lupin.
"I need you to trust me," he continued, eyes pleading. "Do you?"
"Of course I do," she said. "But this doesn't have to do with-"
"Please," he said. "Please, Hermione. I had to. Voldemort's coming, I know he is. I can't take you being angry with me. Not right now."
Hermione hesitated, but the sensation that they were running out of time fell down on her again. How could she possibly remain angry?
She settled down next to him, the bed creaking with the extra weight. "I'm not angry," she said. "Worried sick, but not angry."
Harry's face relaxed and he put his arms around her. She pressed her face to his chest, listening to his heart thump under her ear.
***
They made love that night. Hermione hadn't planned it that way, but being in his arms, his lips on her face, and his hands sliding down her torso left her dizzy.
Harry's kisses had a hungry, worshipful feeling to them. When his hands slipped under her shirt to unhook her bra, she did not protest. When he ran his tongue along her nipples, she arched against him and reached for his buckle.
Hands tugged, teeth bumped, and tongues licked. She stopped wondering where he'd gone and only felt relief that he was with her. He filled her, pushing inside until she thought she would break in two. She dug her fingers into his shoulders and listened to his ragged breath in her ear. Words of promises slipped from both their tongues.
The ceiling blurred and the room spun, and she did her best to hold on.
***
There was such power in it-this secret she now shared with Harry. She felt more in tune with him somehow. She was aware of his every gesture, his barest presence.
Every look from him, every smile contained more behind it. She could look at him and remember how it felt when he was inside her, his lips on her neck, her breasts, her mouth.
"We should really be thanking Ron, you know," Harry remarked at one point.
"Ron?"
"Yeah, well," he flashed her a grin. "If he'd never caused your amnesia, I probably never would have kissed you."
She laughed. "Oh, Harry, don't you think we would have happened even without Ron's intervention?"
"God, I hope so," Harry said. He sighed. "Hermione, I know things are… bad out there, but I'm-"
"I know," she said. "You're worried. You have this destiny hanging over you and you don't know when it'll be."
"That's just it," he said. "I'm… I'm happy."
The last word was a whisper and he looked at her as though afraid she'd contradict him.
A smile spread across her face and he relaxed.
"Me too."
***
Their happiness was shattered later on that evening.
Lupin Apparated in while they were eating dinner. His look was so grave even Ron set down his utensils.
Hermione felt the colour drain from her face, but Harry looked unsurprised, even resigned.
Lupin heaved a sigh and spread his palms on the table.
"It's time," he said quietly.
Harry nodded. "I know."
Hermione felt her stomach clench, but she couldn't allow herself to think about Harry facing Voldemort-not yet.
"Voldemort has taken control of Hogwarts," Lupin said flatly.
Hermione gasped and covered her mouth.
"But Harry isn't at Hogwarts!" Ron said triumphantly. "There's nothing for him there."
"Oh, Ron," Hermione whispered. "Don't you get it?"
Ron looked back and forth between her and Lupin. Harry had folded his arms across his chest and was staring out the window, silent.
"Get what?"
"Dumbledore," Harry said, back to them. "Voldemort went after Dumbledore."
"But-but… he'd be mad to do that!" Ron said.
"Not if he had a school full of children to use as bait," Hermione said.
Ron looked sick.
Harry turned back around. "He's dead, isn't he?"
Hermione jumped at Harry's words and turned to Lupin, biting her bottom lip until it hurt.
Lupin nodded.
Hermione didn't know whether to scream or cry. Dumbledore was dead. Dumbledore was dead. This fountain of knowledge and power, this symbol of hope, he was dead.
Hermione looked at Harry to see how he was taking it. His face was blank.
"Is…" Harry swallowed. "The students… are they…?"
"They're alive," Lupin said.
"What does he want?" Hermione whispered.
"Want?" Ron said in a strangled voice.
"Well, he's holding the school hostage for something, Ron! Use your head!" Hermione snapped.
Ron paled and sat down, breathing heavily.
"Yes," Lupin said. "Voldemort wants something."
"Me," Harry said.
Hermione felt like the breath had been knocked out of her.
"No…"
"I'm sorry," Lupin said. His forehead wrinkled into a deep frown. "There are hundred of children at Hogwarts. Harry…"
"I know," he said, still in that maddeningly calm voice. "If Voldemort wants me, he can have me."
"Harry, no!" Hermione cried. "Don't be stupid. This is a trap, you know it is!" She looked at Ron. "Tell him he can't do this."
Ron put a hand on the table to steady himself. "Ginny's still at Hogwarts," he said hoarsely. He looked at Harry. "I'm sorry, mate."
Harry nodded. "Yeah, it's alright."
Hermione felt like the floor had been pulled out from under her. Harry still looked emotionless.
She wanted to scream at him.
"How long do I have?" he asked.
Lupin looked torn and old. "Not long."
Harry nodded. "Alright. I…" he swallowed.
Hermione felt a sob tear out of her. Ron stared at the kitchen table. Lupin looked away.
"Harry… if you… you can't." She was shaking. "If you die, he wins. Don't go. Please don't go."
"I have to."
"No, you don't."
There was a moment of silence. Harry thrust his hands in his pockets and glanced at Lupin and Ron.
"I'm going to pack some things." He jerked his head towards the door. Hermione forced herself to take several deep breaths before following.
She went upstairs, her legs feeling heavy. She supported her weight on the banister, her legs moving slowly as they climbed each step. She went down the wall, still feeling too heavy, and her head too light. She opened the door to Harry's bedroom and willed herself to calm down, to think rationally-like she was best at.
Harry walked stiffly around the room, gathering random items together and stuffing them in a bag. She could see he wasn't paying attention to what he was doing. He stuffed three different socks in the bag and bent down for his chess set.
"Oh, Harry…" she said, her voice catching.
He looked up, a lost gleam in his eyes. "Hey," he said. "I'm just… packing."
She nodded and went to him. "I don't think…" she glanced into his bag. "Harry, do you have your wand?"
"Yeah, in my pocket."
"I don't think… well, I don't think you really… need… anything else, do you?"
Harry paused, looking caught. "No… I don't… I don't s'pose I do."
"Harry…" she reached out to him, but he backed away.
"Don't," he said. "I'm trying to… Hermione, it's Hogwarts. I can't… I have to go."
She sighed. "I know."
With her quiet admission, he looked up, startled. "Oh."
"I'm going with you."
Harry sucked in a breath. "What? You can't… Voldemort wants me."
"I don't care, Harry!" she said fiercely, getting closer to him until they were practically eye to eye. "I'm going with you."
"No, you're not!"
"Yes, I'm… I'm not arguing!" Hysteria bubbled in her and she grabbed his arm. "Don't you see? Nothing means anything anymore unless I'm with you. I can't sit here while you go off-I won't. You need me, Harry. You always have. Nothing's changed."
"Nothing's changed?" he repeated, incredulous. "How can you say-everything's changed, Hermione! I won't put your life in danger!"
"And I won't sit by and let you put yours in danger," she said through clenched teeth. "That's not the way it works."
Harry glared at her, and Hermione knew he was contemplating what his chances were of shaking her off before he left. She dived at him again and held his arm with more insistence. She could feel her nails dig into his skin.
"Don't you dare think of stunning me, Harry. Don't you dare." She let out a little cry of frustration and shook his arm. "Harry, please…"
He hesitated, staring down into her face. "Hermione…" his voice quivered. "Don't you understand? As soon as I get there… well, I reckon Voldemort's going to kill me. That's what he's after. It's… it's hopeless. My life for Hogwarts, that's what they want."
"No," she shook her head and several tears splashed down her face and landed on the hand gripping his arm. "It's not hopeless. It is never hopeless. You have your wand… you… you have a plan. I know you do. You've been…" her voice cracked. "You've been expecting this."
"Hermione-"
"Look," she cut in briskly, wiping her eyes. "I'm going. Now, you can spend it angry with me, or you can kiss me before we go. Your choice."
He kissed her, but he pulled away quickly, his face set in a resolute frown.
Taking her arm, he strode from the room, holding her close. "I'm still angry," he said as they descended the stairs. "But we don't have time to argue and… and… I know you can handle yourself." He looked ill for a minute. "That doesn't much matter, though. I'll still... just stick close by me, okay?"
She nodded. "Harry, I love you."
Harry turned so sharply, he nearly fell down the stairs. She reached out to steady him, and she could feel his skin vibrating with nerves.
He gaped at her, and his mouth opened and closed a few times. "D'you mean that?"
"Of course I do." She tried to smile, but it faltered. "After everything we've shared, how could you doubt that?"
"I… I don't… not many people have…"
She covered his lips with her hand, cutting off his words. "So you see why I have to go, don't you?"
His eyes clouded over and she removed her hand.
"I can't bear the idea that I'm putting you in danger," he whispered, reaching out to touch her face with his knuckles.
"I know."
"I… I love you too."
His words were shy and hesitant, and she felt something in her swell with them. She wanted to yell at the fates for choosing him to kill Voldemort. There was simply no such ruthlessness in him-and she shuddered to think what this destiny would do to him.
"Let's go," she said, her lip trembling.
He kissed her, a real kiss, insistent and demanding, tongue sweeping into her mouth and hands curving down her back. He pulled away and took her arm again, keeping her partly behind him-even as they descended the stairs.