Bittersweet
Ch.3- Coping With Lose
If you want to
I can save you
I can take you away from here
So lonely inside
So busy out there
And all you wanted
was somebody who cares
I'm sinking slowly
So hurry hold me
Your hand is all I have to keep me hanging on
Please can you tell me
So I can finally see
Where you go when you're gone
If you want to
I can save you
I can take you away from here
So lonely inside
So busy out there
And all you wanted
was somebody who cares
Michelle Branch: All You Wanted
Lily ran as fast as she could to the Room of Requirement. "I need to find James… I need to find James… I need to find James…" A polished golden handle appeared. She grabbed it and wrenched it open. She gasped at the sight of an unconscious James with his arm covered in blood and a bloody pocketknife in his other hand. She rushed to him.
"Oh James, don't, don't leave me. Not now!" She exclaimed. First aid supplies appeared in the room. She grabbed them and cleaned his arm off. James's breathing stopped.
Lily gasped. She began something she had seen on muggle television commercials: CPR. She clamped his nose shut and lowered her lips to his mouth, forcing air into his lungs. Once, twice, three times. Then James violently coughed and opened his eyes. He vomited blood on the floor.
"Oh James, I thought I'd lost you forever. Are you okay?" Lily asked in a barely controlled state of panic. "I was so stupid Lily, I've failed you, my parents, Sirius, everyone. I don't deserve to live." James said, still coughing up blood.
" How do you figure that?"
" I knew something was wrong, I knew it, and I didn't do anything about it! I killed my parents, Lily, I KILLED THEM!!!" James lungs tore in the effort.
He looked around frantically for the knife. He saw it in Lily's hand. "Give to me." Lily shook her head. "GIVE IT TO ME!!!!!" Lily was afraid at the power James was showing, but she must stand firm.
"James, no one blames you, I don't blame you; Sirius doesn't blame you. It wasn't your fault. You didn't know." Lily said and put the knife away. " I'm so sorry Lily, I can't do anything; I couldn't help my parents, I couldn't help Sirius with his family, I couldn't protect anyone, and now Voldemort's gunna come after everyone that I care about, including you." James said holding back tears that were screaming to come.
James covered his face with his large hands. He would not cry, even if the effort killed him. "I can't lose everyone I love, Lily. I just can't." Lily was shocked by this open, raw display of emotion he had shown the last few minutes. "You won't, James, I swear it." James lifted his from his face slightly, so he could look at Lily through the corner of his eye. "Promise?" he asked, more helpless than a toddler who had a bad dream. "I promise, James."
Lily opened her arms to him, and James fell into her, finally opening the floodgates that he had held in for so long. They sat arm in arm in the Room of Requirement for what seemed like forever, holding each other in grief, absorbed in their own thoughts.
Some ungodly time after midnight, they broke apart. " We need to clean you up; you look like you got ran over by the Knight Bus," Lily said. She cleaned the blood off of his arm, and wrapped it gingerly while James watched her in awe. "You're really good at that." "Well, yes, I hope so, as I want to be a healer," Lily said.
"I… uhhh… kinda was wondering if youwannagotohogsmeadewithme." James stuttered.
"I'll let you think about it for now, and I'll think about it too, okay? Give me a day or two to think. And monitor your behavior. And your friend's. Let's go back to the common room. Remus and Sirius and Peter are probably wondering where you are." Lily said.
James frowned, he didn't want to face his friends, he didn't want to face Griffindor, he didn't want to face Hogwarts, and he didn't want to face the world. He wanted to stay here, where there was no outside world, no judgment, no fear. "But that's not like a Griffindor, is it? I have too face them, whether I like it or not.
Almost as if reading his thoughts, Lily said," Your parents wouldn't want you to hide; they didn't, and you won't either. I'll be beside you the whole time, alright?" She added softly.
As though resigned for the worst, he set his jaw and nodded his head determinedly. At that they got up together, and walked from the room arm in arm, ready to once again face the world.
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ Time Warp$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
The week before the funeral was horrible. People skirted around James in the hallways, as though he had a nasty disease. James neither noticed nor cared about this. He simply delved himself into his schoolwork. The four marauders rarely laughed, and when they did, it was forced and strained.
The day before the memorial, Sirius, Remus, James, and Lily got permission to go. Peter had to go home to his sick grandmother instead. That night, the 7th year boys' dormitory was hushed and subdued. Even when Sirius accidentally switched his nose onto a butterbeer bottle no one said anything.
Sirius refused to Dumbledore to go. Instead, he would be going as Snuffles, The Potter's "dog". He couldn't handle going as a human; he couldn't handle the emotions. He felt horrible for James, who couldn't go as Prongs.
Mr. and Mrs. Potter had their lives to live. True, they weren't young, but they had many good years left. Then Voldemort had to come and kill them. All these deaths, all these lives, were all because of Voldemort. He wondered how many people's lives would be sacrificed before this madness ended…
"We have lost two very good aurors, and today, we know that their deaths will not be in vain. We shall catch the ones who did this to the Potters. Thank you." The Minister was not good at speeches, and this was a record horrible one. Dumbledore stepped back up to the platform. "Now, there is one other person who would like to speak." He stepped down to make way for…Lily? Her face was as red as her auburn hair, with tears in her eyes.
"I didn't know the Potters as well as some, but I did know them. They were unusually kind to me, unlike many adults in the wizarding world. Most pureblood adults shunned me because of my heritage, but the Potters looked past that. They saw what few purebloods saw: they saw a person.
"The minister says that we lost two good aurors, but he's wrong. We didn't lose two good aurors; we lost two great people. I wrote a poem that I think shall honor the Potter's.
"Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glint on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you wake in the morning hush,
I am the swift, uplifting rush.
Of quiet birds in circling flight.
I am the soft starlight at night.
I am the song that will never end.
I am the love of family and friend.
I am the child who has come to rest
In the arms of the father who knows him best.
When you see the sunset fair,
I am the scented evening air.
I am the joy of a task well done.
I am the glow of the setting sun.
Do not stand at my grave and cry.
I am not there; I did not die."
She looked straight at James and said," Let us not gather here to morn their deaths, but to celebrate their lives. The Potters taught me to not dwell on horrid events, and forget to live, so in their memory, I will do as they would want me to, and live on." Tears were now streaming down her face as she stepped down from the podium.
James could not think. Goodness, he loved that girl. He now felt that a huge weight had been lifted off of him. Sirius nudged James's hand as he absentmindedly stroked the dog's head.
Back in the Griffindor common room, only Lily and James remained. Everyone else had deserted the common room hours ago. Lily sighed. "I don't know much of anything about you. How about we play Truth or Truth, and later Remus and Sirius can join us for Dare or Dare. "Okay," James said enthusiastically. This opportunity was way too good to pass up, despite the recent events.
"I'll go first. James, what is your favorite color?" "Blue, duh. It goes with Sirius's favorite color, pink." James responded while Lilly looked disgusted at his friend's choice of color.
"Lilly, how are you so brilliant?" Lilly laughed. " I study, you great oaf," She said and play-slapped his arm.
"Why do you always ask me out?" James gaped at her, then slowly said," Because of your hair, your smile, your personality, and your soul. It amazes me that you can be so beautiful, physically and mentally." These words floored Lilly. James smirked at her mouth that was hanging open.
"My turn. Why do you always turn me down?" James asked, still smirking at Lilly. "Ahhh, well, erm… I used to think you were immature, arrogant prat who couldn't think of anyone else but himself, and that I wouldn't date you if you were the last male on earth." She said very quickly, as if saying it all fast would lessen the words. She then bit her lip as a blush crept on her face like a wildfire.
James's heart cracked at that moment, as did his voice. " And now?" he asked in a voice not his own.
"Now I think… that you have shown a different side of you to me. That James Potter is sensitive and caring… and brave. It's that James Potter that Dumbledore made head boy, it's that James Potter that helps Remus, and…" Lily hesitated. "What?" James quarried. Lily took a deep breath, then slowly finished her statement. "It's that James Potter that I want to go out with."
"Re…Really?" James stuttered, and Lilly nodded, losing herself in his hazel eyes, while James lost herself in her green ones. They intertwined fingers as they slowly leaned forward…
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