A few changes have been made…
Chapter Five: Vision of Betrayal
November 10th
Dear Diary,
Why do I do this to myself? Why do I fall for a guy who barely knows I exist? It's got to be a genetic…I flirted with Draco, kissed him, and then nothing. He's completely ignoring me and I don't understand why. I know I'm not athletic, or beautiful, or anything really. Ordinary describes me pretty well, but-after all I've been through, all I'm going to go through, shouldn't I get a little bit? I can't help but think that. It's wrong, I know.
It's different, what I feel for Draco, than what I felt for Harry. Maybe I'm older, or perhaps it's because they're complete opposites. Maybe I'm falling in love with Draco. Then again I thought I'd fallen head over heels for Harry. When I declared I was over him everyone had just assumed it had happened like the snap of two fingers. Only it didn't, I just realized it was never going to be. I'd come to the terms of being the little sister of The Boy Who Lives best friend. Now, even though it's slightly off, I'm going through almost the same thing.
If it is love then I hate it. Just feeling this way, like it's hopeless, like every minute that I don't see him makes me feel empty, a bottomless pit of nothing. This world is so lonely and love just makes it more so. You always hear those heroic stories of what people will do for love and I ask why? In the end it's not worth it. Things change and people die. Either that or you get cheated on, or a Quidditch accident…this world is dangerous and I am so afraid, every single day my fear just strangles me, makes me almost sessile. It clouds my sight with the colour of pain-the colour of pain? If it would have a colour it would be red because of what it stands for: passion, love, blood. All of it's painful and hard. Sure you get that pleasure point in passion, that knee weakening experience for love, and well the blood is what allows the first two to work so well together I suppose. Without it we'd be dead to, that's a pretty good reason! The ending result is just too severe, it asks too much. Really, the only love worthwhile is the love for friends and family.
Okay, I'm done being the Martyr. I promise. So, this deal with being immortal, well, I still can't even imagine it, but if it's true I don't think I'll like it. Living forever, seeing your family and friends die, having that knowledge as you watch someone you know be put in the ground that that will never be you, because 'hey!' you're going to live 'til the end of the world, possibly then some. It's something that I'd never thought I'd be scared of. It's kind of ironic if you think about it. Everyone I know is afraid to die, but what I'm frightened of is that I won't die. Hmm, scary!
I'm getting my blood taken today. I have to go to the infirmary in about ten minutes. Supposedly if I am immortal it'll have some type of accelerated rejuvenating tissue in it or something. I wasn't really paying attention. Discussions involving Hermione and Professor Dumbledore, or any teacher for that matter, usually border in the category of 'so boring they'll put me in my REM cycle of sleep in the blink of an eye'. Which, doesn't it usually take around twenty to thirty minutes to get to? I can't remember. Speaking of sleep, I had a pretty steamy dream of Draco last night. I'd tell you, but dear diary is not an X-rated hard back. Shame.
I've noticed that when Draco gets angry he gets this little pouty look in his face and it's so cute. The thing is, you can tell he's royally pissed off too. Every time I see it I just want to go up, grab his face, and kiss it off him. And the way he walks…oh, sorry about that wet spot on the page, a little drool there…he has a very muffin-y butt, but muscular at the same time. And he wants people to think he's this all around hard arse, but he's gentler with the first and second years, more stern with the third, fourth, and fifth years, and just plan ol' tough with the sixth and seventh years. No one sees it, because they don't see. They don't look deep enough; they judge the title and the cover before they read the pages. I did it, everyone does. It's only human.
Oh stop me…I don't need to start rambling or I'll be late.
One more thing, that vision I had that night at the party, the one I shared with Pansy, well I had it again, the exact same one not but an hour ago. The blood, the smell, that last angry cry-everything the same. I've never had the same vision twice. I guess this year is going to be a lot of 'firsts'.
Seeya!
G.W.
****
Ginny squeaked as the needle pricked her skin and slid down, her stomach feeling queasy while she watched the blood well up into the tiny plastic tube that was about the length of an index finger. She always hated getting her blood taken and it wasn't because the big rubber band around her upper arm was so tight. It was definitely the needle. There was just something about it, almost as if as soon as it went into her she could feel it pulling the red liquid out of her. And it hurt!
"Alright, that should be enough," Madam Pomfrey nodded, pulling the needle out and then quickly swabbing the tiny driblet of blood that oozed from the wound.
Ginny snorted. I should hope five tubes is enough.
She rubbed her arm over the place where miniature wound should have been. Even though it had closed up it still stung. Now it was time to wait. Ginny didn't know if she had the patience for it, even if magic could accelerate the process to figure out if she was an immortal.
"Well…off you go Ms. Weasley. We'll have the results with in the next five hours or so," Madam Pomfrey informed as she made a 'shooing' motion with her hands.
"Shouldn't I be happy?"
"Pardon?"
Ginny cleared her throat. "I mean, um, there's a possibility that I'm going to live forever. Forever! Merlin-I say that and I feel sick to my stomach. So, shouldn't I be happy?"
"Oh," Madam Pomfrey paused and started to speak twice before she actually answered. "I can't tell you what you should feel. Immortality is a very seductive word to many people, but it doesn't have to be for everyone. Now, off you go."
Was that supposed to make me feel better? Ginny wondered as she jumped off the bed and walked towards the door. Madam Pomfrey isn't much for moral support.
**** 1st hour
"Ginny, this is great! You're immortal!" Ron cried out, grinning from ear to ear, plopping down at the chair across from her in the Gryffindor common room.
"There's nothing great about being immortal and besides it isn't a fact yet. Professor Dumbledore, Professor Snape, and Madam Pomfrey are still working on it," she spoke softly, flipping a page in the Potions book, hiding the fact that she was getting irritated.
"How can you do homework at a time like this? Don't you get it? Everything is going to be okay now. You don't have to worry about anything anymore if you are."
She slammed her Potions book closed. "It's not okay!" Ginny yelled, and then cleared her throat, bowing her, and lowering her voice as she continued to speak. "It is not okay," she whispered before lifting her eyes to meet her brothers'. "Ron, I don't want to be immortal. I couldn't handle these visions for eternity. You think you took it hard when you realized I could see the future, but you don't know what it's like to actually have them. It isn't easy, never was. There's just no way I could handle it. I'm not strong enough."
Ron cleared his throat and averted his eyes. "You're strong Ginny, you are."
"But not enough."
Ron sighed. "I think you're wrong."
"Then don't think. You were never very good at it anyway!"
**** 3rd hour
"Put the Runes in a cup, shake them, and spill them over the ground-close your eyes and let your hand lead you to the Rune of your future to come?" Ginny spoke allowed, then shrugged. "Okay," she said, shook the cup then poured the Runes out onto the Gryffindor common room table.
She'd been in the common room for hours and somewhere between then and now Ginny had sauntered upstairs to slip into something more comfortable. It was most likely that she went upstairs to get away from Ron, because when she'd come back down he was gone. What a relief that was! She'd opted for a pair of drawstring, green pyjama pants and an old white, Quidditch shirt with the picture of a snitch on the front, though it wasn't as if she had many options. It was that or the horribly ugly orange t-shirt Percy had given her. Ron seemed to be keeping better tabs of his shirts since the sleeping potion incident. Pity.
With her leg comfortably folded under her, her hair slung up in a slightly sloppy ponytail, and a few stray strands of hair falling into her face, Ginny could honestly say that she was scared to death. Course, she tried thinking of other things, done quite a few of them, but they hadn't worked. Practicing Runes with Hermione's Ancient Runes text seemed to help a bit, but there was still that fear and anxiety doing back flips in her stomach.
She closed her eyes and placed her hand above the stones, concentrating. Moving her hand around in a circle a few seconds before she felt the pull. Ginny hadn't actually expected to feel anything and was surprised when she felt the almost rectangular shape of the Rune. She opened her eyes and frowned as she stared at the miniature picture that looked like a triangular standing on the side brim of a hat. She skimmed her finger down the book to look for the symbol.
She glanced at the stone again. "That's weird," Ginny frowned as she looked back to the book. "It's not in here. What-"
"Hey Ginny. Have you gotten the test results yet?" Hermione asked galloping down the girls' dormitory steps in a pair of sandblasted blue jeans and a plain white collared shirt.
She clucked her tongue. If people would just stop asking her maybe she'd stop thinking about it…for a few seconds anyhow. "No, not yet...Hermione, I can't find this Rune," Ginny said, holding it up at eye level.
The green, brown speckled Rune looked bright against Ginny's white, freckled skin. Hermione had chosen to make her stones green and brown because she'd felt drawn to the colors. She'd also told Ginny that her first lesson in Ancient Runes would be to make your own Runes out of clay because they'd be more powerful for the owner. Ginny was looking forward to it.
Hermione took a quick glance at it while still heading towards the door. "Ah, it's because it's backwards. Are you coming to Hogsmeade with us? It'll help pass the time until you get the results."
"No, I think I'll just stop by the library or something."
Hermione sighed and gently smacked her hands against her thighs. "Alright. I'll see you later. I'll bring you back some chocolate!"
Ginny perked up as the last word Hermione said sunk in. She lifted her eyes only to see Hermione walking towards the door. "Get the frogs!! Get the frogs!"
Hermione flipped her hand in the air. "I know!"
When the door closed Ginny dimly heard the Fat Lady speaking to Hermione as she glanced back towards the book. "Backwards…hmm-" she paused as she found the correct Rune.
Thurisaz when seen backwards: danger, defenselessness, compulsion, betrayal, dullness, evil, malice, hatred, torment, spite, and lies.
Ginny frowned and dug her teeth into her bottom lip. "Well that can't be good."
**** 5th hour
"Thank you for coming so quickly."
Ginny nodded, smoothing the back of her shirt as she sat down directly in front of Professor Dumbledore.
She couldn't breath. Her chest hurt from the effort as she was desperately trying to force the air to her lungs. The message had come a little earlier than expected. This type of news wasn't something someone received every day. The only immortal person she'd ever heard of was Nicholas Flemmal and he'd been all too happy destroy the stone that made him that way.
No one was meant to be immortal, so why was this happening to her?
"We've gotten the results and it shows that you are NOT immortal," Professor Dumbledore smiled at her from across his desk, his hands forming a steeple.
The air crashed into her lungs and Ginny gasped, placing a hand over her heart. "Oh Merlin, thank you." She felt hot tears streaming down her face.
It's kind of weird being happy to know that someday I'll die, like everyone else. At least I'm not a complete freak.
"There is a problem though."
Ginny raised an eyebrow, the wetness clinging to her eyelashes. "Huh?"
Dumbledore gave her a grim look. "You have what is called 'soul baggage'."
This time both of Ginny's eyebrows rose. "Excuse me?"
"You're an old soul. Ms. Weasley, do you believe in reincarnation?"
She blinked. "Well I-well I don't know I mean it's not exactly something I think about on a daily basis," she spoke without pause. "How much of an old soul am I? Like two hundred lives?"
"A lot more actually. I have a hunch, that with your latest vision of the Egyptian-well, there is a possibility that that girl is you."
"So I-" Ginny paused and snorted, "wait, wait are you saying that if the girl is who I really think she is and if I'm the reincarnation of her then I'm-then I'm an Egyptian Princess?"
Dumbledore nodded. "Possibly, however when you mentioned something about colors on your face when you looked in the mirror, well those are colors of warriors who protected the princess."
"That's funny, I never heard about that when I was reading--"
"No, no, you wouldn't because they were witches and wizards who were very powerful, powerful enough to keep themselves hidden or they would change their appearance so that they would blend in. They could have been maids, soldiers of pharaohs, a slave, a pet, or a relative. Only the princess that they were assigned to ever saw their colors. If by chance they had been seen it would have been a muggle who just thought nothing of it but a man in color."
"So I was a protector?"
Dumbledore frowned and reached for a lemon drop. He lifted the candy dish, offering one to her. Ginny took one, knowing full well what kind of candies they were. The minute she put the lemony sweet into her mouth she felt calmness take over.
"I'm not certain. It's possible that as a princess you were rather a-how shall I say this… rebellious and wanted to fight for yourself. It would explain your strength and your stubbornness as your brother informed me not but two minutes before I spoke with you," Dumbledore smiled, the sparks in his blue eyes twinkling like they always did-like he knew something that she would know one day.
"So he knows then? That I'm an old soul with visions?" Ginny paused and shook her head. "Just when I thought I wouldn't become anymore of a freak…"
"He knows, as do your parents."
"Why am I being reincarnated?"
Dumbledore sighed. "Sometimes it's because of a tragic ending to ones life that needs to be fixed before moving on, sometimes it's because of a love that was never quite enough."
Ginny groaned. "Of course it couldn't be a happy reason. Am I doomed for pain and suffering?"
Dumbledore bowed his head. "Yes actually. I'm afraid you are. Until you find out what happened in your first life and do something different in this life to change the course of it. There's a slim possibility that you've had so many lives because you had a happy one as an Egyptian."
Ginny clenched her jaw and her hands tightened into fists. "Gees, now I know why I'm attracted to people who tend to be trouble, two of a kind. What do I do now?"
"I'm afraid that's up to you."
"These visions are killing me and you're telling me that I have them, this life, because of something that happened, something I don't even remember doing, in a past life. I'm doomed to repeat a repetitive life, a life with same beginning, the same middle, and the same end. Pft, well, I wish it would come sooner rather than later. I'm tired of people looking at me and talking behind their hands about me. I wish it could just have stayed a secret…I think I wish I had died that day," Ginny whispered last part. "Hermione wrote something on Harry's notebook, he says he reads it whenever he feels like he'll lose-" Ginny paused and glanced at Dumbledore, both knowing what she was talking about. "It says 'the hardest thing in this world is to live in it. Be brave live…for your parents'.
The tears were falling freely down her face as she continued to talk.
"I used to think it helped me get through the days, but I'm so tired. This world is too hard to live in for one person, but it's even harder for someone to live in when you don't only have to deal with your own pain, but everyone that you see in visions. If there's blood I can feel the wet coppery taste in my mouth, I can feel their fear and hopelessness, and it's overpowering. Their screams of pain are deafening and every time I get lost in them. I feel like I'm drowning, kicking and screaming to get to the surface, but I won't," Ginny stopped suddenly as she remembered what had happened in the dungeons last night with Draco and smiled. "Then I remember D-the really good things and I'm barely able to make it, but I do. So I form gills so I can breathe just enough to live, but I'm very tired."
Ginny sniffled and wiped her tears up. "I feel like I haven't slept in years, like I'm half a dead cell, trying too hard to wake up so I can be happy…Professor I'm sorry, I tend to get a little talkative. I've been doing the 'poor' me speeches a lot actually, I know other people have it worse."
"You have nothing to be sorry about. It's good for you to talk about it," he smiled softly.
"I feel guilty. I'm crying like a baby because I see things, but there are people out there that it's happening to. People like Harry and Dra-Malfoy and I feel stupid. I just want to be a normal person. I want boyfriend! Is there a way that I can stop it?"
Professore Dumbledore nodded, his cheeks slightly red, but clearly glad the she'd stopped at 'boyfriend'. "There are two possibilities, the first one is to take a potion, binding your powers."
"A binding potion? Like the potion I was making for Professor Snape?"
"That potion exactly. He was having you make them for the Hogwarts perimeter burying three bottles at the four corners of the school. It's a temporary binding potion when it's not mixing with your blood. It will make enemies powerless for up to five hours. If you were to drink it however-"
"So I'd be a squib? No! I was a born magical there's no way…it would be like ripping my soul into two, I'd be worse off than I am now."
"There is a chance you'd still have some powers. It could take away your visions-"
"So there's the gift and punishment. It'll take away my visions, but there's a chance it'll strip me of my powers. Why can't decision ever be simple?" Ginny wondered aloud.
"Miss Weasley, your visions could be the difference from why you failed so often in your other lives. I urge you to think about your decision. Understand that you were given them for a reason. If you hadn't been given them, your brother would be dead, would he not?"
Ginny felt the sting of tears well up over her dry eyes as the truth of what Dumbledore said sunk in. She was scared, because she wasn't sure if the tears from relief or sadness. "So then the binding potion is out," she whispered
"I'm very glad you said that. If you were to take the potion there would have also been a chance you'd go insane."
Ginny snorted and then sniffled. "It probably would have saved some time if you'd told me that first Professor."
"Yes well---option two is to find out what happened. Find it out before it's too late and change it."
"That'll take some time won't it?" Ginny whispered, bowing her head and eyeing the floor.
"You can drop out of your extra class if you like," he said sounding somewhat disappointed.
"No, I think I'll be able to handle it. The runes could somehow help I think."
"I agree," he said the twinkle of happiness and knowing returning to his eyes.
******
"Please let him be here," Ginny whispered as she opened the library doors.
Draco would always be in either the Library or somewhere in the dungeons, unless he had Head Boy duties. The Library because his father expected him to beat Hermione in every class, which he was pretty close to doing, but it had almost seemed as if Hermione had been slacking off the last two years.
Her breath caught in her throat as she spotted him, sitting at a table with his face in a book. She had absolutely no clue what she'd say to him considering how he was ignoring her, or avoiding her, or both.
"He is so gorgeous," she whispered, biting her lip as she slowly started stepping closer.
A few more steps and Ginny was standing next to him looking down at the crown of his head.
Gees, his hair really is perfect, Ginny thought smiling gently.
"Weasley there better be a good reason why you're so close to me," he spoke softly into his book.
"Well I-" Ginny started, then tucked her hair behind her ears, walked around him, and pulled out a chair to sit next to him.
"Well what?" he asked, his voice sounding hoarse.
"I-" Ginny stopped and looked down at the table, her face hot with embarrassment.
What was she supposed to say? I want you to kiss me again, I want you to grab my-that might actually work!
"I want you to kiss me again," she whispered, "and I want you to-"
It seemed that Draco had finally forgotten about his book and was staring intently at Ginny. "No," he said.
Ginny blinked and a tiny gasp escaped her lips. "What?"
"Maybe you should clean your ears out. I said no Weasley."
"What?" Ginny asked in shock then quickly shook her head. "I mean didn't you feel anything when we-"
Draco smirked and rested his head back against his shoulders in exasperation. "Of course I did. I'm not a board."
Ginny gnawed her bottom lip, her thoughts nearly taking her away. "But then why-"
"If we did do anything it would be a one or two time thing and I'm not much for waiting. I don't want to date you, I'd love to have sex with you, but the truth of it is, you aren't ready. I can tell by looking at you and it could have something to do with your reaction to my grabbing your arse the other night."
Ginny swallowed. What did you expect from Draco Malfoy? The knight in shining armor doesn't apply. "You wouldn't even want to try?"
"Weasley it wouldn't do any good to try. I don't want to waste my time, you shouldn't either," he said, shrugging nonchalantly.
"I'm a waste of time?" Ginny asked trying to keep her lower lip from trembling.
"No, the situation would be."
"We can avoid that specific situation and get another one," she said giving a tiny laugh.
Draco raised an eyebrow and shook his head. "You are an odd bird, have I told you that?"
Ginny nodded.
Draco sighed and slowly stood up. "See you Weasley."
Ginny sat there for about two minutes until she jolted to a standing position. "What just happened?" she whispered as she quickly walked out of the library in search of Draco.
The first thing she saw was his backside. Ginny gave a low whistle of appreciation, apparently however it was louder than she anticipated because Draco turned.
"You know, if I were to do that to a girl I'd get accused of being a pig," Draco commented, casually folding his arms across his chest.
Ginny walked towards him, until they were so close she could barely keep her knees from turning to jelly. She reached, pulling his head towards her and kissed him.
November 10th, 10:30 pm
Dear Diary,
My dear, dear diary, I am most definitely cursed. It's not because Draco doesn't want me, but because I kissed him for the last time. What I wanted was the mind blowing, knee melting kiss I'd gotten the last time, but what I got was a bloody vision…no really it was bloody. It was all of the place and a person standing over them. How many times will I have this vision? I'd kept asking myself over and over again, but then I remembered that this one was different because I saw him. I saw Draco with black hair, covered in blood, starring down at an Egyptian girl who was holdingNeferneferure's hand.
He had killed us. He's the reason I'm cursed to repeat everything and I still love him, knowing that it was him. I guess history really is doomed repeat itself.
On a partially good note…it seems the princess had a pet Gazelle or at least that's what the drawings indicate.
G.W.
To Be Continued…
I know I'm kind of messing with the Egyptian time line and I'm sorry about that, but it's the only way for the story to go. Sorry it took so long for me to update.