Chapter Three: Out of Options
By Natali K. A.
"Lils."
Lily didn't turn around, but instead kept chewing her quill. It wasn't fair. She shouldn't be so susceptible to his charm anymore. They'd been dating a few months, and she shouldn't want to drop everything just to up and kiss him.
It wasn't bloody fair!
"Lils," he repeated. His voice sounded closer, and she heard soft footfalls that let her know he was nearing. "We need to talk." She felt his hand on her shoulder.
She shook her head.
James was beginning to get a bit frustrated. He had said something-he had meant something-and she was choosing to ignore that.
James Potter was not one to be ignored.
"Fine. I'll talk, you listen," he said sharply. "I don't regret what I said. I meant it. And whether or not you like it, Lily Evans, you are going to be Lily Potter one day!" Peeved, he stalked out of her room, slamming the door behind him.
Lily sighed, dropping her quill and allowing her head to make contact with her desk.
It wasn't bloody fair.
Later that night, Lily tossed and turned in her bed, unable to sleep. How could she? Her boyfriend-her loving, caring, absofuckinglutely perfect boyfriend-was mad at her. He wouldn't ever admit it, and he wouldn't let on, but she knew. How couldn't she? When you loved someone, you knew them. She knew him.
Fed up with her insomnia, she threw off her covers and got out of her bed. Throwing on her robe, she walked out of the dormitory she shared with the other Seventh Year girls. The girls she'd lived with for the past seven years, and the girls she'd leave behind soon. Oh, sure, they'd stay in touch. It was impossible not to. Lily couldn't imagine ever going a day without communicating with Victoria in some way, or going years and years without at least writing a Christmas card to the others. But it would never be the same.
She tiptoed to the door of James' room, hesitating before quietly opening the door. Thankfully, it didn't creak as Hogwarts doors tended to. She'd only caught a glimpse of this room once or twice-she hadn't ever had much of a reason to be in it. James would usually hunt her down in her room, and they got more privacy there anyway. The Marauders seemed to inhabit this room more than any other (except, perhaps, the kitchens).
Nevertheless, it didn't take her more than a few seconds to figure out which bed belonged to James. His curtains were drawn, for one, and he would definitely have been in the mood to brood tonight. Second, a picture of him and her hugging on Valentine's Day (well, they were actually snogging like there was no tomorrow at that moment…) on the night table beside it. His bed was by the window, just as she'd known it would be.
The others were asleep, and if they'd heard her come in, they didn't show any signs of it. She carefully headed for his bed, stopping right beside it.
What if the curtains were drawn because he had some skank stashed there and had slept with her? What if this would be the end of their relationship?
You're an idiot, Lily snapped at herself. As if he's so low class as to do that. No, he's not the cheating type. It would offend his honor.
Sliding the curtain aside, Lily silently shrugged off her robe and threw it on the night table, crawling onto the bed and closed the curtains again.
She had to smile to herself as she watched him sleep. He was angrier than she'd thought. He hadn't even undressed or taken off his glasses. His face was screwed up in a grimace. She lifted his glasses off his nose and set them on the night table, stretching out next to him.
She wanted him, damn it. More than he probably knew.
She wanted him in all the ways it was possible to want a man-as her best friend, as her lover, as her husband, as the father of her children… She just plain wanted him, and it pissed the logical part of her off.
Lily Evans didn't want to rely on anybody for happiness, not even James Potter. Or perhaps, especially not James Potter.
She didn't understand it-wasn't sure she even wanted to!-but it didn't stop her from being angry with herself. She'd hurt him.
Lily sighed, brushing his unruly hair out of his eyes and kissing his cheek. She loved him-didn't he know that? Did he have to hear the words? Couldn't he understand how hard they were for her to say, that she wasn't the type of person that spoke her love, but showed it? But he knew, he had to know. How couldn't he? Did he only want confirmation?
James shifted, his arm going automatically around her, bringing her closer to him. She laid her head on his shoulder, as she'd done many times. And then, she couldn't help it-a tear slid down her cheek.
"Lils… Go to sleep and stop worrying," James mumbled, barely audible. "I'm not mad at you."
"You should be," she whispered. "I'm sorry."
He cracked his eyes open, taking out his wand. "Silencio." Putting his wand away, he turned onto his side to look at her. "I'm not mad, and that would be a stupid reason to be mad at you."
"You're upset."
"I'm frustrated." He took the hand she had put on his chest and kissed each finger tip. "But I'm not mad. Lils, I could never be mad at you, and I doubt you'd ever give me a reason anyway."
She sniffed, holding back tears. "Oh, I don't know about that."
"I do." He squeezed her hand gently, placing a kiss on her forehead. "Lily, don't worry yourself. You're stressed as it is with exams coming up."
"But you're more important than any stupid exam, James!" she said, somewhat hysterically. "You matter more to me."
"Yeah, but I'm not going anywhere, am I?" He gave her an Eskimo kiss, and she laughed.
"I just… I just… love you."
He smiled down at her. "I know."
Then the dam broke, and she began to cry in earnest.
James didn't have the faintest idea why, as crying females was definitely not something he enjoyed experiencing. But he soothed her-as every smart male should-and soon enough she had quieted.
He made small circles on her back with his thumbs, littering feathery kisses all over her face.
"James…?"
"Hmm?"
There was a pause. "Make love to me."
He raised a brow, then opened his mouth to say something, but Lily cut him off.
"If you ask me if I'm sure, Potter, I swear I'll hex you. That's such cliché line," she grinned, wrapping her arms around his neck. He smiled down at her, a chuckle rumbling in his chest.
James tugged Lily to him, catching her lips in an incendiary kiss. His hands roamed her body, learnt her body, memorized her body.
And Lily wanted him-more than ever-only this time, she didn't have to worry.
She figured out he wanted her just as much.
*~*
Lily gasped, sitting up in her bed. She was dripping in sweat, her hair sticking to her neck. Her chest rose and fell rapidly, struggling to get the air that was necessary. This dream was longer than usual. They were becoming clearer every night, and she was beginning to worry. They weren't showing any signs of going away.
Shaking, she threw the covers off of her and stood. She needed to go for a walk.
She shrugged on a robe-much like she had in her dream-and opened the door to her room, heading for the common room. Maybe a few minutes staring into the warm fire would help clear her mind a bit. It always did soothe her…
Choosing the love seat nearest to the fire, Lily sat down to think.
What was she going to do? It was getting worse, and the dreams were getting better and better…
The latter was something that frightened her very much. She wasn't sure if she was ready to handle this conviction growing inside of her. She was starting to fancy James Potter very, very much.
It was nearing late November, and she was still having trouble staying awake in class. Victoria had to wake her up daily now, before the dreams got too far.
But his personality was magnetic. It would have been different, had he been the same person from Fifth Year, or even early Sixth. But he wasn't-he was warm, kind, caring, and attentive. Most of all, he was considerate, and not so much conceited as confident. Confidence wasn't a bad thing.
He made her laugh and think about all the pleasant things in the world: a sunny day, an ice cream in Hogsmeade, reading the joke page in the Daily Prophet…
It was different and she loved it.
Lily thought about her predicament some more, going round and round in circles as she'd already overanalyzed it manifold. All that was left was to memorize every fact, every thought that ran through her head.
It was just a crush, she reasoned. She'd be leaving Hogwarts this year, and it was just one last final crush.
Nothing more, nothing less.
Lily dozed off, the fire dancing mockingly upon her face, careless and free.
She dreamt again, only this time it was one big blur-dancing, laughing, toasting, celebrating…
James Potter lay sleeping upstairs, unaware of her worry or doubt, blissfully dreaming away the night. There was a small smile on his lips and in his hands was clutched a scrap of paper he'd found on the floor earlier.
Lils, if you're so worried about these dreams, why don't you just ask Potter about them? Personally, I'd kill to have erotic dreams like that, but that's just me.
Yes, but Vicky, you're ridiculously horny. And I can't say a word to him-and neither can you, you meddlesome witch! Don't think I'm not keeping my eye on you.
You offend me. I'd never do such a thing!
I highly doubt that.
Well, fine. But we'll chat later, it's about time for class to be over.
*~*
Lily awoke earlier than usual, and decided to make her way to the library on a hunch. She didn't want to think it, but couldn't see any other way.
She walked to the back room of the library and slid out a purple volume, turning to page 356-"Dreams That Predict The Future".
Often times, there is the possibility of receiving dreams that predict the future. Symptoms of this include: random naps, clear dreams that seem almost as if they're in real life, increased appetite, dreading the nighttime.
There are no real solutions for this, only to make the best of it. Many lives have been saved because of such dreams, and there is much money to be made in that industry-if you prove yourself correct, that is.
And that was it. Lily was extremely annoyed with the fact that these books didn't go into much detail. With a snort of disgust, she shut the book, and bit her lip.
She was falling asleep randomly, her dreams were clear, and she did dread nighttime-well, only partially. Part of her-the naughty part-longed for nightfall, just so that the dreams would occur.
She didn't have an increased appetite, but she didn't need to be experiencing each symptom, just a few. The fact was, she was most likely having prophetic dreams-or at least something related to them.
It was official. She was out of options.
And there wasn't one damn thing she could do about it.
*~*
A/N: Ok. Well. Um. Yeah, I realize this is late-it won't even be Thursday in half an hour's time-but I really was swamped with work. By pure luck, I'd had half of this written last Saturday, so I'd gotten that out of the way, and I just had to wrap it up a bit.
Yes, I realize is a couple hundred words shorter than usual. Deal, sorry. But Yearbook is a tad more important than this, and I can only do what I can. I'd really appreciate a few heartfelt prayers concerning that-I need a little guidance in that area.
There's also the fact that I haven't been getting much sleep, though I can't understand why as I haven't been doing much… *Sigh*
Moving on. Um, for those of you who are getting a tad bored (because even I am), there will be some action in the next chapter. And I'm sorry to leave you hanging in the dream portion of this chapter, as I'm sure you're all craving smut. But I couldn't resist, lmao.
Right, James will definitely be making some sort of move on Lily next chapter, though I have not yet decided what…
Thanks to my readers and reviewers, and I'd love to hear back! There's this little wee box you can write in, and just click a button and it sends it to my inbox! Smart, innit? Yes, make the best of technology, loves!!
Natali K. A.
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