Song: "Unreachable" by Ashlee Simpson
Chapter Six
By Natali K. A.
Lynn peeked out the window. There was a terrible storm outside, and it killed her to know that Lily was somewhere out there, even if she wasn't in the midst of this storm. She turned back to the other people in the living room-Julie, Remus, Sirius, and Penny.
Penny bit her nails worriedly. "Oh, what if my James gets hurt?"
Sirius's jaw visibly tensed. Remus clenched his fists. Lynn closed her eyes.
Julie almost hit Penny.
"Let's get one thing straight, if nothing else, Penny," she bit out, becoming red in the face. Penny stared at her with wide blue eyes. "James is not yours. He is Lily's. Deal. With. It."
Penny went from shocked to impassive to infuriated in three seconds.
"How dare you?" she gasped, standing up so that she was now level with Julie. "He is my bloody boyfriend, not this damned Lily character you lot keep talking about. It's revolting, you know? Some friends, if you ask me."
"We didn't," Lynn muttered.
Penny glared at her. "And furthermore, Lily must have done something stupid, because James doesn't even like talking about her! So get out of my house!"
Remus, noting the look Julie had written all over her face, stepped forward to intercede-he didn't make it.
Julie slapped Penny so hard that she fell back against the couch, hand to her cheek.
"You hit me!"
"No shit, Sherlock," Julie yelled. "Your house? You think this is your bloody house?"
"It is," Penny insisted. "James told me that it's his name on the papers. He said he just let you lot live here. So yeah, it's my house."
"Oh, `cause you're going to marry James, then?" Lynn chirped from the corner. She swung her tall frame and bore holes through Penny with hazel eyes. "Get out, bitch. I mean it. Get out."
When Penny refused to move, Julie looked at Sirius and Remus, who shook their heads. She gave them the finger then took out her wand. "Ready, mate?" she said to Lynn.
Lynn, with her wand already out, nodded. "Ready."
After they'd thrown her out the door, into the pouring rain with nothing but her purse and the clothes on her back, Julie called to her.
"If you'd ever seen Lils and James together, even you, lowlife that you are, would recognize what they have is special."
"But I don't have any bloody clothes!" Penny shrieked. "And I'm getting soaked to the bone! James won't like this!"
But Lynn and Julie, now accompanied by Sirius and Remus, only smiled and waved her off.
"You shouldn't have down that."
The four of them whirled around to find Lily sitting on their couch, playing with an end of her hair. The first thing that came to their minds was that she looked just as bad as she had in the fire. Maybe worse.
"Lils!" Lynn and Julie cried, running forward.
"Lily!"
"Lily, you're back!"
They crowded around her, all trying to hug her, when she pushed them away gently.
"I'm still leaving."
"Lils, how can you do this?" Lynn said, breaking into spontaneous tears. "He still loves you!"
Lily nodded. "I know that," she said softly. "And it means a lot."
"So why are you doing this?" Remus asked.
"Because."
"That's it? Because?" Julie asked angrily.
"Julie's right. Why are you going to leave?" Sirius added.
Lily looked at each one slowly before answering. "Because."
"But why?" said a voice from behind them. They all turned. James kept talking, taking a few steps closer. "Hello, Lily," he said softly. Immediately, all the resolve he'd had about keeping her safe vanished. She was too beautiful.
For a moment, Lily began to tear up. Then she regained her composure, grateful for the nice swig of whiskey she'd drunk before returning to her old house. She smiled falsely and met his eye. "Hi, James."
The others stood still, awaiting the moment that their friends would run into each other's arms and kiss.
"You knew I was there," James said, just as softly as before.
"I did," Lily admitted. "Long ago we created a connection. I know when you're near me. Besides the fact I saw you in the window."
"Why didn't you come to talk to me?"
"I thought we had finished talking. And I was tired of begging." She shrugged, then added, "No, I was too hurt to beg anymore."
"Lils, I still love you."
She paused, and this time, her eyes did well up with tears. "And that, James, is all I need to know." She rose and collected her traveling bag. "I just came back because I felt I'd been so rude to you guys, and you're my best mates. Thank you. Keep in touch."
She walked out the door. James stared at her, then at the downpour that was going on.
He went after her.
"Lily!" he called after her, already soaked to the skin. "Why are you doing this?" When she didn't stop, he ran to her side. "Lils." He grabbed her arm and she stopped. "Why?"
"Let go of me, James," she said softly. He did so reluctantly. With a heavy sigh, Lily looked up at him. "James, I know you love me. I love you, too. And I never want you to forget that." She leaned over and kissed his cheek.
She walked away, leaving him bewildered to high heavens.
"Lils, remember that day three years ago? One so like this one?" he asked as she walked away.
The wind was knocked out of her, and she stopped walking. "Yes," she whispered, closing her eyes. It was just like today, only colder. And they were younger. They were more naïve. But… they were still in love. Very in love.
How could she have forgotten that day? She had been lying to Jocelyn, in a sense, when she said they'd never fought. But then, they'd never really fought then either. And especially with the way that day ended…
James hadn't heard her, but he knew she remembered. He continued, hoping that he'd touch a soft spot, and send her running back into his arms, where he would kiss her silly and beg for her forgiveness. "I was an arse then, Lily. And I'm still an arse now. But you forgave me then. Why not now?"
Lily's tears came faster, and they mingled with the raindrops that fell from the English sky. Tangy mixed with sweet in her mouth, and for some reason, it numbed her through and through-an effect she was somewhat grateful for.
Why was he making it so difficult? She'd accepted it. Why couldn't he?! Wasn't he the one that'd broken it off? Hadn't they been the happiest couple on earth until last week? So why was he making an already painful thing unbearable?
What really hurt her was that he still didn't trust her. After all this, he still wouldn't tell her. That-and only that-is what kept her from turning and running straight to him.
She took a deep breath and headed for the bus stop.
*~*
(-Memories…-)
Lily pushed open the door to the Seventh Year Boys' dormitory and took a bold step in. It was filthy. But besides that, she had some business to attend to here.
"Where is James?" she snapped, crossing her arms and staring down Sirius and Remus.
Sirius and Remus shared a look.
"We don't know," Sirius said in a voice that was higher than usual. Remus shrugged.
Lily closed her eyes. "Well, you better think of something," she growled. "Something that will prove Muffy Hunsdorfer wrong. Would you like to know what Muffy said?" Lily continued, not waiting for an answer. "She told me that James is currently out in that storm, preparing a prank for McGonagall. Now, would either of you like to tell me otherwise?"
Neither said anything.
With a groan of frustration, Lily headed out of the room, in the direction of the grounds.
By the time she'd found James-and Peter, who he'd roped into helping him-she was wet through to the bone, freezing, and very bitchy.
"James Potter!" she bellowed. James snapped his head up at her voice and smiled, unaware of what was about to happen to him.
"Lily! Come on over here. I'll show you my newest concoction." He gestured to the array of odds and ends around him. "Now, I'm planning to take this here pipe-"
"Peter," Lily interrupted, rounding on the ugly, mouse-like boy who was cowering a bit of ways away from her. "Could you go inside? I need to speak to James." He practically ran inside.
James, sensing an argument, scowled. "What's the matter, Lily?" he asked warily, taking out his wand to collect his stuff.
"You're setting up a prank in the middle of a rainy, cold May Saturday, a month before you graduate. Are you out of your bloody mind, James?" she shrieked. "Why the hell are you setting up a prank-for McGonagall, no less! -when you could be risking expulsion?! You need to leave these childish notions behind."
"Childish notions, eh?"
"Yes."
"You know what, Lily?"
"What?"
"Shove it."
Her jaw dropped. She looked at him as he continued to gather his things. "What did you say to me?"
"I said, shove it." He looked up at her briefly.
"You're pushing it, Potter," she said in a low, dangerous voice. "Really pushing it."
"Well, so are you," he told her smoothly. "Pranks and me are a package deal, Lily."
"You're going to get expelled if you do it."
"If I haven't already gotten expelled, why would they do it now?" he asked. "Come on. You're going to catch a cold."
"I'm not going anywhere until you tell me why you felt the urge to pull a prank." Lily crossed her arms over her chest and waited, trying to ignore just how wet she felt-and was.
"Then you're going to be there for a long time, Lily," James laughed, trudging up to the castle.
"James! Come back here."
"Hmm, how about no?"
"James, don't be an arse! I'm wet, and I came looking for you. The least you can do is give me an explanation."
"Don't bet on it. Now come inside before you catch pneumonia."
"I'm not finished."
"Well, I am." He turned and headed for the great oak doors that harbored warmth and dryness. His jaw was clenched, and he was fighting the urge not to kick something. It'd been very tense with Lily for the past couple months, and he really didn't need a mother breathing down his neck.
"James, come back here!" Lily hollered after him. She whipped out her wand and knocked the stuff he'd shoved into a box up into the air, letting it fall all over the place.
He whirled around and headed back for her. "What, Lily? What, goddamn it?" He stood toe to toe with her and asked again, "What?"
"Several things. One, you're an arse. Two, you're an idiot for doing this in near freezing temperatures. Three, you treat me like shit, and I'm tired of pretending you don't. Ever since I spread my legs for you on Christmas Day, you've shoved me to the side." She fought to control the emotion that had been rolling in her for the past five or so months, but a tear slipped out anyway. "You haven't taken me out, you barely talk to me, and you take me for granted, James," she said, choking down a sob.
"No, I don't," James said, even though he knew it was true.
"The hell you don't," she said, wiping away the droplets of water that mingled with the ones already on her cheeks. She choked down a sob. "I don't know whether you got tired of me because the chase is over, or if you just don't know how to break it off, or if you just want me on the side, but I won't do it anymore." She took a deep breath, which somehow came out in a sob, and finished her speech. "But whatever the bloody problem, James, you've gotten your wish. I'm done with this."
She turned on her heel and made to go for the castle, but James held her back. He pulled her into a tight hug and kissed the top of her head. Despite the fact that she very nearly hated him right now, she let herself be comforted, and poured out all the pain she'd been experiencing since January onto James's shirt.
"I was-am-afraid, Lily," he whispered into her ear. "I've never felt this way before."
"Oh, high and mighty James `The Player' Potter afraid? Of what, being nice to his girlfriend? He's never felt like what before? Could it be horny? No, he's definitely been horny before. What about he feels like being a jackass? No, he's been that before too." She said all this into his T-shirt, and James was partly glad he couldn't make out exactly what she was saying.
"Ok, I deserved that," he sighed.
"No, if you really want me to give you what you deserve, I'll require a cork remover, two bricks, a pair of tweezers, and twenty hours to torture you beyond belief."
Even though the situation wasn't the best it could be, James laughed and said, "That's my Lily."
She pushed herself away from him. "I am not your Lily. I am my own person, and no one else's!"
He smiled anyway, and took her back into his arms. "I'm sorry."
"I'm still breaking up with you."
"No, you're not," he argued softly, tipping her chin up.
"Oh, really?"
"Yes, really."
"And pray, why would that be?"
"Because, my Lily-Flower-"
"I am not your-"
He shut her lips together with his forefinger and thumb, then leaned his forehead against hers. "Because… I love you, my Lily-Flower." When she didn't say anything (partly because she didn't think she'd heard him right), he said, "And I'm Potter the Player-or was, at least. I told you, I've never felt this way before, and I wasn't too willing to give up my bachelor-hood for good.
"Now, you might be wondering why I am now," he continued, in what was a slightly business-like tone-and in a sense, this was business- "You happened to threaten me with taking away the only thing that I seem to care about lately… you. And that's the only thing that could ever make me willing to throw away the title of `The Player'. I love you, Lily Evans-and don't you ever forget it."
Lily, whose head was swimming with the words that had just flowed from his lips, struggled to keep her balance. She'd told him Christmas Day she loved him-mind you, that had been more of an inkling of true love, more near to puppy love. Their distance, purely at the fault of James, hadn't helped matters. (But some things are just meant to be, aren't they?)
Losing her virginity to him had changed it all, because James had discovered that sex didn't matter to him when he was with her (something that would have been a shock to everyone, parents included-or should that be parents especially?). What had mattered to him was the fact that she loved him-albeit a young, puppy love; he'd known that, but she was the first woman who had loved him for who he was, and not who everyone thought he was.
He'd pushed her away for five months. She reminded herself of that, but somehow, she didn't really think it mattered. Her parents had fought, at least from what she remembered of them. But they still loved each other. Fights were inevitable.
Remember the way he hurt you, Lily, said a little voice in her head.
Yes, but look at how he's compensating for it now, said another. Look at him, Lily. She did, and in his eyes was etched all the love one could ever feel another, a love that could only grow with time, one that could never diminish. Look at how he's holding you. Look at you. Look how he makes you feel.
And it was enough. If nothing else, it was enough.
"What do you mean?" she asked finally. Great. Nice one, Lils. All that time thinking, and that was the best you could come up with? Loser! both of the voices in her head berated her.
"I mean exactly what I said," he replied, brushing his lips over hers.
A shiver of excitement went through her. It wasn't fair that he could control her like this. But then again, she wouldn't have it any other way.
"Oh, James," she sighed happily, wrapping her arms around his neck. "It's freezing, I'm wet, and I don't care," she laughed, kissing him. "Say it again," she begged.
"I love you," he obliged. He was given a kiss, which prompted another "I love you". After yet another longer, much wetter kiss, he said, "I love-"
"All right, I get the picture. You love me, I love you, you love my kisses. But would it be too much to ask if we made out inside, somewhere warm?" Lily giggled.
"We can't do anything out here," James agreed, looking around. Suddenly, he narrowed his eyes at her. "Hey! Are you daft? What the hell are you still doing here? You're going to catch a cold Lily! An inflammation of the lungs! Pneumonia! Bronchi-"
"So on top of liking my kisses, you're also a hypochondriac," Lily sighed as she took his hand and headed for the doors. "No, this won't do. I can hardly have you running around like an idiot every time someone gets hurt."
"What are you talking about, woman?" he asked.
She shook her head, smiling. "Never mind, James."
As they headed for the Gryffindor common room, Lily thought…
Some things just can't be helped. She sneaked a look at the man beside her. Loving that idiot Potter is one of them.
*~*
(-Present…-)
Lily, standing at the bus stop where she would catch the number 8 and try to figure out what way she would go. She sat on the green bench, thinking of that time that had been so perfect.
The tears, which hadn't stopped falling, came stronger still, and now she truly couldn't see. She would do it. She would make it just fine. But she'd never forget her James, and he'd always be her James… Always.
"Lily, dear. May I sit down?"
Lily nodded and made room for Jocelyn. "How'd you know I was here?"
"I'm not stupid."
"Ah, good point." Lily looked at her. "Jocelyn, thank you, I'm eternally grateful, but I'm going to move on. I don't want Miriam or James or anybody following me. I think I'm going to my cousin."
"Lily, I won't tell Miriam, or anyone else, for that matter," Jocelyn sighed, pushing back the hood of her raincoat. "But you, dear, need someone to vent to. And I, love, need someone period. So, might I come? And you have my word that I won't even talk to Miriam."
Lily didn't even hesitate.
"Yes." She hugged Jocelyn, who would have to be her mother figure in place of Miriam. "But, you can talk to Miriam. Just don't tell her you know where I am or that you've talked to me." After a moment, she added, "I still want to know what James is up to."
Jocelyn laughed. "Of course."
*~*
(-In front of the house the six mates had shared for over two years…-)
Tears mixed with rain on James's face. How long had it been since he'd cried?
One week, a bitter voice in his head reminded him.
"I know that, you bastard," James snapped at the voice, which sounded oddly like Remus. "I don't need to be fucking reminded."
Another voice, which sounded much like Sirius, said, Go after her! And then get a sandwich, `cause I'm hungry.
"Fuck it," James laughed humorlessly. "They're in my head now!"
He turned and went inside, ready for the attack of questions he would receive from his friends.
*~*
A/N: Day late? MOST DEFINITELY! But, as I was extremely tired after my volunteer shift, I didn't post. Actually, I was going to add a little part here, at the beginning, in relation to the previous chapter, but… Yeah. I've got loads of stuff to do tonight and not enough night to finish it. No one actually cares what, so yeah.
Um… Review? Yes, of course. You all love me, and that's why you'll do it!
I really liked the memory in this chapter. Dunno why. I think it's somewhat stupid and pointless, but a nice thought nonetheless, nope? Yes. Alright.
Much love,
Natali K. A.
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