Chapter 2 - Conversations: Harry and Ron
Harry looked around Hermione's room one final time. He was biding his time waiting, hoping that she'd come back. His eyes moved of their own accord to her dress and he reached out to unfold and caress it before he left the room.
He walked out to the living room and Mrs. Granger jumped to her feet. "Did you talk to her?"
Harry sighed and shook his head, "I'm sorry," he said softly. "I think this time I made it worse. She's gone."
"She's what?" Mrs. Granger gasped. "How can she be-"
Harry grasped her hand and squeezed it lightly. "She'll be back. I know it won't be easy, but try not to worry too much about her." He looked up into her eyes with a fierceness he felt to his very core. "Believe me, Mrs. Granger," he said in earnest, "I'm going to set it all right," he dropped her hand and turned to walk away before looking back and adding, "…starting now, tonight." Without another word he disapparated, leaving Mrs. Granger feeling both frustrated and yet somehow relieved, trusting that Harry would make things right…just as he always had.
"If anyone can do it, it's Harry," Mr. Granger said, coming up from behind his wife.
She turned and wrapped her arms around him burying her face in his neck. "I hope so," she cried softly. "I have a feeling this is much bigger than the hunt for a dress."
Mr. Granger rolled his eyes at his wife's words then chuckled lightly. "I have a feeling you're right," he said. He thought about Harry and the look he'd seen in the young man's eyes and he pulled her closer, "I think it's about a whole lot more than just a dress," he added with a worried frown.
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Harry apparated to his apartment and ran straight for his fireplace. He grabbed a handful of floo powder and called out Ron's name. Moments later his head appeared in Ron's fireplace and he started to yell Ron's name.
"Do you hear something?"
"No," Ron replied a little too quickly. "Whatever you think it is, ignore it."
"It sounds like Harry. You better go check."
"Not even Harry right now," Ron said definitively. "Just let it go."
Ron's guest pushed him away with the word, "Go!" and he stumbled backward.
"Fine," he grumbled. "But I'll be right back."
"Good. I'll be waiting."
Ron shook his head, mumbling to himself as he walked out the door. "What is it, Harry?" he snapped when he walked into the living room and found Harry's head floating in his fireplace.
"Ron, we have to talk."
"Harry, can this wait? Now isn't a good time."
"No!" Harry shouted. He shook his head and lowered his voice. "I mean, no, sorry," he apologized. "There's no more time, Ron, we need to talk now."
"Come on in then," Ron sighed, gesturing reluctantly.
Seconds later Harry stepped through the fire and began to pace back and forth in front of the fireplace. He stopped briefly to look up at Ron and ask, "why'd you do it?" before continuing on.
"Ex-cuse me?" Ron asked in confusion. "What's that?"
Harry stopped and looked at Ron like he wanted to hex him. "Why'd you do it, Ron?" he reiterated, a little louder and slower this time. "Why'd you ask her?"
Ron continued to stare at Harry as though he'd gone mad. "Why'd I ask who, what?" he asked, still confused. Harry had begun to pace again and Ron stepped forward to grab his arm, pulling him to an abrupt halt. Harry gave him a derisive look and Ron held him tighter. "Harry, you need to start making some sense or come back when you can. I have no clue what you're talking about."
"Of course you don't," Harry growled. "You never do, do you?"
"Listen-"
Harry ripped his arm from Ron's grasp and turned his back. "I need you to tell me why you asked Hermione to marry you," he interrupted; his voice soft, yet firm.
Ron rolled around in a move of frustration. "This is about Hermione?" he exclaimed in disbelief. "What difference does it make now? It's too late to do anything about it." Ron looked at him suspiciously and asked, "…and why do you care?"
Harry whirled around and before Ron could react, he grabbed his arm in a vise-like grip. "Tell me," he growled.
Ron yanked his arm away and sat down heavily on the couch, dropping his head into his hands. "I thought it was expected," he said in a voice Harry recognized as one Ron used when he'd spent many hours asking himself the exact same question. "It seemed like the logical next step. I thought she might say no. In fact, I think I kind've hoped that she would. I just knew it was time to ask. I had no idea mum would walk in right then." He looked helplessly up at Harry. "I had no idea things would get so out of control."
Harry sat down beside him and threw himself against the back of the sofa. "Why haven't you stopped it, Ron? Why keep it going if-" he took a deep breath of frustration and swallowed hard, angered by the fact that Ron didn't realize just how lucky he was, "…if you don't love her?"
Ron heard the hitch in Harry's voice and he turned to face him. "What's this about, mate?" he asked, eyeing Harry closely. When he didn't answer Ron tried again. "What's it really about? It's got to be more to it than just me and Hermione getting married. Talk to me."
Harry sat up from the back of the couch and dropped his head into his hands in much the same way Ron had. "I talked to Hermione tonight," he said, obviously upset by what he learned. "She told me what happened." He looked over to Ron, their eyes locking together as each scrutinized the other. "After all we've been through, all the strength you've had to show, I don't understand why you haven't tried to stand up to your mum." Ron's eyes shadowed over and Harry turned away, dropping his head and shoulders. He shut his eyes and took a long, deep breath, "…or why Hermione hasn't," he added quietly to himself. He ran his fingers through his hair in helpless frustration. "I just don't get it, Ron."
Ron put his hand on Harry's shoulder, "how long has it been?" he asked, forcing Harry to look up.
"What?"
"How long have you been in love with her?"
Harry jumped up from the couch and ran his fingers through his hair again. "That's not what this is about," he exclaimed a little too quickly, and with little to no conviction. "This is about you and Hermione. I care about you both and I just…I can't-" he sighed and collapsed, defeated, into a nearby chair. "I don't know how long."
"Did it again, didn't I?" Ron asked, moving to the end of the couch to sit closer to Harry.
"What's that?"
"Found a way to muck it all up," he said shaking his head. "It isn't any consolation, I know, but honestly, Harry, I had no idea."
Harry shrugged and looked away, "Doesn't matter, Ron," he said standing up and taking a few steps away.
Ron stood up and moved to stand beside him. "Well, I'd have to say you're not very convincing at the moment, mate."
Harry leaned back against the chair, his hands clutching it tightly as he stared out into nowhere. "Honesty," he said suddenly. "That's what we need here, right?"
"Yeah, sure," Ron nodded.
Harry rubbed his hands up over his face and under his glasses. "I don't know how long it's been," he began, "it started out with just watching you…the two of you…together. I thought I was-"
"Wait, wait, wait, wait," Ron interrupted, gesturing wildly. "How do you mean, `watching' us?"
Harry cut his eyes to Ron and shook his head in irritation. "I wasn't spying or anything, Ron, relax. It was when we were all together. I thought I was looking out for the both of you." He turned away abruptly, unable to look at Ron as he continued. "I never told you this, but seeing the two of you together made me more determined than ever to defeat Voldemort."
"Us?" Ron asked, pointing to himself in disbelief. "Us? Me and Hermione…together?"
Harry went on as though Ron hadn't interrupted. "You know Dumbledore told me love was the power I had that Voldemort couldn't understand." He looked up to catch Ron's nod before continuing. "Well, I looked at you and Hermione and for the first time, I thought I understood what he meant. It didn't have to be about the love I have, but the fact that I can see it, that I can recognize it and it can have an affect on me. Despite the way things were; the heightened war, people running scared, all of the hate and injustice…beneath it all were people falling in love." He sighed and pushed himself up off the chair. "I know it sounds cliché, and probably makes little sense to you-"
Ron moved to stand beside him. "Hang on a minute," he said in his own defense. "There are a lot of things I can't claim to understand…we both know that. But what we also know is that your heart isn't one of them." Ron rolled his eyes and chuckled wryly, "talk about sounding cliché and, well, sorta stupid, uh?" he said shaking his head in embarrassment. Harry remained quiet and a moment later Ron cleared his throat and began talking once again. "Having been your friend for the past 9 years, the one thing I understand above all else, is how important it is for you to protect people and to fight for what you believe is right. Despite the way I've acted over the years, it's what I admire most about you. It's the one thing I've tried to be sure to take away from this friendship." Ron shook his head and tried again. "That didn't come out right," he said backtracking quickly. "What I mean is, just an ounce of your compassion…just one ounce, would go a long way toward making me a better man, I know that…I understand it. I just hope I've somehow managed to siphon an ounce after all this time."
Harry put his arm around Ron's shoulders and gave him a quick squeeze, "Thanks mate. I'm not sure I can take credit, but I'd say you've got a bit more than an ounce of compassion in you. It's this fear of your mum I'm more concerned about at the moment!" They both chuckled before Harry dropped his arm and took a step away to continue. "Anyway," he sighed. "I started paying attention. For the first time, I started watching for it and I realized that it was everywhere…only people were scared to show it. For whatever reason, it seemed that people were afraid that if they let anyone else see the truth, it would be ripped away. Love was hiding in the background, while all around us hate and fear were growing stronger. I knew I had to end it…I had to end the war…I had to win so people could finally focus on what was important. I couldn't allow myself to lose…I couldn't condemn people to Voldemort's world of cruelty and hate."
"You didn't, Harry," Ron said with quiet resolution. "You won. And now people are free to do what it is they want."
Harry looked directly into Ron's eyes, "I know," he said unblinkingly. "Everyone can do what they want, everyone that is…but me." He shrugged and turned abruptly away. "I was ready for it, Ron. I thought I had Ginny, I thought everything would be great," he said in his defense. His voice dropped dramatically as he continued, "but it was all wrong. And when it hit me…" he shook his head and wiped a stray tear from his cheek. "It's selfish, Ron. I've tried to push it down, I've tried to get her out of my head…to forget about the way I feel…but I can't. Now that I know, it won't leave me. It's like she's possessed me."
"Oh, Hermione," Ron said wistfully.
Harry looked at him desperately. "I see her everywhere," he exclaimed. "Do you know that during Quidditch matches, hers was the first face I would see? The one voice that I could hear above all others? From the time I've known her, no matter where we were, no matter how big the crowd, she was the one I would seek out first, and if I didn't find her right away I would search until I did. I never thought much about it before; I always assumed it was because we were the best of friends, because she was always my biggest supporter, and because she was the one who believed in me without question. I never once had to prove myself to her." He missed the way Ron's cheeks reddened and his head dropped in self-disappointment at the truth of Harry's words. "She questioned me when she thought I was wrong, she stood up to me when no one else would. She supported me when I was right and most importantly, she forced me to think when I was wrong. It's just always been that way, Ron," he said. "Always."
"I can see that now," Ron said softly. "Now you mention it."
Harry looked at him, he wanted to smile, but he couldn't. At the moment there was little happiness left in him. "Do you remember the night you got engaged?" he asked suddenly.
"How could I forget?"
"All the yelling and excitement that night. The way your mum screamed and everyone came running. Everyone but me, Ron. Did you realize I never congratulated you? That I never stepped up and shook your hand?"
Ron tried to think back to that night. "No," he reluctantly admitted. "Even now, I can't look back on that night and remember much of anything. I'm sorry, Harry, I completely missed it."
"I never hugged her and told her I was happy for the two of you. I couldn't…speak." Harry's eyes glazed over and his voice softened considerably as he thought back to that night. "That night was when I realized the truth…when I realized I loved her. I couldn't do anything, I could hardly breathe. I stood back and watched in silence while a part of me died. I felt like the worse kind of friend-the worst kind of man. I looked at Ginny and I felt no love. I felt nothing but sympathy…sympathy for the fact that she was involved with someone who was in love with someone else. Hermione was getting married so I thought I could make it work and I tried, in a half-arsed sort of way, but I just couldn't do it. It's the reason I broke up with her…the reason I've never looked back. I couldn't put her through that, and I couldn't force myself to settle for someone I wasn't able to commit to one-hundred percent. Ginny deserved better, and I couldn't be the one to give it to her. I had to let her go."
"Harry, why didn't you say something? You said you were watching us. Maybe you didn't realize you loved her, but standing on the outside looking in, you must've seen something not right between us."
"That's the worst part, Ron," Harry said miserably. "I thought I knew her…I do know her, dammit! I just…I wasn't looking closely enough. I didn't look long enough or hard enough and I missed it. Like the night you got engaged, there was something wrong with her smile that night. It just…I don't know," he shook his head back and forth in frustration. "It just wasn't right. I thought it was shock, you know? I thought she was reeling over the fact that you'd proposed and she was just overwhelmed by all of the attention. I was hurting that night and I couldn't see past my own pain to focus enough on what Hermione was feeling. And I haven't…" Harry huffed and slammed his hand down hard against the back of the chair, "…I haven't looked since. I couldn't bring myself to do it. Once I knew the truth, I thought it would hurt too much to see how much she loved you."
"You talked to her tonight," Ron said remembering the start of their discussion. "How much could you tell? Does she love you?"
Harry shook his head, "I don't know," he growled in exasperation. "I don't think so. But dammit, Ron!" he looked up, anger flashing in his eyes. "It doesn't matter, does it? You can't marry her. She deserves better," he looked down at his feet, "you both do," he added softly.
"I tried talking to mum once," Ron admitted. He walked around the back of the couch and sat on the arm of it. "I told her it was a mistake, that I couldn't go through with it…that I couldn't marry Hermione."
Harry jerked his head up. "And?" he hissed, his nostrils flaring in barely-controlled anger.
Ron shook his head and swung his fist at the back of the couch. "She convinced me it was nerves. I don't know how she did it, to be honest. You know mum. It can be hard to argue with her…especially when she's making sense. It was right before me and Hermione talked. I was feeling desperate and I was confused. I should've talked to her again after I talked to Hermione, but by the time we were done, we'd sort of convinced each other that somehow, everything would be all right. The plans were already full-swing and we were both overwhelmed by the amount of time and money being invested in us. It sorta blew us away and we-"
"…sacrificed yourselves to make your mum happy," Harry finished for him.
Ron nodded. "Yeah, that's one way to put it," he reluctantly agreed. "So tell me what happened tonight."
"We talked," Harry shrugged, "that's it. Oh," he said, his eyes dropping to the ground as his cheeks burned red, "and I…I asked her to kiss me."
"You what?!?" Ron shouted. "You don't know how she feels about you, but you do know that she's engaged to your best mate. And still, still you asked her to kiss you? What the bloody hell were you thinking?"
"Obviously, I wasn't," Harry yelled back, though half-heartedly. "I'm sorry. I just…" his voice dropped to a near-whisper, "I just wanted to know how she felt about me…if she felt anything for me all aside from friendship."
"And did she?" Ron asked gruffly. "Kiss you, I mean. Did she?"
"No," Harry answered, shaking his head. "No she didn't. She said she couldn't because…" Harry paused to take a deep, calming breath and blinked his eyes rapidly to dispel the tears he felt burning behind his lids.
"Because?"
"…because she was marrying you."
"Just like Hermione," Ron said even as he breathed a sigh of relief. "I don't know what to tell you, Harry. Not right now. I understand what it is you want me to do, but I'm not sure I can stop this wedding…it's in three days."
Harry looked up at Ron and sighed again. "I can't tell you what to do, Ron. All I can say is that there's someone out there who loves you; someone who could actually make you happy in life. We both know that woman isn't Hermione. Are you sure you're willing to sacrifice a lifetime of happiness to settle for a woman your mum thinks is right for you?"
"Would you marry her?" Ron asked on a whim. "I mean, if I didn't…would you?"
"Only if she loved me," Harry said resolutely. "Although I might like to, I'd never marry her if she didn't love me in return…I couldn't do that to her. But, I can assure you, I'd marry her tomorrow if I knew she loved me."
"O-kay," Ron said as he stood and moved to stand beside Harry once more. Ron shook his head at the twisted irony of it all. "You've never even kissed her, Harry," he said softly. "You've never…" he paused, "Forget about it," he said, shaking his head. "Doesn't matter, does it?"
Harry shook his head and chuckled, it was a hollow sound that nearly brought Ron to tears. "I don't have to kiss her to know, Ron," he said firmly. He held his hand over his heart, "it's all right in here."
Ron swallowed hard. "I'm sorry," he murmured.
Harry sighed. "I don't know what I expect you to do. Nothing I suppose, when it comes down to it," he shrugged.
Ron was about to speak when Harry continued…
"And yet, I want you to do everything. I know I want you to talk to your mum again, put your foot down and call this blasted wedding off. But I have to admit…" He looked rather sheepishly at Ron but then quickly dropped his gaze. "I don't think she loves me the way that I do her, and there's a part of me that would rather see her married to you than some other bloke. Anyone else and I might lose her completely."
"I just don't know, Harry," Ron said softly. "I can't make you any promises…though Merlin knows you deserve them. If I could just make all of this go away, I would. But it's going to make more than just your average miracle."
"Yeah, right," Harry said, nodding his head dejectedly. "I better go." He put his hand on Ron's shoulder and squeezed it once again. "I'm sorry, mate. I know this is probably the last thing you wanted or needed to hear. There's not a lot we can do to change our fate…if anyone knows that, it's me. I'll see you soon."
Ron grasped Harry's hand where it rested against his shoulder and gave it a squeeze. "No, I s'pose we can't. But I understand where you're coming from. I just don-"
"I know," Harry quietly interrupted. "I'll see you."
Without another word, Harry was gone and Ron stood for a moment, thinking about all that Harry had confessed. An idea began to form in his mind and he ran back to where he'd left his guest. All he found was a simple note…
I know what I need to do. I'll be in touch.
Ron smiled and sifted the note between his fingers. "Brilliant," he said softly to himself.
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