A/N: Don't run away from this story based on the first chapter. The loose ends from HBP must be cleaned up to get to H/Hr. It won't take long.
A/N dated 12/20/05-Thanks for the kind reviews. And to those who find the characters slightly off or way out of kilter…I wish I were as good as JKR. Keep reading, love is the theme and is never far from the surface. I promise you will not be sorry.
Chapter 1-Finding Balance
Harry awoke again with a start. In the past, it would have been a dream of Lord Voldemort. He would awaken drenched in sweat with a burning sensation in his now fading scar. The days and weeks since that final confrontation seemed to have flown past. Tonight he awoke wondering what to do about his love life and his notoriety as The One. Hiding from the public here at the Burrow was no secret, but did allow some privacy.
As far as being "The One", there was no denying the loose definition. Lord Voldemort had met his end while in Harry's presence. Harry knew that he had been the only one capable of bringing that outcome, but knew that it was far less magical and heroic than his adoring public wanted to believe. They wanted the all-conquering hero who had vanquished the Dark Lord. He knew in his heart of hearts that he had benefited from the love of his makeshift family, comprised of his friends and mentors, as well as heavy doses of luck throughout the ordeal. He had been as calm and satisfied as he'd ever felt in his young life.
He looked at the faint light from the corridor beneath the door. He knew that it lead to the room where his sweet Ginny lay. He looked at Ron sleeping in the bed on the other side of the room. He had the strange desire to sneak over to the room across the hall awaken Ginny and steal a kiss. In his musings, he realized that he wanted much more than a kiss. He had awakened three or four times a night for the last week from some erotic dream. He felt guilty that it didn't always involve Ginny. What was wrong with him these days? He'd never been like this before.
A voice pierced the darkness, "Hey, mate, can't sleep again?"
"No, I can't. And most of the day I can't keep my eyes open. You too, Ron?" asked Harry as his eyes adjusted to the darkness.
Ron nodded his agreement. "Bloody nightmares, Harry. They don't make any sense either. I mean I have these nightmares that I'm falling through a window into an ocean of hands grabbing at my clothes. I don't get it," said Ron. "Maybe I'm having your nightmares with all the attention you seem to get from everyone."
"Sure, that's brilliant. You've been with me. You know it's not nearly as fun being famous as most people would expect. I mean I was sort of famous before in a morbid sort of way as people looked at me as some kind of freak. Now they think I'm a fucking hero or something." Harry said in rare use of coarse language as he put his glasses on. "I'm frustrated Ron. I never talk like that. Let's go down and get some milk or something. Maybe, I should eat some chocolate like Lupin prescribes for everything."
Ron laughed as he turned on the bedside light and put on his slippers. "You know Harry-you are a hero to most of us. And, no worries mate. I suppose, if I were under the pressure you're under sometimes I'd talk like a sailor too on occasion."
Harry looked at Ron wanting to set the record straight about his heroism and yet, pleased that his best friend seemed to understand how maddening his popularity was.
"Just because we're your friends, Harry, doesn't mean we buy into your, `Aw, gee, shucks folks it weren't nothing' routine. You found the secret even if others found it first. You knew what to do with it and did what no one else had the courage or capability to do. You knew things no one else knew and defeated Voldemort on his own terms, you outwitted him. That's a hero in my book." Ron said looking at Harry intently. "I know I've never said it, but I am damn proud of you mate."
Harry had tried to downplay the events that lead to Voldemort's demise. He had found the Horcruxes, their meaning, and why Tom Riddle had needed so desperately to hide behind the mask that was Voldemort. With all of these things in hand, Harry stood fearlessly in front of Voldemort and denied his power over him again and again, draining the Dark Lord of his malice. It had been as simple as showing love to Tom Riddle. He had been able to do be what he'd been all his life unintentionally. He saved another life. Only the humiliation was too great and Voldemort/Tom had committed suicide in a most ghastly way right in front of him. He had turned Voldemort's fear of dying into a desire for death. Harry felt sorrow again for what Tom could have been. How he knew he could keep the Lord Voldemort at bay as he had was still a mystery to him.
"I appreciate that you think I'm a hero, Ron. But none of you want to listen to the entire story. I didn't defeat him. Evil defeated him. It devoured his soul and all I did was put it on a plate and show him how," said Harry. He knew what had happened. He knew it was some innate gift that made him special, but he had done nothing he hadn't done a million times. He fought against being overcome with evil thoughts and fought with his heart.
"Sure you did, Harry. We were there. We saw you come out and we saw Voldemort dead. We heard the great explosion. That's all we needed to know," said Ron.
Harry smiled at his friend, knowing that he'd never understand the subtle differences in his version and what was widely reported in The Daily Prophet. "I suppose you're right, mate." Harry gave in for the sake of sparing any further argument.
Upon arrival in the kitchen, Harry and Ron pulled out the milk and the gingersnap cookies. "So, Harry, how are you and Ginny getting along?"
Ooh, red flag, thought Harry. Ron was not someone with whom he could talk about his relationship with Ginny. While Harry realized that he and Ginny had never done anything together that warranted feeling guilty, but they'd talked about it and certainly come as close to that point as any two people could. Harry just couldn't say that they loved being together that way. Harry felt cheated somehow. He knew that most guys got to boast about their sexual exploits with their best friends, but Harry saw Ron as a more formidable opponent than Voldemort when it came to Ginny.
"Fine, Ron. How about you and Hermione? Have you kissed her yet?" Harry chided.
"What's that supposed to mean Harry?" Ron looked hurt. "You know, bloody well that I have. You're a nasty git when you want to be, Harry."
It had become a running joke between Ginny, Harry, and Hermione that Ron was about as romantic as burnt toast. Many times the laughs at Ron's expense were brutal and Harry didn't like treating his best friend like that, but he hoped that one day it would force him to change and start to be a little more debonair in the romance department.
"I'm sorry, Ron, but you shouldn't ask about Ginny and I if you don't want me to ask about you and Hermione," said Harry. "And, you know you don't like talking about it."
"Touché, I suppose," replied a defeated Ron reluctantly.
"So, how do you feel about going back to Hogwarts for the rest of the school year, Ron?" asked Harry. The Christmas holiday's had almost finished and Headmistress McGonagle was eager for their return.
"Okay, I guess. And you?" Ron asked.
"I think it's brilliant. I think it would be nice for the first time in my life to spend time at Hogwarts without the stigma of Lord Voldemort," imagined Harry aloud.
"You know, Ginny's not too crazy about it, don't you?" probed Ron.
"I gathered that but she won't say why," admitted Harry.
"She told me the other day that she's afraid that now that everyone thinks you're a hero, you'll find someone you like better," said Ron. "That's not going to happen is it, Harry?"
Harry felt a pang of guilt for having erotic dreams that featured other girls at Hogwarts in addition to Ginny. He hated that he felt like some sex-starved laboratory animal these days. He wanted desperately to see the look on Cho's face and to see if the Patil sisters were still as beautiful as he'd remembered.
"I love Ginny, Ron. That is all I know for sure. What am I supposed to say, Ron? Tell me. She's right. Every girl who ever had a secret crush on me will probably try to interfere in our love life. I've thought about it and I'm sick about it. I wish I weren't in this position. I wish that other guys would feel free to at least approach her, because at least I wouldn't feel guilty."
Ron looked at Harry harshly for a moment. "You mean you think you might break her heart?"
This was the reason Harry hadn't wanted to discuss Ginny with him. "No, not at all, Ron. How did you feel when you thought Hermione was stuck on Viktor Krum or that git from last year, what was his name?" asked Harry pretending not to remember the name of Cormac McLaggen.
"McLaggen, the boulder head, what a piece of work that guy was. I suppose he'll be there again this year," said Ron.
"Well, don't ignore the question, Ron. How did it make you feel?" pushed Harry.
"You know exactly how I felt. I was mad as hell, jealous if you must know," admitted Ron.
"Can that be healthy for our relationship if every time some girl decides to bat an eye my direction, I have to be on my best behavior. I mean, you know what it's like. It's like there are gold diggers in training at Hogwarts," laughed Harry. His laugh became a little more subdued when he looked to the bottom of the stairs and saw Ginny and Hermione listening to their every word.
"So, if some bimbo bats an eye at you and she's got a nice figure you might wave and smile back?" Ginny asked.
Harry felt more panicked than he could ever remember. "Why would I act like that, Ginny?" Harry tried desperately to think of a way to deflect the questions that were soon to follow. "How long have you been standing there?" he asked, hoping to divert the line of questioning.
Ginny smiled. "Did my big-mouthed brother tell you my secret fears then, Harry?" she asked.
"Yeah, he did and made me feel pretty uncomfortable too," said Harry looking accusatorily at Ron.
"First, Harry, I'll hex any bimbo who approaches you. I'll make her breasts swell until her chin hits the floor or I'll inflate her bum until she floats away like a parade float if I have to, but no one will overtly flirt with you in public. If I catch you flirting, I will make your family jewels feel like a pair of bludgers after a Quidditch match." She didn't smile. Harry had to take her seriously since it was well known that Ginny was one of Hogwarts best at hexing people.
The silence was strangely thick for four people who were best friends. Harry looked at Hermione who looked away to avoid looking in his eyes. He could see she was on the verge of laughter and soon realized that Ginny was too.
"Harry, I heard what you said to Ron. I know you love me and after all we have been through, I also realize that we're still not exactly much more than the teenagers we were a year ago. We want to act like we're adults, but…" Ginny continued for a few more seconds, but Harry didn't hear much of it. He was in awe of her grasp on life. That's what he loved about her. She had understood when he had to leave her to find his destiny and now realized nothing was promised between them even now.
"You know that's what I love about you, don't you?" Harry hugged her and kissed her forehead. He needed to be careful in this setting. He was standing in his sweat pants next to the girl he loved and he knew any accidental contact could be embarrassing if anyone but she noticed. She might even be embarrassed, he wasn't sure.
"I just don't want to be the last to know, Harry." Ginny's voice was weaker than usual as if she were sad.
Harry focused on her quivering lips and without thinking lowered his lips to hers. "Ginny, I'm not looking to replace you. It took forever to find you and you were right there in front of me all that time." Harry could feel the eyes burning into them. He wasn't sure whether they were Ron's, Hermione's or both. He was going to ignore the rest of the world for a moment.
He took Ginny's hand and walked toward the closet. "Let's take a walk, Sweetheart. It's cold outside, but we'll survive keeping each other warm." The dug out their boots, coats, hats and gloves. "Don't worry, Ron, it should expect it would be hard to do anything too out of place with your sister bundled up like an Eskimo. Harry smiled as he opened the door for Ginny as she laughed playfully swatting him on the bum.
Ron looked at Hermione and fidgeted with his milk glass for a moment. "Hermione, please come here." Ron looked up as she approached.
Hermione walked over to Ron as he motioned for her to sit on his lap. Ron put his arm around her waist awkwardly at first, but then as she settled on his leg, he pulled her in closer. "Are we okay, Hermione?" Ron asked.
"In what way do you mean, Ron?" she responded. She looked softly at Ron as he looked off into the room. "I'm not making it that easy for you, Ron. You have to say how you feel." There was a pregnant pause and suddenly in an almost guilty voice Hermione said, "I'm sorry, Ron."
"Sorry for what. I'm such a klutz with you, Hermione. That's what I mean. Are you okay with me being a klutz with you?" Ron asked.
"Ron, would I be here instead of with my parents for Christmas? Or would I have come here for the last weeks before school every year if I didn't want to be with you or at least around you?" Hermione asked. "Why is it so hard for you to believe that I accept you the way you are, Ron?"
Ron stopped looking around the room and looked at Hermione who was already looking at him. "I knew we were friends, but I thought it was just as much because you were friends with Ginny. I just look at you and see that you are so many things I'm not. I'm no match in intelligence for you. I guess I feel kind of too lucky to have it this good. You're beautiful and I'm poor. Like, what did I do to deserve you? We are so different in some ways that…" Ron stopped and lightly kissed Hermione on the lips. Her response was slow, but tender. Ron had lied to Harry. They had never really stopped and held each other in an embrace and kissed. It had always been sort of a short and uncomplicated friendly kiss that went no further than closed eyes and a few soft pecks.
After a moment, they stopped and Hermione looked at Ron. "That was nice. I was afraid that we'd end up like…" Ron stopped her.
"Like me and Lavender, huh? Well, that's what I was afraid of too. I could never act like that with you. Somehow, being with Lavender made me more afraid of doing something to offend you," said Ron sheepishly.
"Ron, treat me like you feel in your heart for me…like a prize you've won. Treat me like one that you're proud of me and put in a special place in your heart. You'll never go wrong. You once said you loved me Ron and all I said was you had a strange way of showing it. Well, it's not strange anymore. I love you too."
When Harry and Ginny came back in only five minutes later, realizing that it was the dead of winter and too cold, they saw Ron and Hermione sitting in the living room on the sofa in an embrace as tender as they'd ever seen. Ginny smiled at Harry as they quietly moved to put away the milk and soak the glasses in the sink.
"They look happy, Harry. I mean, I guess it's hard to look unhappy snogging your boyfriend…but I mean the body language," Ginny whispered. "Is that really Ron or did Hermione transfigure him into Prince Charming.
Harry had to agree as he silently snickered at Ginny's characterization of the situation. They weren't entwined like a couple of sex-starved teenagers, yet they were definitely unaware of the world around them. Harry was happy for his two best friends. Finally, he thought.
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