Chapter 7-Boundaries of Love
A day later just before the last class of the day, Ron stopped Harry in the corridor outside the new potions lecture classroom. Ron could careless about lectures because Hermione took all their notes anyway. "Harry, you know I'm leaving today. Don't let Hermione get too lonely."
Harry felt sick for a brief moment. Ron struggled with even their friendship as guys. He was always jealous of Harry's notoriety and hoped for his own. Harry knew that Hermione's news would either be devastating to Ron or a gift. Right now, he realized that either way it was Hermione Ron loved, but couldn't connect with totally. Harry was being entrusted with the well-being of his girlfriend and he had no idea some of the things Harry might do to fulfill that charge. "Mate, why didn't you stick to the original plan and finish school before getting involved with this Quidditch stuff? You're taking mighty big chances if you ask me."
"I don't expect you to understand, Harry. Your parents left you money and you are famous so everything's easy for you. These guys, the team, they invited me to their workouts and when they saw how good I could be. They signed me without having to win the House Cup. These workouts are designed to make me good enough for the regular season when the regular keeper retires," Ron explained. "Hermione's never going to stay with me anyway. I can feel it. I just don't think I'm right for her. We love each other but…" His voice trailed off and he changed gears. "Okay, gotta go. They have a stag party planned for someone getting married tomorrow and invited me so, maybe I'll get lucky there."
Harry was shocked at that admission and the noise in the classroom died down as if it were going to begin. "Don't tell her what I said. I'll kill you if you do. I'm serious."
Harry bounced into the room at the precise moment Professor Slughorn began his lecture. "Ah, Mr. Potter, the prodigal son returns. Please find a seat." The giggles continued as Harry proceeded to step over everyone all the way to the opposite side of Hermione where there was one open seat always left for Ron. He looked down and the mass of their robes made it easy for him to slide his hand into Hermione's nonchalantly and inconspicuously. It shocked her, but she accepted it anyway.
Hermione wrote quickly taking the notes so fast he couldn't believe. She was almost as fast as Rita Skeeter's Quick Quotes Quill. He was glad and she looked at him and shrugged realizing he was letting her take his notes. But it wasn't that Harry was taking advantage of Hermione at all. His mind raced on the fact that Ron was leaving school and preparing for a life that might or might not include Hermione. And just last night, he let her believe that he was trying. He was trying to see the math in that equation. He wanted a kiss or hug when he came back, but he might have been shagging some bimbo his older teammates found him. Harry doubted that was the case. He thought Ron might have been posing a bit for him in a guy way. He couldn't let Ron get by with it if he was unfaithful, but if he wasn't he needed to stick to the plan. Now, he was really confused.
He pretended to rearrange himself to get more comfortable, leaning into Hermione, "Love ya." He said quickly and quietly. He wasn't sure he said it loud enough for Hermoine. When she squeezed his hand and smiled still glancing from Slughorn to her notes, he knew she had. Harry sighed and wondered what to do with permission to be with Hermione. He didn't need it, but being charged with spending time with her this weekend in light of the morning events took on new meaning. He fooled with the pencil in his left hand so that Professor Slughorn would at least think he was making an attempt as he drew crude tiny hearts and stick figures holding hands and tapped the pencil so Hermione would look. Finally, just before the end of class she gripped his hand hard and scribbled "stop" at the top of her paper and "can't concentrate". He smiled and looked around the room. Everyone had their faces buried in their notes. He'd been back three months and it had never dawned on him that Pansy Parkinson had come back to Hogwarts. He saw her writing just as furiously as everyone else but him.
When the bell rang, Hermione whispered in a semi-annoyed almost playful voice, "You are worse than a two-year-old Harry." There was that playful smile again Harry thought.
As they walked out he walked up to her from behind and bumped her in the crowd several times, "Pardon me. Excuse me. Sorry for that." He tickled her, tugged lightly on her hair or did something to annoy her every five seconds for the minute it took to get out of the class. "Two year-old, huh? He whispered. "I'll show you a two-year-old." He laughed and so did she as he pinched her bum amongst the flow of crumpled robes and people. Hermione squealed to the amazement of everyone around.
Nowhere had Harry felt the freedom he felt today. He couldn't explain it as he chased Hermione down the corridor. The odds that he were running like this were that something or someone was going to get him instead of just the pure exhilaration of being alive and being in love. Hermione stopped abruptly making Harry dodge her as he nearly crashed into her. Breathlessly, Harry looked around to make sure that there was no one too close to overhear them. "So?" Harry said simply.
"Harry, I know you want the fun to start right away," she giggled, "but I think we should finish any homework we have to do then relax. If we do that, we will have all the way until Sunday night to do anything our heart's desire."
Harry didn't like that idea. But if Harry knew anything for sure, it was that Hermione liked things to be organized. He knew he'd have to get used to things like this being more than suggestions. "Sure," he said sort of sadly as his eyes diverted from her face. "That's probably the best idea."
"Come on, let's get changed and get dinner, Harry. I have to show you something too," said Hermione.
The entire time they were in public Harry thought how nice it would be not to have to be on guard. It was somewhat nerve-wracking to think that touching each other laughing at a good joke would cause suspicion. Or some other innocent gesture or smile from one of them would sound an alarm leaving Hermione marked as unfaithful or some other not so nice term. He knew it was his own conscience that caused these thoughts though because he knew most of his reactions couldn't be stopped. His love for Hermione felt like it came out of every pore in his body. Look, he thought, I agreed to study without a fuss. I must be in love. He'd tell Hermione later the sacrifices he was making.
"Hermione, are you changing your mind? The library is the other way." Harry followed as they climbed up instead of going down the one level to the library.
"You'll see and you'll recognize my genius," she said turning to him with a smile.
Finally, it dawned on him as they passed familiar classrooms. The Room of Requirement would be perfect for studying. The book you needed for a paper would just appear on the desk next to you if you recognized what you needed. "Brilliant, Hermione, brilliant."
"Sometimes I come here when I need to do my homework really, really fast because the resources you need just appear. Is that fantastic?" beamed Hermione. Once in the right spot, door appeared and they opened it together and peered inside. "Wow, this is different than other times I've been here," she said.
Harry looked at the bookcases filled with books just like the library, but the furniture was puffy and soft. And almost every piece except the high-back chairs at the study table and the executive chair at the desk could seat two or more people. Harry wondered if those things weren't there for the romantic side of the equation. "This is fantastic."
Hermione sat down at the table. She spread her books and materials out like always. Harry wanted to be close to her but he was so tempted to sit in the large golden-hued chair and a half by the fireplace. He could put his feet up and read until he fell asleep. Then he realized the folly of that idea. "Okay, Hermione, shall I bow down now in deference to your wisdom?"
"You can, but you will be bowing so often we should just set up a worship service every few days," she laughed. "You could wait on me hand and foot like my male slave."
"If it includes you-know-what, sign me up for that job," he winked.
"Harry, I wonder where the line should be drawn for a healthy interest in sex and obsession. I swear if the word hello wasn't so short and harmless you'd find a way to pervert it too." She laughed.
"I can do it I think. I'd like to say hello to you naked rolling in jello," Harry laughed. "I'm sorry that's just plain being a jerk." He kept his head down in embarrassment. He knew some things were better left unspoken.
"So come over here and study before I change my mind and decide you're too creepy to be alone with," she said.
Harry wasn't surprised that the chair for this table was as comfortable as he'd ever sat in before. He read some of the History of Magic material, read over the potions covered in lecture today and began his paper for transfiguration. During one part of the reading he felt sleepy and just as he started to doze off he felt an uncomfortable bump grown in the back of the chair which woke him right up. He was glad for that because Hermione would have been disappointed to see him snoring away. He loved this set up. He could hold Hermione's hand when he didn't need to take notes and he sat close enough to smell her wonderful scent. He mused that love must allow you to feel, smell and see things differently or women were experts at perfume to entrance their mates.
They'd started just a couple hours ago and Harry was still working on the last part of his outline for the paper when Hermione shut her books and announced she was finished. Harry had never had so much luck being able to concentrate in his life so he wanted to finish. Hermione looked at him approvingly. "Yes, you shall bow down and adore me once I transform you into a brilliant scholar as well." Harry coughed and pretended to choke.
"Yeah right. That'll be the day." He said.
To speed him up Hermione moved to one of the big fluffy sofa-like loveseats nearer the fireplace and started a fire. She had some book that had magically appeared some time after she finished her homework. Harry feverishly thought of the points he wanted to wrap up the paper with and the conclusion. They weren't coming fast enough. Soon though he read it over and felt he'd done pretty good work. He'd be proud to turn it in. Of course, he'd asked Hermione questions and her opinion on certain things but by-and-large it was his work.
He walked slowly over toward Hermione where she sat reading some travel guide to London and the surrounding areas. "May I sit with you?" he asked politely.
"I'd be really upset if you didn't." She flipped the page as Harry scooted in beside her and put his arm around her shoulders.
"So, you trying to find someplace that Ron mentioned?" Harry asked seriously. He thought about Ron going to wherever it was tonight. He put his hand through Hermione's hair as he thought of the fact that Ron probably wouldn't be surprised if she left. But Harry couldn't imagine a scenario where Ron could envision Harry with her. They were friends, but they were rivals too.
Hermione turned each page a little faster and Harry could see her flash her eyes toward him every few seconds without turning her head. About ten minutes went by before Hermione closed the book and put her head into Harry's shoulder shifting to do so. "So am I going to have to beg you to kiss me now that we're alone?"
Harry thought about answering, "yes" just to see what would happen, but he couldn't take the chance that she wouldn't do it. "No, sweetheart." He said softly. "But just feeling you next to me is so cool that I almost don't want to move." He laid his arm down the length of her curled up body and closed his eyes. Hermione didn't argue.
Harry sat peacefully, blocking out every sensation he could, except how she smelled and how soft she felt at every spot they touched each other. He could feel the rise and fall of her breathing. His hand rested on her hip. It was so small, yet fleshy and soft. It was remarkable how petite she felt in his arms. Her hand against his chest was surprisingly erotic. He was glad he hadn't put on one of his thick sweaters that wouldn't have allowed him to feel it much at all.
He didn't know where it came from but through all the sensations all he could do was sigh out loud sounding kind of like, "Whew."
"Is everything okay, Harry?" whispered Hermione.
"Fine, more than fine. Perfect even," he whispered back as if a loud voice would ruin the effect. He felt Hermione's hand move on his chest the sensation as caressed him sent shivers down his spine. Finally, he had to say something to Hermione or he'd go nuts.
"I never thought something as simple as caressing my chest could be so...," he didn't want to sound weird. Joking was one thing. This was serious. He liked it. "I guess I'm trying to say that feels nice, almost too nice. If you catch my drift."
"Do you want me to stop?" Hermione asked.
"Maybe for a minute or so. I admit it drives me nuts, in a good way though," Harry said.
He kind of expected Hermione to stop but she didn't. She found where his nipples had hardened and began to concentrate there. "Hermione, that's not fair."
"What's not fair? Just because you're satisfied to let me caress you and you're scared to touch me doesn't mean it's not fair. The way I figure it, the one who's best at distracting the other both wins and loses. You'll get me to stop but you won't be getting a massage either." She said in a cooing voice he hadn't heard before.
"Oh, so that's how it is, is it?" replied Harry he could feel the excitement grow all over. She was right though, he was kind of scared. It was one thing to be doing things in the passion of the moment and another to set off in search of a way to stimulate your partner.
He couldn't figure out which would be best. Shift his weight toward her and put her on her side with her head on the arm of the chair, roll to the floor, or pull her on top of him and enjoy the ride. He wanted to see her face and feel her weight on him so he moved a little to his left and motioned for her to straddle him. "Help me out here. I'll take the challenge just give me a fighting chance." She sat up for a second and he had her put her knees on either side of his waist. He put his hands on her tummy as she did and ran his hands up her sides carefully avoiding any obvious erotic zones trying to entice her. He pulled himself up until they almost sat face to face with weight on his lap. He could feel her settling on him as he felt himself swell under her.
"Ooh, Harry. Looks like I'm winning," she said coyly. "Of course, that probably happens in a stiff wind too." She laughed as her face turned beet red.
Harry loved that she didn't mind embarrassing herself a little talking ever-so sexily. "Don't worry, there will be a day that that fact will come to your advantage," he smiled.
"Ooh," she put more wait on him and rotated her hips once or twice to grind into him. That was when Harry knew today was a loss. She could make him crazy by smiling and barely touching him and he couldn't think. He pulled her closer and kissed her neck softly.
Their entangled body's writhed as each felt the other's attempts to get the upper hand. While she could no longer massage his chest, the movement of her hips was to die for. Finally, Harry realized that she wasn't playing fair using direct contact so he'd change too. He slid his hands deftly under her blouse from behind and brought her shirt up over her head. He was surprised at the lack of resistance. No further than that he told himself. He kissed her shoulders. It was she that pulled Harry off the side of the restrictive chair.
The thud, as they hit the floor made them both laugh as neither avoided some little bump or bruise but they didn't care. He was glad for the area to move his hands. He went immediately to her inner thigh and softly up just under breasts where he kissed her softly around her bra. "Harry, don't let that little bit of cloth stop you." He pulled the cup down and exposed the most perfect nipple he could have ever imagined. He teased it with his tongue, softly swirling.
It was a dream Harry thought. This can't be happening. Their lovemaking continued for how long Harry couldn't tell. He knew they both were naked except for the underwear bottoms and neither of them could breathe normally. He folded her in his arms to catch his breath. Her soft breasts against his chest was maybe the most warming and safe sensation he'd felt yet. He didn't want to move. He was afraid to move because there were only a few avenues to pursue now and he wasn't sure they were ready.
"So, what now Hermione?" he asked quietly.
"Do you give in? Do I win?" she smiled she lifted her head from his shoulder.
"If this is losing, I can afford to lose a few rounds," he said through a sigh. "I want you Hermione, in the worst way. I want to feel what we're missing but I know we're not ready." In all his dreams where he'd seen himself doing it with someone, he never had the feeling that he had now. He wanted to make sure that he'd never lose her. He couldn't imagine making love to her and one day someone else doing the same. Even now, he felt sad that his first experiences touching a girl weren't with Hermione.
"I'm not afraid with you Harry, but I don't want to right now either. I couldn't bear to feel you inside me and one day I might imagine someone else having the same experience. We need to make sure we're ready for a lifetime of this. That's how it is for me, Harry." She smiled kissed his chest and laid her head once more in the crook of his arm.
Harry felt the pangs of maleness that said to finish the job and yet he loved this girl…this woman so much he couldn't go against her wishes when they were so much like his own. He looked down his body to hers the black hair of his legs in contrast to the smooth, white silky softness of hers. He looked at her as if he were taking pictures of this in his mind's eye. He added it to the picture of when they had taken it all off and changed their minds and pulled their bloomers back on. The picture of her figure with her brown hair flowing over her shoulders and white skin to the patch of brown hair at the apex of her legs made him take a deep breath and let it out. "Hermione, I never expected this tonight. Who needs silly magazines about erotic massage?" he laughed. "You and I could write our own."
"Harry, it was nice because we talked. We let each other know the boundaries and searched for each other's pleasure. Had I gone this far with someone who was in a rush, I'd be running from them right now. As it is I'm shocked to be down to my bloomers and nothing else." They had long since strewn watches, glasses, bras, and everything else to the wind. Neither of them knew the time or cared. The wonderful thing was that once the Room of Requirement is locked and the door shut no one could get in. It was only open to others if the door was ajar. They were quite alone.
"So do we lay here for the rest of the weekend naked teasing each other to insanity or do we go to London?" inquired Harry.
Hermione playfully touched his manhood through his underwear and said, "Sorry, Harry, no dice. It's definitely a tour of London. Do you really think you could keep Little Harry chained if we stayed like this for long? I know each time I look at you I want more as we lay here," she said as a tear ran down her face. "I'm happy right now, knowing that we love one another and I can almost convince myself that it's forever. But I think of you and Ginny and Ron and I, when we thought those relationships were forever."
For the first time Harry understood another struggle in Hermione's heart. If it was possible he loved her more for it, because he knew she'd feel the same for him. Ron was still in her life and vows or not she'd already been unfaithful to him in her mind. "This is why I couldn't stay with Ginny. I could see us living happily in our environment now, but once I left here and went to work for Merlin-knows who, I might end up meeting someone who would be a temptation for me. I didn't want the guilt especially if we'd made love or God-forbid she got pregnant."
"Do you think I'm horrible for cheating on Ron?" she was crying.
"Hermione, I'm not objective in this. I love you and I can't see anything wrong in what you've done. Yet, there is something lingering for you," he said as he rolled to his side and let Hermione get her balance where she could look him in the eyes. He thought he knew a test, but he was afraid of the answer. He felt anxiety building as he said, "Are you afraid you're cheating from your heart or your head? If you love him more than me, then I have no business here. If you don't want to hurt him but would go with me no matter what then it's in your head. They're both painful, but one you can fix. The other, well, you can't ever change it." He blinked back a sudden urge to let a tear go. He couldn't stand the answer that she loved Ron more. He knew he would run out.
"My heart is yours Harry and has been for longer than just yesterday or the day before. But for some of that time it was shared. I didn't have to choose. When I wanted a laugh, the two of you together sometimes would put me in stitches. I always knew you were the romantic and lover. And he was my protector, my knight in shining armor. He would kill for me, Harry. But I sense that with you too now. I need to feel safe. I don't know why, but it's like that's my need that has to be fulfilled first. Or, until the past, few days I thought it was."
Harry traced figure-eights on her collar bone and upper chest as he listened.
"There's a longing to have things the way they were when this wasn't a choice that needed to be made. Ron deserves my respect and love. I can't give it to him the way I can share it with you. Do you know what I mean? It's like I give him my love and when he can he gives me his. When he does, it's enough. But the look in your eyes when you look at me fills my soul."
"Does love have limits, Hermione? I mean, can you love someone as long as they do this or that and call it love?" Harry asked.
Hermione looked at Harry for several seconds. "I think I know what you mean. But give me an example."
"Okay, if when I met you and Ron could I have said I like them only when they're nice to me?" Harry asked.
"Sure, that's how we pick our friends and decide who's our best friend by the way the treat us," said Hermione.
"Exactly, but once it crosses that imaginary boundary where friendship and love connect, we hurt when they hurt us and love them anyway and try to reconcile. Maybe it's not always that complex, but real deep and meaningful love is that way. Even loving friendships are that way. We can suffer great injustices by the ones we love and still stick by them. It becomes the opposite. We may stop liking them for a while, but we still love them."
"Okay, I feel stupid Harry. Everything you said makes sense, but I don't get the boundary thing. I can't believe I don't get what you mean," apologized Hermione.
"You are my best friend, equal in all ways to Ron as friends. I would trust you or him with my life and have. I love both of you. So, now I will do anything to help you and him for the rest of my life. I may not like Ron at this point in our lives. I may think he's making some big mistakes. But other than true self-preservation I would never hurt him in any way. I guess what I'm saying is that there is only one boundary. Once you step over it, love rules your life with that person. You can't put limits on it. It will grow beyond imagining and with that so will the pain and disappointment when it's not returned. I thought I knew love when I lost Sirius and Dumbledore, but Hermione, everything in my universe is you now. You confirm my theory on love because of your caring toward Ron, but don't make a mistake and think that some loves don't penetrate deeper and further from that line. While others, well, they stay very close to the line between friendship and love. I think that's where you and Ron as well as Ginny and I were." Harry looked at Hermione and kissed her. "That's why when you cross that line you are in love, suddenly and completely."
Hermione didn't have words at that moment. She kissed him and put her head in his chest again. Harry closed his eyes and fell asleep.
In London, miles and miles away Ron sat with a beer talking with his Quidditch teammates. "I can't do it, Bosley. Hermione's at Hogwarts alone except for my best mate. I can't do it."
"Sure, you can, mate. She likes you and you like her. It's only drinks in her flat. You're a big strong bloke. She can't make you do anything you don't want to do," said Bosley again.
"Unless you like us better than her, in which case you need to go back to Hogwarts and give Harry a hug for us. Come on. What, are you afraid of girls? Just give her the high hard one mate, she'll be glad to accommodate," said another. "And, I doubt you'll be sorry." Ron's teammates burst into laughter.
Across the room coming out of the Ladies' Room was a tall slender brunette dressed in hip hugger jeans, knee-high boots, and a leather jacket over a white blouse that barely covered her ample breasts as it strained the buttons. Ron took a deep breath as she approached. "Hi, Sasha, are we still on for that drink?"
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